Ethan's POV
i can't control anything. i want to tell her, but my mind won't let me. when we get back to la we're just not going to talk at all.
i feel like i'm the only one in interest. i start the conversations, i suggest we hang out or whatever. i end the conversations, i end it.
the sound of my alarm scared the shit out of me. the worst way to wake up. gray and i had to be at the airport at approximately 5:00 am. it was only 3:00. my body wasn't going to function at this time, so i crashed. i lay on the opposite side and quickly fall asleep.
i suddenly feel myself rocking slowly, what the fuck.
"ethan wake the fuck up! it's 4:50..." i groan, rubbing my face. "ethan! get up!"
grayson continuously snapped at me until he pulled me out of bed. sleep hasn't been an option for me at all, the last thing i focused on was fucking sleep. my eyes shut, uncontrollably.
i felt the constant urge to check my phone, expecting some sort of text or snap from emma. maybe she was busy with her other friends, or fucking ignoring me.
the sound of grayson yelling at me every five seconds made me want to just fall asleep and escape my problems temporarily. our flight was around seven hours, which was enough time to catch up on sleep.
i slept through most of the flight. a notification buzz on gray's phone startled me. he was dead asleep which is a never occurring moment. i softly move myself closer to reach for his phone, "emma" was the contact texting him.
my heart beats rapidly, and felt like everything stopped. like all eyes were on me. i thought they didn't text often, guess i was wrong. why was she texting my brother? in order for me to see the message i had to unlock his phone, using...face id.
he held it lightly in his left hand, his arms seemed stiff. i felt a rush of guilt through my veins, but my gut telling me to carry on. it had to be about me. i just knew it.
i move his phone over to face me, to unlock. surprisingly it worked easily and i was in his phone. he has a special attachment to his phone that it's concerning. he's always typing some dumb shit, i always thought he actually found a girlfriend, then i tell myself that it's grayson. he had about ten unread messages, most of them coming from emma.
the conversation looked like a therapy session. she typed her heart out to grayson, while he was reassuring her with advice and such. i peek over at him with a nasty look.
when he would wake up, i now know what he's been hiding from me. i didn't want to look like a little bitch, so anger took over. a part of me wanted to yell at gray and another wanted to break up with her.
if i hesitate i'll do something fucking stupid. i gave it some thought. over and over but came to no conclusion.
if she was going through shit i thought she knew i was there for her, not grayson. she ignored me the whole trip, damn. this shit hit me hard, i guess.
i wanted to continue reading the text messages but i just couldn't. my heart got hit by a fucking bus or something. it's hard to put it into words.
my mind fills with anxiety of coming back to la. facing her, looking her in her eyes, talking to her. i didn't want to obviously but i don't want things to get any worse.
as grayson moved his head to face the other way a rush of air flew across my face. i quickly turn off his phone and placed it on his lap. he stayed asleep for a few minutes more until waking up. he looked worried as his eyes started to open, causing me to laugh.
he quickly looked down at his phone. i was nervous he would see it was moved, but his dumbass didn't even notice.
he slightly moaned and feel back asleep. the smile on my face disappeared. thoughts of emma came across my mind.
BACK IN LA
Emma's POV
my heart paced rapidly. i knew i would come face to face with him soon. i didn't want it to happen. tears roll down my face, filling the rest of my body with despair.
i roll over onto the side of my bed, firmly hugging a pillow. i continuously stare at the fire sprinkler on the ceiling, with the thoughts of ethan's reaction.
it's going to happen. it won't last, i can see it coming. nothing has been accomplished for the past weeks.
i shamefully roll out of bed, remembering that i offered to pick the twins up at the airport. i instantly regret my gesture.
———
"BABE!"
my windows had been rolled down. ethan dropped his suitcase and ran over to the car.
i quickly open the car door, meeting ethan eye to eye. there was no time to talk, his arms firmly wrapped around my waist.
he swayed slowly back and forth, my face sunken into his hoodie. he rests his head on top of mine.
"ethan" i whisper.
he doesn't let go. i could feel the cold stare from grayson who was pulling both of their suitcases.
i then thought about everything i said to grayson. only he knew what i felt like that night. i regret it all.
"get your fucking bag ethan!"
he breaks the hug and holds onto my forearm, grinning. he quickly turns around to grab his bag.
i peek at grayson in the middle back seat. he blindly gives me a glare that i reject. i felt ethan's cold ass hands on my thigh, his eyes glued onto his phone.
i grab his hand, making our fingers intertwine with one another. he turns away to hide his red ass face.
—-
grayson judges my arm as we walk through their front door.
"i thought you were going to break up, dumbass."
i dishonorably look at him, avoiding full eye contact.
"i don't know what i was on that night, i thought he fucking hated me."
"it's because he really loves you. he actually missed you the whole fucking trip and you didn't bother to talk to him."
i felt my heart shatter into pieces. i didn't even realize it. ethan acted like it had never happened.
he stared me up and down, waiting for me to continue walking.
i walked near ethan's room, knocking on the open door.
"you can come in, e." i nod and sit on the edge of his bed. i pull a loose thread of his comforter.
he carefully folded his clothes into his closet. i observed his moments, thinking he'd talk to me, but he was in focus.
after he finished, he threw his suitcase to the corner of his room and hopped onto the bed beside me. he puts his arm out as i fall slowly into him.
we carry a good conversation for about ten minutes, and i slowly feel like shit. i felt as if i didn't deserve him at all. he would never go talk shit about our relationship behind my back. i vision began to get blurry. i wipe a tear from my cold face, hoping he wouldn't see me crying.
his voice was soft and light, "what's wrong baby?" i lift up from his chest and look down away and shrug. he contemplates how to respond to me.
Ethans POV
"i don't d-deserve you..."
i try to make out what she was saying. i knew what she was referring to. the messages with grayson. i feel like i shouldn't have looked to begin with.
"why?"
she pulled back tears and wiped her nose with her baggy sleeve. she shook her head and turned away.
my heart felt heavy.
i knew why, which made it worse. the thought of her struggling to tell me that she didn't want to be with me made me feel guilty.
"i know we were going to film the videos for christmas and i couldn't help but think—"
i knew exactly what she was going to say. i quickly grabbed her and pulled her close to my chest, tightly. i sway left and right into the hug.
"don't even fucking finish that sentence. shit don't matter it's a fucking video."
"okay" she says softly. i was about to say something until the sound of my ringer went off. i release from emma and lean over to grab my phone off the nightstand.
the caller was my mom, she never usually calls me ever. "hello?"
the words i received from my mom was the most devastating. i didn't know how to respond, or what to say. my mind was wrapped around the thought of leaving emma, again.