Harry Styles
I had patiently waited for Charlene. I had let her do her job while keeping an eye on her around the room. I had occasionally chatted with a few people and I had tried to keep myself busy like that, not wanting anything else than get it over with. I wasn't bored, or anything... I just couldn't wait to leave with her. I'm not sure what I was expecting, or if I was expecting something at all... I just knew that I wasn't going to leave without her.
"You're still there?!" Barbara observes, once that the majority of people starts leaving. I slowly nod my head and decide to be clear with her.
"Yeah, I'm supposed to drop off your waitress..." I nod at Charlene with my head as she helps her colleagues to clean around. Barbara immediately furrows her eyebrows and gives me a confused look.
"Why? You know her?"
"Yeah, she's modeling for me, for that exhibition I told you about... it's a very long story," I sigh, not really feeling like telling her everything that happened right now. "Not that interesting, though!" I add.
"I thought you were using some unreleased pictures for that..." she sniffs, crossing her arms over her chest. I'm not sure whatever she's annoyed because I'm leaving with her or because I'm not using her pictures anymore... maybe both.
"I was but they didn't get approved... I needed a normal person to model for me," I shrug my shoulders, not really wanting to give her some more explanations.
"Exciting..." she ironically says and rolls her eyes. "Are you sleeping with her too?"
"Not that it's any of your business, but no..." I huff, finding her inquisitive eyes on me way too annoying, considering we aren't exclusive or anything like that.
"Whatever..." she rolls her eyes again and walks away. "Tell her she can leave, by the way!" She stops before reaching the stairs and turns around again.
"Thank you!" Once that I've thanked her, she turns her back to me again and starts walking upstairs. At least I can finally leave this place. I quickly approach Charlene and she looks up at me with a quizzing look.
"Barbara said that you're free to go..." I tell her the good news and she just looks at me with her eyebrows furrowed.
"But I'm not done..." she says.
"It's fine, we can finish here!" Her boss, who had listened to our conversation, says.
"Are you sure?" She asks him, trying to fight with her guilt for leaving earlier than the others, probably.
"Positive!"
"Thank you!" She tells him with a smile. "I'll get my stuff!" She says to me right after and then she disappears again into the kitchen. She comes out after a few minutes with her own clothes, coat and bag, ready to leave, this time.
"Finally..." she sighs in relief, as soon as we're out of Barbara's place. I chuckle at her reaction, finding her sudden happiness definitely cute, considering how late is it and how tired she must be.
"Don't you feel tired?" I ask her, once we get into my car.
"Not as much as before, now that I'm free..." she chuckles and I do too, starting my car to get to her house. As I look over to her, once we're waiting for the red light to turn green, for the first time since I've met her I wonder what it would be like to sleep with her. I'm not sure if it's what unconsciously I had thought about for the whole night, waiting for her to be done with her job, but I sure as hell am now.
"Would you come to my place... ?" I just let out, the both of us knowing perfectly the implications of my words. I hadn't thought too much about how to approach her, I had simply chosen to be directed because, for some reason, I had thought it would work with her. She slowly moves her eyes on me and furrows her eyebrows, looking at me with a quizzing look, maybe... one that I can't quite decipher.
"Is this why you wanted to give me a ride back home?" She asks. She doesn't sound mad or outraged, she just sounds as if she just genuinely wants to know. I immediately shake my head with vigor.
"No, absolutely not!" I tell her. "I just wanted to, whatever you actually want to come back home with me or not..." I honestly tell her. She gives me a soft smile but her eyes just look sad, dead, somehow.
"It's not going to happen..." she slowly shakes her head. "Ever," she adds right after. She keeps her eyes out of the window, away from my sight, and I wonder what's going through her mind. I had rarely been turned down and I wasn't expecting to be turned down by her, in particular... just because I had thought she liked me, after today. I can't help but let the disappointment show through my face, as I look back at her.
"Is it because you have a boyfriend?" I realize how I haven't even asked her. She turns toward me again and lets out an amused laugh as she shakes her head.
"No..." she then says.
"You're a lesbian?" I ask her right after, deciding to keep everything into consideration. She lets out a chuckle and shrugs her shoulders.
"Who knows... according to Freud we're all born bisexuals, actually," she looks at me with a grin on her lips. "It's the psychological development that turns us monosexual, even if the bisexuality stays latent."
"Do you often start talking about psychology when trying to avoid talking about something you don't want to talk about?" I ask her, trying hard to hide what I'm feeling right now too. She bites her lips, clearly nervous by how easy it was to figure it out. She sighs and just brings her eyes back on me again.
"Most of the time..." she admits, slowly nodding her head.
"Am I the problem?" I ask her. She sighs, obviously exhausted by the conversation and everything that went on today as a whole.
"No, it's me... you wouldn't understand," she tells me, passing her hands through her red hair with exasperation. She takes a deep breath and then she relaxes again against her seat.
"Why don't you try me?"
"Because you're not my friend!" She raises her voice, turning her head toward me. "We're just working together, today meant nothing... you mean nothing!" She almost attacks me and, for a second, I wonder if she's trying to convince me or herself. She gulps, quickly regretting her words because, she knows, she's exposed herself to me too much. She's showed me more than what she intended to, behind her facade made of sharp sarcasm and detached attitude. "I can walk from here!" She quickly says, not giving me the time to reply. She just jumps out of the car, not waiting for the light to turn green with me, and I'm just left here... speechless.
Charlene Whelan
I had been stupid. A complete idiot.
I don't know what's going on. I had never really let anyone get near enough to get to know me and, in the same way, I had never gotten the chance to actually get to know someone. Unwillingly, I have gotten to know Harry during the next two days and, for some reason, I constantly find myself thinking about him. I had spent a whole day with him today with nothing anguishing on my mind, I didn't have any panic attack and I had felt good.
For the first time ever I had even considered sleeping with someone out of pure desire. Or maybe curiosity. I had wondered what it would've felt like. It scares me the idea of finding out.
I had arrived back home, running, in only five minutes. I had closed the door behind me and I had tried to get him far away from me and out of my damn mind.
"For fuck's sake..." I let out with frustration, repeatedly passing my hands through my hair. I kick the chair of my desk, trying to find some sort of comfort.
Maybe I just need a very cold shower after all. Or a burning hot one.
As much as I try fighting it, I can't ignore for any longer the arousing feeling between my legs. I let out a suffocate cry as I run to the bathroom and start taking off my clothes. I keep thinking about what could've been, images keep flashing through my eyes, of things I shouldn't think about, of things that are never going to happen.
Once that all my clothes are laying down on my bathroom floor, I get into the shower and try to get him out of my system once and for all.
*
I had woken up later than usual but I had gotten into bed really early in the morning. My head was hurting but I had felt thankful for having my lessons late in the morning today.
I had also found a text from Harry I had taken a while to answer to.
I'm sorry about last night. Can we pretend as if nothing ever happened? Still on for today?
I couldn't understand if I felt more relieved or disappointed. What I know is that it's definitely for the best.
Yes to both.
I had answered after a couple of hours, once I was sitting in class, waiting for my lesson to start.
He had sent me the address after a few hours. He hadn't offered to come and pick me up like yesterday and I hadn't asked him to. I had arrived just in time, at the studio of the last time. Only this time he was already there, setting up his camera, with all the other workers.
"Are you ready to get changed?" The stylist asks me, as soon as I'm done with makeup and hair. I slowly nod my head and I take a look at the clothes she's chosen for me. I wonder if Harry's gotten a say in it, this time.
"Sure..." I tell her with a smile. "What am I wearing?"
"We're keeping it simple, this time!" She tells me, showing me a red and orange sweater and some jeans. My makeup and hair are quite simple too.
"Great, that's what I prefer!" I tell her with a smile. "I can change here!" I say, as I start taking my pants and t-shirt off.
"Are you ok?" Her worried voice captures my attention as I get into my jeans. I turn toward her with my eyebrows furrowed, trying to understand if she's talking to me. She looks right back at me with a worried look on her face which confirms it to me.
"What?!" I ask her, showing her my confusion.
"Your back..." she points out and I quickly remember. I immediately get the sweater and I put it on to hide it from everybody's sight. "Looks like you had too much sun!" She adds and I quickly nod, trying to laugh it off.
"Yeah, I had completely forgotten..." I shrug it off and then quickly walk to Harry to get in position. For the first time today, he finally looks at me.
"Ready?" I ask him. He just nods his head. He's obviously hurt, or maybe trying to fight against his own desire.
This time, it's different from other times. I try different poses as he just keeps taking photos of me without saying anything at all. I can tell that there's tension, or maybe it's just generally awkward for both of us. It lasts way longer this time, until he finally says that we've finished for today. I'm not sure whatever I prefer fighting him or this fucking silence.
"Do you have a photo?" I choose to ask him when he turns his back to me. He looks at me, surprised at first, that I'm talking to him.
"Yeah, I got some pretty good ones..." he slowly nods. "You can get changed!"
"Great..." I just sigh, making obvious my disappointment at my failed attempt of talking to him some more, to make things normal again, as they were before last night.
I walk back to where I got changed first and proceed to get back into my clothes. While doing so, I keep an eye on him, he just collects his stuff around the room, just like me and the rest of the people around the room are doing.
I'm the first one to get ready. For a minute, I think of just waiting inside for him, to get a proper talk and fix whatever is going on, but then I change my mind. I say my goodbyes and I walk out, stopping at the side of the door like last time. When he comes out and I grab his wrist to stop him from walking away, he looks quite surprised in seeing it's me.
"Can we talk?" I ask him right away. He looks hesitant for a few seconds, before nodding his head at my words. He turns his back to me and then starts slowly walking toward the parking lot.
"I'll give you a lift..." he tells me right after, without stopping walking toward his car. Flashback from last night quickly surfaces but I push it away and run behind him to keep on with his steps.
"I'm sorry for how I reacted last night..." I tell him right away, as soon as we're both inside the car. He gives me another surprised look, maybe confused.
"I should be the one apologizing..." he quickly says. "I was definitely intrusive and I shouldn't have been," he tells me with his stare low, almost ashamed of his own actions.
"But I also didn't mean what I told you... I don't mind us being friendly," I let out a sigh, trying to explain myself the best I can. "I actually like it..." I confess.
"I like it better than ignoring you too..." he admits too with a chuckle. "I'm sorry for earlier, it felt awkward and I didn't know how to behave," he explains, making me feel more relaxed for sure. I had been torturing myself the whole afternoon at the idea of having ruined the almost likable work situation we had created.
"Do you want to stop along the street to have dinner?" He asks me right after with a smile on his lips. I quickly nod my head, relaxing against the seat of his car.
"Sure..."
We stop at a diner along the street and we sit one in front of the other at one of the many empty tables, one with a view on the street.
"I think this is my favorite one..." he tells me as he shows me the photos of today, like he hadn't done yet. "I like your stare..."
"Really?!" I chuckle. "Whenever I see a photo of me I just feel like looking back at a very shitty model," I admit, shrugging my shoulders.
"I think you're actually great..." he quickly tells me with not even a single doubt in his green orbs.
"Well, I hope so for the sake of your exhibition..." I tell him and fill up my mouth with fries right after, while he chuckles at me. Before he can add anything else, his attention is quickly captured by the phone that starts vibrating on the table. He lowers his stare to check the screen and it quickly darkens while reading the name of the caller.
My eyes automatically drop to check too and I quickly move my eyes away when I reading that it's none other than his mother.
"You can take that, I don't mind!" I quickly tell him. He slowly shakes his head and puts his phone away, back in his pocket.
"It's not that important..." he shrugs his shoulders. His eyes, for some reason, even if it's not important as he said, stay somewhere else; some darker place. I know that look very well.
"Your mom?" I chuckle.
"Yeah, whenever I answer she takes forever to tell me about her day, so I'll save it for once I get back home..." he lets out a laugh, almost forcing himself to get back to his usual, careless, self.
"Nice..." I smile. "Do you go see her often?" I remember I had read and he had also told me that his family lives not too far from here.
"Not as much as I want... you know, because of work..." he awkwardly smiles at me, seeming more nervous than usual. "And you? What about your family?" At his question, I immediately regret ever asking him. I should know, whenever I ask questions, they'll want to know about me too and that's not what we want. That's not what we want, Charlene.
"Nothing much..." I just say, shrugging my shoulders.
"C'mon... you never really talk about yourself, you just let me do the talk."
"Because there's nothing interesting about it..." I tell him, looking straight back into his green eyes, to make him believe it as much as I do.
"Fine, you don't wanna talk about it... I respect that," he gives up, slowly nodding his head in understanding at me. I just give him a smile to let him know how much I appreciate it.
"Can I ask you something else?" His eyes immediately turn serious, almost defensive, as he waits for an answer. I take a deep breath and I slowly nod my head, getting ready to hear whatever he has to ask me.
"Do you really not have a boyfriend... or a girlfriend?" He slowly says, almost scared to ask me once again. I can tell that he's genuinely wondering this time, not in order to get something out of it, but just because he cares.
"I don't..." I chuckle. I furrow my eyebrows and stare at him for a few seconds, wondering why he finds it so odd. I find it odder that someone like him would ever try to come after me. "Why do you find it so unbelievable? Because I turned you down?"
"No, no..." he quickly shakes his head. "I don't know..." he admits, shrugging his shoulders and letting out a resigned sigh.
"I've never really been with anyone," I tell him. He furrows his eyebrows and looks at me with surprise and confusion. "In a relationship, I mean..." I quickly add.
"Why?"
"I just think I'm better off on my own, I guess..." I shrug my shoulders.
"Is it because you like it better or because you think it's safer?" Good question. Maybe you're already getting to know me better than you should, Harry.
"Both, maybe?" I try to put it as a joke and let out a giggle. He doesn't seem to buy it, though, by the look in his eyes.
"Someone has trust issues, Mrs. psychologist?!" He grins, pretty satisfied with himself. I just chuckle and shake my head to myself.
"Funny..." I roll my eyes and quickly try to change the subject. "Have you ever had a serious relationship?"
"Yes, a long time ago..." he slowly nods his head. For a second, his eyes get lost in the same place as before.
"Did it end badly?" At my question, he bitterly chuckles.
"Kind of..." he just says, lowering his stare. For some reason, I feel like he has things he doesn't want to talk about too. I don't insist any further.
Harry Styles
I had taken Charlene back home and she had kissed my cheek to tell me goodbye. For some reason, I can't stop thinking about such an innocent gesture. I keep feeling her lips on my skin, smelling her perfume, feeling her proximity. While checking and editing the new photos I had forced myself to stop thinking about it, but it was hard, especially considering her face was right on the screen.
Before I could even think about it too much, I had found myself on Google, with a very clear search: Charlene Whelan.
I didn't know what I was thinking, what I was hoping to find, but I had found completely nothing. No social media account, no embarrassing high school photos, no work-related stuff... just nothing.
Maybe that's exactly what I like, though. The shade of mystery that comes with her. That leaves you hanging and hoping for more.
Before I can even close the page of my useless Google search I'm interrupted by the doorbell. I quickly get up and walk toward it, wondering who could be at this time of the night. Without realizing, I have been working until very late in the night.
When I open the door and I'm faced with a shaken up Charlene, I can't help but make my surprise clear. She looks back at me, with her puffy eyes and tears still streaming down her face. Her eyes, somehow, calm down when she sees me.
Before I can say anything at all, she throws herself at me and her lips quickly collide with mine, leaving me completely speechless, still and powerless.