Freyah Mortimer:
"I'm sorry for your loss."
"Your chances to conceive are low to non-existent. I'm sorry."
"The bullet grazed your uterus, with the placenta breached and all the complications you have been having since you woke up it has scarred your uterus and we had to close of one of your Fallopian tubes off to stop the infection from spreading and making even more damage."
"I'm sorry."
I hate this. I hate myself.
All these words have been running in my mind since we left the hospital. Since I have woken up I have been in and out of the operating room like it's going out of fashion. I kept bleeding, my stitches jumped, the new ones got infected, I bled out again and so on.
I don't have my baby girl, I feel empty, dead inside.
The car came to a stop. I felt Wolf place his hand on my thigh, I hated the contact. All I wanted was to be left alone and grieve the loss of my child on my own.
I pushed his hand off and got out of the car fast which was a stupid idea because I was still very sore from everything.
I held onto the car door with one hand while I placed the other on my lower stomach and hissed at the pain.
"Fire, be careful. Let me help you to the house." Oliver came to my side and helped me walk to the door with me leaning most of my weight on him.
I didn't want his help, I didn't want anyone's help.
He led me to the sofa and sat me on it while he went to get my hospital bag. I heard the paws scratching the floor and in came that bloody dog.
He was wagging his tail and was nudging my hand for a stroke but I told him off and sent him to lie down on his bed. He gave me a sad puppy dog pout but obeyed my commands.
Wolf came back in the house with the bag and the prescription bag with my painkillers and antibiotics in it.
"Where are the boys?" I asked after a moment of silence.
"My mum is keeping them for a few days, just until the funeral."
When he said those last words my breathing stopped. I forgot about the funeral.
"Oh baby, no. Don't cry. Please don't cry." Wolf rushed to me and took me in his arms.
I hadn't even realised that I was crying. That has been happening a lot in the past few days, I have no control over my emotions at the moment. The doctor said this would happen, my body is still producing hormones as if I was still pregnant, the painkillers don't help and the antibiotics make me sleepy.
"I'm ok, I'm ok. Just give me a minute. I'll just be upstairs." I rushed out pushing Oliver away from me.
I got up with a struggle and slowly walked away wiping my tears from my cheeks. I got to the stairs and took the first step wincing at the pain.
"Fire let me help you," he spoke holding my arm to get me up.
"No Wolf I'm fine, I can do it on my own." I snapped back.
"But–"
"Wolf I said no! Leave me alone I can do this on my own." I almost shouted back at him but held back from doing so.
"I'm sorry, I just want to be alone right now." I kissed his cheek and continued my way up the stairs, slowly but surely.
I was making my way to our room when I fell upon the white door with Willow's name written in gold on a pale pink door sign. I made my way to it and slowly opened the door revealing the baby's nursery.
It was a simple room but it was perfect for her. Shades of pink and white littered the room giving it a nice warm feeling as well as the fake fur accents from the carpet and one of the stools. There was a hand-painted design of a flower on the wall where Willow's crib was placed.
Memories of when the room was in construction came to mind.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Baby! Come up here! I have a surprise for you!" Wolf yelled from the top of the stairs.
He had banned me from going upstairs since yesterday afternoon.
"If it's another dog you can start digging your grave." I half-joked when I climbed up the stairs.
He came out of the baby's room in a light grey shirt covered in paint, his hair shaggy but the biggest grin spread on his face.
"Come, I did the nursery." he smiled and took my hand.
"Ollie, we said we would wait until the gender reveal!" I whined, waddling along beside him.
"My sixth sense makes me think, no, makes me know for sure that we are having a baby girl. So here is my princess' room." he opened the door and walked me into this gorgeous room.
All of it was perfect, from the furniture to the ornaments spread around the room, but what caught my attention was the fresque on the wall.
"Who painted this?" I asked amazed by the paintwork.
I turned to see a blushing Wolf rubbing the back of his neck.
"I did."
I waddled/ran to him and took him in my arms, my bump coming in the way of our hug. I giggled as my round belly came in contact with his firm stomach. He sighed and placed his forehead against mine and put his hands on my belly rubbing soft circles.
"I love it, thank you." I placed a kiss against his plump lips.
"You are welcome my love, now all we need is a name for this baby girl." he drew me as close as he could to him by my hips.
"How can you be so sure it's a girl?" I asked again.
"Men in my family just know, we are great at predicting our babies genders. My dad guessed right when I was in the making." he teased getting a laugh out of me.
"I was thinking Willow for a girl, my mam loved that name and it was her favourite tree."
"Mmmm, Willow Clair. I love it."
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I walked over to the crib and saw the hot pink bunny rabbit that the twins had picked out for her when we went shopping for them.
I bent down and picked it up and held it to my chest. Sobs racked my body, cries escaping my mouth as I held onto the soft toy as if my life depended on it, which it probably did.
I held onto the crib with my free hand, the pain unbearable.
"Why? Why wasn't it me? Why did you have to be the one to suffer my mistakes? My baby girl, mummy is so sorry."
I brought a shaky hand to my face, still holding the rabbit and continued crying until my legs gave out and I collapsed on the floor in a puddle of my own tears.
I heard a whimper from behind me, then a nudge from a ball of fluff also known as Trousers. He nudged my hand with his head until my hand was placed on his head. His golden brown eyes staring up at me, he rubbed his head on my leg so that my hand would move as if I was petting him.
I continued crying on the nursery floor when I was engulfed in the strong arms of my husband, making me feel safe and loved.
He held me and we just sat on the floor in silence. We just needed each other at this moment, but this won't fix us, this won't fix me.
I will never be the same again.
__________________________
Complications for Frey...
No more babies for them...
What will happen next?
Thoughts? predictions?
I hope you liked this chapter!
I hope you are ready to get your copy of 'His, Hers,Ours.' Dropping tomorrow (hopefully if all goes well x)
xoxox