After hours of flying it was ten at night and I was finally standing in front of my appartment back in LA. I couldn't get myself to open the door. I saw Trevor's car parked outside, so I was sure that he was home. My phone was still shut down which meant that not even Kate knew I came back tonight. The cellphone break was giving me more peace of mind than what I would have expected. My mind started to get lost in the pros and cons of cellphones in an attempt to evade the task at had, opening the door.
I forced myself to focus. I was outside my apartment, with my suitcase in on hand and the keys in the other. I had orchestrated my own personal two day retreat from friend to friend to finally get to this point... and I couldn't do it.
I was so frustrated with myself and apparently that frustration fueld me to open the door because on impulse I was suddenly opening the front door.
I could see Trevor sitting with his laptop on the couch from my spot by the door. He was shocked, I could notice that. I said the best thing that came to my mind.
"I'm sorry I ran off like that." I was so anxious. I had to tell him how I feel but I just couldn't find the courage to do it.
"Koda." He looked relived. Trevor dropped his computer on the couch and came running to me enveloping me in a tight hug. I sighed against his chest. "You had me so worried. I'm so sorry about what happened, again." He let go and started pacing in front of me. "I don't know what I was thinking. I should have never let things get carried away. I knew it was a bad idea! We are... friends."
I had to stop him right there. It was time. "I'm not sorry it happened."
He almost tripped and I could have laughed if this was not a serious matter.
"I'm not sorry it happened because it made me realize a lot of things." I continued.
Awestruck was the only word I could think of to descrive the look on his face. I took his hand and guided him to the couch. I moved his laptop to the table so that we both could sit together but I ended up standing in front of him.
"What do you mean?" He was wary.
I took a deep breath. "You're my best friend."
He winced but tried to hide it, I had to keep talking.
"I love you, you undestand me better than anyone. It has alway been Trevor and Dakota against the world. It was easy and simple and something that I have alway relied on." I cleared my throat. "That is why I was so scared and freaked out when you kissed me."
I knew he was going to interrupt, so I raised a finger to stop him. I had to finish what I wanted to say first.
"I had thought about it before, you know. I had thought about kissing you." I smilled slightly. "We would be doing whatever and the idea would pop in my head. What would happen if we kissed? And then I dissmised it because we where Trevor and Dakota, best friends.
"It was all a fantasy until you actually kissed me and it was better that what I could ever imagine, and it scared the shit out of me."
Trevor was shocked, again. I couldn't blame him. He was probably thinking we would forget about this one more time and kept going with our usual lifes.
I started pacing.
"That's why I ran. I fled to Kate's and when she found out why I had gone to her appartment she kicked me out. Amanda was the second option because she is further away and it was the best excuse to visit her. I was originaly planing on staying until tomorrow, but after multiple converstaions I came back... to you."
I felt like I was making no sense, all the words just came out. I didn't know what else to say. I had run out of words and I didn't know how to tell him. I stoped my pacing to stare at him.
"Let me get this straight." He started. "You don't mind the kiss?"
"No."
"You actually liked it."
"Yes."
"And you are scared?"
"Yes."
"Of what?"
I smiled at that. "That's a complicated question. I'm scared of a lot of things. I was scared of what could happen to us, but that doesn't matter anymore. I was scared of my feelings, but I've been feeling this way for a while."
"I'm not sure I understand what you're trying to say." He sounded genuinely confused.
"I love you."
"I love you too."
I wanted to facepalm him.
"No, Trevor, I love you."
He opened his mouth and closed it just to open it once more.
Oh, fuck it.
I leaned down to give him a quick peck on the lips as if that would help clarify what I was saying.
I leaned back but he pulled me to his lap were I ended up straddling him. We stared at each other for a minute. I was waiting for him to say something and the wait was killing me slowly.
What if this was too much for him?
What if admitting my feelings scared him off?
Maybe he wanted to take things slow and see where we could go.
Maybe I was too straight forward.
Maybe, just like me, he was not willing to risk our friendship.
"You love me?"
"Yes." I whispered.
"I love you too, Koda." He leaned to give me a sweet short kiss. "I've loved you for a long, long time."
"I never noticed." I had to justify myself somehow.
"I know, and it was the most frustrating thing I had to endure."
"You should have said something."
I felt like I was in the most confortable place I could be. With his hands by mi hips while I sat on his lap. I felt the impluse to touch his hair and Trevor slightly leand his head on my hand that was trailing just above his ear.
"Look at what happened when I kissed you, telling you was not an option."
He was right about that, the truth was that ther was nothing he could have said to me. I had to realize everything on my own, and even though in the end he ended up taking the first step, I needed time to figure it out.
Yes, you're right." I looked into his eyes. "Why did you agree to my plan? To the ten dates."
I was so unconcious about everything. It must have not been easy for him to set me up with people, even when I suspected that he was deliberately arranging my dates with the worst candidates he could find.
"Because you asked me to help you." He shrugged.
"That's not a good enough reason."
"I'd do anything you asked me to."
"That's so corny!" I laughed.
"It's the truth!" He defended. I could see the sincerity in his eyes. It made me feel warm inside.
"Well, thanks, I guess, but you suck at setting people up."
"I hijacked those dates." He admitted.
"I knew it!" I pointed an accusing finger at him.
"How could you have known it?"
"Well, I suspected it after the fourth date, but I thought you were doing it to have fun at my expense." Somehow I had moved one of my hands to his forarm and the other was holding his hand between us. Trevor was moving his thums over the back of my hand absentmindedly. "Where did you even find those guys? They were crazy!"
"Asking around." He managed to look embarassed. It was a cute look on him.
"I think I'll just never have a good date on my life." I joked rolling my eyes.
"We can fix that." Trevor had a glint in he eyes.
"What do you mean?"
"We need to modify your little mission. I have an extra date for you." He smilled like it was the best idea in the world.
An extra date?
He must have seen the confusion on my face becuase he continued. "Go on a date with me."
"Oh"
"Maybe you need eleven dates to find the guy for you."
"From where is this all cheeseiness comfing from?" I teased.
Trevor pouted like a little kid.
"I'd love to go on a date with you."
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Two more chapters, I can't believe it.
Regards,
A.L. Pecka