[Kat]
I sat with Paul in a little diner on the outskirts of the city we were staying in for the week. I picked the booth way back in the corner, just to be out of the way of prying eyes. As much as I loved meeting fans and all of that, I thought my head would explode if I was asked to sign one more thing.
Shawn really was at the height of his fame, and being not only his manager but also his girlfriend, I got to experience it with him. It seemed like the more popular he got, the cockier he got about it. He had such an intense need to be talked about, but not necessarily liked.
Tensions between him and what felt like literally anyone else in the locker room were just getting worse as the days went on. Shawn and his big mouth were definitely not helping.
The closer we got to Wrestlemania, the more I was worried he was going to lose it. The pain he felt every time he got in the ring coupled with his denial of his career ending took their toll. He was becoming more and more irritable and overall just hard to be around.
I longed for the days we could just sit on the couch and laugh at old movies. All Shawn wanted to talk about anymore was the business, and how fucked it all was.
I was beyond grateful when Paul invited us to dinner. I would have given my left leg to just kick it back and talk about nothing at all with my friends.
Shawn didn't want to come. He made some bullshit excuse and basically told us to do whatever the fuck we want without him. That was what we wanted anyway, right?
I couldn't understand what he meant. He got so pissed just because Paul and I were going to dinner. Well, excuse me for not wanting to spend another night watching him wallow in self-pity.
"Thank you for bringing me here," I told Paul.
He looked up from his menu for a moment to respond. "I felt like you needed some air. Shawn's kept you cooped up."
"You got that right..." While Shawn may not have been physically holding me down, I felt like I needed to stay by his side at all times. I didn't want to admit it, but I was worried about what he might do if I wasn't there.
"What are you going to get?"
I looked at my choices, and nothing really seemed appetizing. "I don't know. I've kind of been sick to my stomach." I really, really hoped it was just a stomach bug.
"The Katherine McMahon I know would not leave here without a milkshake," he told me.
I grinned. "You know me too well. Would it be bad to just get a chocolate milkshake?"
He shook his head. "Get what you want. I don't want to make you sick. I'm getting a burger, though." Of course. He had to eat a lot to keep up with all the weight lifting he did.
"That's what I'm ordering, then." I flipped my menu closed with a small sigh. I thought Paul wouldn't hear me, but he did.
"Alright, what's up?" he asked. "Something's bothering you. We can leave if you want."
"No, no, I'm happy to be out, but..." I had so many thoughts buzzing around in my head, I didn't even know which one to bring up first. "Did you hear the radio today?"
"No. Why?"
"Another wrestler overdosed today. And... I know I didn't even know him, but every time it happens... it's a shot to the gut." I wrestled with my words for a minute. "Just, what if...?"
"He won't." Paul always knew what I was thinking.
"How do you know?"
"I don't." I liked that Paul didn't pull punches with me, but it still made my stomach turn hearing the truth. "You have to have a little faith in him. It's the only way you'll keep yourself from going insane."
"I know."
I just wanted to fall into a comfortable silence, and Paul let it happen. It was easy hanging out with him; he had become like another brother to me over the past couple years. I was so glad I could count on him to be there for Shawn and I.
I didn't know where I would be without Paul to back me up, rant to, or just be there.
We were hanging out more lately by ourselves, because Shawn didn't want to go anywhere. He would get so worked up about it every time. I was starting to get the feeling he was jealous.
He had no reason to be, of course. Paul and I were just friends. Besides, we did invite him.
It didn't matter. Shawn was his own worst enemy, and if a thought got into his head, he obsessed over it. Nothing I or Paul said would help.
"Do you think Shawn acted strange about us going out?" I asked. The waiter had just brought over my milkshake and Paul's drink.
He shrugged. "He acts like that all the time now."
"I know, but... I think he's jealous of us."
"Why?" I couldn't think of a good reason either.
"I don't know. He acts like I'm going to run off with you or something." I rolled my eyes.
Paul shook his head. "Don't worry about it. Stop worrying so much about him."
"I can't," I told him. "I just don't want anything to happen to him."
"I realize that, but, Kat," he said, "It's killing you. You can't keep going at this rate. We both know Shawn's going down a dark path; that's not our fault. I don't think we can stop him at this point. All you're doing is bringing yourself down with him."
"So what am I supposed to do? Watch him fall? Just stand by and let it happen?"
He shrugged again. "Maybe. If that's what is best for you."
He had a point. I did need to think of my own mental health a bit. I loved Shawn, but recently he was dragging everyone around him down. Not even I could escape the low moods.
Paul was right, as always: me worrying about Shawn was unhealthy.
***
I said goodbye to Paul in the hallway of the hotel before bracing myself for whatever mood Shawn was in. If it was bad, I would have to be there for him.
When I walked in the room, he wasn't there. He didn't have any plans that night. Going out with us was supposed to be his plans.
I searched the room one more time before I started panicking. I could only imagine what kind of trouble he could be getting into.
I wanted to go ask Paul what I should do, but I didn't want to bother him any more. I remembered his words from dinner and tried my best to settle down. Shawn was a grown ass man, after all.
What was the need for worry?
I attempted to relax, or maybe go to sleep, but I couldn't stop myself from staying up and waiting. I just needed to see him okay before I went to bed. That was all.
Shawn finally stumbled in very late and looked like he didn't expect me to still be up. As if I wasn't there for him every other time.
"It's midnight. Where the hell have you been?" All of my concern was flowing out of me. I caught a whiff of him and knew exactly where he'd been. "Have you been drinking?"
I already knew the answer, but I wanted to hear it from him. I wanted to see if he would admit it to me.
"I went out," He shrugged it off. "But I missed you," he pulled me in closer to him, wrapping his hands around my waist. He tried to kiss me, but it wasn't happening.
I had a right to be upset.
"You're drunk off your ass. You smell like a liquor store," I said, pushing him away.
"I haven't even had that much. C'mon, Kat. Can't we just have some fun?" I knew what he wanted, and it wasn't happening. He moved closer again, so I shoved his hands away.
"Yes, you have," I told him, "And I'm not having sex with you while you're like this."
Suddenly it was like I flipped a switch. He grabbed my wrists and held them tightly so I couldn't move out of his grip.
"Shawn, what are you doing?"
His temper flared in his eyes. I was shocked to see him this bad. "Is it because of him?!" he shouted. "You think I don't know about you two? How you've been fucking my best friend behind my back?"
"I'm not fucking Paul! You're hurting me." His hands were digging into my wrists.
"Just tell me the truth, Kat. I've seen you hanging around him all the time. I've seen you two laughing. I've seen the way he looks at you."
"Shawn I would never cheat on you. You know that! Paul and I are just friends. Are you really this paranoid?" I knew nothing I said would convince him, but I had to try.
He stared me down, deciding whether I could be trusted or not.
"Shawn, you're scaring me," I said, my voice cracking.
He glared straight into my eyes and let me go. I couldn't scramble away from him fast enough.
"Get out. Get out of here, Shawn. I don't want you here." I was shaking and I wasn't sure if it was from anger or fear. "Go!"
"Babe, I'm sorry--" He tried to take it back, but he couldn't. It was too late.
"If you won't leave, then I will," I declared. I started throwing my things into a bag.
Shawn tried to lay a hand on my shoulder, but I shivered away from his touch. He backed away again, mumbling curses to himself.
I didn't want to leave him there to self-destruct, but suddenly I didn't feel safe. I didn't know what else to do.I hated feeling scared of Shawn.
I had never seen this side of him before, and I didn't like it one bit.
"If you need me, I'll be with Paul, or Joanie, or somebody. Do yourself a favor and get some rest, please?"
I waited for an answer but one never came. I sealed the door shut behind me and stayed the night with Paul.
He tried to get an explanation out of me, but I just couldn't find words. I didn't want to talk about it, I just wanted to forget it. Eventually he left me alone and I was left with my own thoughts.
I wished I wasn't.
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-A/N-
There's only one way to describe this chapter: oof
Also, we are so close to finishing this boi, I'm actually shook.
Three more chapters!! That's it!! WhAt
The last chapter was the last Shawn chapter and next chapter we're throwing a slight curveball and having a Paul chapter yo.
Anyway hope you enjoyed and don't be afraid to comment/message me babes❤