I couldn't sleep at all. My mind kept going back to our kisses and then to my foolish reaction.
I don't know what came over me. Why did I kissed him back, and then went for a second one? Why did I run? And, how will I face Trevor now? What was I supposed to tell him? We couldn't ignore this like last time. I couldn't ignore it.
The first time we kissed it was easier to ignore, to pretend it never happened because it was an innocent kiss. It ended almost as soon as it started. The kind of kiss you get playing spin the bottle and I had convinced myself that Trevor kissed me as some sort of experiment. We had some sort of silent agreement of never talking about it and we never had an awkward moment after that.
The problem was that this had felt different. It was a desperate and intense kiss. My mind was stuck between repeating the scene in my head and trying to shove it in a box to avoid thinking about how I felt when he kissed me.
Right after dawn broke I had made up my sleep depraved mind. I stuffed a backpack with some clothes, brushed my teeth and headed quietly to my room. The apartment was dead quiet, Trevor was probably asleep. It was the only chance I would get. We couldn't ignore it, but I could avoid it for a while.
I sneaked out of the apartment with a drumming heart. I almost had a heart attack when I dropped the car keys slipping outside. Trevor would have to walk to get his car.
As I drove away, a part of me wondered if I was over reacting.
* * *
Kate was a mess when she opened the door to her apartment with mismatched pjs and crazy hair.
"Do you have any idea what time it is?"
"Around 6:30." I replied.
"If you know what time it is then what are you doing here?" Kate narrowed her eyes.
"I'll answer in the morning." I gestured to my suitcase. "Can we sleep?"
Kate narrowed her eyes. "What happened with Trevor?"
"Nothing." I lied. "I just need a few girl's days."
"Something is fishy here, but I'm to tired to care right now. Let's go sleep."
I sighed in relief. Kate would probably question me in the morning but form now I was safe.
We laid down on her bed and she went back to sleep almost instantly. I could her her breathing lightly beside me while I stared at the ceiling. Sleep was out of the question for me. I knew I wouldn't fall asleep, but being in a different apartment than Trevor eased my mind. I needed space.
I knew that it was not fair for Trevor. When he woke up and saw that I was gone he would probably feel... heck I don't know what he would feel, but it for sure wouldn't be a nice feeling. I shouldn't have run away. Not last night and not today. I was only complicating thing even more. We could figure out everything by talking, but I was not ready for that.
What would I even tell him? I love you? Yes, I do... but in my mind it has always been as a friend, or I've always convinced myself that it's just as my best friend. He couldn't possibly like me. He always manages to find himself a girlfriend and I'm back to dealing with it.
I finally turned on my side at eight in the morning to try to get some sleep. It felt like a blink of an eye before Kate was shaking me awake.
"Wakey, wakey!" She pulled the blankets away. "Rise and shine, it's 10am!"
I groaned still not opening my eyes. "Not yet."
"You have some explaining to do." I pictured her narrowing her eyes at me.
"Not yet."
"You can tell me over breakfast. I have class at eleven so we have to hurry." Kate opened the curtains before leaving the room and I groaned again.
Somehow I managed to leave the bed and have a shower that made me feel refreshed. I pulled out the comfiest clothes I could find my suitcase and walked to kitchen.
I checked the clock and happily realized that Kate had fifteen minutes to leave if se wanted to get to class on time, and she hated being late. Don't even get me started on skipping class.
"You have to hurry or you'll be late."
Kate glared at me over her cereal bowl.
"That doesn't mean we won't talk about whatever happened between you and Trevor." She said between bites.
"We will talk about it, but not right now." I would push the topic away from the conversation for as long as I could.
I prepared my own bowl of cereal and stuffed my mouth with it. I couldn't talk if I had my mouth full. Kate shook her head disapprovingly.
I gestured to the clock so that she would hurry and I would be safe for a few mor hours. She curse when she saw the time and left her unfinished breakfast in the table.
"I'm assuming you are not going to school today, that's okay, but we will talk when I get back."
I just blinked innocently at her. I sighed when she finally closed the door on her way out a few minutes later.
* * *
"Trevor looks like shit. What really happened between you two?" Kate cornered me in the kitchen the second she got back. "Matt won't say anything to me."
"You saw Trevor?"
"What do you think?"
"Okay, stupid question. Maybe Matt doesn't know anything?"
"Don't do that." Kate all but growled.
"Do what?"
"Dodge the subject, play dumb, try to distract me, you get my drift. What happened?"
"After my last date, Trevor rescued me and we went to a bar." I had avoided telling Kate long enough. I was actually surprised she find t force me to spill the truth in the morning. She had been incredibly patient with me and she deserved to know. "I drank a lot and we left. We went home and I sobered up on the way, but I was feeling kind of down so we talked. I don't even know how it happened but we were kissing, really kissing and he got... um... exited. I felt so awkward and confused and walked away slamming the door to my room. In the morning I panicked and came here."
"You just up and left after you two kissed?" Kate couldn't look more shocked.
"Yes."
"What the fuck, Dakota?" She was furious. "The boy is crazy about you, you kiss and then leave him there hanging by a thread! And worst of all, it wasn't enough to slam the door on his face. Oh, no! You had to leave the apartment?!"
"Yes."
"Just because of a kiss?!"
"I think we already covered this part." I rolled my eyes.
"What is wrong with you?"
"I panicked!"
"That's not a good enough reason!"
"I just need time to think things through." I tried to explain.
"I'm not going to be part of this nonsense." Kate paced deep in thought. I just stared at her until she finally turned to me again. "You can't stay here anymore. I've officially kicked you out so that you're forced to go back to your apartment and talk to Trevor."
"What?! You can't kick me out!"
"I just did." Kate smiled smugly.
I didn't even had time to complain. Ten minutes later Kate pushed me outside, threw my suitcase by my feet and slammed the door shut. I stared open mouthed at the door for a solid three minutes. Time for plan B.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Double update because I feel so guilt about not updating in awhile.
Regards,
A. L. Pecka