I agreed to Suzie's terms: eighty-twenty, along with shoes. She wasn't interested in the details while informing me about how she and Deryk were going to be spending the other eight hundred dollars on a hotel to care about where the party was going to be held. Suzie would be eighteen and it was 'about damn time'—her words.
Ew.
But, though I doubted that my opinion mattered, I hoped it went well for her. At least one of us had the chance, and even if they didn't stay together, her first time would be with her first love. By definition, that only happened once.
Brenan asked me out for a real date between second and third-period classes on Thursday. This time it would be without Suzie and Deryk to chaperone us. After spending the morning thinking about Suzie and Deryk, and everything they had—all that I missed feeling—I didn't hesitate to say yes. Supper and a movie. Three, maybe four hours if the conversation was good. How hard could it be? It's wasn't like a proposal or a wedding or anything. One date wouldn't decide the fate of my future, though I hoped it was capable of helping me to get over my past.
Still, my stomach swirled in a kaleidoscope of nerves throughout the rest of the day. I was too afraid of people showing up to 'watch' to tell anyone. Not even Suzie. I adored the girl, but she loved to gossip. Without understanding how hard my decision to say yes to Brenan really was, how saying yes to him felt like saying goodbye to David, she couldn't appreciate my need for this date to remain low-maintenance, off the gossip's radar, and out of the spotlight.
If it was terrible, I would cry to her tomorrow.
But, if it wasn't, I would gush.
It was a stupid plan.
The minute I arrived home, I rushed to my closet and realized that I needed help. I wanted to beg for Suzie's support now, even if it meant wearing something from her wardrobe. Short skirt and barely-there shirt? Hmm. At least the date would be interesting.
I gave up and grabbed my phone and tapped my foot against the floor in even thump, thump, thumps as it rang.
"Welcome to Mel's Motel, how may I help you?"
"Who—what—?" I lifted the phone away from my ear to look at the screen and nearly hung up. Rolling my eyes, I brought it back on a hunch. "Suzie?"
Laughter erupted in my ear and I sighed.
"So, I take it you found your love shack?"
"Hmm, and I plan on enjoying it."
"O-kay. Ew much? Seriously, Suzie, Mel's Motel? Why on Earth would you want to shack up in Mel's Motel?" I sat on the edge of my bed and stared into the darkness of the walk-in closet on my left. "When you look that place up in a thesaurus, the only synonym available is boonies. It's... gross."
"Dude, do not judge me," she said, and no trace of laughter was evident. "Have you met my father? It was the only place that accepts cash so that he can't track his credit card charges. This way, when he gets his statement, he won't see the big charge for a hotel and go after Deryk's goodies. It wouldn't matter if I'm eighteen or eighty-one—he'd blow."
"How do you plan on withdrawing all this money?"
"An ATM? Duh."
"Oh? So, you know his pin?"
"Pin?"
I rolled my eyes and sighed. "Personal Identification Number. It's like what you have on your debit card, and you'll have to use it to get actual cash."
"Do you think it'll be my birthday?"
"If I knew what it was, I would have told you instead of asking if you knew, Suzie."
"I gotta go—"
"Wait," I rushed. "I need your help."
She paused. "With what?"
Get straight to the point and she won't be tempted to get off the phone before helping you. "Clothes." I coughed. "I need help."
"I'll come by after school tomorrow and we can check out your closet. Or borrow something from me!"
"What about my black sweaters? Which is better, the one that is off the shoulder or the one with three-quarter-length sleeves?"
"Neither. They are both black and do nothing for the fabulous figure you've trained so hard to achieve."
I had lost count of how many times I'd told her my training had been for fighting and not to look good in her clothes, but eventually, I gave up. It was a waste of breath. Sure, the muscles of my body had become more defined as a by-product of my workouts, but I hadn't lost the softness distinctive to the female form, if that was possible. Soft and hard, dainty but fierce. I'd turned myself into a conundrum.
"But which looks better? Seriously, pretend the sweaters are white if it helps."
"Let's do this tomorrow so I can see them on you, and then decide," she said. "What's this about? I want to go find the PIN for my dad's credit card."
"First of all, I have to work tomorrow, and then it'll be too late to decide." I wasn't lying—I had to work tomorrow and it would be too late because I needed it tonight.
"I can't help without seeing them on you."
"You've seen everything I own!" Why was she always so difficult? I rolled my eyes to the ceiling and took a calming breath before trying again. "Okay, Brenan asked me out and I said yes. Now, I don't know what to wear."
"Seriously? Ow!" Something crashed on her end, but a moment later, she said, "I'm okay." She paused, and rustling cracked over the line. A moment later, it sounded like she threw herself onto her bed and bounced up before settling. "Brenan asked you out, just the two of you? Like, a real date, and not a double?"
I nodded. "Um, yeah."
"And you said yes?"
"Yes!"
"Wow." She sounded out of breath, like I'd surprised her into forgetting to breathe.
"Can you help me or not?"
"So, you like him? Like, like-like him, as in more than friends?"
"I don't know, but if I don't figure out what to wear, it won't matter because I won't be going." I lowered my voice into a whisper. "If I go in something I choose, Brenan will never want to take me in public. We'll be over before we begin. Unless..."
"Aly—"
"Do you really want to turn me into a shut-in?" I burst, hoping that using her over-dramatization would incite the kind of response she expected when it was employed to get what she wanted. "Someone who isn't fit to be seen in public?"
"Oh, my gosh, you are insane! Fine."
I held my breath and waited as she inhaled deeply.
"Wear your dark jeans, black boots, and, if you insist on black, the one that hangs over your shoulder. But leave your hair up so you can show off your neck."
"My hair is too short to put up now," I reminded her.
"Then curl it or straighten it until it has that cool choppy look," she ordered. "When are you going out?"
"I'm not sure." Again, I wasn't lying. He had said he'd pick me up for supper and I had no idea what that meant to him. Five? Seven? Who knew? "He'll text before he comes to get me."
"Kay. Promise to tell me everything after we check out of our room on Sunday?"
She was going to kill me tomorrow when she realized he was picking me up for tonight. "I promise to tell you all about it afterward."
"Kay. Gotta go. Dad just jumped in the shower and I need to find the PIN. Chow!"
I lowered my phone and stared at the display for a fraction of a second before clicking out of the call. Such simple problems. I envied her. With every minute detail reminding me of something bigger, I would never be as carefree as my ex-bestie-turned-enemy-turned-bestie again.
Ugh. I pushed all thought from my mind and concentrated on getting ready. Maybe Brenan would help me think more like Suzie. He probably could, if I let him.
***
The doorbell rang just after six. I rushed off my perch on the couch and ran to beat my dad to answer the door, pausing to straighten my sweater. I ran my tongue over my front upper teeth and took a deep breath.
"Hi." I smiled like an idiot when I opened the door to see Brenan standing there in jeans and a black leather jacket.
His eyes roved over me, taking in every inch clad in the outfit Suzie had suggested. When he tilted his head slightly to the right and smiled, I was happy I'd taken her advice. Seriously. It was the kind of moment I would never forget, the one where my body responded to the boy I'd almost refused to get to know.
Damn Suzie for being right.
"Are you ready to go?"
I nodded and grabbed my purse and jacket from where I'd placed them on the small table with a single drawer beside the door. I didn't have to look behind me to know my parents were watching, but, to my relief, my mother was successful at keeping my father from imposing. I put my hand on Brenan's upper arm and pushed him out the door before that changed.
"Where are we going?" I asked as the front door shut behind us, separating our presence from my father's scrutiny.
"Chef Dino's."
"What?" I almost tripped. Chef Dino's was 'the' restaurant in Hidden Springs, and the only one that required a reservation to get in. I had only eaten there once, and every single bite had been worth the bill, which I'd peeked at before my father had handed over his credit card.
"I'm not dressed for Chef Dino's," I said, looking down and slowing my pace. Stupid Suzie, I thought, hating her advice.
"You look great, Alyssa."
"But... How did you get us a reservation?"
"I don't need one." He laughed as he opened the passenger door and then darted around to his side.
Oh, God. He better not expect to get us inside with just his looks. "Everyone needs a reservation."
"Chef Dino is my Uncle Dino."
"Really?" My hand paused while I pulled the seatbelt over my chest, and then I hurried to buckle in and look forward, not wanting Brenan to see my surprise.
"Yeah, he's pretty cool." He shoulder-checked and pulled into his lane as we headed downtown. Shifting in his seat, he repositioned his hands on the steering wheel and cast a quick smile at me before focusing back on the road. "You'll see when you meet him."
"You want me to meet your Uncle?" I swallowed. Did I really want to meet his family when I wasn't sure if I was ready to date? It wasn't his parents, but still.
"It's kind of hard to not meet him if we're eating at his restaurant."
Good point. "We could always just hit up Mc. D's?"
"Relax," he said in a soft voice, reaching over to squeeze my hand for a second before returning it to the steering wheel. "Dino isn't my Uncle by blood. He and my mom have just been friends for a really long time."
I nodded and stared out the window as houses turned to businesses, not at all reassured. Uncle, friend, whatever. Dino was still in the position to report back to Brenan's parents about the girl their son had taken out for supper, and if I decided to care about Brenan, I would worry what his parents might think of me.
He pulled into the angular street parking and smiled at me as he shut the engine off. "Ready?"
I nodded and unclicked my seat belt without taking my eyes off the building. It was homey and at odds in the middle of a downtown block of businesses full of lawyers and bankers and pencil-pushing government types. It was odd that it wasn't open for lunch with how much business it could gain, but it didn't open until four. It also didn't have tables set up outside like most downtown cafes, and parking was sparse. So really, all it had going for it was great food and word of mouth—a business disaster unless the mouths of the people you feed are as big as their wallets.
Which was exactly how Dino's had built its stellar popularity.
Inside was dark, the wall sconces set on low to bring out the romance of the candles lit on each table. If the fact that the room was arranged to fit a hundred people despite its limit for seventy-five didn't bother you, it was perfect, just not for a first date. Way too romantic. Coming to Chef Dino's was what you did for special occasions when you had something to celebrate or wanted to propose to the person you love.
"Brenan!"
I froze, and my breath caught. After a moment, I turned to find the voice, grateful not to have to face Dino when a boy our age appeared on our right. He wore a crisp white shirt and black pants, his dark blonde hair fastened in a ponytail at his nape. Brother? No, Brenan didn't have a brother.
"Hey." Brenan reached out and slapped the other boy's hand just before they folded into a one-armed hug. He stepped back and placed his hand on the small of my back, nudging me forward another inch. "Jeff, this..." He looked down and smiled. "Is Alyssa."
I barely managed a wince of a smile under their scrutiny, but nodded acknowledgement.
"It's nice to meet you, Alyssa," Jeff said and smiled.
My insides felt cold and I was grateful for the darkness that hid my reaction.
"You're moving up, I see." Jeff looked back to Brenan. "Rebecca was never good enough, I always said."
"Right." Brenan's gaze hardened and the muscle in his jaw began to tick. He darted his gaze around the room, and by the time he looked back at Jeff, seemed to have curbed his annoyance. "Is our table ready?"
"Oh, yeah!" He laughed, waving his hands for us to follow.
Jeff led us away from the entryway with enough grace to stop talking. Brenan looked at me with an apology in his eyes and I shrugged it away as if to say, "Don't worry about it." But what I let him think didn't reflect my own thoughts.
A step up? Sure, that was a compliment, but only in the way that reminded me of who the step down had been. That there was a before I would constantly be compared to. I wasn't vain enough to think myself perfect, but until Jeff had said those words, I had forgotten about Rebecca and her history with Brenan. No matter how happy he was to be out of the relationship, they had been together for a long time, and that didn't just turn off because he wanted to move on.
Perhaps being dressed incorrectly wasn't the only thing I had been wrong about.
Why had I said yes?