The next morning, I woke up to Joe holding onto me tightly. I couldn't tell if he was awake or asleep, but his breathing was low and slow. I stayed with my head on his chest without moving, hoping to take in as much of him as possible. His scent, the way his breathing felt under my head, his heartbeat, his warmth. All of it was going to leave a void in my life when he's gone. So, I laid there. Eyelids opening and closing so slowly that I could have nodded off again at any moment. I tried not to move, hoping not to disturb him.
The room was still shrouded in darkness with a little light streaming in through the window. It was early morning and the sun had just come up. Joe needed to be at the airport at 1 pm, so it comforted me to know that I still had a couple hours with him, even if it was just sleeping next to each other. My sadness hung in the air and I could feel tears welling up in my eyes with every movement of his chest under me. Every breath made the reality more real. I wouldn't be with him for six weeks. I wouldn't feel his soft kisses on my forehead when I started to worry about something, I wouldn't rub my thumbs on the back of his hands mindlessly, and I wouldn't get to whisper 'I love you' into his lips before kissing him.
There were so many little things that we did that made me feel whole. He made me feel...right. Song lyrics were running through my head. 'You don't know what you got till it's gone.' Only the opposite was true. I didn't know what I didn't have. I was missing something in my life and I didn't know it until Joe came in and filled that hole. His laugh, his smile, his hand gestures, his eyes, his hands. Everything about him was beautiful, and I wasn't ready to let that go for so long. But, there was nothing I could do. He had to leave and I had to stay. And we would both be extremely busy. I just hoped that I would be busy enough to forget he was thousands of miles away from me.
I watched the sun come up. I must have been up for hours just enjoying the feeling of being in his arms. I never looked at the time. I just watched as more and more light filled the room. Then, I heard Joe's alarm go off. The incessant tone of the iPhone alarm. There was no noise I hated more at that moment. I felt him wake up and come out of his slumber. He reached over to turn off the alarm before coming back to where he was. His hand on my arm begin to rub up and down. Not before long, his hand moved to start playing with my hair. He thought I was still asleep. I kept still, just to see what he would do.
His hands tangled in my wild, thick hair and moved it about lightly. Playing with it gently, trying to wake me up little by little. I decided to shift and grip tighter on his torso. Nuzzling my head into his chest some more. Hoping I would convince him to never leave this spot. I didn't work.
"Jule," He whispered in his raspy morning tone. "Baby," I shifted to look up at him. My eyes bloodshot and sore from not sleeping enough, along with hints of wateriness from trying not to cry. "Good morning," His thumb was rubbing my forehead and pushing my hair out of my face. Lightly grazing the skin as if anything harder would bruise me.
"Good morning," I whispered back. My voice just as raspy as his. "What time is it?" I asked. Even though I knew where the clock was, I was too far away to see the time without my glasses.
"9:30," he replied without looking. I grunted. I never wanted him to leave.
"3 and a half hours," I said. More to myself than to him.
"Yeah," he sighed. "I wish it were more."
"Me too," I nodded. He put his hand on my cheek.
"But, we'll see each other again before we know it. At least, that's what I hope." He seemed optimistic which is more than I could say about myself. I know it was a short time in comparison to what it could have been, but even one day without him was too long.
"Me too," I whispered. We laid there for a moment.
"I have to get up, babe," he chuckled.
"I won't allow it," I smiled back.
"Come on," he laughed. I moved off of him with a groan and he got up to get himself ready in the bathroom. He had to go home to get his suitcases, but he was getting ready here. As he got up and walked away, I quickly grabbed my glasses to enjoy the sight of him in front of me in his boxer-briefs. Trudging out of bed and into the bathroom. It was a short walk, but I wanted to take in every second of it.
I heard the shower start running and I listened to the water run. I spread myself out in the bed and felt his warmth from the sheets surround me. I heard him starting to hum from inside the bathroom. I recognized a couple small snippets of the songs, mostly Queen. It made sense as those would be the only songs he would be listening to the next six weeks.
I heard the water turn off and I sat up in bed. I was in my underwear from last night, but I still felt naked. Waking up in my underwear from a night with Joe was something I loved, but needed to get used to. With my head leaning against the headboard, I grabbed my phone and started scrolling through it. I had started following Paige who met me in Vegas and her posts were about animals and how she volunteered with them. I loved sharing the pictures with Joe. Cute puppies and kittens, and even senior dogs that were absolutely adorable.
Other than that, I was looking at tweets from my fans. They were talking about my new video and there were some questions about my trip to Vegas. I never posted about leaving for Vegas, I just kind of went. The only reason my fans knew was because I retweeted Paige's picture of us in the hotel lobby. People started asking questions and wondering what was going on. Paige even DMed me telling me people were asking her lots of questions, like if I was there with anyone. I asked her what she said.
I told them all I didn't see anyone with u. ur secret's safe wit me. <3
I thanked her many times for not telling anyone. She didn't seem to have recognized him, but it was still important that she didn't say anything. Nonetheless, people were starting to question why I was in Vegas. A couple of my hardcore fans were telling them that I might have just been partying on my birthday, which was true. I had just forgotten to tell them I guess. I was so wrapped up in the weekend that I didn't feel the need to let everyone know where I was.
I heard the door to the bathroom open and Joe walked out with a towel wrapped around his waist and his hair still wet from the shower. He rubbed his hand through it as he made his way back into the bedroom.
"I got something for you," he said.
"No," I replied, pointing my finger at him.
"What?" He shrugged.
"What did I say about getting me things?" I retorted.
"You argue with me every time, but it never works. I still buy you things and you still argue. Nothing changes."
"Well, something changed this time because I got you something too." His eyes widened as I threw the blanket off myself and walked over to my closet. I saw his eyes watching my every move, doing the same thing I was earlier. I reached up in the closet and grabbed a small box and brought it over to the bed. Joe's eyes were still on me as I sat on the edge of the bed. "Stop undressing me with your eyes," He shrugged.
"Can't help it." He opened a drawer, that was now his and filled with his extra clothes, and he unwrapped a shirt to expose a small box that he hid behind his back as he made his way over to the spot next to me on the bed. "You first," he said, nodding his head towards me.
I pulled the box off my lap and gestured it toward him. He let go of the box behind his back and took mine. It was a thin black box with no decorative marking at all. He opened it to reveal a guitar pick with a red and black stained glass feel to it. He looked up at me with a smile and I knew I needed to explain it.
"It's the first pick I ever got," I explained. "I don't really use it anymore because I have better ones, but it's still the first one. And I want you to have it. Maybe you can keep it in your wallet or something and every time you look at it, it'll remind you of me. It's not much, but-"
"I love it," He whispered. "Are you sure you want me to have this?" He asked. He was now holding the box like it contained something extremely fragile.
"Yes," I exclaimed. "It's something to have with you. A little piece of me." I smiled wide and couldn't stop. The look on his face from such a small gift made my heart melt. It was a small gift, but it was something real and physical for him to look at in the 6 weeks to remind him of me when he missed me the most.
"Ok, your turn," He said placing the box down on the bed gingerly. He twisted around and grabbed the square blue box behind him. It was wrapped in a small white bow. I smiled at the sight. It was such a cute box that I couldn't help but smile. I grabbed it lightly and I looked at Joe's face. It was beaming with excitement. I opened the box and I gasped at the sight, throwing my hand over my mouth. It was a beautiful silver ring in the shape of a tiara. The center had a clear jewel with a heart shape around it and the bottom was lined with small dots. Joe threw his hands up as soon as I gasped. "Now, I'm not asking you to marry me or anything. That's not what I meant by giving you this." He was talking really fast, hoping that I didn't pick up on the word 'marry' in the sentence. "I just saw it in a window when I was walking in the mall and it made me think of you. Plus, when I went in to buy it, apparently it's called the 'My Princess' ring. Which was just perfect." His hands lowered as he talked until he began talking at a normal pace again.
"Really?" I chuckled with a big smile on my face.
"Yeah, it's great because you're my princess." I began to blush.
"That's super cheesy," I laughed, my face turning pinker in the process.
"I know." He replied with a smile. "But, I mean it." I leaned in and hugged him. His hair was still somewhat wet and I could smell the freshness on him. He hugged me back and when we pulled away, I pulled the ring out of the box.
"I love it," I whispered. I put the ring on my middle finger of my right hand. I admired it, holding my hand out in front of me.
"Every time you look at it, I hope you think of me," I looked at him and chuckled.
"Man, great minds really do think alike, don't they?" I joked. Both of our gifts had the same purpose. He hit my arm and got off the bed. He moved back over to the drawer and I collapsed on the bed, still looking at the ring.
"Don't get too comfortable, you still have to drive me to the airport, remember?" He pointed a finger at me.
"Ugh, I know," I groaned. "I guess I better get dressed too." We both got dressed, me in the bedroom and Joe in the bathroom. We took turns getting ready in the bathroom, and before we knew it, it was noon. Joe and I scrambled out of my apartment and down to my car. We needed to drive to Joe's house first and then to the airport, which wasn't that far away from there. As we drove to Joe's house, we listened to the radio. I sang along softly as Joe just listened to my voice. When we got to his house, he jumped out of the car and turned back to me.
"I'll be just a sec," he said as he closed the door behind him. He ran up to his front door, unlocked it, and went inside. I got out of the car and opened my trunk, letting the radio play loud enough to hear it outside of the car. Joe came out about a minute later holding two big suitcases, a big backpack over his shoulders, and tickets in his hand. He locked the door behind him and made his way to my trunk. We worked on getting the extremely heavy bags in the back and we got back into the car. Joe struggled a bit with his backpack, but eventually, we were ready to head to the airport.
I began driving down the road and the silence between us was palpable. No one wanted to talk. It felt like one word would push either one of us over the edge and start crying. I reached over and, without a word, slipped my hand into his. It was dangerous to drive with one hand, but it didn't matter to me. I wanted to feel his presence as much as I could before he left. His thumb began rubbing against the back of my hand and then against the ring and I almost lost it. Thankfully, a very happy song came on the radio and I was able to keep it together.
When we came upon the international terminal of the airport, there was an area where I could park and we could say our goodbyes. I pulled into a spot a little ways away from the door and we both got out of the car. I helped him get his bags out of the trunk as I left the car and radio running. We moved over by the passenger side door and stopped. Joe looked at the terminal and then back at me.
"This is it," he said, dripping in sadness.
"Mm-hmm," I nodded.
"I'll call you as soon as I get there, okay?" Joe made sure I knew. He didn't care what time it would be here, and neither did I. I could feel the tears welling up. I nodded again. "I love you," he whispered.
"I love you too," I released. I breathed out all the air I didn't know I was holding in. "God, this is so much harder than I thought it was going to be." I chuckled. "But, it's work. And it's an amazing job. And it's something you need to do." I tried to reassure myself. "I'll be there in no time." I chuckled again. Joe just gave me a weak smile. He knew how much I was hurting behind the laughter.
Just then, the song on the radio changed. The very familiar guitar chords started as Crazy Little Thing Called Love started playing softly in the background. We both laughed hard at the coincidence. I licked my lips as I felt a tear fall from my eye. I clenched my lips together to keep from crying any harder. Joe wiped away my tear.
"Aw, Jule," I could see tears welling up in his eyes as well. He didn't like to see me cry. He pulled me in for the biggest hug we had ever given. It was tight and loving. We never wanted to let go. Eventually, though, we did. I don't remember who released first, but all of a sudden we weren't hugging anymore. Tears were streaming down Joe's face now. I wiped them away with my thumbs while my hands rested on his cheeks. I took a deep breath in.
"I think this is only going to get harder the longer you stand here," I chuckled. He pulled me in for a loving kiss. Holding my head and waist, trying to remember my taste one more time. I did the same. He pulled away. "Bye," I said with a breath.
"Bye," He whispered back. He turned away and walked into the doors. The song had ended and another one had begun, but I didn't pay attention to it. As I saw him disappear into the mass of people of LAX, I got back into my car. I turned off the radio and drove in silence. A silence that seemed so loud.
I felt the tears start to stream down my face, but in my heart, I knew Joe wouldn't want me to cry. I stayed strong and wiped the tears away from my face with my sleeve as I watched all the buildings of LA pass by.
This was going to be a long six weeks.