Gillian squeezes her eyes shut tightly when she feels the sunlight hit her face. She turns her body away from the light but quickly realizes that she seems to have very limited mobility. When she feels a hand move along her waistline, her eyes shoot open and she starts panicking. She is careful not to make any sudden movements but blinks her eyes a few time trying to remember where she is. She is instantly relieved when she sees that she is still in the bar.
Then Gillian thinks back to last night. She remembers Danielle making an unexpected visit and what a huge ordeal it turned out to be. She thinks about Declan and how he surely hurt himself punching the wall. She sighs thinking about what a mess everything turned out to be but mostly, she is worried about him because she recalls how angry and upset he was when he left. Then she remembers Harper coming back to the bar to check on her and her body goes cold. She turns her body slowly to see the blonde sleeping on her back practically underneath her, one arm protectively around her waist, and the other one up over her face blocking the sun that is hitting her in the eyes.
Gillian slowly releases the breath that she is holding. She shuts her eyes again and bites down on her lower lip, contemplating her options. She needs to get up without waking Harper which is going to be problematic considering she is on top of her. There is no way that she is going to be able to pull it off. She begins wondering how the both of them got into this situation in the first place. She recalls how upset she was and all the bourbon she had while she was telling Harper about what happened between her and Danielle. She also remembers how comfortable she felt when Harper was holding her. The combination of those things must have caused her to fall asleep at some point.
Gillian lays there for another minute or two until she feels Harper start to move beneath her. She decides to take the opportunity to get up as swiftly as she is able to. Unfortunately, she momentarily forgets about Harper's arm around her waist and she is pulled back down towards the sofa when she tries to get up. The motion causes her to accidentally wake Harper with a sharp jab of her elbow into the other woman's chest.
"OW!" Harper cries as she is has the wind knocked out of her by the strike to her sternum.
"Oh my god, Harper! I'm so sorry." Gillian reaches out instinctively touching the spot on Harper's chest so she can help to sooth the pain. Seconds later when she realizes that she is still on top of her and also rubbing intimately on her chest, she pulls away quickly and pushes herself up onto her feet.
Harper continues to rub on the sore spot when she finally looks at Gillian and smirks. "Geez woman, that elbow of yours is no joke. Did you learn that move in kickboxing? I guess you really wanted to get me back for that very first night out on the sidewalk, huh?."
Relieved that Harper is more focused on that than the fact that they were just intimately sharing the sofa, she apologizes again frowning. "I'm really sorry."
Harper laughs this time. "It's fine. I'll live." Then she looks Gillian in the eyes, her expression changing to one of concern. "How are you feeling?" She asks.
"I'm fine." Gillian answers almost too quickly.
Harper looks at her skeptically. "You got something more convincing than that?"
Gillian looks at Harper and sees that she is not going to be able to fool her. She sighs and sits back down. "I'm better today. And it gets easier everyday." She pauses for a moment so that she can gather her thoughts. "I never expected that I'd see Danielle again after we split up." She shakes her head. "I don't think that Declan did either. For as hurt and angry as I am, I know that it's just as much of a nightmare for him, and that part of it makes it all so much worse for me. Because he doesn't deserve that."
"But you think that you do?" Harper asks.
Gillian shakes her head. "No, it's not that. It's just that I've been beating myself up for the last several months because it was my idea for us to spend the holidays together. I keep thinking that maybe if I didn't suggest it, that things would still be alright. Or, even if things eventually fell apart for Dani and I, that at the very least, Declan would still have his wife."
"Gillian..." Harper starts.
"She proposed to me because she wanted to get a reaction out of her. She actually went out and bought a ring, planned an engagement, and she proposed to me, Harper. Who does that? When I saw her last night, I saw exactly who she really is. And I think that one day, I will finally be able to forgive myself for not seeing it any sooner." Gillian looks over at Harper and takes a deep breath. "Is that any better?"
Harper smiles and puts her hand on top of Gillian's and squeezes it reassuringly. "Yes. And I would just like to say that even though I haven't known you for very long, you are the strongest and bravest woman that I know."
Gillian rolls her eyes with much more exaggeration than she usually does.
Harper laughs and squeezes Gillian's hand again, this time more playfully. "Weren't you just going to say 'thank you' every time you felt the need to roll your eyes at me?"
Gillian pulls her hand away and stands up. "No. Because you're ridiculous." But as she walks away, she could not help but smile.
"Well..." Harper stutters trying to think of a comeback but falls short. "Well, you snore!" She laughs at herself when she realizes how lame that sounds.
Gillian whips around quickly to deny the claim. "I do not!"
"You're right, you don't snore." Harper says still laughing. "But you definitely like to cuddle. I can't say that was something I was expecting." Harper says with a smirk.
Gillian feels warmth in her face just thinking about Harper's arms wrapped around her all night long as they were sleeping. But, she is not about to back down. "That sofa is so small, I don't blame you for mistaking any of that for cuddling."
"Uh huh. You can try to deny it but I know what happened." Harper says still grinning. "So...did you sleep well? Because I did."
"I slept alright considering the circumstances." Before Harper can say anything else that makes her feel more embarrassed, Gillian turns towards the clock on the wall and groans audibly. She has a little over an hour before she has to open up the bar.
Harper knows exactly what Gillian is thinking. "Hey, why don't you go home and rest? I'll just run back to my place, jump in the shower really quickly, and come back to take the first shift. You could probably use a hot shower and your bed."
"Harper, I--"
"I insist. I don't have anything going on today. And if you get enough rest, you can always stop by later."
Gillian smiles gratefully at Harper knowing very well that she could use a bit more sleep. "Thank you."
"It's really not a problem. Now let's get you out of here." Harper says with a smile.
Harper walks over to get her jacket that is still sitting on the bar from the night before and she watches as Gillian walks into the back office to get her things. Harper smiles to herself as she thinks about their conversation earlier. It seems to be getting easier for Gillian to open up to her. Sharing her story about her relationship with Danielle and then telling her the truth about how she is feeling this morning are both things that Harper really appreciates because she knows how difficult it is to let someone new in. And she was being completely honest when she told Gillian how brave and strong she really is. She thinks back to when she first saw Danielle and how beautiful and put together she seemed at first glance. And from what Gillian told her, a big-time civil engineer, so she is obviously an intelligent woman as well. How incredibly stupid of her to let go of someone as incredible as Gillian, she muses.
Gillian can see that Harper is lost in her thoughts and wonders what she is thinking about. Worriedly she also wonders if Harper sees her differently than she had before, after everything she's told her. It was a very kind gesture for Harper to come back to check up on her last night and finally talking to someone about what happened has somehow helped her to feel better about it. Even though Danielle may not have gotten the closure that she is seeking by stopping by to see her, she feels that it has helped her to take a step towards letting that part of her life go. "Are you ready to go? I can drop you off on my way home." She asks Harper.
The sound of Gillian's voice pulls Harper away from her thoughts. "Oh, yeah. That would be great. Thanks."
Gillian nods and starts walking towards the front door. Before she opens it, she turns around to find that Harper is right on her heels. She reaches out to grab Harper's arm in order to keep the other woman from walking right into her.
Harper grabs onto Gillian as well. "You need to give a girl some warning before you make sudden movements like this. I could have taken you out." She says as she is laughing.
"I'm sorry, I just really wanted to thank you again." Gillian says softly.
Harper tries to brush it off. "Gillian, I told you, it's fine. I would just be at home laying around anyway."
"No. I mean, yes. Thank you for that." Gillian looks into Harper's eyes making sure that she understands how important this is to her. "But, what I mean is that I really want to thank you for last night. For coming back and forcing me to talk to you. And for doing it again this morning. I think that I really needed the push. Usually Declan is the only one brave enough to do that."
Harper chuckles. "You don't have to thank me for that, Gillian. I told you last night, I want us to be friends." Harper smiles. "And to be completely honest, I haven't told anyone the truth about why I left New York, not even Sky. So, I obviously trust you and I just really want you to know that you can trust me and that I'm always going to be here for you whenever you need someone to talk to."
Gillian nods. "And that goes both ways, Harper. If you ever feel the need for someone to talk to, please know that I'm here for you as well."
"I know." Harper says. "And I really do appreciate it."
Without really thinking about it, Gillian moves closer to Harper and wraps her arms around her in a hug.
Harper folds her arms easily around Gillian's waist and pulls her in tightly. Harper knows that once again, she is enjoying their closeness more than she should and pulls herself back from their embrace. She smiles again trying to hide her anxiousness and luckily, Gillian does not seem to notice any of her awkwardness. She follows Gillian outside and pulls out her keys to lock the door. Then she follows Gillian as they walk to her car. But for the rest of the morning, Harper broods about how the sudden shift in her relationship with her boss may have inadvertently caused a stir of new feelings that will make things very complicated for her.
***
Declan shows up to the bar a whole half an hour before the beginning of his shift in hopes that he could talk to Gillian. He knows that he has some groveling to do and he wanted to tell her that he would cover the costs for fixing the wall that he has damaged. When we walks in, he is surprised to see that Harper is standing behind the bar instead. She is talking and laughing with one of the regulars sitting at the bar and when she sees him, she smiles. He walks over, shakes hands with the man who is now getting up and ready to leave, and then walks into the back to put his jacket in Gillian's office.
When Declan reappears, Harper has already cleaned the bar off and is sipping something that looks frothy from a mug that she is holding. He looks at her curiously so she nods towards the box that is sitting on the counter. "I brought some hot chocolate packets from home. And there is some whipped cream in the cooler. Help yourself." She says nonchalantly.
Declan shakes his head. "Maybe later. Where's Gillian? Is she alright?"
Harper nods. "Yeah, she's alright. She's at home, hopefully catching up on some sleep. How are you?"
"I'm fine." Declan answers.
Harper just laughs and takes another sip of her hot chocolate.
Declan raises an eyebrow. "What's so funny?"
"I just can't tell you how tired I am of hearing those two words. It's really irritating, Declan." Harper looks at him and watches as he furrows his brow in confusion. "I mean, are you actually fine? If you tell me yes, I won't ask you again and I'll leave it alone because the last thing I want is to be annoying about it. But as a friend, I have to ask at least once." She says.
Declan wonders what has gotten into his friend and why all of a sudden she is being so brash but it quickly dawns on him. "Gillian told you everything, didn't she?"
Harper puts her mug down and folds her arms across her chest. "Yeah. She did."
Declan sighs. "You know what I spent all of last night doing?" When Harper does not answer, he continues. "I spent all night worrying about Gillian because as much as I hate Danielle, seeing her is so much easier than it would have been for me to see Elle. And you know what, Gillian is just so damned good at it. She not once wavered last night when all I could do was get angry."
"Well, Gillian is pretty much a rockstar when it comes to harboring her feelings. We both know that, but it did get pretty heated towards the end there. I thought that she was going to lose her cool so many times last night." Harper admits.
"I shouldn't have provoked her. I know that I made things worse. It's just that...seeing that horrible woman in here after so long. I wanted to throw her out of here by her hair for hurting Gillian the way that she did. It's funny because I'm more angry at her for that than I am that she stole my wife away from me." Declan says with sad smile and a shake of his head.
They do not say anything else for a moment. Harper picks her mug up again and sips at it. Then she carefully asks him the question that has been on her mind all morning. "Have you seen Elle at all? I mean, since March?"
Declan presses his lips together tightly and shakes his head again before he speaks. "No. She didn't even have the decency to have a conversation with me about it after they came clean, and it is not for the lack of trying because I must have left her hundreds of messages that week. She had all of her shit packed up and out of the house that morning and by the time I made it home, it was like she never even lived there."
Harper frowns. She does not understand how anyone could be so cruel to someone they shared a life with for so long. "So, when you were looking to the front door last night after Danielle got here, you were looking for her." Harper states knowing already what his answer will be. "Did you want to see her?"
Declan chuckles dryly. "I have been thinking about that since that bitch left here last night. And I honestly don't know. I may have wanted to in that moment but I can't tell you what my reaction would have been if she had come into the bar, especially with Danielle.
"Gillian told me that you two were together for a long time..." Harper says not even knowing where the she is wanting to go with that statement.
"Yes, but I guess it wasn't long enough to really know the woman. We were together for eight years total, married for five, and not once in the time that I've known her did she ever even mention that she was attracted to women. Losing her is one thing, but losing her to someone that I could never compete with is why I'm still so angry. And gods, Harper. I still love her. I am still so in love with her and I don't know how to let her go." Declan pulls the chain that he has around his neck from inside his shirt to reveal his wedding band on the end of it. "Do you know how many times I've walked down to the waterfront wanting to toss this into the Sound? And I can't do it because I am still such a fool for her."
"Declan, I've learned as I was listening to Gillian tell me everything last night that there isn't anything I can say that will make you feel better if you're not ready to. I know this because I know how it feels to be heartbroken. And no one can tell you when to stop grieving, especially if you're not ready to, because those kinda things are never black and white. It's always just gray and messy. But, I can tell you that you are not a fool. If loving makes us foolish, then we are all fools."
Declan nods. "No, you're right. I suppose I'm just not ready to let it go."
"Gillian told me today that seeing Danielle helped her to see who she really is and it may help her to heal from it. Maybe that is what you need, too. But only you will know that for sure." Harper says.
"I'm not ready to see her. I'm still too angry about it." Declan admits.
Harper smiles. "Well, you knowing that is probably a huge part of the battle, my friend."
Declan nods towards Harper's mug. "So, is that chocolate thing you've got there any good? I think I need one."
Harper laughs. "It is. And it's even better with some Baileys in it. It'll probably taste just like home to you. Hand me a mug and I'll make you one."
Declan grabs one and hands it to Harper. He watches as she mixes the cocoa powder with some hot water. When that is done, she reaches onto the shelf to grab the bottle of Baileys pouring a generous helping into the mug as well. She tops it off with a little whipped cream and hands it to him. Declan takes a sip and smiles. "This is better than I thought it would be."
"They are even better when they are made with milk but I'm too lazy right now to heat any up. Gillian doesn't like it when I make a mess of her kitchen anyway."
Declan nods and slowly smiles at Harper. "So, she's alright then?"
"Yeah, she's okay. And the both of you will be more than just alright eventually. I will personally see to that." When Declan smiles at her again, she is finally convinced that he will be just fine. "Now, can you please get your ass in the kitchen and get ready for work because I need you to make me some lunch. I'm starving."
"Yes, ma'am! Cheeseburger, no ketchup, coming right up!" Declan says as he walks into the kitchen with his Irish hot chocolate.