"So explain to me again why we can't be seen at the party together," Oliver asked me over the phone.
"I already told you. It's not that we can't be seen together it's just that we can't lead on that we're seeing each other. It's the only way to keep everybody out of our business. The less they know the better. Trust me. Now please tell me you're on your way."
"Yeah. I'm in the car now."
"Good," I said as I parked my car. "How far are you away?"
"Ten minutes. Are you there already?"
"Yeah. I just parked. I'm bout to head in in a few. I'm just getting myself together," I said as I checked my hair and makeup. As I adjusted my rearview mirror for better lighting I spotted Kevin, Darius, and Josh walking past my car. I was stuck.
"Alyssa did you hear me? Alyssa?"
I snapped out of my daze. "Huh?"
"I said 'I can't wait to see you.'"
"Aw. I can't wait to see you too baby."
"I'll be there shortly, okay?"
"Alright. Come find me when you get here. I'll be the sexy lady at the bar," I teased. Oliver laughed. "Alright. See you in a few."
"See ya," I said hanging up the phone. I grabbed my things and got out of the car. As I headed towards the building I started to feel nauseous. I took a minute and leaned against the brick wall. I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths.
"Excuse me miss. Are you okay?"
I opened my eyes and saw a beautiful, brown skin, six foot-something man standing in front of me. "Yeah. I'm fine," I said admiring him. "Are you sure," he asked. I cleared my throat and quickly snapped out of my daze. "Um. Yep! I'm fine, so I'm gonna go," I said slowly. I smiled politely and walked away.
"Okay. Later," he said watching me leave.
As soon as I walked into the building I saw Janelle and Adrian hanging around the front lobby. I walked over to them. "Hey guys!" Janelle opened her arms up to me. "Heeey girl," she said squeezing me tight. "You look good!" I smiled at her. "Thank you! So do you, J!" She grabbed my hand. "Come with me to the bathroom real quick. I need your help with something," Janelle said. She hooked her arm in mine and pulled me away before I could even say okay.
"J what's going on," I asked her as we walked into the ladies lounge. "Okay," she said letting me go."I'm only saying this, because I love you, so don't take it personal."
"Okay. What is it?"
"You fucked up big time with Kev."
I sighed. "I know."
"And the guys are upset with you, so if I were you I would just, ya know, stay out of their way."
"Fuck," I said holding my hand up to my face. "I didn't think about how that would mess up the dynamic of our friendship."
Janelle nodded her head. "Clearly bitch."
I looked at her. "Well damn."
"What," she said holding up her hands. "I'm mad at your ass too. You messed up the friendship circle. You still my girl and everything, but damn sis really?" She sighed.
"I'm sorry."
"Did you tell Kevin that," Janelle asked with a raised brow.
"No."
"Well, you need to. He may act like he's fine, but he's hurting Lys. You gotta make this right," she said grabbing my hand. "I know. And I will."
I believe you," she said squeezing my hand. "Now let's go. I'm ready to get drunk! Your mama's parties be serving the best drinks," she said gleefully as she pulled me out of the lounge.
The first thing I saw as we walked into the party was Amber clinging to Mark's arm. "Damn. This bitch is here," I groaned. "Oh yeah. And that's another thing," Janelle started. "She cannot become a part of the friendship circle. We voted unanimously, without Mark "head over heels head ass," and decided that we don't like her. The bitch is crazy."
"Oh I know. Trust me I know." I looked around the room and saw a lot of familiar faces. I leaned in closer to Janelle. "You go be with your boyfriend," I nudged. "I'm gonna go mingle."
"Are you sure? I don't want to leave you by yourself."
"Girl please go," I nearly whispered. "Adrian's been watching me the entire time and he does not look happy with me."
"Ugh. Say no more girl. Come find me later," she said before walking away. "Will do," I said over my shoulder. As I made my way to the bar my mother spotted me. "Alyssa," she said walking up to me. "When did you get here," she said kissing me on the cheek. She took a step back to admire me. "You look really beautiful," she said sincerely. "Aw thanks ma," I grinned. "You're welcome. Now Where's Kevin? I haven't seen him yet. He is here isn't he?"
I shrugged. "He's around here somewhere."
"You don't keep track of where your husband is?"
"He's grown and he sure doesn't need me to babysit him."
"Uh huh," my mother said slowly. "Well since you and Kevin aren't together anymore, I have someone that I want you to meet."
I paused. "Um. Who said we weren't together anymore?"
"Well you two are sleeping in different beds and sometimes with other people aren't you?"
I stood there confoundedly while my mom called over someone for me to meet. It was the guy that I had seen outside earlier. "Alyssa this is Aaron. Aaron this is my daughter, Alyssa." I came to and plastered on a smile. "Hi," I said as I extended my hand towards him, "Nice to meet you." He took my hand in his and kissed the back of it. "The pleasure is all mine beautiful," he smiled. My mother wouldn't stop grinning. "Have fun," she said over her shoulder as she walked away.
I sat down at the bar. "Listen. Aaron. I don't know what my mom told you about me, but I'm not looking to be in a relationship right now."
"Me either," he grinned.
I perked up. "Oh. Okay then. Perfect, so why did my mom introduce us then?"
Aaron smiled and rubbed his finger over his lips. "Actually, she thought that you and I would have a lot of fun together and after seeing you I think we would too," he winked.
"Uh huh," I said nodding my head. "Just out of curiosity how exactly did she define fun?"
Aaron leaned in closer to me. "I don't think you need me to spell that out for you," he smiled.
"You know what, you are exactly right. Which is why I'm walking away," I said standing up. I left him at the bar and went to find my mother. I looked around the room and saw her talking to a few of her friends. I walked over to her. "Ma. A word," I said pulling her arm. I led her into the hallway.
"Alyssa what the hell is wrong with you?"
"What's wrong with me? Ma, what the hell is wrong with you? Why are you trying to find me guys to have sex with?" I nearly whispered. "I mean do I have "hoe" stamped across my forehead?"
"No, but you should," she laughed.
I rolled my eyes at her.
"Alyssa, lighten up. It's a party. Have fun and don't take shit too seriously. You know like your relationship," she laughed. "Fuck him. Don't fuck him. I don't care. Just do you. That's the motto for the night," she said as she turned to walk away. "Just do you," she yelled over her shoulder.
"Oh my God," I said to myself. "She is definitely on her way to being drunk as shit," I said as I turned around to walk back into the party. Before I could get through the door a pair of arms grabbed me and wrapped me in a hug. "Hey baby," Oliver crooned in my ear. I smiled to myself and turned around. "Hey yourself," I said as I pushed him into a corner and kissed him. "I went over to the bar," Oliver whispered, "but I didn't see you." He softly stroked my cheek. "I had to get the hell out of dodge. My mom was trynna set me up with some guy. You know I wasn't with that shit." Oliver smiled and looked me over. "You look beautiful." I slid my arms around his waist and gave him a few pecks on the lips. "Thank you handsome." I let him go and turned to walk away. "Are you ready to go in," I started, but Oliver quickly grabbed my hand. "---without me," I finished.
"You know I hate this don't you?"
"I know, but it's just for the night. I promise." Oliver let go of my hand. "See you inside," he questioned. "Yeah and I'll save you a dance," I said just before heading back into the party.
I spotted Janelle on the dance floor and was making my way over to her when I bumped into Kevin. "Oh. I am so sorry," we said at the same time. "No. It was my fault," I said. "I should've been paying more attention." Kevin looked like he wanted to say something important, but was hesitant. Instead he settled for something more safe. "You look good," he said. "Thank you. So do you," I smiled. He started to leave, but I stopped him. "Uh. Kevin can I talk to you in the hallway real quick?" He didn't know whether to say yes or to let me down easy and it didn't help that his friends were giving him the death glare. Settling on a response, he sighed. "Yeah come on," he said leading the way. We walked into the hallway near the front entrance.
"So what's up," he said shoving his hands in his pockets. "I just wanted to apologize for cheating on you with Oliver, for not sticking to the rules. I'm---"
Kevin stopped me. "I don't know who told you I needed an apology, but I'm good on all that." I stood there stunned. "You good? You straight? Everything okay with you and Oliver?"
I nodded my head. "Yeah. I'm fine."
"Aight then. So we good."
"Okay. Fine. Just forget that we had this conversation then," I said walking away defeatedly.
"What did you expect me to say?" He said from behind me.
I stopped in my tracks and turned around. "I don't know. I just---I felt bad about how everything ended between us and I just wanted the opportunity to apologize."
"You had that opportunity months ago. My number hasn't changed. You could have reached me if you wanted to."
"I was trynna give you time. I thought I was doing the right thing."
Kevin walked away from me and then back in my direction again. "The right thing for who," he said standing in my face. "Not for me!"
"The right thing to do would have been to call me so we could have this conversation in private! Not wait to confront me in the middle of your mom's birthday party!"
As Kevin grew louder people were beginning to trickle out into the hallway.
"Now you want me to forgive you! I don't need your apology, because while you were still fucking and sucking ole boy I moved the fuck on without it! So you can keep that shit!"
The people in the hallway were starting to murmur around us. "Kevin," I called out to him.
"What? You don't like all these people staring at you? That's funny cuz when we were together all you wanted was fucking attention. Me, Gia, Oliver,
your fucking ex! The whole time we were together you embarrassed the fuck out of me. That shit don't feel good do it?!"
I could feel my face getting hot as tears were beginning to well up in my eyes.
Darius shoved through the crowd until he made his way to us. "Come on Kevin let's go," he said grabbing ahold of him. Mark appeared on the other side of him. "Nah. Get off of me man," Kevin said. "She needs to hear this shit."
"No she doesn't man," Darius said. "Just let it go."
As Kevin tried to fight them off of him I somehow managed to back away from the frenzy in front of me and maneuver my way fretfully through the crowd. Though my movements were swift everyone's eyes still followed me including those of my mother who I so visibly seemed to embarrass. It was surprising to me that the same woman who encouraged the lifestyle I so freely indulged in now condemned me so openly. My eyes swept briefly over the crowd and managed to find Oliver standing there---stricken. He looked at me without any words spoken and suddenly I knew what I suppose I had always known about him: that he could not survive me twice. Perhaps he knew this too, but had found himself still pondering the what if's of our past relationship and thought, that if love was anything like he knew it to be, it was worth the risk of finding me again.
I turned to the exit and ended up standing face to face with Amber. She smirked at me.
"This is turning out to be quite the night isn't it?"
I rolled my eyes and shoved past her. As I opened up the door she stepped in front of me. "I tried to warn you that I'm the bitch you don't want to mess with. You can't just fuck my cousin and get away with it. That shit always has it drawbacks."
"Amber move. I'm not for your shit tonight." I pushed past her and swiftly walked outside. She followed behind me. "Hey! Don't just walk away from me while I'm talking to you," she yelled behind me. I turned around quickly. "Bitch what!" I yelled back. "Who the fuck you think you talkin to! There is nothing for us to discuss! My business is not your business." I turned to walk away, but she grabbed my arm. Without thinking I swung on her and punched her in her eye. As a reaction she reached out and tried to grab me. Next thing I knew we were fighting outside of my mom's party. Before either of us could get one more hit in, two pair of strong arms pulled us apart from each other.
"Whoah. Whoah. Ladies, ladies stop it," one of the guys yelled. It took us both a minute to calm down. I tried to take slow deep breaths as the guy who had pulled me off of Amber held me securely in his arms. I brushed my hair out of my face. Amber tried to lunge towards me but the other guy stopped her.
"Woah. Woah. Woah. Calm down. Get yourself together. Fix yourself up," he said. "Y'all look way too beautiful to be brawling it out like this."
Amber adjusted her dress and fixed her hair as best she could without a mirror. "You better be glad they came to save your ass tonight," she said to me before walking away. "Cuz the next time you won't be so lucky," she yelled over her shoulder. When she walked back into the building the guy who stood behind me let me go. I pulled up the front of my dress and tried the best I could to adjust the straps that, now, so freely fell over my shoulders.
"Are you okay?" Both of the men asked me, almost simultaneously.
"Yeah. I'm fine," I said dabbing under my eyes.
"I'm Taylor," one of the guys said as he held out his hand. "Gerard," the guy beside me smiled. "And I'm leaving," I said turning around. "Now wait a minute. You gon' just walk away like that?" He teased. "I don't get the pleasure of knowing who you are," Gerard called out behind me. "Trust me. You don't want no parts of this," I said over my shoulder. "Let me be the judge of that. I like women who are a lil complicated." I turned back around to face him from the distance that now stood between us. "Goodnight Gerard," I said offering him a smile. "Night Taylor!" I waved them off and headed over to my car. I was so ready to go home.
The entire ride back to my apartment everyone was blowing up my phone. I turned my phone off the moment I got in the door. I just needed to decompress in peace and I couldn't do that with everybody asking me a million and one questions. As I made my way to my bedroom I stripped out of my clothes and plopped back onto the bed I barely slept in these days. "This whole night has been a shit show," I thought to myself." As I laid there I thought that it wouldn't do me any good to lounge around my bedroom feeling sorry for myself. "I should do something. Go find somewhere to go," I mumbled aloud. As I laid there in thought I started to feel a little nauseous. "Mm. I need to eat something first. I barely ate at the party with everything that was going on," I thought to myself.
I sat up thinking I would go rummage through my kitchen cabinets, but my body had something else in mind. I got up and rushed down the hall to the bathroom. I made it to the toilet just in time. I sat on the bathroom floor for a minute before garnering the courage to get up and rummage through my bathroom drawers instead. The search was almost frenetic the way I shoved things back and forth in the, now messy, drawer.
I sat on the toilet for a minute and waited for my fate to be decided. I didn't even realize I was holding my breath until I heard keys jingle in the front door. I slid the blue stick out from in between my legs and felt my heart sink into my stomach.
"Alyssa," I heard Janelle call out to me. "Alyssa are you in here?! Alyssa!" I could hear her getting closer. She put her hand on the bathroom door knob and twisted it. "Alys---," she stopped dead in her tracks when she opened up the bathroom door. There were tears welling up in my eyes. "Lys what's wrong," she questioned. I held up the stick for her to see. "I'm pregnant."
"Damn," she said walking over to me.
"And it's Kevin's," I muttered.
"Wait. Huh?!"
...