I woke up on his arms. I checked under the sheets just to make sure he's still on his jeans.
Okay. Check.
And my jeans my still on although my bra and knickers are the only things left I whispered to myself did I made love to this attractive man beside of me? Made love or just kissed? I'm being paranoid and I'm clueless. His eyes slowly opened like the flutter of the butterfly wings and his eyes settled on mine. It wasn't brown it was blue now. I feel like I was staring at the familiar blue eyes of Castiel. So bright. So light. Or maybe it's just the effect of alcohol last night.
Damn it. Yep. I still feel dizzy.
"You have an illness right?" I quickly said.
"No I don't." He said with a confused expression on his face.
"That's not what I meant. It's your eyes" I stared on him removing his dangling hair beside his brows. "it changes color by the light. I remembered it brown yesterday then it turned to blue! How magical." I'm not enthusiastic, it's just cool.
"Well, I have this condition on my eyes it changes it's color."
He smiled and he stroke my hair like what I did to him. I pursed my lips trying not to stare at his firm abdomen.
"It's okay. Marie. We didn't have sex." I actually didn't felt pain in my bones and down there so I'm also sure we don't. My mind finally fills up the broken pieces of the puzzle last night remembering his caring hot touch on my skin.
"Thank God." I muttered. "I don't want to lose my virginity." I laughed.
"But you just said yesterday... You don't care if it's your friend who'll get your virginity." He said smirking and still still stroking my hair. I was relaxed. It was one of those relaxing moments that I wish I could have in my lifetime. But back to the topic. Yes. I think I said I don't care.
"Yeah but I'm not sure about you yet... Are you my friend or an enemy?" I said and he stroke my hair once more placing it behind my head and he stop making me whimper.
"No. I'm not your enemy. If I am your enemy. I'd probably take the chance of getting you when you're drunk yesterday." He said. "But hey... you don't really care who's gonna take your virginity?"
"Of course I care. I mean I won't be able to walk if that happens!" I pouted and he touched my back softly and his roughed calloused fingers rubbed the flesh on my back setting a warm and friction that comfort it. I closed my eyes feeling only his warm touch.
"Seems like you want to be touched." I blushed of the idea. Yes. I want to be touch by you not in the fucking sexual way dammit. But God, why do I feel so comfortable with this man? Is he a real angel? Yeah. I'm Catholic, I believe in God, Mary and Jesus and angels. My mother is a catholic who sees vision and different things like me but it was just a dream and I usually ask Gabriel for that. And yes, I feel so stupid. I also ask him to wake me up early. I don't even know if he's the one who save me in a nightmare or is it Michael but with God's powers I'm sure they saved me. And right now I could have ask Gabriel to send me a message who he really is but the man in front of me is distracting me. I went straight to faith right there.
"Yes." I said. "But not in a sexual way of course." I laughed nervously. "Not now."
"Maybe that's the reason why you just answered the Truth in the truth or Dare we did." Oh yes. That's how I end up having no shirt and him also not wearing a shirt. "You can't stand the dares."
Ah. Fuck.
He kisses my forehead as he slowly sits on the bed and I blushed in embarrassment.
"Shut. It." I said and hear my phone alarm for a call. I got down from his bed and lazily get my phone from the nightstand. It's a call from Mitch, my former friend and a classmate in Accounting. I looked back at Smith who looks like a greek god or some model from a magazine with his blanket covers his sensitive area, I frowned at my thoughts still mesmerized by those Poseidon's ocean eyes.
"Sorry. I need to answer this." He nods still his eyes lingers on mine but I decided to break it hesitantly, putting my white button up longsleeved shirt deciding to take the call in his living room settling on his couch. I don't want him to hear what are well talk about because for sure this girl will ask something fishy after what I posted in Facebook. She teases me always when I'm with guys especially lately, I've been interacting with many men.
"Yo. Bitch." She said on the line I frowned. She's always like this but still I'm glad I have her as friend not best friends tho but will do.
I gasped. "Stop calling me like that! And by the way why on earth did you call me?" Raising my voice playing offened by what she said.
"Don't you even miss me?"
"Of course I do but why did you call?" I said with a bored tone on my line.
"I saw your post you're with. a. guy." I rolled my eyes knowing she'll bring it up.
"So?"
"Is he you're FUTURE BOYFRIEND?!!!!"
"Hey. Shut it. He will not be my future boyfriend okay. I already told you about the boyfriend things. I get to show I'm excited for having a boyfriend just for the public for them to tell I'm like them."
"Yeah. Yeah. I know. You're into girls." Giving me the same asshole vibe I gave her earlier. I gasped unbelievably.
"Hey. I'm not into girls. I have girl crushes but that's it. Plus I don't even know what will my heart ask me to do, to love a girl or not to love like that is the question."
"Ye. Ye." She said yawning. "Credit that to Shakespeare." Yawning again, my eyes squint at her pissy vibes. "Why don't you just be a nun then like what your mother said. Gosh! Everybody loves you. Jeez! You got suitors from another countries!" Okay. Everybody knows I have some... suitors which is crazy because what do they find pretty about me?
"Listen." I cleared my throat. "I don't want to be a nun. Even those nuns who named me my fudging name."
"Uhuh."
"A nun?" Smith frowned as he dressed his gray tight shirt covering his firm abdomen. I bit my lip. "Bye. I gottta go." I quickly ended the call.
"Yeah. A run."
"I'm pretty sure I heard nun. Would you care telling me about it?"
"I actually got here not just for..." I stood up and moving back to the room dressing my pants. "Convention. I was here trying to reflect if I'll going to be a nun or not. If I haven't found a good boyfriend. I might end up being a nun."
"Do you really want to be a nun?" He speaks like he's my mind asking me if I'm sure about my decisions or not. It was like a test if I should do it or not.
"I swear to god you'll really be a real virgin in that one." He chuckled as I think about his question. Do I really want to become a nun? It is a lifetime duty. I would be only to Jesus, only His. I'll be a servant and a woman of God. And once again, I got straight being religious again! "You can't even have children with that vocation." With those pretty face makes me want to alter my so called decision in my mind. "But I'll" he breathes in heavily. "I'll let you choose on that." He smiled. I cannot marry, I knew marriage crossed my mind once before, before this flesh of mine desires another one. I said to myself it might be happy but there will be uncertainty. It will be always "might". There will be always the condition in every thing.
Carnal desires are the best and the worst feeling a person can have.
My mind remembered what I said last night.
"I think. I'll go for a run." I stood up and get my wear my pants from his room. "Where are my keys?"
"Here" he placed my keys on my hand. Oh Smith don't make me change my mind. Please. I whispered to myself thinking about him being me. It takes everything and sacrifice just to love once person.
I pushed my phone to my pocket trying to fit it there. He's still looking at me but then he went to the kitchen as I looked at him moving away from me. Fuck feelings. Why is this so abrupt? I want him but half of my mind and mind is holding this decision with logical reasonings that I just met him, I don't know him fully. I shook of my thoughts moving to his door.
"I'm gonna go. See you some... sometime." He peeped from the kitchen just enough for me to see him smile.
That. Damn. Smile. Is. The. Death. Of. Me.
If I can capture that smile in my head and save it. I could. For a moment we stared at each other. Hoping it will end up him pacing to me grabbing my arm swiftly as he tenderly kisses me.
But that's all an imagine.
But it fucking annoyed me that it didn't happen.
"Some. Time." I opened his door while he shouted.
"Please do take care of yourself." His bright voice suddenly boomed out of silence making me glance at him my mind tells me to do it like it will be the last time.
"I will." Smiling to myself as I get out. Breathing out the tension as I closed it behind me. Do he feel the sparks like me when we first know each other?
My mind went agonizingly analyzing at every moment. Through out friendships in senior highschool I was made me to be a straightforward by my former friend who do not make amends with me. She thought me to be straightforward in every way but she can't say why she suddenly leave me.
Everything about highschool seems traumatizing to me. When I think of a single event that happened, it all comebacks in flashes, memories torturing me. A fan can compare it to watching a season end or the final season end or disbandment of their favorite boy or girl group.
Walking my way back to my place those things kept torturing me. My mind doesn't settles in to one thinking about being straightforward to what will I say to Smith or should I tell him abruptly. Overthingking everything. I looked around my place and seems like nothing changed although I have a problem with having a little short term of memory like I dump events and memory if I don't need it but unlike those traumas it's hard to ignore it. I change to a white shirt and get my black jacket and change my pants to my former phys ed. jogging pants after I took a fast shower and swiftly got out of the hotel like I leave the problems in my country but it keeps following me in my mind. I'll be running out just to forget those. I put on my earphones and play some music turning on my GPS to track where I went. I run to different places a little bit away from him. Away from the thoughts of my mind of becoming something I'm not even sure even if I want that.
I just want to tire myself. I don't care not eating a breakfast. I don't care if I sweat so much right now. I just want to release this. I want clarity in my thoughts. And I hope running helps.
I wrap my arms around me when I reach a park the smell of the fresh plants green grass and the flowers in colors of red, yellow and green lingered under my nose after a bit of walking I finally settled in the soft grass near the pond and the tree that I don't even know what's its name, welp, not a botanist.
I wrapped my arms around me and on my kness but it won't work so I just wrap my arms around myself and stared at the sky hoping there maybe a sign that I can find.
I intake healthy breathings just to get my mind clear. Sure signs won't be here. This is not a fucking romance film or television series.
Yep. No ones around.
My phone ringed.
My mom. Of course.
Family ties. She can't let go of me.
"Oh. Ma. Ba't napatawag ka?" (Oh. Ma. Why did you call?)
"Wala lang nag-punta kasi dito yung boss mo sa pagiging music teacher mo hinahanap ka." (Uh. Nothing... Your boss in you being the music teacher in their school are looking for you.)
"Oh. I'll just call him. Yung business natin ma? okay lang?" (Our business ma? Is it alright?)
"Oo. Okay naman." (Yes. It's fine.)
"Okay. Bye. Love you."
"Love you too." I ended the call, making a new ones to the managers of my business, first thing first, the coffee shops I owned in Makati, Pampanga and to universities. I'm not exactly rich, middle class really. I just budget things and I take a risk because in life I learned that taking a risks is worth than a loss. I tell them to update me every now and then. I also take an update from my branched stores from a bestselling international company. Luckily, the sales are high and I'm glad I'm not problematic about it recently.
I have a life. I have a problematic life.
The only problem is just within me.
I don't know if it's Smith or it's just the fact that I can't move on from my teachers.
Our conversations still replays inside my mind and that one single human being who's with me right now, the one that I lay on the same bed last night.
Smith.
Christ. my life is messed up.
I played music in my phone, some Selena Gomez song from Taylor Swift earlier , now a light song acoustics from Selena Gomez. Yep. I'm going to feel it.
The clouds ealier that seems so bright as the day, now a dark nimbus cloud and like a waring sign that it'll rain. I don't even have my umbrella right now.
I swiftly walk feeling the cold air in noon. And damn it. It rained and there's no tree in sight, even buildings. I guess I'm lucky it's not snowing yet. As much as I love the rain pouring down as droplets on each part o my body my mind is telling me to find a place to hide. I can't afford being sick. I hate being in hospital bed. I've been there too many times in my teenage days. Though my thoughts are clouded up by the feeling of euphoria the strangely delightful scent and repeated sounds of the rain as it hits the ground.
I felt the rain stop pouring on me suddenly and saw an umbrella over me. I looked at the person beside me and there goes these blue eyes hottie, Smith.
Hottie. Damn it.
Now I'm even confused why is he here.
"Smith?"
"Ye." There's the crooked smile of him again.
"What are you doing here?"
"Oh strolling around to by some goods to consume later." these conversations are boring for me but when someone is talking I listen to them attentively, especially to him. I don't know if I just found his place in my heart. Oh god. Get the crap out of this in my head. This is infatuation. He even said he's not here for you.
"While you are letting the rain pour down on you, sweetheart. Were you expecting someone?"
"Huh?"
"I saw you there sitting earlier and you're been there for many minutes." he puts his hand on his pocket. His groceries on the same hand where he uses to hold the umbrella.
"Just breathing. Uh... Do you mind if I'll just bring your groceries." I looked at him. He's having a difficulty.
"Uh. No. No. Just walk."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
I hope I'll never lose you I hope it never ends...
Damn. Taylor. You really know the perfect timing. Like everything falls into romantic films like things in me.
I never walk cornelia street again.
"I'll hail a cab." the cold weather make his voice shivering "Will you?" he gave me the umbrella and move near the road waving for a taxi. I immediately followed him letting me shed him from the pouring rain. I don't want him to get ill. He started a small conversation that I didn't noticed anything just him talking. You know the feeling that the world is a quiet place and that his voice is the only sound that I can hear. He talked a lot and I just kept my eyes on him. As I felt his hand slowly slip on my arms to my hands.
"We can make through this." Intertwining it to mine kissing onthe back of my palms. All throughout the ride.
DAmn. Taylor.
"So... I guess this is the time where we part ways for a while?" he said as we went inside our hotel and jump in the elevator. I rolled my eyes and shook my head and smiled.
Didn't tell us not to rush into things
Didn't you flash your green eyes at me
Welp. He got those different colors of his eyes. But still...
haven't you heard what becomes of curious minds ohh
Didn't it all seem new and exciting i felt your arms twisting around me
I should've slept with one eye opened at night
"Oh shut up like we're not in the same hotel" both parting our ways to our own place.