Warning.
I don't recommend you reading if you recently had suicidal thoughts or are harming on self.
Also please find help if you have suicidal thoughts or are harming yourself or you're being bullied. There's always someone there to help you.
So please find someone who can help you out with whatever situation you are facing.
Alex's P.O.V
Every day.
Every day I had to fight to survive.
Why?
Because of him.
He would shove me into the lockers, insult me until I cried and made fun of me anyway he could.
He was in pain.
He blamed me for Grayson's death every single day of my life.
It could have been me, to be honest.
Yet it wasn't.
My best friend dead and I am the reason why.
What happened? You might ask.
Grayson and I would hang out a lot during the summer.
Ethan one day decided not to join us as he went out with some other friends.
I and Grayson decided to go swimming.
We both swam and played around in the water. Then the weather changed drastically.
The clear clouds out became a dark shade of gray.
The once blue sky was pitch black.
The waves began moving out of control.
I was holding on to him.
Then he let go.
I was then pushed around by the currents unable to breathe properly.
Next thing I knew I saw lights flashing towards my direction and someone helped me up.
I was safe but he wasn't.
Ethan broke down and blamed me and only me for his death.
He knew I came up with the idea to go swimming but I didn't know this was to come.
But that didn't matter anymore because my suffering made him feel better somehow I think.
"Watch where you are going bitch?!" he rudely says pushing me towards the lockers quite violently.
I hit head slightly causing my head to throb.
I looked up at him in fear and say his cold eyes burry a hole in me.
"Quit staring or you will infect me with your weirdness, freak," he says as he chuckles with the rest of his friends.
It hurts still hearing him say that.
I lowered my head and prayed that he would leave by now but he didn't.
"Why couldn't I have been you?" he questions causing me to look back at him.
"I miss him too" I mumble.
He scoffs.
"Don't start with that bs of yours. We all know your a worthless piece of shit" he spits and walks away from me.
Some people around stared at me but I pushed it all away.
Instead of going to class, I left.
I drove myself to that same place me and Grayson were at the last time I saw him.
I stopped my car and walked all the way to the cliff.
I stood there looking out letting tears fall down my cheeks.
I was tired of it all.
His insults.
His mental abuse.
I was done.
I missed him.
I miss having them both.
Another part of it all was that Ethan liked me before.
He admitted it once in front of me.
Then everything happened and that love he had for me became hate.
Hate
Such a strong word they say.
Yet he used it like it was nothing.
'I hate you' he said.
Ever since then my heart never healed.
I had lost them both.
Then one of them became my bully.
And now I have no will to live.
I took a step forward.
I then took another step as I was fairly close now.
One more and it's done.
"I'll see you in a bit" I whispered.
I took the last step causing me to fall off.
It felt like time slowed down once I was falling.
Time was endless.
Later I felt my body slowly submerge itself in the water.
My heavy clothing made it easier to sink.
I stopped fighting.
My lungs slowly filled up with the water making it harder to breathe.
Yet I felt at peace with everything as I slowly drifted away.
-
A/n
I literally cried a bit writing this.
Once again seek help. I love you guys the most and please take care.
<3