(I literally have no more excuses left. I am so sorry for taking like two months to update. I hope you can forgive me. Enjoy! xx)
I WOULD DIE for her.
I went through hell and back because of her, but I would die for her in an instant. She is my soulmate, my one true love.
Ludmila thinks it is adorably pathetic. She just wants me to be happy and Francesca and I had not been happy for about a year before we eventually split. Well, she left.
Her love with Diego is simple. It has not been easy: there was the forbidden element in the beginning of the relationship (which was my fault) and the distance caused a strain on the relationship at the time, but they survived. They had an epic love story that was simple in the way that they always loved each other and nothing had actually come between them.
Once upon a time, Francesca and I had an unattainable love that was worthy of envy. Now, we were damaged and possibly beyond repair.
"I SWEAR, I had no idea that she cheated on you," Christian says as we sit down on my couch.
"I know, after all you've only told me that five times a day for the last three weeks," I say amused.
He hangs his head, but I see the slight smile on his face. For the past three weeks, Christian had been a welcome and frequent visitor. He sometimes visited more than once a day, that is if he didn't spend the entire day. He had become a good friend, despite being almost twenty years older than me.
The fact that he and Francesca were not talking was clearly taking a toll on him. His usual well-groomed appearance had been reduced to the dishevelled, unshaven man before me. He took his coffee off the coaster (because he is a tidy freak) and brought it up to his lips.
"You just seemed worse today than usual and I felt the need to clarify again," he explains.
"Today is our anniversary. It's my least favourite day of the year for the last four years. I've gotten shit-faced before and Ludmila was incredibly disappointed and gave me many lectures, one of which I got this morning as a warning." Christian nods with a sympathetic smile.
I don't know why I was still hung up over our anniversary. We stopped celebrating it four years ago. But it was Even when we were drifting apart and I was working insane hours and she was between the sheets with Alex, we somehow managed to come together on our anniversary and have a romantic night that was unfamiliar at the time.
"If it makes you feel any better, she hasn't been herself."
It shouldn't. I tell myself to ignore it. How she is doing should not affect how I'm feeling. Don't even think about it.
Don't do it.
Don't think.
Stop that smile creeping onto your stupid, stupid face.
Don't lean back comfortably into your couch.
Don't feel satisfaction.
"Really?" I ask. Smiling. Leaning back into the couch. Fucking satisfied.
I had reached a new level of pathetic. I was a sadist. I found pleasure in her pain and I was disappointed in myself. Ludmila would be...well considering their last conversation, I think she would be proud.
"She values your friendship..."
The rest went over my head.
I hated the word friendship, but what I really hated was the fact that it had the word friend in it, which I suppose was the basis of the word, but it didn't change what it meant. It meant that I was stuck in love with somebody who could never be with me. It meant that I would be alone for the rest of my damn life.
Or maybe not.
The word still hurt.
"So how is she and Tomas, again?" I ask suddenly and he laughs.
"I don't hate him."
"I don't expect you to. For the one minute I knew him, I could tell that he was a good person. He has that look. I don't have that look so I?" I ask him and he laughs again.
Perhaps I'm not the only sadist.
"Well, I really don't want to have this conversation with you."
"I should call Ludmila. She handles my insecurities better because god knows I have many. To be fair, she has many as well. Especially this month leading up to her wedding, she has actually become a bridezilla," I say, desperately trying to stop myself from rambling.
Christian shifts uncomfortably in his seat and puts his coffee back down.
"Are you okay?" I ask him, concerned.
"Yes. It's just that this thing with Fran has really affected me. We haven't fought once in four years. But she has never lied to me before."
"If it makes you feel any better, she appears to have lied to about everybody in her life," I offer and he smiles.
Christian clutches his chest and he starts to lose his breath. My heart starts to race as I try to get him to talk (there were flailing arms involved) but he struggles to even look at me. He starts beating at his chest and he somehow manages to croak a word out.
"Attack," he rasps.
My eyes go wide and I scramble for my phone. I can barely even punch the numbers because of the way my hands are shaking. My entire body was shaking. The paramedics was here within five minutes and I was still freaking out. Christian was somehow the calm one despite being the one in excruciating pain.
I was not allowed into the ambulance, so I followed them in my car. I was surprised that I didn't end up in a car accident because I could barely think as I drove. My head was spinning and I felt cold even with the heater.
At a robot, I managed to call Francesca. Her voice cracked as she answered the phone and I grimaced knowing that it was only going to get worse. It took me a while to actually speak, but I ended up saying it was because of a bad Bluetooth connection.
"Your father had a heart attack."
I apologise for the wait. There's nothing else for me to say. I have no good excuse. I just had trouble figuring out what to write and whether it was too soon to introduce this, but I ran out of other ideas so here you go.
I'm so sorry.
So basically, this will set the plot for the next few chapters. I've been in a bit of a rut after finishing Sherlock Holmes and nothing is the same. So hopefully this helps.
Thanks for reading 🙈 Sorry for any errors 💚
~Lexy 😈