Danielle -November 2018
"So he hung up on you?" Hannah asked in shock.
I nodded slowly as I sipped my iced coffee. My eyes were swollen and puffy and on fire. I cried all night.
"What a douche!"
"I don't know anymore..."
"I hate seeing you this down. Over a boy, especially. How about me, Scott and the rest of the girls come over tonight to get your mind off of it. I'll bring all the alcohol we need."
"I don't know..." I shrugged.
"Come on! It's Friday! You need to be around some good people."
"Okay... Fine you talked me into it."
"Would 5 be okay?"
"That's fine with me. I'll have to straighten up."
She chuckled. "Okay. I'll let everyone know. And you should go home and get some rest. You look like you are running on 2 hours of sleep."
I smiled lightly. "Yeah, I was about to head out. I don't have any sectionals today. I'll see you guys at 5."
"Okay, bye girly!"
I smiled faintly as I walked to my car and drove back home.
I walked into the doors to the main lobby of my apartment complex, and the first thing I was eyeing was the black grand piano in the corner of the room by the fireplace. I always play on this piano, the people don't mind. They enjoy my music. I sat down on the black bench, and played a chord, before playing the notes to one of my most recently learned songs, saved just for this occasion.
"You called me out and taught me tough
With love, with love.
You fought my flaws, my teeth, my claws
With love, with love.
'Cause every time I'm slipping away from myself,
You're the one that moves me like nobody else.
'Cause when I'm down and I'm done
And I'm coming unplugged,
When I'm ready to fall,
You're the one always holding me up
With love.
Oh, no, no.
Your tongue won't tie.
You always find
The truth.
Yeah, you do.
But still you smile
Despite the lines
I drew
For you.
'Cause every time I'm slipping away from myself,
You're the one that moves me like nobody else.
Oh, no.
'Cause when I'm down and I'm done,
And I'm coming unplugged,
When I'm ready to fall,
You're the one always holding me up
With love.
Love, love, love, love.
When I'm down, when I'm coming undone. No.
You're always there with love (love)
When I'm done,
When I'm out, when I fall,
You're always always-always-always there.
When I'm down and I'm done,
And I'm coming unplugged,
When I'm ready to fall,
You're the one always holding me up.
When I'm down and I'm done,
And I'm coming unplugged,
When I'm ready to fall,
You're the one always holding me up
With love..."
I held out the last chord and let them fade into the piano, before fading into nothing. A round of applause came from people that were watching me in the lobby. I smiled and bowed, and grabbed my stuff to head up to my room, where I straightened everything up before my company came.
I heard knocks on the door, followed by Scott threatening to kick down the door if I didn't open it. I smiled once I saw all of their faces.
"I brought alcohol!" Scott cheered as he had bottles of alcohol in his hand. "The party doesn't start until Scott walks in the door."
"Thank you guys for coming. I really needed the company today."
"Of course. We heard you're having boyfriend issues." Alex said as she gave me a hug.
"Yeah, Trayce and I aren't on good terms right now. But we'll discuss that later. Now let's get this party started!"
"I brought my new makeup palette to test out. I want Scott to do it. His makeup is better than mine."
"We can go in my room do it." I suggested as they all filed into my room.
"Girl your room is so cute!" Shelly said. "Are these of you and your boyfriend?"
I nodded as Scott was about to start applying my makeup.
"I'm gonna rummage through your stuff in your closet, if you don't mind. I need new wardrobe, and your outfits are so cute."
"Go right ahead." I chuckled.
"So what's up, babe? How've you been? Besides dealing with Trayce?" Scott asked.
"I've been okay. Band is stressing me out. We have a concert with the Colorado Symphony next month, and my director's being a real ass about it. But it's finally starting to come together. We go downtown next week to practice with the Symphony."
"That's awesome!" He smiled.
"What was this from?!" Shelly asked as she pulled out my dress I wore when Trayce took me as his date to the Gala.
"The Dodgers had an annual Gala that they were putting together, and Trayce was my date." I smiled as I sipped my wine that the girls had poured for me.
"Ooh, I bet you were looking like one badass bitch out there." Scott said.
Everyone needs a gay best friend to hype you up to make you feel like you matter.
"If you look on RadarOnline, it should be on there somewhere. They wrote an article about it."
"Was it fun? What did you do?"
"They basically talked about giving back to the Los Angeles community, and they honored one of the broadcasters, as he was retiring. Then we ate and danced and watched live performances. I think my favorite part is when Trayce asked me to dance. 'Can I Have This Dance' from High School Musical started playing and he asked me to dance. I have the video somewhere on my phone, if you wanted to watch it."
I gave them my phone, and they just about died when they were watching it.
"That's so sweet." Amanda gushed.
I smiled lightly as Scott was now putting eyeshadow on my eyes, almost finished with his look.
"Ooh, bitch. You look amazing. I'm almost done."
"Woah, what's this? I haven't seen you wear anything like this before?" Samantha said, holding the gift that Madisyn bought me.
"Oh, that." I chuckled. "One of the player's girlfriends bought me that as a little surprise gift to spice things up between Trayce and I. I haven't found the right time to wear it."
"Try it on. I bet you'd look smoking in that."
"I'm done with you're makeup. You should try it on." Scott said as he was putting everything away.
"Okay..." I said nervously as I grabbed the clothes and went into the bathroom change. When I came back into my room, everyone went crazy.
"Yas bitch! Look at you! Look at you fucking go! You lookin' like a 5 course meal." Scott hyped me up.
"Damn! You look hot! Trayce is lucky that he has all of that to himself."
"Thank you." I chuckled. "If I even wear it for him."
"If all fails, you can keep it for yourself."
"Exactly. Are y'all hungry? I can order a pizza or something."
"Yeah, that sounds good."
I grabbed a pair of pajamas to change into, and met everyone in the living area, where Amanda was cuddled up next to Chewy.
"Looks like he found someone to give him attention." I chuckled. "That dog is spoiled rotten."
"Okay, now that the fun stuff is over, it's time for the serious talk. No matter what, we love you and we're always here for you." Liz said.
"Thanks guys." I smiled as I sat down on the couch next to Scott.
"So it all started back in October. He had injured his back, and couldn't play baseball for the remainder of the season, so he was going to physical therapy. He'd come home tired with an aching back, that we didn't talk as much as we did. Long story short, I wanted to talk to him about my day because I'd miss him, and I felt like he didn't have time for me as he used to. So throughout the month of October, we would be on and off and on and off. Last night, we had a bad fight. It's probably one of the worst fights we've been in. I was so mad and hurt that I almost texted him, saying that we should just break up. But I knew if I did that, I'd regret it. I haven't talked to him since yesterday."
"So you're basically feeling like he doesn't have enough time for you?"
"Exactly. I'd want to talk to him, and he'd end the call short. You know, I missed him and I wanted to at least say hi, and I missed him. The person I fell in love with almost 7 months ago, isn't what he is now. I fell in love with his charm and his sweetness and outgoing personality and qualities. You know, when I first met him, I had never been happier. I loved him, and I still do. Like, he was my first for everything. He was my first real love, my first kiss, my first boyfriend... I mean I lost my fucking virginity to this man, for Christ's sake. And that's a big deal to me. I waited for that one special person. You guys know how miserable I was last year, and me opening up my heart again was a huge deal for me. He showed me how real love was supposed to be like. And for it to turn around so quickly... what happened?" I asked as I grabbed a tissue to wipe the tears that were beginning to trickle down my face.
"No, don't cry. You'll ruin your makeup!"
"Hey, listen. Relationships are hard. No matter how much you love the person, or vice versa, it's hard. Relationships are tough, so on top of being in a long distance relationship makes it harder. But not all relationships are happy endings that come right out of fairy tales. That puppy love stage that happens in the beginning fades away, and you're left with reality and the real world. It's your choice whether you want to be in it until the end. And I know you do, you just have to figure out a way to fix everything. Fighting everyday isn't going to solve anything. You'll get nowhere. They take time and healing. If he's really serious, give him time, and he'll come back. If he doesn't, he's not worth your time."
I nodded and patted my eyes, so I wouldn't ruin the makeup.
"Let me ask you something; do you see a future with him? Like 5 years from now?" He asked.
"I mean it's hard to tell, because we've only been together for almost 7 months. But I would like to hope we can stay together for a long time... what I'm trying to say is that I do see a future with him."
"Even possibly marriage?"
"I mean like I said, it's hard to tell. But... I'd be lying if I said that it hasn't crossed my mind. A few times, actually. I do think about that day sometimes, and how amazing that feeling would be."
I do sometimes watch tv show weddings and picture that would be us someday. I sometimes wear my ring on my ring finger, just to see how it would look. I can't help it, it's just something that every girl dreams of.
"Well, it could happen. All I can say that it will get better with time. If you talk it out and fix everything, it'll be okay in the end. Keep your head up, girl. We need you to stay strong for us."
I smiled. "I will."
"And if you ever, ever, need anything. We're always here for you."
"Thank y'all. That means a lot."
I heard my phone go off in the kitchen where I left it to charge.
"Is it him?"
Alex nodded as she checked my phone.
"We're not even gonna worry about what he said right now. You need to relax, and take some time for yourself. You've been working your ass off, and you definitely deserve it."
"A to the fucking men." I chuckled as we clanked our wine glasses together. "I have some roll out sleeping bags so y'all can sleep in tonight. You guys are drunk off your asses, and the last thing I need is for something bad to happen."
"Bitch, you're stuck with us." Scott joked.
Tonight was nice. It was exactly what I needed, and I got to talk everything out and put everything on the back burner for now. We spend the rest of the night watching old reruns of Love and Hip Hop Hollywood, and watched every weave get snatched.
We all passed out, with the tv still running and everything. Everyone had left the next morning, as well as the weight that's been on me for the past month and a half now. I feel like that I've learned a lot just from talking with everyone yesterday, and I'm thinking about what to do to get things back on track.
I walk into the kitchen, and realize that I hadn't read the message from Trayce last night. My hands were shaking as I unlocked my phone and opened the messages app. There were a total of 2 messages.
My Always 🌎👫💕✨, 11:58 pm
Baby, I know you're beyond mad at me, and probably hate me right now... I just wanted to let you know that I don't deserve you. You've been nothing but good to me, and you deserve someone who will love you forever and always. You're my heart and my soul, and I'd be a fucking wreck if I ever lost you. I know I've broken my promises and your heart, but I can't even imagine being without you. You're the only girl I want to be with. That day we met, there was something special about you that made me fall for you. I wouldn't waste 6 ½ months for anything. I want to be with you forever, and always. I'm sorry for the way I acted and treated you, and I take full responsibility for it. You don't have to respond, I just wanted you to know how much you really mean to me. Goodnight
My Always 🌎👫💕✨, 12:04 am
I love you forever and always
I unplugged my phone from the wall, and headed for my bedroom, where I gently set it down on my nightstand and climbed into bed and stared at my ceiling.