There were other kids playing on the floor again, and some of the dolls were having a tea party. That looked like a lot of fun, and as soon as I noticed I started wriggling in Daddy's hands, trying to run over and join them.
"Hey, hey," he scolded me gently with a wagging finger. "Careful, I could still drop you if you move around too much." He lowered me to the ground and I gave him a little nod, and hugged his legs real quick, before I ran off to join some new friends.
The dolls were having a big party. The game board from before was a map of a party now, and the roads and bridges were obviously party decorations. It was a birthday party, Sam said, but they didn't know whose birthday it was yet. I told him he should talk to Edmund, because the bear might be a famous detective, and he could probably work out whose birthday it was.
That was the start of a whole new game, as Edmund went to all the other animals and dolls to ask them how old they were, and it it was their birthday. Sometimes he asked their star sign, to check if they were telling the truth, but that didn't help much because a lot of dolls don't know what order the stars come in. Edmund was being a proper detective, even if he had a different name depending who was holding him.
I don't know how long the detecting took. Once we got started we just kept on asking questions. Asking the dolls, and sometimes the other kids. Nobody seemed to know whose birthday it was, but they were still all enjoying the party. Maybe we got a bit carried away, because one of the grownups came to tell somebody off for laughing super loud, telling her to stop being a banshee. I was sure I knew what that word meant, but I didn't feel like remembering it right now, so I just imagined it was a kid with a really, really, really high voice that wouldn't stop yelling.
The party eventually quieted down, but there were at least a few people still playing detective. The rest of us sat against cushions along the side of the bus, hugging the softest animals we could find and just chatting. All the toys asking questions had got us interested in knowing more, and I think Jace wasn't the only one asking questions of his own now. Maybe we got a bit carried away, but I don't know if that made me feel less little or more. I know it made it easier to trust these people, though.
Jace's first question was if this was the first time I'd met other littles. He said it was his third time going to a meeting, but he'd never been to Academia before. I told him that I'd never even imagined it was possible until Daddy said he'd pay; and everybody waved and shouted thanks to Daddy. I wanted to hug him right then, because I knew it really was an amazing thing, to take me on this holiday.
I told them a bit about my town, and my family as well. About all the people who'd never understand how good this felt. He had his own stories, that were almost the same, and a load of my other friends told theirs too. But it was never sad, because everybody knew that we were here now, and we had a new family, the people we'd chosen to surround ourselves with. I promised Jace we'd stay in touch, and maybe we could play again if we were ever in the same area. He'd got on the bus a couple of hours after me, but we knew we could travel.
Somebody asked how I'd found out about the Big Little Busses, and I told them about the forums I'd found online, and all the wonderful people I'd chatted with. Maybe those were things that a little girl shouldn't know about, but I found that I still stumbled every time I came to a big word, and that it was easier to talk simpler instead of trying to remember the big words. It was all so easy, and I found out that I could stay all happy and giggly even when I was talking about my meanie family, if I kept using little babyish words.
"Are you using hypnosis?" Jace had another question. I nodded without thinking, and only realised a second later that I didn't know what that word meant. My face must have been priceless, because everybody laughed. They were laughing with me, not at me. One kid after another told me how much fun it was, and how they liked not being able to remember big words, or something like that. I understood that they were talking about something Daddy had given me to help me feel little, and that was all I needed to know. I knew what it meant, and I knew it was a good thing, I just didn't need to remember the details or try to understand any of the big words. It wasn't something that everyone did, but I think more than half the littles here said they'd tried it once.
I believed it worked now. Any time I tried to remember a big word, it would be just a little bit harder, and I'd give up. When I was talking I'd mumble and get the sounds in the wrong order, but everybody understood what I meant. It was hard to walk without falling down, and I didn't know if that was from Daddy's magic tapes, or the weird sizes of the bus, or just because I wasn't used to walking with a diaper pushing my legs apart. But I knew it felt good, and I knew that I'd wanted to be a little girl for as long as I could remember. Anything that could help me to feel so little was just wonderful, and helping me not to remember the details made it feel like it was really magic.
I was trying to find a way to say all that in little words when I realised I needed to go pee again. I looked around at my friends, so many of them wearing diapers, and I knew that if I wet myself they wouldn't mind at all. I could go back to Daddy and ask him if I could use the potty again, or I could just let go, and it was all up to me. It was embarrassing to think about that, and I might have started blushing, but it was a lot easier when I knew it wouldn't be weird here. I thought about it while I was talking, not sure if I really was brave enough to be that little. More than that, I wasn't sure if I wanted to. It had felt good and weird and so many tangled feelings I couldn't even start to understand, and it made me feel littler than I'd ever imagined.
Not now, though. Not with my friends so close, until I was a lot more confident. I pulled myself to my feet, still a little unsteady as I tried to work out how far away the next step really was. As soon as I was standing, I realised that I needed to pee more than I thought. It was like I didn't properly notice it until I was moving, and then I was rushing just a little bit faster towards Daddy and the bathroom. Taking a larger step made me miss my footing and I stumbled a little bit, but I had my hands out to either side and I could hang onto a seat to stop me falling.
"Are you okay, baby girl?" Daddy was standing right there beside me, and offered me his hand. His hand seemed so big, and I felt like he was towering over me. He wasn't that much taller than me, I knew, but sometimes the number of inches didn't matter nearly as much as his presence, and the way I just felt smaller. "Do you need some help, Emily?" I felt even smaller when I heard him say my little name. It was more powerful than I'd ever imagined it could be. And he knew it too; it was a part of Daddy's magic, or maybe the magic that Jace and Perry and Juliet had been giggling about before.
I loved it.
"Baby Emily," I giggled nervously. I couldn't help the way those words made me feel. Small and helpless, but protected. The words that turned my legs to jelly. I'd read that description in books before, usually love stories, but with Daddy it really did make me so happy I started to feel giddy, and then I was feeling dizzy like I was really going to fall over. "That makes me feel..." I didn't know what I was going to say, so I just let the words turn into a laugh. I knew he'd be able to understand me anyway. Daddy knew everything.
"You like your magic words, Baby Emily?" he asked, taking my hand so I could stand up more easily. "You know there's words that can make you feel even littler?"
"Ohh?" I wanted to ask what the words were, or ask him to make me littler, or ask a load more questions that I wouldn't understand the answers to. But all the words got to my mouth at the same time, and all that came out was a gasp and a bit of a squeak. But Daddy understood me, just like he always did. He knew what I was thinking before I knew it myself.
"I might have a little surprise for Baby Emmy, if you're enjoying being as little as you are." He was holding me up now, lifting me off my feet, and he was so close I could feel his breath on my ear. I think he said something else as well, but I was giggling at the little tickle from his breathing and I didn't listen properly to what he was actually saying. I might have asked him, but as I shifted position in his hands that reminded me again how bad I needed to pee. His hip pressed my diaper firmly against me, reminding me about its softness, and making it impossible to ignore the pressure inside me. I squirmed for a second, not sure if I should try to walk to the bathroom myself or ask Daddy to carry me.
But as soon as I moved it was like losing my grip on a slippery floor, I was moving and I didn't know how to stop it. Not falling, but starting to pee. I didn't know I was going to until the moment it happened, and then I couldn't stop it any more than I could have stopped my skittering on an icy street. The warmth spread through my diaper, pressed tight between us so I couldn't help but feel it.
My eyes were wide, and I couldn't find my words. I'd just wet myself while Daddy was holding me, and I didn't know what he was going to think about that. It was probably the most shame I'd ever felt, but at the same time I'd never felt so little before. I wasn't playing helpless now, and I didn't know what to think.
"Daddy, I..." I mumbled, speaking into his shoulder in a voice I didn't know he could hear. "I did a wee."
"Oh, does my baby need changing?" he whispered back. In that moment I was so embarrassed to hear him say it, but at the same time I was glad he wasn't letting everybody else know. I think Juliet's daddy would have said it out loud just to make her blush. "Good girl. Come on then, let's get you cleaned up."
Author's Note: My mood's not been good lately. Depression is a real thing, and it's a real struggle to get these chapters out on a regular schedule. I'm still trying; but please don't lose faith in me if I can't keep up the routine?