Aaina.
If there was something I had come to know so far about this house, it was the lack of interaction.
Everyone was so busy in their life, everyone was so involved in their own endeavours that no one really had time to sit with the other person and just talk.
Except for me.
Other than my normal university course that I just couldn't study and Ahad accompanying me, I couldn't do much.
And Zaydaan, he was always working. Even now, he was on his visit to Saudi Arabia, while I was here, all alone.
And my dear husband, he never attended his phone calls. I didn't understand why. Why wouldn't he just attend my call? Or reply to my text messages? It annoyed me to no ends.
So all I had for company was Ahad, even Saira was busy with her boards.
"Ahad, I'm bored."
I told him over lunch.
"Really?" He almost seemed amused, as if it took me long enough to say that out loud.
"Now what could be the reason for that." He said with sarcasm filled in his tone.
I knew why he would say that, the reason behind it being the fact that it took him alot of budging, for me to even agree for horse riding.
While Ahad had rode Tufan, who was fast as hell, I had opted for his Chameli, who was absolutely beautiful.
Her walk was so classy, and it felt like I was literally on a carpet as I rode her.
"We've been doing nothing but watching movies and going to the farm. Oh I meant, sneaking."
He remarked, wiggling his eyebrows like he knew I would get in trouble.
I probably would.
Zaydaan had specifically told me not to go out with Ahad but as boredom struck, I had sneaked out with him.
"I know, that's why I'm bored. Zaydaan is still in Saudi Arabia and you, well you're off to your date tonight."
Ahad had been ranting all about this date that he had. A woman in her mid twenties, who he had met on a trip to Turkey.
"Bhai will be home by tonight. So you can have a date too."
"As if that's gonna happen." I said with a snort, finishing my meal.
I stood up from the dining table, wiping my face off with the napkin and looking at Ahad who was still eating.
"I'll go change. Apparently mama has these women from an NGO visiting her."
"Alright, sounds fun."
His sarcasm made me roll my eyes and laugh at the same time.
--
Zaydaan arrived back home in the middle of the night. I was barely asleep because I woke up the moment I heard the quite murmurs and the cussing of both the brothers outside my room.
He was yelling at his brother and Ahad wasn't taking it well either.
I had a strong feeling of what they were talking about, what Zaydaan was telling his brother and it only got confirmed when I heard my name in the middle of the conversation.
I sat up on the bed, heart galloping in my chest, I quickly rushed towards the mirror, brushing my hair and making myself look a little more presentable.
Then, I simply sat on the bed, waiting for my husband's arrival.
Finally, the door to the bedroom opened and Zaydaan walked in.
He looked unusually tired, with dark shadows under his eyes, as if hadn't slept a wink, his face expression was neuteal but only I could see the storm he had raging inside.
"You're awake." He sounded surprised.
"I heard voices," I explained, watching him warily.
"And you decided to greet me. How nice of you, my wife."
His mocking tone didn't go unnoticed but I smiled at him anyway, saying my Salam.
"Salam." I mumbled, but he didn't respond to that.
Maybe, he didn't want to send peace back on me. Or maybe he was too angry with me.
"Hello, darling."
His voice was deceptively soft, his perfect face expressionless. Yet, I could feel the rage burning quietly underneath.
I stared up at him, my heart raced with a mixture of excitement and dread.
Excitement because he was back and dread because there was an edge of anger in his voice.
"You're back."
I said stating the obvious because he was too close to me, still in his suit and perfectly set hair, and his usual smell of cigarettes and cologne.
"I am," he murmured, leaning down and kissing my neck.
My thoughts were scattered at his mood, he had been yelling at Ahad, why wasn't he yelling at me?
He was screaming at his brother and I knew the reason why. Then why wasn't he shouting at me?
Before I could even gather my scattered thoughts, he pushed me back on the bed, already lying on top of me.
His knee parted my thighs, his erection prodding at my opening.
I squeezed my eyes shut, all the confusion, all the scattered thoughts replaced by fear and a feeling of intimacy that I had never experienced with anyone but him.
No matter how many times I could go for it, I always felt stretched the moment he slid in all the way.
He hardly paused for a second, not even giving the place before he began moving, slowly at first and then with an increased, fast pace.
He moved at a speed he had never really moved in before, I clutched at his shoulders, holding onto him for dear life as a familiar feeling started to pool inside of me.
"Why don't you listen to me?"
He breathed into my ear, the moment that I gasped, feeling like I was going to peak, just enough to prevent me from reaching my peak, he slowed down.
There was nothing more than I felt other than my body against his, but I managed to shake my head.
"I do." I managed to choke out after a while.
"Liar."
He whispered back, and his thrusts become harder, more punishing.
I understood what he was trying to do. He was trying to inflict a pain that mixed with pleasure.
He drove into me ruthlessly, higher and higher until I felt like screaming out loud, finally there.
The moment he was done, he withdrew from me, I felt empty and cold, stripped off and missing the heat from his body pressing down on mine.
I also realised that while I was all naked, he hadn't even taken off his coat.
I was just about to question him about his trip when I saw him almost walk out of the room, he was nearly at the door.
I couldn't even get up, my legs felt too tired and my breathing was still fast, consumed by my climax, I managed to speak up.
"Where are you going?" I questioned him, voice coming out hoarse and raw.
"Outside." He replied, voice flat and plain, as if he thought I was nothing.
"Why?"
At my question, he turned around, eyes throwing daggers at me and I understood.
I knew the answer to that. My palms were sweating, but I did my best to project a calm demeanor.
"Because I don't want to sleep by someone who never listens to me."
I sighed, not understanding why he would say that. I always listened to him, I always tried my best to do everything he told me to do.
Almost.
"I always listen to you." I uttered, trying to sound as convincing as I could.
But this was Zaydaan.
God had gifted me or he had cursed me. I often wondered how I had ended up with a man like him.
A man so different and yet a man I thought I was in love with. I craved his attention, his approval, his satisfaction. Even if it meant to put my own satisfaction and comfort at risk.
We were married. I wanted it to work. I wanted him to be happy with me. I wanted to make him happy. I wanted him to love me, even if he had said he had no time for it.
I wanted all of that and more.
From the earlier conversation that he had with Ahad and from his clear rage, I understood what had went wrong. He was angry that I had gone to the farm once again with Ahad.
"That's why you went to the farm. Hmm?" He questioned, confirming my thoughts.
"I was bored, Zaydaan. And Ahad was the only one giving me any sort of company." I responded with a perfectly neutral voice.
"Why didn't you call me?" He questioned yet again, voice and face, both blank.
"I called you on the first day and then even on the second, but you didn't pick it up. What was I supposed to do?"
It was true.
Whenever he went to any tour, he never called me. Infact, it was a miracle if he could even reply.
I understood that he was a busy man. That he had work. But if he had time to sleep, he also could take out some time to talk to his wife.
How was I supposed to be happy and calm in this marriage when he couldn't even pick up my phone calls?
I was not his staff member, I couldn't just call up his assistant and leave a message.
Zaydaan glanced at me like I was an insensible person. I hated it. I hated that look. I wasn't dumb. I wasn't stupid.
I was younger than him, inexperienced, yes. But not stupid.
"Aaina, I'm not there to attend your calls. I'm there for business. Tell my assistant what you're doing, you know what mess you've created?"
He yelled at me and I visibly flinched as he threw a few papers at me.
"Here!"
"This! And this!"
And I realised why he was so pissed.
What really goes on behind closed doors in the PM House?
Ahad Ziagil and Aaina Zaydaan, entitled and spoiled.
Zaydaan Ziagil worried in Saudi Arabia as wife rides horses with his brother.
I couldn't understand how serious media, how newspapers could write things like these.
How could people do stuff like that? How could they write whatever they thought? Did they have no ethics?
There were pictures plastered all over the papers. Ahad and Tufan, Chameli and I, Ahad laughing at me as I tried to balance myself.
The pictures were innocent but clearly, nobody cared. They wanted to write about the Prime Minister's son and daughter in law.
Fuck, I shouldn't have gone.
I should not have gone with Ahad.
Zaydaan had told me. He had warned me. He had told me he wouldn't tolerate it. I had walked into fire myself.
Why? To cure my boredom? Fuck it.
"It's what you wanted, right?" He hissed, jaw clenched and shoulders tensed.
"You wanted people to make fun of me! I told you, I won't tolerate it! I fucking told you, Aaina!"
He took a step towards me, almost threatening me and I inwardly shivered.
I slowly stood up, my feet wobbly but I tried to balance myself. I was freshly, well, fucked.
I walked towards him, hoping that I could somehow apologise and get out of this mess.
"Zaydaan, please." I whispered, hoping that he would sense all the regret I had in my tone.
"I'm sorry, Zaydaan." I apologised.
He let out a sigh.
"I tried to care for you Aaina, trust me. I tried."
My eyes suddenly started to burn and I knew what was coming next. Tears.
He tried to care for me. And I screwed it all up. It was my fault. It was all my fault.
My hands reached out, touching his face but he shrugged them away.
His plain rejection hurt me. But I let it go.
"I tried as well, Zaydaan. I'm still trying, I can't be perfect. I'm sorry for this but you can control it, you can."
He could do damage control but he couldn't end it. People would still talk. Apparently Ahad and I were entitled and spoiled. One, even had the audacity to write that we were dating each other and my marriage with Zaydaan was just a scam.
"Please."
I whispered, sounding so needy that he had to look away.
"No. Thanks to you, I'll have to spend my entire night doing damage control."
His voice bitter and hard. Ofcourse it was bitter. He was tired and angry at me. And I was an idiot.
I had never felt so awful in my entire life. I felt like I had failed. Like I was a failure. Like I had one job and I couldn't even do it right.
"I won't do it again, I promise."
He still didn't seem convinced as he picked up a book from his book shelf and took a hold of the coffee mug that he liked to drink from.
"Please, Zaydaan. You were gone for four days, I missed you. Don't leave."
I missed you. I want to talk to you.
Don't leave me after stripping down my soul, after using my body in the most intimate way possible, after making me reach all my highs and lows. Don't leave this room.
Stay.
I'm sorry.
I truly am.
I wanted to say all of these things, but Zaydaan had already left the room, leaving me to stay up all night and think about why I just couldn't do things right.