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"I say your name, just listen. Doesn't it sound different? Never whispered it this way. It's gonna take me a minute, but I could get used to this. The feeling of your fingertips. The feeling of another kiss. It's gonna take me a minute, but I could get used to this"
~ Used to This (Romance)
OLIVIA
I cried for what felt like hours after Hunter left.
It hurt to breathe.
It hurt to think because my thoughts were filled with him.
His smile. His laugh. His voice. His kindness.
His sad eyes as he listened to me tear him down.
It was all I could see and not even my endless tears could blur the vivid image of how hurt he looked before he left.
When I couldn't cry any more tears, I got up from the bed. I felt heavy with grief. I ruined everything. Everything.
I went downstairs to find the house empty and a mess, especially the backyard. It was night time, though I didn't care enough to check the clock.
Without thought, I started cleaning. And for a second, I forgot about everything.
But his words from before came back, flashing into my mind. "If, and it's a big if, I leave, you won't be ruined. You're better than that, Liv. You may be hurt and heartbroken, but you're strong enough to deal with it and eventually move on to something better."
I sniffed, walking over to a sweater on one of the chairs. It belonged to him. I knew it. It smelled so much like him. He was wearing it earlier before he took it off later on in the party.
Tears welled in my swollen eyes and fell.
I tried to remind myself why I'd done all this, why I'd caused both of us, especially him, so much pain.
My dad.
But Hunter wasn't like my dad.
All the pain I was trying to prevent...I mean, was all of this worth it? Was putting that look in his eyes worth it?
I hurt him in a way I never wanted to. I broke his heart. I know I did.
All just so he wouldn't have the power to ever break mine.
Only I broke my own heart trying to protect it from someone who believed in me. He trusted I'd find a way to be okay, more than okay, without him if he left me. And I was arguing against him, because what, I didn't believe in me being strong enough to handle something like that? Did I think of myself as that weak?
I almost dropped the cups I was throwing into a trash bag at how far my heart dropped.
I was such an idiot.
I was hurting and he was hurting for absolutely no reason. Tonight should've been a happy one, not one we spent separately.
God, he came looking for me, to tell me about the things he was excited about, to tell me he loved me, to hand me something so precious and priceless, and I ruined everything.
I let out a shuddered breath and walked into the kitchen to grab a glass of water, catching the time on the stove. It had been over an hour since he'd left.
I was almost done cleaning the backyard and the house itself wasn't that bad. I finished the glass of water and walked back out to the yard, determined to finish what I'd started.
I couldn't let him come back to a messy home. It was the least I could do.
He deserved better.
He really did.
I couldn't keep him out of my head as I finished cleaning the rest of the back yard. I hauled four full trash bags to a corner of the backyard for Hunter to deal with, only because trash day wasn't for almost another week so it would've been pointless to put them out in the front yard. Then, I headed back inside and cleaned everything to a T.
I had mini crying moments during. I tried to stop, but how could I?
I was in his home and there were reminders everywhere. The two mugs we'd silently designated as each other's, the part of the couch we laid together on countless times to watch movies. I almost chuckled remembering when once we'd both fallen asleep during a movie and I accidentally pushed him off the bed. My laugh quickly turned into a sob when I remembered it was in the same spot that he'd carefully helped me do the DNA test when I couldn't handle to do it on my own. I sniffed, attempting to catch up with my tears as I walked to the coffee table to try and clean it.
As I was wiping the coffee table, I heard keys insert into the front door lock and I froze.
Oh no. He was here. My heart raced. I shouldn't be here. He probably doesn't want to be anywhere near me. I quickly wiped my tears, but soon realized my swollen eyes weren't going anywhere. Besides, even without the swollen eyes, he'd known I was crying by just looking at me.
He opened the door before I could unfreeze to hide.
His own swollen red eyes met mine and immediately my tears returned and fell.
He didn't race to me as he would've before. Instead, he closed the door behind him and turned to me. "You're still here," he murmured.
I gave him a nod, putting the Windex down on the table.
"Why?"
I sniffed. "Because I wanted you to come to a clean home."
He closed his eyes for a second and turned away before opening them again. "Why do you care what I come home to?"
Simply, the words left my lips without thought. "Because I love you." My voice trembled but was still loud and clear.
I felt lighter immediately and a sort of calm washed over me.
He turned his head back to me. "What?"
I took a step closer to where he stood. "I love you. I know what I said before. I'm not gonna lie and say I didn't mean any of it because I did. I was scared."
He blinked, still weary. "Was?"
I rushed to make sense of everything before he completely shut me out. "Still am, but...I realize now it's pointless to push you away. What I did hurt you. I know it broke your heart, I can see it in the way you look at me."
He stilled at my words but stayed quiet. His coldness didn't thaw and the more he remained that way, the more I began to worry. "I was so afraid that if I gave you that power over me, you'd eventually break me. But these past few hours have been some of the worst of my life. I broke my own heart trying to protect it. I was wrong, Hunter, so very wrong."
He sighed. "What are you asking?"
I flinched. "I want us to move on from what happened earlier today. Together."
"You broke up with me, Olivia," he bit out, roughly wiping at his eyes as if they were frustrating him by leaking.
I gulped. "I know. I know. And I was wrong. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
"Stop apologizing," he growled, and then softly went on to whisper, "Please stop."
"What do you want me to do?" I cried, pleading with him to talk to me.
"I want you to not push me away whenever you're scared," he said, giving me a look that chilled me to my core. More tears fell at how sad he looked, how broken.
I'd done that.
I rushed to his side and cupped his face in my hands. "I won't. I won't do that again. You are not like my dad. You're better, so much better."
He was watching me closely. I saw his resolve break, finally giving me a warm look. "Say it again."
The tone in which he spoke was that of a plea, a desperate plea. And I knew immediately what he wanted. My heart fluttered as a small smile played at the edge of my lips. "I love you."
He smiled, too, and it was too beautiful a sight. "One more."
A small laugh escaped me, but it sounded more like a cry. I caressed his bottom lip with my thumb and whispered, "I love you, baby."
He grabbed my hand, pressing a soft kiss to the pad of my thumb. "Promise me the next time if you choose to end things, you'll have thought it through and mean it. I can't handle this happening over and over."
I shook my head. "I promise. If, and it's a big if, I ever end it with you, it'll be because I've thought it over and over and mean it. It hurt me to hurt you. I hate that I made you feel like I didn't love you or even want you. You're worth the fight and I will fight with everything I have to make us work."
He grinned. "Ain't no mountain high enough?"
I smiled, too. "Nope. Nothing can keep me from getting to you, babe."
Chuckling, he pressed another kiss to my thumb. "I love you, too, Liv."
And when he kissed me then, I knew I was going to be okay. It felt too good to be true, to have him in my arms kissing me like this, but I knew it was real. He was real. What we have is real and strong as long as we wanted and put in the effort for us to stay that way.
I kissed him back with as much ardor as he offered me. He lowered his hands to my waist and pulled me closer against his body.
Before we could get carried away, I pulled back from him, smiling when he let out a confused groan.
"You wanted to tell me something about you and the guys earlier," I said, unable to tear my eyes away from his luscious lips.
He blinked, his lustful eyes opening wider to study me. "Yeah, uh, we're doing group therapy."
A huge smile split my lips, my arms around his neck tightening their hold. "That's great! I'm really happy for you."
He let out a laugh, hugging me closer. "Thank you for pushing me to talk to Peter. You have no idea how much I needed that."
I shrugged, still smiling up at him.
Then leaning in closer, he said, "before I forget, I have something for you."
I was too lost in his eyes to pay much attention to his words. "Hmm?"
"Your DNA results came in and you have a couple of matches." He spoke softly, watching me closely as if ready to react if I had a meltdown.
His words definitely caught my attention and my heart constricted in such a painful way, I let out a small gasp. "Matches?"
He nodded. "They matched you to men you share DNA with...one of them could be your dad. It's a maybe, though."
I swallowed hard. Moving my arms from his neck, I moved to grab his arms to keep myself up.
"I can reach out to them on your behalf if you're not up to it," he whispered, drawing soft circles on my back to keep me grounded. "I was going to ask you about it earlier, but..."
I shook my head. "But I acted horribly."
Using his finger to turn my eyes back to meet his, he gave me a sweet smile. "And it's all over now. We talked about it and that's all that matters."
I searched his eyes for any hint that he was only saying that to make me feel better, but I couldn't find anything. I sighed. "I don't want to burden you, Hunter."
"You wouldn't be asking me to do anything I'm not already ready to do," he said.
"Are you sure?"
He smiled. "Absolutely."
And when he pecked my forehead and made a move to get away, I moved my arms back around his neck and tightened my hold. "Where are you going?"
"To send those emails, the sooner they get them the better," he explained.
I shook my head, bringing him in closer. "No, later. You just got here. I want another kiss."
He chuckled, giving me a small peck.
I opened my eyes which I'd closed in anticipation and almost rolled my eyes. "Kiss me, Hunter."
He sobered quickly at the tone of my voice and brought his lips to mine without delay. He kissed me as if his life depended on it and I spent the whole time trying to regain my breath he stole and keep up with the intensity of his lips.
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(please don't forget to comment and vote. thank you so much for all the support)
- what are your thoughts on this chapter?
- what are your thoughts on Hunter and Olivia?