9. Dr. Loso.
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I was still laying peacefully in bed, sleeping, till I felt a pair of arms pull me against their chest and their chin resting on the crook of my neck.
"I'm getting a chain on my door, I hope you know that." I said still keeping my eyes closed and my back turned to him.
"I'll still get in. Why aren't you answering?" He asked so calmly and in a low tone, into my ear.
"Because I was asleep." Lie but I didn't want to tell him. I feel foolish for being upset about what I saw because he and I are just friends but I can't help feeling hurt. That was supposed to be me he was hugging and Vontae was supposed to be Loso. I know Loso would have never kicked me out and left me to walk home in the cold, dark, rainy night.
"Why are you lying? Ebony you know you can be real with me. I ain't just gon' walk out on you because of the truth." I felt him slip under the blankets with me and a kiss planted on my neck. "Tell me what's really got you down."
"Last night Vontae and I went out just to eat burgers at the sports bar like place. It wasn't a date or anything but on the way home, he kicked me out of his car and I had to walk all over town. Then I saw you with some girl, I know I shouldn't be upset about that because we're just friends, but I was." Thank God my back was to him as I told him this. I really didn't want to see his facial expression at how foolish I sounded.
"He kicked you out?" I could hear the anger bubbling in his voice. I nodded my head. "In the rain last night? Ebony if you saw me, why didn't you just come over to me?"
"You were hugged up on someone."
"So? She's irrelevant. Just a friend of my sister's." Now I felt like he was disappointed with me. That's just great, way to go Ebony. Leave it to yourself to make people upset with you. "Please tell me nothin' happened to you while you were walking home."
"Nothing did. I just think I'm catching a cold." I could already feel that pre-sore throat scratchy sensation in the back of my throat.
"Ebony if you're in a situation, please hit me up or somethin'." He said holding me so close, it was giving me a sexual-nervous feeling. I could feel he was in sweats and I could feel something that I usually never felt when he was in his jeans. I turned around and was greeted to a concerned Loso.
"Okay I will... You should probably go though. I don't want to get you sick." Why does he have to look so damn good in everything. Just why, he's in a sweatshirt but he wears it so well, I just want to drool like a drugged cat.
"Really? You think I'm scared of being sick?" He cocked a brow. "Where does Vontae live-"
"I don't know and I'm not telling you if I ever find out. Don't do anything to him Loso, I don't want you going to jail." I protested but he only chuckled.
"Ebony, I'm gonna find out where he lives at some point. I don't need you to tell me anything, all I needed was his name and I'll be able to find him." He said before kissing my forehead.
"I need to go to the bathroom." I said with a groan as I rolled out of bed.
"Get yourself all cleaned up, I'm gonna run out and get us breakfast." He said climbing out of bed too.
"Alright and thank you." I smiled at him.
***
"I never knew you could cook." I chuckled as he fed me my last bite of waffles. He refused to let me feed myself, since I'm a sick patient in his eyes.
"I live on my own, how else I stay alive?" He laughed taking my plate to the kitchen. "Do you want your medicine now or in a little while?"
"A little while. Is it gross medicine?" I hope it's not some generic grape flavored medicine or some big pill I have to swallow and try not to choke on.
"Well you have a choice." He said walking back over and sitting next to me on the couch.
"What are my choices?" He pulled me in his lap and wrapped his arms around my waist.
"You can have either the generic syrup kind or my medicine." He growled lowly into my ear. "Your choice."
"Oh God, what's so special about your medicine?"
"Everything. It'll make you feel good real quick. You can take any amount and you'll get the same result. When you want more, you can have as much as you'd like." He said softly kissing my neck and up behind my ear.
"I don't think I can handle that kind of medicine." Sounds way too strong.
"Yes you could." He chuckled. "It's just an option, but all you gotta do is say the word and that medicine is all yours." As tempting as that sounds, I'll stick with the generic.
"So while you were gone, I got my mail today. Wanna explain that particular piece of mail, right there?" I reached forward and grabbed the envelope, handing it to him.
"Your remaining balance for your college tuition was paid for? Good for you Ebony." He smiled, lightly tossing it back onto my coffee table.
"I didn't pay off anything. What did you do."
"Paid the remaining." He shrugged. Why the hell would he do that?!
"Loso! Why! That was a lot of-"
"I have dumb change to spend and I don't want to see you working at the lounge anymore. You're too innocent and young to be working at a lounge, being seen as an object or icon of sex." I never saw it that way. Hearing him say that, made me feel disgusted with myself. That degrading feeling crawling right back over my neck.
"That's all I'm seen as? Nothing else?" My head hung low with shame. This just proves how naive I was to the occupation.
"Yup. Let the others like XTC, Cherry-Ice, and MissTwist, take that limelight. If money is what you need, by all means I got you." That's not what I wanted though. I want to be independent, living on my own, getting my own money, and paying for my things. Not relying on others to do that for me.
"Thank you but that's not what I want. You earn your money for you to spend, not me. I want to earn my own." He pulled me, so my head was laying against his chest.
"I earn my money and if I want to offer it to you, I can. You're too smart for that-"
"It's like how you deal. You're way better than to be dealing." He let out a laugh.
"I'm only good at dealing because I'm smart when I deal and my job doesn't require me to be down to my boxers. You on the other hand, don't belong at a lounge. I'd rather see you walking around my house in your underwear than on a stage."
"You're killing me-"
"With the love you want and need."
"No." I chuckled.
"Yes, you just need love. Specifically from me." If that's what you believe, Loso.
"I'm done with you, can I have my medicine now?" I asked scooting out of his lap.
"Mine or-"
"Generic syrup." He rolled his eyes. "I hope you didn't get grape." I laughed.
"Well then you might want my medicine. Easier to swallow too." He smirked coming back with a capful of the purple liquid version of death.
"Just give me the cap." I said with cheeks that were probably about as red as a lobster. I think I have a blushing disorder. I threw my head back like shot and tried so hard not to gag at the taste of it. "Thank you." I said handing him back the cap.
"Mhm, you woulda liked my medicine way better but aye, you're call." I just rolled my eyes.
"Will this make me drowsy?" I didn't even know what I was taking. For all I know, he could have spiked it with something.
"No. Why would I give you something to make you drowsy? I need you so I have someone to talk to." My phone started to ring and we both looked over at the phone on the coffee table.
It was Vontae calling.
We both looked at each other before lunging for the phone, he got it and wasted no time answering.
"Aye what's up Vontae." He said into the phone. I was reaching for the phone but Loso wouldn't give it up. "Who is this? Nah that ain't important, quit hittin' up her line." He said as he was walking out of my apartment. Oh God!
A few minutes later he came walking back in and set my phone down on the coffee table.
"What happened?" I asked as he slipped his sweatshirt back on.
"Nothing. He shouldn't be bothering you anymore though." He smiled.
"Are you leaving?"
"Nah, just cold. It's like winter outside today. This is when I'd want to be by my fireplace." He said scooping me up.
"Um what are you doing?" I asked confused.
"Going back to your bed. I need warmth but don't wanna go alone." Such a baby.
"I'm gonna get you sick-"
"I'm motherfucking Loso, I don't get sick because I don't have time to stay sick." He said laying me down on my bed and laying down next to me.
***
A few days later and with the company of my Dr.Loso, I was good as new. I was glad I had just a simple cold but I had so much work to make up.
I was right now going to the lounge to tell Tom I've decided to leave. As nice as it was to be making fast money, after hearing Loso's words, I just felt nothing but embarrassed that I was basically selling myself short.
"Tom?" I said knocking on his door.
"Come in!" He called back. I slid in, closing the door and taking a seat across from him. "Hi Candy, it's been a while." He said a friendly welcoming tone.
"Yeah it has. I wanted to talk you about me quitting. I just can't work at the lounge anymore." His face became distorted with confusion.
"Why are you quitting? You're one of the best, if not, the best dancer I have." He said shifting his full attention on me.
"With school and my home life, it's just becoming a bit of a struggle to keep up with this occupation." And the fact I feel too ashamed to set another foot back on that stage.
"I understand. Clear out your locker and return your key before you leave." He smiled holding out his hand. I shook it and returned the smile back.
I got up and left his office, heading down to my locker. I remember when I first walked down this hall, excited that I'd be making money to live comfortably.
I got to my locker and saw XTC come walking in too.
"Hey Candy, what are you doing?" She asked putting her purple hair up in a neat bun.
"Cleaning out my locker. I quit working here." I didn't have much stuff in my locker which was a relief. Less stuff for me to carry out.
"What?"
"Yeah, it just wasn't working out. Good luck to you guys though." I reached over and gave her a hug before gathering my things and heading out.
"Need help?" I jumped when I was greeted by Loso's voice. I just dropped all my stuff. "You really have butter fingers. Always dropping shit." He said with a shake of his head.
"It's not my fault you just pop up out of nowhere and startle me." I growled as I bent down to pick up my things.
"All I can say is all this startling and making you bend down got you practicing." I looked up at him confused.
"Practice what?" I put my stuff in the back seat and turning back to his direction.
"Face down, ass up, that's the way I like to fuck." I just buried my face into his chest as heat radiates from my neck and cheeks.
"Just why." I said with a sigh.
"Because it's cute how you get whenever I bring up the topic of sex." He said holding me. Glad you think it's cute Loso. "Which reminds me, why do you get all shy on that topic?"
"I have a bad image and relationship to sex. I'd rather not talk about it, it's very personal." Let's not dig into this right now.
"Aight, but one night with me and you'll be wanting more." He said teasingly low into my ear. "So what are you doing now?" He tried to pulled me out of his chest but I still clung to him. I was happy there.
"Drop my stuff off at home and probably do homework. What are you doing?"
"We're going to lunch." Oh no. "This is our lunch date, where you wanna go?" Not a date with Loso. I refuse.
"Home-"
"We'll pick up something and go to my house." Hell no.
"No-"
"Then we're eating out. I feel like sea food, I really want oysters-"
"Oh my God Loso!" He just laughed some more.
"I'm kidding, damn. Let's go then. Lock up your car and we'll ride in mine." He said prying me off. "Unless you wanna drop your car off at your place?"
"Yeah, I'd rather do that." He nodded his head and walked off toward his car. I got in mine and drove home.
***
"You look nervous again." He smirked as he cracked the crab leg for me. It's sad that I can't even crack open my own crab legs. Then there's Loso to make it look like I need him just to survive through the basics.
"I'm not." Lie. I never knew what he had up his sleeve. I could guess one thing and it would be the complete opposite. "I'm just really hungry for that crab." I smiled when he handed me back my plate when the crab meat all nicely stacked. "You must be real good at stacking huh?"
"I can stack anything." He chuckled as he worked on his lobster tail. "So what are you going to do now that you 'ont work at the lounge?"
"I have no idea and I don't even want to think about it. I have enough to last me a couple months till I have to worry a little bit."
"Come live with me for a little while. Then you 'ont got shit to worry about and you get my company, which you love so much." Living with Loso I figure would be hell. Always popping up out of no where, random bursts of affection when I least expect it, dear Lord.
"I'll think about it-"
"Good we'll start packing and you give your 30 day notice to your landlord." No one said such things.
"No-"
"Too late." I just let out an irritated groan and focused back on my pasta. "If that was your annoyed groan, I wanna know what your orgasm one sounds like-"
"Loso!" I hate him but am always with him, because that makes nothing but complete sense. Ebony what the hell is wrong with you.
"I can't wonder about things? This is America, my ass can wonder about things freely."
***
We went back to his house after our later lunch / early dinner. We were in his living room just sitting in bean bag chairs talking.
"Do you think you could tell me why you have such a bad image towards sex? If not that's fine, but I'm curious to know." He said looking right into my eyes. I dropped my eyes to my lap. "Come here." He grabbed my arm and gently pulled, till I got up and sat in his lap.
"I've never told anyone because I was scared but when I was 7 I was..." I just couldn't even say the word. The memory is still fresh in my mind to this day, I can still feel where he touched me, how he touched me, and there was nothing I could do to get the feeling off. "... I can't even-"
"I know what you're saying." He said holding me close. "You were too scared to tell anyone?" I nodded my head as tears started to roll down my cheeks. I remembered scrubbing my skin raw in the shower 1-2 hours at a time for years trying to get that feeling off.
"It was one of my Mom's friends and it happened on more than one occasion." I managed to choke out. In my mind I saw myself as a virgin since I didn't willingly give my virginity to anyone but the reality of it was I had mine stolen.
Stolen at a age that I didn't even understand what was going on and why.
"Ebony I promise you, nothing like that will ever happen again. I promise to let nothing harm you." He said kissing my cheek and just holding me as I continued to let the tears escape my tear ducts.