THE EXOTIC DANCER CHAPTER 028✔
"Easily Concealed"
When everything is said and done i find myself very happy with the final result now forever printed upon my skin.
It stung a bit in the beginning but soon became more bearable with time. I sit with Andy's phone in my hand looking carefully at the picture she had taken after finishing up with the small tatto i had asked her for.
The picture consists of tiny vertical letters printed vertically on the area behind my left ear.
All my tattoos are ones that are easy to conceal, it's not as if i have a problem with people seeing them. I don't know why i choose such places to get this artistry printed upon me. It just always seems to end up that way.
I will try to make it a goal that the next one i get be visible.
I wonder how many different things will be upon my body before i decide it is time to stop. I don't want to be covered in tattoos, but if i feel the need to constantly have this expression upon me that i will resist that thought and just get them anyway.
I am sure by the time i am in my 40's i will have a good amount of tattoos but for now i am content with what i do have.
"You like it?' Andie asks hopefully.
I turn back to her and nod, a smile plastered on my face that correctly expresses the way i am feeling in this moment. I love it. "It's perfect." i say back to her in a way of giving her some sort of assurance that i am indeed happy with the work she has done.
She covers it up and speaks to me about the care i need to take with it. The same things i have heard four times before. But i listen as if it was my first time. Letting my hair down carefully.
I know this was a completely idiotic and foolish thing to do. To just go out and get a tattoo that i will have to pay for when i know me and Lucy are struggling.
But despite Max taking a good amount of the money i got from last night i still have a bit left. I know it should go to things that are more important and in this moment that hits me harder than it did before.
But what's done is done, it's not as if i can go back from this now.
I was selfish and thought only of myself here today.
I do my best to keep this side of me hidden but its becoming harder and harder the more i grow up.
I could never grow to learn myself when i keep everything about me hidden deep down in an attempt to keep my life afloat. If i act like my young and foolish self all the time me and Lucy would be doomed.
I am the adult in our lives now and i have to act like it.
The other side of me is reckless and doesn't think of things like this until it's too late.
Everything is for the thrill... for the expression.
"What do i owe you?" i ask after standing up from the seat, reaching to the floor for my bag.
Andie is quick to shake her head, pointing out to the main room. "He already paid for it all." she says.
He?
I peer out the doorway to see Taehyung sitting there patiently waiting for me to finish up.
He paid for everything?
There is something inside of me that wants to oppose his action. I don't like it when people do things like that for me.
Of course i respect and appreciate it but i hate feeling as if i am somebody's charity case. I don't like it when people dont think i can provide for myself.
Maybe in the end that wasn't his intention. It probably wasn't.
But i can't help the way the action makes me feel.
I don't want to be seen as helpless to people, especially someone like him.
I step out of the doorway and smile to him, trying to mask all of the emotions i am feeling in this moment.
"Are you ready to go?" he asks, gesturing to the exit.
I just nod my head, no words coming from my mouth as i fear that if i start talking i will never stop and at some point everything will turn into some argument about the fact that he just paid for my tattoo.
I brought him here, dragge him here actually. I should be the one who pays.
Although this helps me... it still makes me feel like crap.
He walks to the door and pens it up for me, letting me pass through the doorway first. I look back and send Andie a smile and a wave before leaving. Taehyung not far behind.
The walk back home starts off silent, i don't know what it keeping his lips closed but for me it's just the fact that i don't know what i am supposed to say to him.
In the short time we had i managed to show him a sugar coated version of life... although it was more like a day of new experiences. I wish i had more time but i have to get Lucy from the bus and then work tonight.
I am not very excited to see max again... i can't believe he really took my money from me. I mean it was a thing that happened when i worked those types of jobs before but we have grown closer since then. I just thought that he wouldn't be so money hungry now. I should know better than to think i would get special treatment.
I know that in reality that this was about a lot more than just the money and the job though. He is upset with me and this is how he is choosing to get back at me. He is an asshole for that.... Of all the things i know about him that i could use to destroy him i have never done that once.
Never even thought about it.
I have known i have the information and the capability to do such but i have never wanted to hurt my friend like that. I know things that could ruin his career, his friendships, everything. And even now i could not ever imagine myself using those things against him.
If i was ever to do such a thing i would know that i was no longer myself. That i fell to a place i never wanted to be.
Revenge and retaliation are not things i want to consume me.
That is a powerful darkness that i wouldn't have the energy to fight off if it got ahold of me.
"So.. what did you get?" Taehyung asks, walking carefully beside me on the sidewalk. I look over to him, pulling myself from my thought to pay attention to him and his question.
I smile to myself, a warmness coming over me as i think to the small word now printed upon my skin.
"Its my mothers name... i had been thinking about getting it for a while now i just didn't know if it was the right thing to do. The feelings i have that are connected with my mother are a bit mixed up and jumbled but at the end of the day she loved me and i loved her. She was my mom, so i thought it was time." i reply with my thoughtful answer.
Taehyung sends me a small smile. "That's really nice Shailene. Whats her name?"
My hand reaches to the spot behind my ear instinctually, smil still upon my face. "Rayna." i reply softly.
I haven't said her name in a long time, i mean of course i said and spelled it just moments ago to andie to do the tattoo but i haven't spoken of her with the use of her name in a long time. I don't really talk about mom or dad much at home.
Of course Lucy has a number of questions but i am afraid that if i get too deep into all of that stuff i will let things slip about our parents that i don't want her to know.
I have to protect my sister, and having to protect her from the truth about our parents hurts me.
I wish i could tell her the complete truth, express to her the good and bad but i know that telling her everything would crush her.
It's such a hard choice to make.
Telling her now might affect her development. It might confuse her and send her upon a bad path. But waiting might make hr resent me for keeping things like that from her.
I had to make the choice that i thought would be best for her. If in the end that means it hurts our connection.. I will have to learn to live with that.
I am not her parent but parenting is a hard thing to do. The choice you have to make to make sure your kids are okay.
It's one of the most difficult things i have had to deal with.
Because until something good or bad happens i will never know if my choice was right or wrong.
A/N
Okay guys so I am trying to get this book to 100K before my birthday.
So expect a lot of updates for this book (hopefully) lol. School is making things a bit hard rn but I will get updates out. And then I will work harder on Christmas break.
Thank you guys for 70K this game is growing like crazy. It means so much to me and I'm literally sitting in English class rn so I gtg.
ALSO
THE FIRST CHAPTER OF IDOLIZE WILL BE UP ON CHRISTMAS DAY.
Character list, description, and basic info are already out so pls go check it out.
BUT BE PREPARED HAHA
IDOLIZE CHAPTER ONE SHALL BE MY CHRISTMAS GIFT FROM ME TO YOU
Love you guys~ Livvy