CHAPTER FORTY FIVE- Just be honest.
A sharp pang of pain channelled through my bones and I rolled over uncomfortably. I grimaced at it and then shut my eyes even tighter, as if seeing any light was going to seriously injure me, which maybe it was, it sure felt that way. I moved an arm around me, trying to gather my surroundings, this smelt like home – which was always good – I didn’t know what I would do if I had woken up somewhere else. But the smell of home was faint, distant and not at all prominent. Over powering it was the uneasy and always worrying stench of alcohol that was cluttering the air, filling my nostrils. It not only made me sick with worry about what had happened last night, but was also overly keen to inflict an undeniable throbbing in my temples. I lifted a palm –shaky as I did so – to my forehead. It felt hot and sticky with sweat but I couldn’t deny that there was an algid shiver racing through my body. I better not be sick. I waited a few seconds as I just stayed like that, hoping that maybe, any second now, the might just all disappear. Unfortunately though, no such thing happened. I cursed myself for drinking so much last night, but it seemed a good idea at the time. To just forget about all those worries I had piled on top of me. A few more seconds passed, and still – nothing changed – so I concluded that this was my punishment for drowning my problems instead of facing them. I sat up, slowly, but obviously not slowly enough as my head whirred with both pain and dizziness as I did so. So I stopped, halfway sat up my back was arced as I waited for it to settle again, when it did, back into that painful throbbing I forced my eyes open, the curtain lifting on my surroundings.
I was in the living room, that much was clear, on the sofa, that was clear too. The curtains were closed although the daylight was forcing itself through and even that, hurt my eyes. I rolled my gaze around the room trying to decipher when and who with I had arrived here. I was way too drunk to have put myself on this sofa, so what was going on? I sincerely hoped Liam hadn’t come to rescue my intoxicated butt again. But maybe that would have been better than the other possible scenarios that were running through my head. My eyes settled on the clock, mocking me almost.
3:05 PM.
I watched the seconds waste away, silently teasing me, asking me how much longer I was going to loll around on this sofa feeling sorry for myself. I didn’t know. Maybe all day. Or maybe even for the rest of my life, after all, one thing I do remember last night was the paparazzi, but it was all such a daze of dizzy intoxication I was way too drunk to do anything. So I knew that many bad things were going to come out of my drowning sorrows session last night. One thing was that I was definitely in for a couple of lectures, Liam (I didn’t doubt would be the first one) Then probably management, or someone. In fact, I was so drunk last night, and with a girl which would surely be twisted to be my new girlfriend (said girl also drunk so god knows what happened) that I didn’t doubt I would be in for a few words possibly even from my family, or somebody I was close to. After all, I didn’t doubt that I probably done some pretty stupid things last night. I don’t even know how I made it back here and maybe, I didn’t even want to know.
And then it hit me. Ashley. I was gonna be in some trouble with her. Me getting drunk? She didn’t care, as long as I was having fun, but then I realised that this scenario seemed awfully familiar. The whole time I was slowly wasting myself in alcohol; I was with Jess. And there were paparazzi; I didn’t doubt that the pictures they took of us were already circling the internet, claiming her to be my new girlfriend. Or maybe even just a one night stand. I didn’t doubt that they would throw in the hint that we got off with each other either and probably –just for a bit of fun because hey ho what else could go wrong – the mention of Ashley somewhere. I almost slapped a hand to my forehead, but I spared myself the pain, since it was throbbing enough already. And I didn’t even think I could feel any more stupid. Deciding that right now the anxiety was killing me and what the current situation with Ash was I turned my phone on, squinting as the light seemed too bright too, hurting my head and my eyes. And my body was still sporting that dreadful ache.
She had called me once more since the bar and had text me twice. Now I really began to feel guilty, she was really trying.
21:43; Would you just pick up the phone? Shout at me if you like, I just want to know why you’re ignoring me.
That was just after I turned my phone off. Shit.
01:03; At this point, why you’re ignoring me isn’t relevant anymore. I know you’re drunk, possibly completely shitfaced. And you’re stupid when you’re drunk, so please don’t do anything stupid and just text me back to let me know you’re okay, that’s all I want you to do. I’m worried x
I died a little at that. So I’m a complete dick to her and quite blatantly ignore her, go on a date with some other girl, while still ignoring her and she texts me that? I’m such a fucking idiot. Just as I was about to contemplate whether I should reply or not another came through, her name flashing on the screen. My hands were shaking as I outstretched a finger pressing the View button almost nervous what this message was going to say.
Okay I’m done trying to get you to speak to me. And I know you’re ignoring me on purpose, I just don’t know why. So just let me know when you’re ready to be mature about it and talk it out. All I can say is I hope you’re okay since I know you were completely wasted last night. I love you x
“I love you too.”
I whispered, but my fingers wouldn’t inflict this onto the keypad however much I told them to. For some reason, I couldn’t even begin to form a reply; I was so freaking scared of screwing it up. If she knows I was completely wasted, she’s probably seen the pictures of Jess and I, and yet she still texts me that? Freaking hell this girl is something.
Before I could think about it any further my phone flashed with the L O W B A T T E R Y symbol and then it was powering it off, completely drained of power. Maybe that was how I felt, however much I wanted to text her back, ring her even and tell her I was sorry; I didn’t have the power to do it. It was like there was this voice, whispering in my ear, telling me that I was supposed to be mad at her, I wasn’t supposed to feel guilty, I had done nothing wrong. But now I couldn’t say that as a guarantee anymore, since I had no clue what happened last night and like Ashley said, I do stupid things when I’m drunk, and Jess was completely hammered too, so fuck knows how stupid I really could have got.
Before I could contemplate this further, Liam entered the room, his eyes widening when he saw me and he broke out into a smile, but it was full of pity. Which I didn’t deserve. It was my fault for getting utterly smashed why shouldn’t I serve the punishment?
“Hey, you’re awake.”
He observed. No, I’m just sleeping with my eyes open and sitting up, Liam. When I didn’t respond he frowned slightly and then proceeded to open the curtains but I slammed a hand to my eyes shielding them from the light.
“No close them! It hurts.”
I exclaimed, it even hurt to speak. My own voice making my ears ring. He turned to face me an amused look crossing his face he pulled them back across, cloaking the room in darkness again. But the damage had been done; now my eyes and my head were hurting.
“That’s what you get for getting completely and utterly smashed. You were out of it man.”
He chuckled.
“Shhh don’t speak so loud. You’re like shouting.”
I whined collapsing back onto the sofa. He smirked as he sat down in the sofa opposite me still looking thoroughly amused, at least someone finds this amusing.
“Believe me I’m not. Seriously though, I think that’s the worst I’ve ever seen you.”
“It couldn’t have been,” I protested rubbing saw and sorry head. “I remember them cutting me off.”
He laughed at this.
“Yeah but that didn’t stop you from getting even more wasted back here. You were like an addict, pouring it down your neck at three in the morning in the kitchen and then you threw up, twice.”
This was new information me and I instantly felt even guiltier. He had obviously been the one that was taking care of me, Ashley normally did, Liam hadn’t had to in a while since the last few times I had been drunk I’d been with Ashley and she always took on the role of dealing with my intoxicated self, and from Harry so gratefully filming me once, I knew was quite challenge.
“Oh,” Was all I could manage. “Sorry. But I was you know…Drunk, I didn’t know what I was doing.”
“I know,” He agreed shrugging. “But come on, I know you only get that wasted when something’s bothering you, so what’s up? Was it do with Ashley? Cus she rang me you know, seemed pretty worried actually. She didn’t say a lot, but I could tell she was pretty worried.”
Fucking hell. This just gets worse and worse.
“Sh-She did?”
“That is what I just said. So are you gonna tell me or what?”
I grimaced as I remembered why I had been ignoring her. I didn’t even give her a chance to explain before I took it against her and took action, that was wrong of me, I knew, but yet I continued anyway. I felt so guilty though, she had enough on her plate without dealing with me getting funny with her over some stupid gossip sites.
“Liam I’ve done something really stupid.”
I moaned covering my face with my hands as I kept on mentally slapping myself. I deserved so much more than a mental slap.
“I know.”
He told me and I shot my gaze to his confusion flooding my face.
“What do you mean?”
“Wait…That wasn’t what you were talking about, was it?”
“What was?”
“Wait here, you’re not gonna like it.”
He informed me remorse haunting his tone as he got up and went to the kitchen. I just sat there furrowing my brow wondering what else I could have possibly done in the past twenty four hours. He came back biting on his lips nervously he chucked a magazine at me. I felt like throwing my guts up all over again at the front page.
“No way.”
I breathed about to burst into tears at my complete and utter stupidity.
“Yes way. It was only a few seconds before you basically fell over but still, a lot of pictures were taken, and who was the girl anyway? You know it doesn’t make it any better that it was only a few seconds of a kiss though? I thought you already knew but you do now. But mate, damn have you got some explaining to do.”
Damn right I do.
“It doesn’t matter how long it was, I still did it. How could I be so fucking stupid? Fucking hell Liam. What the hell am I gonna do?”
My initial idea was to give Ashley a taste of her own medicine. I was gonna give her the silent treatment for a few days and then I’d confront her about it and be prepared to listen to her side of the story, not go drunkenly kissing an innocent Jess who had her own boyfriend/ex-boyfriend whatever that she clearly wasn’t over. But the point was, that Ashley and I weren’t even on a break, we were still very much together, we just weren’t talking and I was ignoring her calls and texts. So many people had hurt her, let her down, and who had I been? The one who stood by her and promised her that as long as I lived I wouldn’t hurt her like everyone else had, she trusted me, I showed her that I was different, that I wasn’t going to hurt her and that I loved her for her, and not for her appearance or anything else. And for a long time I kept that up, and then one conversation with Zayn winding me up, a few stupid gossip site articles, a date that wasn’t even a date with some girl named Jess and then a few drinks too many and it’s all down the drain.
“Well if I was you, I would start by calling Ashley. She’s probably gonna be pretty mad.”
I felt my heart break even more; he didn’t even know the half of it.
“Liam you don’t even know the half of it. It’s more than just kissing Jess, okay?”
“What? What have you done?”
“Been a total asshole and the type of guy that she hates.”
“Niall.”
“What? It’s true!”
“I’m sure it can’t be that bad.”
“It is…Fuck Liam I’m so freaking stupid. This is worse than any of the times before. I’ve majorly screwed up this time. Oh my god she probably hates me now.”
“Mmm I seem to remember you saying exactly the same thing when you broke up, remember? She hates me Liam. And what did it actually turn out to be?”
“That was different. This is different. This is bad Liam, this is real bad.”
“I can’t exactly comment until you tell me what else it is you’ve done.”
He shrugged. I had to refrain from not punching something right now. I was so pissed off with myself it was unreal. It was just like the break up all over again. Suddenly, I found myself having a flash of that night, those emotions, her words, so quick but so full of meaning, it was horrible, and that was an understatement.
~
“I’ll be right back; I’m going to the toilet.”
Her voice as so gentle into my ear, but it had a hint of playfulness in it too. Her breath was hot on my neck, making me shiver with crave for her. She looked particularly good tonight and it really didn’t help that she was being particularly forward in dropping in cheeky remarks and being excessively seductive. I didn’t know if she was even aware of what she does to me, but I wasn’t sure how much longer I could last with her being like this. Not that I was complaining, but there was only so far I could go in public and with what she was doing to me already, I knew it wasn’t going to be long before we would have evacuate any kind of company. She had me going crazy already.
I arched an eye-brow at her it suddenly hitting me that she kept on having spells of feeling unwell lately and I was worried, but as always if anything was wrong within her health, she wasn’t going to tell me straight away. That was just how Ashley worked, if she thought she could deal with it by herself than she would. She was about to walk away tracing her fingers down my chest in a flirtatious manor but I made a grab for her hips forcing her to turn back around to face me.
“Are you sure you’re feeling okay? Because-“
“Yes, I’m fine. I’m just going to the toilet, I’ll be right back.”
She assured me cutting me off before I got into any more detailed worrying about her. She leant forward giving me a short and sweet kiss before flashing me a smile and then beginning to push her way through the crowd. I watched as some guys made a grab for her ass and she mouthed a Fuck off before moving out the way and pushing them aside, that’s my girl.
I was contemplating finding Zayn as I knew he wouldn’t find some whore as he had Mallory, which I think, was official now. I was pretty sure I could see his unmistakable quiff a few groups of people away and I began to make my way over there. Until someone’s hands forced onto my shoulders pushing me back, with the force that I was no way expecting I stumbled slightly and felt the cool walls slam into contact with my back. At first I thought this had just been the result of someone falling over or something but as I gained my surroundings again I was purely astounded and felt instantly sick at the girl before me. Yet again, I questioned what I ever saw in her, maybe I didn’t even see anything in her, it was Harry who did. I began to push her away, but her grip on my shoulders was tight, really tight, I could feel her nails clawing into me. She smirked at me as if she knew something I didn’t and then she leant closer her lips brushing my ear.
“Where’s your girlfriend…”
She breathed into my ear and I made another push to get her away but it wasn’t working. I was too polite to be violent towards a girl, even if it was Chelsea. Her touch was almost venomous, I didn’t enjoy it at all and I was keen to get out of there and go and find Ashley again, she had to be out of the toilets by now.
“Fuck off Chelsea.”
I seethed but she simply continued and smirked. Just the look in her eyes was completely malicious. I had this feeling something really bad was about to happen, but what I couldn’t pin point. It had to be something to do with Ashley though, that was the only thing Chelsea really cared about; hating and ruining Ashley. I could feel the anger rising inside of me and she just continued to smirk at me. I swear this girl must be solely evil.
“No, I’m good…So I reckon she might be back sometime soon. So maybe, we should make this picture to match her head, pretty, little, and completely surprising.”
She suggested and for a moment I just blinked at her wondering what this meant I was about to give her another shove to try and get her off of me but then before I had time to react her lips were covering mine, it took me a few seconds to realise what was happening but then when I finally pushed her off of me and she stumbled back slightly the glint of happiness in her eyes and the smirk evitable as ever on her lips I realised it was already too late.
For a few seconds Ash just stood there, looking at me. I couldn’t do anything; I was so numb; so I just stared back at her. Our gazes in a deadlock she blinked a few times and even from here I could see her lower lip quivering. I was about to open my mouth to say something; but nothing would come out. And then she closed her eyes, only for a second, and then she opened them again, gave me one last glance and then shook her head and turned around- and left. For a moment I just stood there, wondering how the hell I was going to fix this, I could either totally blow off at Chelsea for doing that, but she was already fleeing. Ashley was what required my attention right now; she was the only one I really cared about. Chelsea didn’t matter; I could have a go at her anytime. Ashley was more complicated than that.
I pushed my way through the sea of bodies, people cursed at me as I went but I just kept on pushing people out the way until I finally burst out of the doors of the club. As soon as I did I broke into a desperate run. You can’t let her go Niall, can’t let her go. I didn’t know where she thought she was going, but right now that was irrelevant, I just had to stop her from going there.
“Ashley, Ash!”
I hollered after her but she just kept walking. Her slim frame hugged tightly in her dress, her blonde curls spinning down her back bouncing up and down as she went, her head was down and it was pretty clear she was crying even from here. I ran a bit more, desperate for her to just acknowledge what I had to say, in all honesty I had no idea what I was going to say, whatever came out my mouth. And whatever it was I better find a way to summarize it because I can tell I don’t have a lot of time. I’ve really screwed up this time. I could already feel the prominent lump rising in my throat, my breath catching, my palms sweating, my hands shaking. I was so freaking scared. I couldn’t bare to see her walk away, terrified that she wasn’t going to come back. I had to make her listen. And yet I’m still stood here, numb and with no idea of what to do.
“Ashley, please just let me explain! Just listen. I’m sorry!”
It seemed like the best shot. It was what you were supposed to say, I knew I was supposed to come up with something extravagant to say, something away from the cliché standard thing that ever guy says after they screw up. But I just couldn’t think of anything else, or think of anything at all apart from the fact that I had to turn things around, and fast. She stopped, and for a mere second I wondered if I had a chance, if I could just get her to listen this one time then maybe things would be okay, then why didn’t it feel like they would be? She turned around, spinning on her heel and she just looked at me, as I stared back at her. Even with the twenty odd metre gap between us and the dank atmosphere of the night I could see the black rivers of mascara staining her cheeks. I’ve majorly screwed up. I couldn’t take the thought of me being the one who put those tears there. I’d spent so long being the good guy; the one who comforted her when other people put those tears there. I wasn’t the one who put them there and I didn’t think I ever would be. And yet, here we were; breaching eleven thirty at night in the streets of London. The tarmac was wet and glistening underneath the orange glow of the streetlights, the lights of the city bright as they overhung the sky but the only thing I could look at was her and think of how absolutely distraught I felt that I had let that happen.
“No!” She hollered through her tears, her voice was cracking with that one word. I wondered if she felt as pained as me right now, but by what she was about to say, it promised otherwise. In fact it promised nothing, nothing but heartbreak. “I’ve had it Niall, this-this is just all too much. This is the end, fuck this! You know what? I will move to New York, and I will be better off without you! So you can go back to your little pop star world of slags or whatever it was before you met me and I totally fucked your life up. And we’ll both just be better off without each other…because…because I don’t-I don’t love you and I won’t miss you!”
Words could not even describe how painful that was. I completely froze, my blood ran cold and I just stood completely unmoving and shook. My whole body was shaking, badly. My mouth went as dry as my thoughts and emotions, I couldn’t feel anything and I couldn’t process what she was saying. Did she just…break up with me? No, no she did not. She loves me, I know she…does? This is too bad to be true. I just stood there, it seemed like it was only me and her, the whole world kept on passing by, we were just another couple arguing in the middle of the street, but in reality, it was so much more than that. Now, she was doubled over in tears. If she really didn’t care, why was she so upset? I knew that really this was my last chance at that moment, this was one of those speak now or forever hold your peace moments. And it was begging me, begging me to sort this out. I had to turn this around right now or it was never. When she wanted to be, Ashley was difficult, but with the right words and actions I could turn her around, I always could. But I didn’t have long, and with Ashley things always took time. If she would sit down and listen to what I had to say, then I knew I’d be able to turn things around but this wasn’t looking likely, she was already backing out into her exit. But it wasn’t the exit of this place; it was the end exit, the exit from my life, our relationship and anything to do with me. And I could not let it happen.
“No, that’s not true! I know you do!” Silence. “Ashley please don’t do this. I love you…”
My voice completely cracked with those last three words. I knew that right then I had said all I could, my time was up, and it was in her hands now. Could she not see how much this was hurting me? The tears were pouring down my cheeks the same as they were down hers; this wasn’t what was supposed to happen. We were fine, until now. I could feel it all snapping inside of me. It was cliché to say so; but my heart was completely in shreds. Why? Was the only question I could make out. I could tell it wasn’t just Chelsea, there was something else to it, but I couldn’t figure out what if I tried. She choked out those words, told me she didn’t love me and that she’d be better off without me, then why did they sound so full of remorse? It sounded like she was basically lying through her teeth. Could she not remember everything we ever had? You can’t explain love like that, and you can’t forget it in the space of half an hour. You can’t deny love like that, so why was she?
“Fuck this, I can’t do it anymore! Good-Goodbye Niall.”
The streetlights lining the pavements kept glowing, the people kept passing, staring, the party carried on, the stars couldn’t be any brighter and kept on shining. But I stopped breathing. Watching her walk away, I couldn’t even do it. I wanted to say something else, I just needed her to listen but she was already walking away. It didn’t matter whether I was ready or not, she was done.
~
Now, I covered my face with my hands wondering how I could be so heartless over some stupid articles that probably had no truth to them and ignore her when she was trying so hard. And even when I did ignore her and she knew I was doing it on purpose, she still sat there, wherever she was, whatever she was doing in New York, she sat there and she worried about me. She asked me what was wrong, why I was ignoring her, and what did I do? I carried on. I didn’t answer her when she told me she missed me and wanted to speak to me, I completely ignored her when she started to get more blunt and asked me to tell her what she had done wrong so she could apologise if necessary, and then she told me she missed me and just wanted to speak to me while she had a spare few hours for once and I still ignored her. She was trying so hard and how did I pay her back? By going out with some girl I didn’t even know, getting wasted, kissing said girl and getting my picture plastered across every magazine and gossip site going. Good one Niall, wait a go to be a good boyfriend. And now she texts me telling me that she hopes I’m okay since she knows I was completely hammered last night and that she loves me. If she knew I was hammered, she had to of seen the pictures, right? Either way, I still have to tell her even if she doesn’t know. She deserves to know. I don’t care if it only lasted a few seconds, I still did it, and I don’t care that I was shitfaced, it shouldn’t matter, I should always be faithful to her and I wasn’t. And I’ll probably never let myself live that down.
“I read some fucking stupid articles and I did a stupid thing and believed them. Because I’m a fucking sad excuse for a boyfriend and I screw everything up. Happy now?”
I snapped. But what made it even worse, was that the truth was that I actually hadn’t spoken to Ashley properly in almost two weeks. I couldn’t help it, I had been busy and I knew she had too. But she always made the time to just drop me a half hour phone call or whatever, or she would stay up the extra few hours to Skype with me, but I, hadn’t been making the effort. It wasn’t that I wanted it to be like that, of course I didn’t, I love Ashley and I love speaking to her. But now when she said this distance thing was going to be hard, I can get what she’s saying. I barely had a spare minute to breathe these past two weeks, let alone talk to her, which always ended up going on for a lot longer than first intended. I should have told her I wouldn’t be able to contact her as often at the moment because I was so busy, but I didn’t, I just let it sink itself, and that was completely wrong of me. If she had seen all of the pictures from last night, I knew I was definitely in deep shit, which I totally deserved to be. Because now, she probably thought that these past two weeks I hadn’t been busy with work and the band, I’d just decided to blow her off and go out partying, but that wasn’t true. But what else was she supposed to think? She trusted me and I totally blew her off. I’m surprised she hasn’t walked away already, considering I’ve been such a dick to her these past two weeks.
“No you’re not.”
Liam reassured me squeezing my shoulder. But I knew he was just saying it to make me feel better. I’m a terrible person.
“I am! Liam you don’t understand. I haven’t spoken to her at all these past two weeks. And it wasn’t that I couldn’t, I just chose not to. And do you know what makes it even worse? That she’s still telling me that she loves and misses me even when I’ve been a complete dick to her. And now she’s seen the photos from last night and just look at this text, look at it!”
I shoved my phone in his face and let him find the last text from Ashley himself. That just really brought it all into conclusion. I’ve been a terrible boyfriend and yet she’s still trying. You’ve gotta admire the girl really. But what made me feel even worse was that I was pretty much the only person she still trusted through all the trauma she’s been through and I completely took advantage of that trust and treated it like it was nothing, and it wasn’t. To get Ashley to trust you like she does me is hard, after so many people have lied to her and let her down, she’s wary about trusting anyone anymore. I was pretty much the only person she put that kind of trust into, aside from her sister (who wasn’t even here at the moment, just another thing on Ashley’s plate) and I let her down. I don’t even know how I’m gonna turn this around, but it’s gonna take a lot more than what I can think of right now.
“Well, maybe you need to talk to her then. That might be a start.”
“What am I gonna say?”
He shrugged. How he is acting so casual? This is practically the end of the world for me, or at least it feels like it at the moment.
“Explaining yourself might be a start. Or you could go really crazy and throw a sorry in there…”
“Har har, you’re hilarious.”
“Maybe, but I’m pretty sure the longer you leave it- The less amusing Ashley’s gonna find it.”
For a minute I just looked at him and then sat up resting my elbows on my knees I tugged at my hair. I had to refrain from getting up and punching something right now, but I didn’t want a repeat of that night at the hospital after we broke up. I should have got some morphine while I was there; maybe then the pain wouldn’t have been so bad.
“Fine.” I grumbled and he raised his eye-brows. I was pretty sure I was about to throw up and my heart was practically in my throat I was so nervous for this. “Pass me my phone.”
He began to pass it to me but then stopped.
“Are you sure you’re ready? Cus you’re never gonna forgive yourself if you say something stupid and mess it up even more. You know you’re in a really fragile place right now, this is the make or break Nialler, the-“
“Liam.”
“What? I mean if you mess this up then-“
“Liam.”
“Right, sorry, not helping….Okay, call her and sort it out.”
“That’s what I was planning on doing.”
I mumbled. My fingers were shaking as I scrolled through my contacts. I was stalling; I knew I could just press speed dial two, but somehow I was determined to take the long way.
“Wait what time is it over there?”
I stammered, stalling again.
“Almost half eleven in the morning.”
Liam informed me and I felt sick again.
“Oh she’ll be at work.”
“Niall, stop making excuses. You and I both know she’s on break until quarter to twelve. You have fifteen minutes to sort this out; I’d start when you could if I was you. It’s only gonna get worse.”
I sighed tugging harder at my hair. Why is it so hard for me to press that button? Because I haven’t pressed it in over two weeks? But, fifteen minutes ago she text me telling me she loves me, so she can’t be in that much of a mood, can she? Probably, just because she says she loves you, it doesn’t mean she’s necessarily happy with you. Because she has no reason to be, since I’ve been a total screw up these past two weeks.
“I can’t do it. You do it.”
I said shoving the phone in his face, but he pushed it away.
“No, this isn’t my problem to fix. Come on, if you use the right words, I’m sure she’ll understand Nialler. She always understands, she loves you. It’s not like she hasn’t messed up before.”
I closed my eyes for a few seconds chewing nervously on my lower lip. By now it was 3:35 PM meaning I had ten minutes to make this up to her. I can’t afford to stall anymore, she’s only gonna be harder to earn the forgiveness of the longer I leave it. Without even thinking about it I jabbed my finger against the screen and it instantly switched to the dialling screen.
Shit.
One ring.
Two rings.
Three rings.
“H-Hello?”
Suddenly my mouth went really dry and I couldn’t speak at the sound of her voice. I hadn’t heard it in forever, or at least it sounded like it, the voicemails she’s left me don’t count. I just sat there, the call still going as she waited for me to speak. Liam was giving me looks and random hand gestures urging me to just say something, just say anything.
“Ash, I…Listen-“
“No, don’t Ash listen me. Do you have an explanation? Cus if you don’t mind, it’d be nice to know why you’ve had me so worried these past two weeks. And right now Niall, I don’t think I even want to talk about what I saw all over the internet this morning.”
Fuck. She’s seen it alright. Liam grimaced and I could tell that this was bad, this is really bad. It’s not even bad, that’s an understatement. When I didn’t say anything straight away she decided to speak again, and this was when I knew I should probably just punch myself a million times right now. I’ve majorly screwed this up. It wasn’t that I was planning on not telling her about my mistake of last night but I wanted it to come from me, not for her to find out from two million different gossip sites and magazines, but it was already too late.
“No? I didn’t think so. Whatever Niall, whenever you come up with an honest explanation; I’ll listen. But until then, don’t even bother trying to contact me. And considering what it’s been like these past few weeks, that shouldn’t be a problem for you.”
And then she ended the call.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A/N.
ah ah ahh
niall you idiot
hahahaha
so the next chapter, is somewhat cute and ahh I just really like the next chapter. so maybe, just maybe, I might upload agin today, cus you know, I loves you. So vote/comment etc.
omgg it's my birhtday soon, but it's like the day before I go back to school how depressing
maybe see you later?;)
byeeee
-Emily.