I opened my eyes to darkness. Something must've woken me. I glanced around my bleak bedroom, listening intently. Sure enough, there was the sound of something drumming gently against the window. The sound increased in volume from a mere trickle to that of the pressurized fire hose. My eyes lit up. I leapt off the end of my bed and stumbled over to the window. I shoved the plastic pane open and stuck my head outside.
Rain.
It had been ages since it last rained. It very rarely did so anymore since the sulphur and ash from the numerous explosions clouded the sky. The constant sun is a gloomy reminder of how desperate everyone is for water. There's never enough.
Right now, I'm looking at about a year's supply of fresh drinking water.
I raced into Alex's room and snatched the blanket off him. He sat up promptly then shivered.
"Cold! Don't tell me it's a rainstorm," he groaned.
I grinned. "Your powers of deduction are successful once again! Rain! Isn't it great?"
He moaned. "Go back to sleep Rosie, it's 0300."
I rolled my eyes. "Sure you don't want to make a waterslide with me?"
He waved his hand dismissively. I threw his blanket at him then dashed back to my room. I found my wrinkled spare uniform and chucked it on, leaving the undershirt I'd slept in in a crumpled heap on the floor. It took me several tries before I was able to properly tie my boots. The black leather was scuffed and the laces were frayed. Familiar marks.
Before I even knew where I was going, I found myself in the adjacent cell to Dante. Normally I'd have no reservations about clambering through the hole in the wall but this time I hesitated. My hand involuntarily reached up and touched my lips. I still couldn't believe that that had happened. It was so strange, so different but it was kind of nice.
"Are you just going to stand there the entire time?"
I whipped around and looked up. A face had popped up through the hole in the wall.
"Oh, hello Gabriel," I said sheepishly, scratching the back of my neck. "Why are you awake?"
He shrugged. "Couldn't sleep. You?"
"It's the rain. It's so rare to have it around so the sound of it wakes me up," I replied.
He nodded. We stood there awkwardly for a moment and I wondered whether I should just leave. Gabriel clicked his fingers at me and motioned for me to enter.
Inside, the others were all asleep. I scowled at Ferris. Even in his sleep, he was as elegant as ever. Elijah slept sitting upright, which made me wonder how uncomfortable that must be. I walked over to where Dante was. He slept like a normal person at least. Just seeing him so peaceful made me blush a little.
I felt a hand touch my shoulder. I turned around and Gabriel signalled for me to come over to the barred window. I walked over quietly and sat on the ledge. He leaned against the adjacent wall.
"Don't worry too much about whispering, we're all pretty heavy sleepers," he said casually. I nodded. I looked over to see him staring out onto the base.
"So you and Dog-catcher are a thing now I hear?" He asked plainly.
I felt my cheeks turn pink again. Covering up my face, I smiled into my hands. "Yeah, I guess so. It's weird though, I've never done anything like this before."
He laughed. "I wouldn't worry too much. Neither has he. He's the youngest out of all of us so most of the females we met went straight to Prince." He glanced in my direction. "You can quit hiding your face; I'm not going to make fun of you. It's Prince you'll want to be careful with. He's been bagging out Dogs ever since he returned yesterday."
I groaned. I was not looking forward to that. My hands twitched in annoyance, heat building up inside them. I stuck my hand between the bars, feeling the rain cascade down upon my skin. The smooth trickle of the cold water soothed my mortification. I retracted my arm and stared at the glistening water that covered my fingers.
"Ah, rain is beautiful," I sighed.
"You think so? I think it's a terrible hindrance," Gabriel grumbled.
I stared in horror. "Why? Rain is clean, it stops people from being thirsty and you can do a bunch of stuff with it."
"Tch," he replied. "Mud is rain and dirt which to most is the epitome of unclean. It's slippery, it stops us from going outside to train and when you need it, it's never there."
I watched his face curiously. The way he said that, you'd think he just had an aversion to water. However, I could see that it went much deeper than simple disgust.
"Why?" I asked
"Why what?"
I had to think about that one. I remembered the last time I tried asking him about something, he wouldn't answer properly unless I phrased it perfectly.
"Maybe not why. What made you detest rain so much?"
He snorted. "Nothing did."
My hands began to twitch. Something else, it was something else.
That's when my mind clicked.
"Who?" I asked excitedly.
"Who what?" He scoffed. "You're not particularly fluent in the English language are you?"
I curled my fingers into a fist then unravelled them again. He wasn't worth the trouble.
"Who made- influenced you to think that rain is a terrible hindrance?" I tried. He raised an eyebrow, deciding whether I was up to standard. In the end, he sighed heavily.
"Fine. It was my girlfriend."
I observed his expression; trying to figure out how determined he was to keep this from me. His arms were folded but he wasn't exactly glaring. It was more exasperated if anything, like he was trying to entertain a small child against his will.
After that moment with Dante and discovering Elijah's brother, Gabriel seemed to be the one who just tagged along for the ride. It was hard to relate to him or feel anything deeper than his perfect technique.
I tread carefully. "What is she like?"
He just stared at the cell door. "Why do you want to know?"
"I..." I trailed off. If I didn't have a good enough reason, then I didn't deserve to know. He'd taught me that and judging by his adherence to perfection, he wasn't about to contradict one of his rules.
"I-" I tried again. "The way she's related to you is like how I'm related to Dante so I guess knowing the experience she put you through would help me understand what this strange feeling is."
He scrutinized me, that analytical look clouding his expression. To my surprise, he laughed.
"Not the most eloquent of speeches but you've made your point. I suppose I don't mind telling you about Vera."
I adjusted my position so I was facing him. For a moment, I thought I saw a flicker of something sinister in his face. I ignored it, convinced it was just a trick of light.
"Well, she was interesting. Fairly tactless in my opinion but it wasn't on purpose. You see, she had a severe illness that messed with her mind. It did some crazy stuff to her, she never was quite right. However, she was always so honest. Maybe if she was normal, she would've been kinder but that would've meant she'd lie sometimes."
"We met at school and became friends because we both liked to climb trees. They're like-"
"I know what a tree is," I snorted. He shrugged.
"Just in case, there aren't any trees in this dustbowl." He replied. "Anyway, she was better at it than me and told me quite bluntly. As a child, I resented her at first but I realised it helped me to know what I wasn't doing right. She taught me to do things well and when things weren't impeccable she'd panic. Her mind would let her comprehend mistakes or imperfections. I hated to see her like that and did my best to do things right."
So that was why. The more perfect he was, the less she'd panic. I glanced over at Dante. He was aware of my imperfections and they hadn't scared him away yet. Gabriel seemed slightly jaded as he continued.
"Wherever she is now, I hope she's happy."
My hands twitched before he even finished his sentence. Something wasn't right. There was something wrong, very wrong about what he said. A cold feeling washed over me as I waited for him to correct himself. However, no such correction was made.
"Gabriel?"
"Hm?" He replied, glancing in my direction. He was taken aback by my expression. "You alright Rose? You're looking a bit pale."
I bit my lip, unsure of whether to tell him. Finally, I decided he had to know.
"Do you realise what you just said?"
He stared in confusion. "What are you talking about?"
I sighed. We were going to have to do this the hard way.
"When was the last time you saw Vera?"
"A few years ago."
"Do you know if the base she's being held captive has been taken over?"
"I know it's still there because as Runners, we have knowledge on all major countries."
"Has that country been taken over?"
"No, I just told-"
He stopped dead, his hands reaching up and covering his mouth. He shifted his gaze to the floor. The only sound we could hear was the torrent of rain crashing down on the roof.
"What are you implying?" He said shakily.
"You tell me," I replied quietly.
I waited in silence, the tension in the room increasing with every breath. I felt a little guilty forcing that out of him but I really hadn't expected that. I clenched my teeth and closed my eyes, waiting for him to say something, anything.
Eventually, he got his voice back. "Is it true?"
I stared in disbelief. "What do you mean? Gabriel, you were hiding this from me-"
"Rose," he looked at me worriedly. "I hide things from everyone so the only thing left on the surface is perfection. How? How did this escape my notice?"
I watched him carefully. To my astonishment, he really wasn't lying. He had no idea. I began to put the pieces together in my head and came up with the most logical response I could.
"Maybe you hid this from yourself as well."
His entire body began to tremor. I held up my hands to catch him just in case he fell but he managed to stay upright. He placed a heavy hand on the wall, steadying himself. Before I could say anything, he lifted his head and gave me a piercing stare. I involuntarily jumped off the windowsill.
"You must help me," he said rapidly.
"How?" I answered apprehensively.
"Listen. Just listen. I need to get this out of my head but I have no paper so it will all be on you. You can live with the pain."
I wasn't entirely sure what he meant by 'live with the pain'. Regardless, I sat back on the windowsill and waited.
"Prince and Dogs had been there for almost a week then. Drifter had turned them down and spent his time trying to convince his brother that everything was going to be okay. It ended up Vera was just as worried about me. She hated Prince and his insincere expression so I did too and avoided him at all costs. Still, the idea of freedom and not having to aim a gun at anyone was appealing. Of course, Vera could see that and every night she'd ask me if I was going anywhere. She didn't have to, I wasn't about to leave her."
"I talked to Dog-catcher a lot since Vera seemed to trust him. He told me about how amazing it was for him as a child to have a friend like Prince. It confused me. How could someone so honest and warm find solace in such a suspicious guy? Still, it was his prerogative and no business of mine. One night when he was sitting with me and Vera, we heard a scream"
He stopped and stared at his feet. We both knew the events following the scream and neither of us desired to dwell on it. I let my eyes fall on Elijah for a moment before turning back to Gabriel.
"A few days later, Prince cornered me and explained the situation with Drifter. I declined the invitation to become a Runner but after finding out Drifter accepted, I had two choices. I could either try comfort Vera since I was conscripted or do what I did: go find Drifter."
I could feel his regret fill the room. "Why did you go looking for Elijah?" I asked quietly.
He sighed. "Dogs asked me to. He said he was going to but Prince summoned him. I thought it'd be okay as long as it was Dogs who asked me because then Vera wouldn't mind as much."
His voice was reduced to a murmur so I had to move closer to catch his words. "Seeing Drifter like that made me wonder what I'd feel when I'd have to let go of Vera. I was going to have to leave her and I wasn't sure if she would survive prison without me. There was no way I'd let her volunteer, who knows what she'd do if she had a gun in her hands. After reasoning with myself, I decided that if I couldn't help Vera, I'd help Drifter."
His speech began to fall apart. I didn't want to make him repeat anything so I made him take a deep breath before continuing. He shuddered, silent sobs interrupting his past.
"I remember now. Drifter and I escaped the cell and trailed after the other two. It was really hard because it was raining and the ground had turned to mud. I thought there was meant to be five people. I was wrong. There was one too many. Someone was following us. Looking back, she was there, trying to keep up. I should've known she'd see through my lie but I didn't want to think she hated me now. I shut her out and told Drifter to run faster. I constantly prayed she would turn around and go back."
His legs collapsed underneath him. I jumped off the windowsill and crouched down beside him.
"Gabriel, it's okay, you can stop." My chest burned and I fought to hold back the tears. He shook his head.
"No, I need to finish," he said. His voice seemed detached like he was falling asleep. He sat back against the wall, his eyes closed.
"She was yelling for us to stop but I just kept ignoring her. I pretended she wasn't there. Drifter turned to me and placed a hand on my shoulder, forcing me to stop running. He made me turn around, to give her some sort of acknowledgement. I tried to push him away but the water and mud made me slip everywhere. He held me up and shook me. He was trying to tell me this was for the best. In the end, I listened to him. He knew after all what it was like to lose someone without saying goodbye. However, when I turned around, she had stopped screaming. A guard held her by her hair, put something to her head and she..." He trailed off.
"You didn't want to believe it so your mind hid this from you, didn't it?" I finished. He nodded. I placed a hand on his shoulder. To my surprise, he pushed it away and stood up. His expression was clear, relaxed even. I was taken aback. On the other hand, I had my cheeks streaked with tears, doing my best to stay calm for him.
I stood up as well and he turned to face me. "Thank you Rose."
I stared. "What? How are you-"
"It's something she taught me. Don't keep things inside. Let it out and you'll feel better. Normally, I'd write it down and throw it away but I couldn't this time. So I just passed it onto you. You hold the pain but I still hold the memory."
Perfect. Even when everything seemed disastrous, Gabriel fought to be perfect. It was how he was and how he always would be. Even if it meant making someone else imperfect. I clutched the collar of my shirt, pain seeping into my heart for the fallen soul from the past. This was the imperfection he set on me.
Nevertheless, I was glad.
"Do you still hate Ferris?" I asked offhandedly.
He shook his head. "Not really. Only when he's being really annoying. Sure, he's slimy and arrogant but he has good intentions. And he's a bit of a laugh sometimes. Also, he had Dogs talk me over Vera and leaving her behind. It's comforting to have someone look out for you."
I agreed. I got up and reached outside into the rain again, letting the cool water soothe the pain. "Sure you don't want to try this?" I said jokingly. He twisted his mouth indecisively. Then, slowly, he let the drizzle touch his fingertips. He withdrew them swiftly and wiped them down in disgust.
"Ugh, no. I don't mind showers but not rain. You make too many mistakes because of it. Slipping off bars, sliding in precision jumps." He stopped momentarily and stared at the storm outside once more. "Make decisions far too late," he said quietly. He glanced at me. "You should probably go; you'll need a few more hours of sleep. Prince isn't going to be happy to know his next training session has been botched."
I nodded. "Okay. Try to get some sleep too okay?"
He laughed darkly. "Maybe I will. Now that I remember, maybe I can finally make peace with it." However, I could see from the looks in his eye that he was saying that for my benefit. In his heart, he'd never forgive himself for that.
I headed to the hole in the wall and was about to climb up when I remembered Dante was there. After Gabriel's chilling story, I felt the need to be close to him. I hopped back down and went over to where he slept. Kneeling down beside him, I moved his fringe away from his left eye.
Before I could react, Dante's hand swiftly seized my wrist. I held back a gasp. His eye opened sleepily, taking a moment to focus. He smiled when he saw me.
"It's not nice to attack people in their sleep," he laughed, releasing my wrist and curling his fingers around my hand instead.
I snorted. "You're awake now so technically I've done nothing of the sort." He rolled his eye at me. I kissed him on the cheek and went to get up and leave but he just tightened his grip around my hand.
I sat back down. "What is it?" I asked. He gave me a mischievous look.
"You call that a kiss?"
I blushed and rolled my eyes. "You're ridiculous," I said.
"And you're embarrassed. If you did it properly in the first place, this wouldn't have happened," he smirked.
I giggled. I leaned in and kissed him on the lips this time. Then I untangled our fingers and turned to leave. Looking back, he settled down and fell asleep again. I slipped through the hole in the wall and out the adjacent cell window, the drizzle cooling down my cheeks.
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