Shawn looked scared as he backed off.. I saw it on his face.
"What is going on?" Lucas asks.
"Nothing" I say, trying to cover up for Shawn. I know he was about to kiss me. I can't believe he was actually going to kiss me. Holy shit we were about to Kiss. This is just crazy.
"I asked Shawn" says Lucas with an angry face.
Shawn's face turned red and it looks like a freaking tomato. Lucas caught him and He had no idea how to react. I'm looking at Shawn looking really nervous and embarrassed. I don't think I ever saw him like this.
"Lucas I swear nothing happened. Can I just talk to Shawn? we'll be out in a sec I swear" I say. i have to talk to Shawn about what the hell almost happened. Was he really going to kiss me?
There is an awkward silence in the room for a minute or so when, "B can I talk to you outside?" Lucas asks me. Oh no. This is not going to end well.
"Uh.... ok" I say. I'm scared.
I go out with Lucas and on my way out of the room I give Shawn a look of ' I'm sorry ' and helplessness.
"What the fuck" Lucas says the second we are both out of the room where Shawn can't hear.
"What?" I say Innocently. "Don't you, what me. What the fuck? Are you serious? I asked you spasticity not to. Why? What?" He asks. He can't even put words together he is just throwing words randomly.. he is so confused and he doesn't know how to react to what just happened, and if I'm honest nether do I.
I'm so confused by what just happened, I mean.. almost happened.
"I don't know how to answer that" I say. Am I supposed to answer the ' What? ' part of the ' why? ' part? I'm confused by the question as well.
"Did you kiss him?" He asks. "What?! NO!" I say. I almost did.. I'm actually a bit happy we didn't kissed it would have changed everything. What if I don't know, something happened..? What if I started to get attached and he will have to leave to go on tour..? Or if he suddenly decides I'm not good enough, or if he doesn't want us to be friends any more? I don't know. Anything is possible..
"For real?" He asks. "Yes, Lucas nothing happened I swear" I say. I feel a tiny bit of guilt, we didn't kiss but something did happen.
"I don't know it looked intense from where I was standing." He says. "Lucas nothing happened." I say. "Ok, I believe you" He says. Thank god!
"I'm going out for a ride.. maybe I'll go to Starbucks, do you want something?" He asks. "No I'm good, maybe Shawn wants something I'll go ask him" I say. I go to my room to see Shawn walking very nervously in the room.
"What did he say? Does he hate me? Oh shut that's it I ruined everything.." Shawn looks tense.
"No no, everything is ok. He is going to Starbucks you want something?" I ask him. He looks at me with a face of: Are you serious?!
"No I'm good" he says. "Just relax.." I say quiet and I walk out "he doesn't want anything" I say.
"Ok" he says. I turn around to go back to my room.
"Wait" Lucas calls. "What?" I turn around "promise me You won't." He says. I won't What? Kiss him? Talk to him? Tell him about this? There are so many different meanings to: promise me you won't.
"I promise" I say. I know he meant for me to promise I won't ruin this, our friendship. So I can't kiss him. Even tho I don't think Shawn would want to kiss me after this.
Lucas walks out of the house and I go back to my room and I close the door.
"He left" I say relived.
Shawn looks at me and he is walking my way really fast. He is getting closer and closer and he pushes me so we are both just leaning on the door, but his face is so close to mine, closer than before. I feel the butterflies.. I feel my heart beat. I feel the joy that is in my veins making everything more intense. We look at each other. His eyes are all sparkly again....
He kisses me.
He stops and is looking me in the eyes. Waiting for me to respond, but I'm speechless, frozen. That kiss, Oh Wow...... That kiss Was EVERYTHING.
We both know this is completely wrong.. that we should just back off and walk away, never to speak about it again... to act like nothing happened.
Instead,
He leans in again and he kisses me. As I said we both know this is so wrong, in so many ways.. and no matter all that, I don't want him to ever stop. I feel like I'm in heaven. In that moment my head is floating, I'm not thinking about a thing.. Shawn and I are the only people in the whole world for this one specific moment.