Chapter 3
Pulling the gear into park, Eliza sat in silence in the underground parking garage of her apartment building. Once again, she mentally prepared to go to the top floor and tend to all of Emmy's demands.
She pushed her head back into the headrest and shut her eyes. There was no energy left in her from being on her feet from back to back meetings and frequent bathroom trips. Coming home to a relaxing environment was something she coveted, but now it was crowded with two people that needed her non-stop.
"Ms. Kelly," Emmy exclaimed with a loving smile.
"Hi, Emmy," Eliza groaned, popping off her heels again.
Emmy looked down at Eliza's red feet and shook her head, "I don't know how you do it. I'm telling you, a pair of flats will be the gospel to those toes. What makes you think you need to go back to life-before-pregnancy as soon as possible?"
"That's what I plan on doing," Eliza grumbled, while slowly making her way into the large living room.
She looked around before turning back to Emmy. Before Eliza could ask what was on her mind, Emmy smirked, "I just put her down for another nap. But don't worry, I'm sure she'll want to greet you in fifteen to twenty minutes."
Eliza ran her hand over the side of her face, still unprepared to deal with the frequent feedings and wails from a four-day-old baby girl.
"There's food I have ready for you after you wash up, Ms. Kelly," Emmy hummed with her hands behind her back and skipping to the kitchen.
Exhausted, Eliza sat down in the brand new rocking chair with heavy bags already underneath her eyes. Her hands were gripped tightly on the handles– uneasy while Emmy approached her with the screaming infant.
"C'mon. Try again," Emmy cooed at the hungry child, though she spoke to her mother.
Eliza uncomfortably took the baby in her arms again and tried her quickest to adjust to what the baby wanted.
"Who told you breastfeeding was easy, Ms. Kelly?" Emmy snickered while watching Eliza cringe at the discomfort.
Eliza groaned, "How long am I supposed to do this?"
"Every few hours," Emmy boldly stated.
Her eyes showed shock, "I can't do that with–"
Emmy wasn't going to listen, "Your baby is hungry every few hours, Ms. Kelly. She's going to be. She's not even a week old."
"Isn't the pump enough?" Eliza inquired with disbelief.
"Luckily when you're gone, she only wants to feed a few times. I'm thinking she knows when you're home though," Emmy chuckled while pulling her hair out of a puffy bun and running her fingers through.
Eliza didn't know what else to say, as she looked over the joyful look on Emmy's face. The caretaker with her for the past three weeks was forty-two but didn't look a day over thirty. Whenever she smiled, Eliza could hardly detect a single wrinkle within the rich chocolate tone of Emmy's skin. She had two kids of her own and fifteen years of childcare on her resume, so Eliza had to trust what she said.
"Ms. Kelly, are you scared to be a mother?" the youthful woman questioned.
Eliza looked down at the child in her arms, still frightened that she held a weightless person the supposedly needed her 24/7.
"It's okay to admit it," Emmy sighed before sitting on the couch across from Eliza.
"I don't know what to do. I have no idea what I'm doing," Eliza whimpered. "I never planned on this... ever."
She looked up at the ceiling and wanted to scream. Sudden tears were streaming down her face again, and she couldn't understand why she was so abruptly emotional.
Emmy hurried to Eliza and grabbed a tissue to wipe her face, "These tears are supposed to come. You're not supposed to know what to do when you have your first baby, Eliza."
While she cried, Emmy used more tissues to dry the new mother's face.
"You know... when you hired me. You only hired me to help you up until the delivery," Emmy reminded her.
Her mouth was parched, but she tried, "I know, but–"
Emmy interrupted, "Don't. You don't have to say anything, honey. I'm not questioning the decision you made."
"I'm not even sure I'm final with it," Eliza confessed, looking up to lowered eyes that surveyed over the calm infant.
"You're still deciding if you want to keep her?" Emmy grumbled.
Once again, Eliza didn't know what to say. She wasn't sure if she wanted to keep the child. The baby was already an accident, but ever since she was born, Eliza hasn't been able to handle that her world needed to revolve around someone she never prepared for. She was so unsure, she still hadn't give her a name.
"You have the right to make whatever decision you want to make, Ms. Kelly," Emmy mumbled.
"I can't make you want to keep her."
Eliza watched Emmy slowly turn away and stroll into the kitchen. She came back with a small note in her hands, and Emmy told her it was a message from her brother.
"What?" Eliza asked, mortified.
Emmy shrugged with an annoyed look on her face, "Yes. First, he asked me who I was, and when I told him I was the nanny... he paused for a long time before telling me that he would be visiting late into the evening."
Eliza looked down at the tiny fingers that she hadn't realized were balled into a fist and over her breast. She looked back up to find a smile on Emmy's face that she tried to hide as soon as Eliza caught her watching. Eliza took her time to glance at the small hand that bloomed open. Everything was so little, and it made her more nervous to witness who she had carried for almost nine months.
Within minutes, the doorbell rang, and it startled both women.
"Don't get up," Emmy demanded with a point as she quickly hurried to the door.
After a few mumbles, Eliza saw her brother drifting around the corner. He had to have come straight from the enterprise building since he was dressed in his finely-tailored suit. Pete's work and home were at least an hour away, and his sister was utterly surprised that he had traveled during the weekday to see her. However, visits to her apartment were rare, and his uncanny presence and veil of red had her shaken up. Peter's eyes were threatening to shoot from his head, while his lips parted at the sight of his older sister cradling an infant– let alone to feed.
Emmy hurried back and gently placed a soft pink, blanket over Eliza's shoulder and the baby's head.
"Eliza. What in the hell is going on?" Peter asked with narrowed eyes, filled with shock.
She sadly lifted up her chin and stated, "I had a baby, Pete."
"What?!" he shouted, and Emmy immediately scowled at him.
The baby's loud guest interrupted her so much that she began to cry. Eliza was shocked at the sudden change in his reaction, but Emmy quickly removed the infant from her arms.
"Tell him to make it quick. She needs you more than he does right now," Emmy spat under her breath and rushed away to the nursery before shutting the door. Eliza looked after Emmy and listened to the wails that resounded from the room.
Peter yelled, "What the fuck is going on, Eliza?!"
"Could you not barge into my home screaming?!" she snapped back.
"This wouldn't be a problem if you didn't... what?!" he continued with a puzzled look.
"I had a baby!" she shrilled, her eyes reddened while glistening over.
"With who?! Who is the father?!" he screamed.
She erected her posture and shook her head at him.
"Did you go to a bank?" he asked with bewilderment.
"No," she grumbled.
Pete rolled his eyes, "Boyfriend?"
"I don't have a boyfriend," she firmly stated with narrowed eyes.
"What happened? Did you have a late night out at a bar or something? An unfortunate one-night stand?"
"I wouldn't do something like that," she spat.
"And you wouldn't do something like have a baby either! What's the matter with you?!"
"Oh, I'm sorry! I just up and got pregnant just for the thrill of it even though I had no plans to ever have children!" she shouted.
"What else am I supposed to assume?!"
"You looked at every other option except the one that could be valid in a situation as confusing mine," she huffed.
His shoulders dropped, and he quickly asked, "We're you–"
"No. No, I wasn't," she answered with folded arms.
"Then how in the hell did you end up having a kid? I have a niece that you were never going to tell me about?" he squinted, vexed.
"Because I don't want everyone in my business," she didn't hesitate to retort.
"It is my business! I'm your brother!"
"We haven't seen each other for almost a year and look at the way you've reacted since you found out! You assumed I was a drunk idiot before you even considered sexual assault a possibility!"
He remained calm for a few seconds before starting, "I just... it's just not something I ever expected. Eliza, what happened? How?"
Spreading her arms to exaggerate, she confessed, "I was foolish with someone I was growing fond of, and now here we are."
He cringed, "You weren't careful?"
"Yes! Yes, I was, but what method of birth control is ever one-hundred percent Pete?!"
"Why didn't you just get rid of it?" he quickly asked.
She twisted her face, "What?"
"I'm sure the moment you found out, you could have had an abortion, but you kept her."
There was something about the word "it" that struck a chord with Eliza. Her eyes wandered around the carpet in between them, and she held her breath. She looked back into her brother's eyes that were identical to her own. She saw herself in him, but he surpassed her in altitude and brawn. The strong Kelly jawline was accentuated by the Caesar cut– Eliza's less apparent and easily masked by her shoulder-length curls. Her little brother– a man– stood in front of her, trying to force her to take a look at herself and the reality she has ruined.
He refused to stop, "You kept it because of our past, didn't you?"
She shook her head, "No. I–
"You kept the baby because we were foster kids," he reaffirmed. "As Black kids, we fought all our lives not to be stereotyped..."
"Pete. I'm tired. I need to rest," she signed, ignoring his assumptions.
"Yet, you're going to end up putting that baby in the same situation we were in!" he vehemently pointed.
"Get out!" she painfully screamed at the top of her lungs.
"You're not cut out to be a mother, Eliza!" he spouted factually.
She blurted her first line of rebuttal, "How do you know?!"
"I know you better than anyone else! You know that you're going to end up putting her into the system because you're too self-centered to give up your life for someone else! We worked too damn hard not to be just like the rest!"
She whimpered, "What are you even saying?"
"I'm saying that you should have been smarter. Is this really what you want to be? A single mom? Another single Black mother?"
She looked at him with bewilderment, "I never knew there was anything wro–"
"Yes you did, and you do!" he barked.
"Are you judging me because you've come out of all the struggles and managed to have a picture-perfect life? The white picket fence with the beautiful wife and kids?!"
He was smug, "Clearly, I think before I act."
Eliza's lip quivered, and before she could say another word, they were both interrupted by Emmy, "Ms. Kelly, the baby..."
Peter glowered at Emmy, but she returned the same look to him. Eliza covered her face and rushed into the nursery, while Emmy continued to stare down the man that interrupted a reasonably calm evening.
"I'll see myself out," he snapped before turning away and slamming the door behind him.
"Damn right," Emmy scoffed before swiftly returning to the nursery.
Emmy was stunned as she looked into the crib to still find the baby crying her lungs dry. Like a stone, Eliza sat in a La-Z-Boy with large eyes to the ground and leaning against the armchair.
"Ms. Kelly?" Emmy calmly called to her.
Instantly, Eliza lifted up her head and realized that Emmy held the beet-faced child in her arms. Frantically, Eliza began to pull down her loose crochet top and make efforts to calm her baby down.
"She's not feeding," Eliza wept.
Emmy quickly used her palms to wipe away the several tears that had fallen from the terrified mother's face, "She's upset like you. She knows it. Just calm down and so will she, Eliza."
It took a while for Eliza to find a steady heart rhythm again between the recent visit from her brother and the distressed baby.
"Try again," Emmy tenderly commanded, and after another try the baby settled down.
Emmy sat on the floor in front of them and leaned back on her hands. Tilting her head, she observed the whimpering mom and the dark face she carried as she avoided eye contact with the infant in her arms. She wanted to tell her that everything would be all right, but with such a seemingly small support system, she found it best to save her good wishes for another time.