Alex's POV...
Do you ever just want to say fvck it and move to Mexico? I wish I could run away from my problems but that won't help anyone. I have a duty to my family and kingdom. Shit, when did everything get so messed up? When I met Phoebe Johnson, that's when. The annoying, beautiful, mesmerising, infuriating, perfect little weirdo. When I first saw her, her enthralling beauty blew me away. She was only relaxing by her locker with some other chicks, but she looked so sinfully beautiful. When our eyes connected, I swear I felt my heart beat faster, but I shook the thought off and casually winked at her. There was no way I would allow myself to be affected by a simple yet gorgeous human girl.
I did however know right then that I needed to have her, just to get her out of my system, and I may have just been thinking about pure sex, but when I approached her in the school hall and she pushed me away and fought my advances, I became intrigued. I knew she was just as into me as I was of her, hell, her big blue eyes were practically begging me to take her right then, and when she drew that plump lower lip under her teeth I had to fight the urge not to groan out loud. She was the sexiest little thing I had ever seen, and I've seen and experienced a lot of women in my time, I'm telling you. But what scared me was the way I wanted to get to know her... understand her thoughts and feelings, and determine why she was pushing me away. She was too much of a catch to let go. That's why I met up with that dumb human later that night, to pound away all of my uncertainty and frustration. I can't say I felt very good about myself after though. No, something in me had changed, and it all started with a perplexing human called Phoebe.
Then all that shit went down with the rogues, drawing my attention away from meaningless girls, but still Phoebe's mesmerising eyes burned into my skull. I couldn't help but tell my little sister about it. She is one of the few I actually trust in this world. Imagine my surprise when I caught Phoebe wondering into my gym, practically drooling over me, her cheeks hot with arousal. God, I wanted her so bad, but I wanted her to beg me for it. I like to be in control, but she was affecting me in more ways then I liked... messing with my emotions and head, and doing the total opposite of what I expected. If it were any other girl, she would have succumbed to me and have done anything I asked her to, but for some reason she kept denying and sassing me. I wanted to spank her ass red raw on so many occasions to assert my dominance, but I knew I had to wait. The satisfaction of getting her to bend to my will would be reward enough for however long it took.
I knew she thought I was a dickhead, but I didn't care enough to try to change her opinion of me. But then after I helped her sister shift for the first time, I notice a change in her behaviour towards me. She looked at me softer, with not as much repugnance buried in her eyes. Then she looked totally charmed and bewitched with me when I helped her with her niece and nephew. It made me want to be better for her... to impress her. I guess that's when I realised that I had feelings for her and it surprisingly didn't bother me. I actually do love kids, and I want some of my own in the future when I find my erasthai.
My erasthai.
Well, I found her all right. Blair Barnaby. Now I am stuck between two lives. One with the girl made for me and one with the girl I am in love with. My mother always told me that when you find your erasthai, it is as if your life is complete. They're meant to be everything you need; the closest thing to a chosen mate. If that is so then why can't I get Phoebe out my head? I crave her, yet I shouldn't. I'm meant to be happy with Blair. I found Blair three weeks ago, and yet I have hardly been able to face her. For two weeks I followed Phoebe like a puppy, and then slept in her bed each night, hoping to preserve her fading scent. Then Vincent told me to man up and either go to Phoebe or try to make it work with my erasthai. I decided I had to try with Blair... so I sought her out. She is beautiful, with sexy legs that roll on for miles, but they are a little too long for my liking. Phoebe has perfect legs. I know they would wrap around my waist just right if I were to... no.
When Blair first touched my hand, passing me a drink from the café she works in, an innocent gesture, I had juxtaposing emotions. I felt slightly repulsed, yet I still craved more of it. There is a bond between us after all, no matter how weak it may be. I feel the pull... but I am high on Phoebe. I have tried to throw myself into a world of Blair, but I can't submerge myself completely. I want Phoebe. I can't even kiss Blair, as it just feels so wrong. I can't help but think that the girl I'm intimate with should be someone else... well, Phoebe. Only Phoebe.
Don't get me wrong, I'm sure Blair is a lovely girl, but she's just not the girl I am in love with. She is like a lesser version of her. Blair is a human, with no knowledge of the supernatural world. As she is a human our bond isn't that strong, and it won't hurt her if I reject her. She is pretty, and has a hot little body, but some aspects of her are just wrong. Her hair isn't long enough; I doubt I could wrap it around my hands enough times to call it satisfying. Her boobs are too big; I prefer a firm handful, and her eyes aren't the mesmerising colour of the ocean. I guess... she's just not Phoebe. I feel possessive over her and cannot stand the thought of another man touching her, but it is not as strong as the burning rage that threatens to draw my lycan out at the thought of Phoebe with someone else.
Remembering the fear and all consuming rage I felt when I realised Phoebe was missing, and then found her beaten down by rogues, I'm not sure that even if I mate with Blair I could extinguish my feelings for Phoebe. I love her too much. I do know that if I were to mate with Phoebe, however, the bond, which ties Blair and I together, would be severed. She may feel a little heart broken, but she won't die. Am I really considering ditching Blair, my erasthai whom I have been waiting for, for years for Phoebe? Yes, Yes I am.
I guess it's part of the beauty of being a lycan. We were gifted by the goddess to be able to choose who we like as our life partners, as our souls can adapt and connect with anyone's. There have been tales of lycans taking mated were's and wives of men as their own, as the mark of a lycan is the strongest bond out there. It overrides all other marks. Nothing can take away a Lycan's mate apart from death. Erasthai's are a gift from the Moon Goddess; like a guide if you will. As lycans live long lives, they can have more then one, but only every thirty years, so that the lycan doesn't have to choose between two, and his erasthai isn't really old. Most Lycan's wait for their erasthai's as then they are sure that their souls are compatible, and they are guaranteed a happy life with a mate who loves them back. Lycans can easily force their mark onto whoever, but their chosen mate will not have any real feelings for them, and they themselves could stray if their feelings dull over time. However, if you are deeply in love with someone and they love you back...
My lycan is torn. He wants his erasthai, but is also drawn to Phoebe. The whole things a massive, jumbled mess, constantly fvcking me over. I continuously have a royal headache, but this may be because I haven't been sleeping well, and have been drinking rather heavily to try to escape this mess I get to call my life. Also to dull out the memories of Phoebe and I's short time together.
Today is the third time I have seen Blair. It is slightly less painful then the last times. When I saw her yesterday, I asked if she would like to have lunch with me today. She agreed, and I can tell she is attracted to me, but only because of the bond. If it wasn't there, I would only be anther hot guy walking down the street. One thing I have concluded is that she is very docile and submissive. She would make a perfect queen, but for all the wrong reasons. She doesn't seem like one to take action; happy to fade into the background as long as she has her finery. Maybe at one time I would have loved such a submissive mate, but now I've had a taste of Phoebe... I miss the fire and ice between us, the constant pulling and pushing away, the excitement and the wonder for what could happen next. Blair might be the safe choice, but Phoebe pushes me to the limits forcing me to become more then I am, and I'll be damned if I deny that I'm absolutely infatuated with her.
The lunch went ok, but there were no tingles of excitement or intoxifying fights that I usually have with Phoebe. After we ate, Blair hinted that she wanted to see my house, so I thought 'why not'. That's where we are now. Blair has definitely been touchier with me since she saw my sports car, and I can't deny that the tingles are rather nice, but not electrifying. She seems pretty impressed with the house too, staring up at it in shock. It is very extravagant, that's for sure, but I've seen it a hundred times so it doesn't really faze me.
As we step out of the car, I notice Phoebe's friend parked a little down the other side of the driveway. She is looking anxiously at Blair and me, but I don't see Phoebe. I sigh in sadness. Why would she be here? She has been avoiding all of us like we would kill her if we saw her. I guess I really need to go to her if I want her. It may take a while... God her scent is really strong, stronger then usual. Of course, it's probably just my mind playing tricks on me. Suddenly Blair starts laughing.
"What's wrong?" I ask her, confused.
"You were pulling a funny face." She giggles melodically. I guess her voice is quite soothing.
Oh, what do I do? Blair's presence is comforting, but with Phoebe, I feel like I'm home. I feel as though I have a hole in my heart ever since Phoebe left. When Ana told me she moved out to stay with her friend, I nearly lost my mind. I slept outside her window for the first few nights, before entrusting someone else to be her bodyguard. I warned him not to talk or touch her though. It was complete torture being away from her, but I thought it would get better if we were completely separate. Every night as I laid in her bed, snuggling into her pillow, I wished it were her soft body besides me instead.
As I stare at my erasthai, I do feel something for her, but I don't know if it is enough. Especially when -. Wait... Phoebe? All of a sudden, her scent gets more intense, as I am bombarded with her sweet spring rain and rose smell. My head snaps to the side, and there, like an angel is she. Everything else disappears as our eyes meet, and I feel like crying out in happiness. She's here! Our connection is still so strong, vibrating through the atmosphere. Although she is still ethereally beautiful, Phoebe is looking rather weak and tired, and her face is slightly red and puffy as if she has been crying, which makes my heart sink, as I know I am probably the cause of that. I'm vaguely aware of Blair saying something behind me, but a sudden primal urge sweeps through me to go and claim what's mine, sending all thoughts of Blair into space. I need to replace Phoebe's sorrow with laughter and happiness, but as I cautiously stumble forward, Phoebe averts her eyes to that of my erasthai's, which causes her eyes to fill with tears, before she shakes her head and runs to the car her friend is waiting for her in. As she runs away from me, yet again, I nearly fall to my knees as a burst of pain rips through my heart once more.
I nearly run after her, when a soft hand wraps around my bicep, causing shivers to roll down my spine. But my reaction to Blair's touch doesn't calm me; instead, it causes anger to swell deep inside of me, as I watch Phoebe rush off into the distance. What the fvck am I going to do?
"Hello? Who is she?" Blair asks, a frown etched into her voice.
"Leave it alone!" I growl, ripping my arm out of her touch before stalking into my house and to the gym to punch something repeatedly.
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Edited