Sometimes I think, "what if I do leave? How much would it hurt the people I love?"
But then I remember no one loves me. And even if they did, why would they care. I'll just be gone. At least then they wouldn't have to pretend to like me.
I know that I'm fat. I know that I am a failure. I know I can't do theses things. I know. I lay awake all hours if the day thinking about this. I don't need you. People who are supposed to support me and believe in me. I don't need you to remind me every day.Thank you.
Wouldn't it be nice to be happy for once. Not caring what people think. Not crying over every stupid little thing.
Wouldn't it be nice to have people that care. Who would be there for you all the time.
Or even being able to stop the pain.
But no. That won't happen because this is reality. And in reality nothing you want ever happens.
What if he doesn't love me anymore.
What if he wakes up one Sunday morning, whilst I'm still fast asleep and sees all my scars.
The way my hair is messy and my face is pale.
Or the stretch marks that outline my legs like a road map.
What if he notices all my flaws.
My nose that isn't straight.
My chubby cheeks.
A not so flat stomach.
Everything that makes me less beautiful to everyone else.
Sitting there having his morning coffee, while thinking about all my flaws. Finally noticing what separates me from beautiful.
And then deciding to leave.
Leaving me hating myself, questioning myself and wondering will other people do this to me?