Warning: The Pacific spoilers. The final episode.
I sat down one day near the end of January and I decided to finish The Pacific. I was never good at finishing TV shows, but this one I needed to finish. He would keep asking me if I had finished it, and I would say no and always come up with a lame excuse. I was busy, but to be fair, I would watch movies in between episodes. It all depended on what I felt like watching on those days, and a depressing WWII drama may not have been the best thing.
One day while he was still in New York earlier in the year, I had to call him as soon as I had finished one of the two episodes I sat down to watch. The phone rang as I sat on the couch, bouncing my leg up and down.
"Hey, hon," I heard on the other line.
"Hey. So, I called just to let you know that you show your ass in The Pacific. Did you know that? Cause I sure didn't." My eyebrows were raised the whole time, questioning why he didn't tell me this. He chuckled.
"I was wondering when you were gonna hit that episode." I could hear that he was walking through a door, opening it as he left whatever room or building he was in.
"Why didn't you tell me?" I stood up from the couch and started pacing around my apartment.
"I wanted it to be a surprise," He spoke in a breathy tone.
"Well, it was definitely that." I chuckled and I felt my face flush. When I had seen him on my screen like that, I could feel a small pit in my stomach. It reminded me of the nights we had spent together. It sent a strange mix of feelings through my body. There was a small pause.
"How many times did you rewatch it?" He whispered into the phone. My face turned even more flush.
"Who do you think I am? Besides, it doesn't matter." I said, almost pouting.
"Jules, I know you. How many times did you rewatch it?" I paused for a second and bit my lip. "How many?" He was egging me on instead of being accusatory. He knew how much I had missed him and watching something he was in was my way of having him there with me. I let out a sigh.
"Three times," I whispered into the phone. He let out a laugh.
"I knew it. Can't resist me, I'm just too much of a smoke show." He chuckled softly, talking through a smile.
"Ugh. Just have a good time with your family Mr. Hotshot." My light tone softened. "I miss you. A lot." I heard a sigh on the other end. "But, don't rush home just because I'm a little lonely. Stay with them as long as you want." I didn't want him to leave his family because of me. They were more important right now. They always will be, but I didn't mind that. Even being on the list of important people in his life made me happy. I didn't need to be number one.
"I miss you too. Just as much, maybe even a bit more. I'll be home soon. Thank you for understanding." He had a sad tone to his voice.
"You're welcome. Bye." I spoke slowly and softly.
"Bye," He whispered.
I turned on my TV and found the show, clicking on the final episode. I was ready to finish it. I sat and watched the episode intently. Loving every actor's performance, especially Joe's. We were seeing all of the characters returning home after the war. Some right after the war ended and others, like Joe and his group of friends, returning home 6 months after the war had ended.
He reunited with his friend, Sid, and they talk about Sid getting married. Through the whole show, Joe talked in a southern accent. Something that I didn't know he could pull off so well. I replayed the conversation the two characters had a couple of times to hear Joe's accent some more. We watched the characters returned home. Joe returned home to his wealthy family and we got to see how much PTSD he has and what he has to deal with.
He refuses to wear his uniform ever again, he doesn't want to find a job, he doesn't want to find a wife, and he thinks about why he was lucky enough to make it home, but many other men weren't. As I watched the show, I kept forgetting that this man was my boyfriend. A man who I adored and loved me too. I just kept seeing him as an amazing actor. The two were still separate in my mind. I was trying to bridge the gap.
Joe's character's father told Joe that they were going to go hunting. What kind of doctor thinks bringing a newly home soldier out hunting is a good idea? I thought to myself. It wasn't a good idea. They began walking into the woods to hunt and Joe broke down, falling to his knees and weeping. I could feel the tears well up in my eyes.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," He kept saying. I felt the tears build up and fall from my eye onto my face. Then they began to fall faster.
"Stop saying sorry, baby," I whispered to myself through my tears. My voice was shaky and I was starting to look like a mess. I couldn't tell if I was crying at what the character was going through or seeing Joe break down in front of me. The episode ended and blurbs about what happened to each real-life person came up. As I read them, I began crying more and more. Seeing the men who have passed away and which ones were still living. Which ones stayed friends and which ones had lost connection over the years. It was causing too many emotions for me to handle.
I always got emotional when watching any content containing the armed forces, but this was a lot of things on top of that as well. As soon as the episode ended, I called Joe. I could tell my voice was going to be shaking, but I didn't care.
"Hello?" He answered on the other end.
"It was a good show," I said into the phone. I sniffled and wiped my nose, letting out a little air in the meantime. I chuckled softly.
"FaceTime me." He declared.
"Joe, I'm a mess. You don't- " He cut me off.
"Yes, I do. FaceTime me." I hung up and began the FaceTime call. I tried pulling and pushing my hair to make it look a bit more presentable. Joe's face popped up on my screen. I smiled at him and softly laughed. "Aw, babe." He cocked his head to the side.
"I was really good. I'm sorry I didn't finish it sooner." I was more apologizing to myself than to him.
"I wish I could have watched it with you. I haven't seen it in a long time." He spoke softly, trying to calm me. It was extremely adorable.
"So you could have seen me start crying and slowly turn into this mess?" I was sniffling some more and I wiped a tear away from my face.
"Yeah. So I could comfort you and hold you and tell you that everything will be okay. That everything is okay. It's what you do for me." His soft voice was sending chills up my spine. We were each other's strength and we didn't even know it.
"But that's for things that are happening to you in real life, this is just a show." I wiped my eyes some more.
"A show that's based in reality." He spoke so softly it almost felt like a whisper. I looked at myself in my phone. My eyes were puffy and red. My cheeks had red streaks coming down them from my tears and the amount of the I had rubbed away. Small droplets were staying on my glasses making them slightly foggy and my lips were slightly redder and a little swollen. "You're still beautiful." I laughed and shook my head, not looking at the phone anymore. "No, you are. If this is what you look like when you're a mess then it's nothing I can't handle."
"Thank you. I should go clean all this up," I gestured to my whole face.
"Okay, I'll let you go. Bye."
"Bye." I dropped my phone and sat there for a minute. I giggled at what he had said. I didn't deserve him. He made me so happy. Anyone who could make me go from crying to giggling in a matter of a minute deserved some kind of award. I loved him. I loved him. I needed to tell him. I was so sure. I didn't feel this sure about anything else in life. I just needed to find the right moment.
(Kind of a short chapter, but I hope you guys still enjoyed.)