After having navigated their way off what turned out to be Hampstead Heath, Loki and Darcy found themselves in a small but quaint little cafe on the high street.
Darcy needed a coffee, she insisted, as the caffeine helped her to think.
Loki grumbled like Loki always did when he wasn't able to have his preferred choice of hot beverage.
At one point, he became so inflamed over it that Darcy found her hand lingering over the controller in her pocket, as she feared he might attack the hapless proprietor with cutlery, but thankfully he calmed down, having to accept that a pumpkin spiced latte wasn't an option, and he hadn't particularly liked her calling him a diva.
She glanced up at him now. He was stirring his sixth sugar into a cup of Earl Grey tea, and she shook her head in mild bemusement. Darcy herself was munching on a toasted cheese sandwich -- taking great care not to let any melted cheese dribble unattractively onto her chin -- whilst expertly tapping at her iPhone, which lay on the table.
Loki had declined her offer of food, which surprised her as he normally had quite a vivacious appetite. Perhaps he felt the cafe fell short of his unrealistically high standards. Or maybe he was too anxious to eat, which she could understand.
If it was due to the latter, then what she had to say next wasn't exactly going to alleviate his anxiety....
"So....there's no way I can afford a hotel anywhere around here." Is what she tried to say, but the words came out distorted due to her mouth being full.
Loki, having somehow understood her, huffed. "Are the wages from S.H.I.E.L.D really that abysmal?"
She shrugged. "Well, I'm not a super hero or elite scientist like Jane, so obviously I don't get paid as much as they do."
"Of course. You're just the God-sitter." He remarked sourly. "One might say that it doesn't pay to be my chaperone."
She smiled at that, which seemed to vex him a little, as though he was hoping she'd disagree and say something like being in his company more than made up for it.
"You're right. It doesn't. In fact I should get more than they do, I should at least be entitled to danger-money or something. I mean....look at what happens." She waved her toasted sandwich around haphazardly. "You get sucked into portals and stranded in another country with no way of getting back."
Ignoring her, Loki suddenly reached out and grabbed hold of her phone.
"Hey!" She exclaimed. "Rude! A woman's phone is her own private property, you don't touch! At least not without asking!"
"Apologies, Miss Lewis. May I take a look at your phone?" He said in a bored voice, even though he was already scrolling through it.
"No! What do you mean by take a look at it? There might be stuff in there I don't want you to see."
He looked up at her, raising an eyebrow in interest. "And is there?"
She paused then said. "No. But that's not the point."
Turning his attention back to the phone, his long fingers began tapping at the screen.
Returning to the subject of her pay, Darcy continued. "Actually, I can't really complain about my wage. At least I actually get paid now, unlike when I was just Jane's intern. But, I guess I'm just not very good with money."
"In what way?" He asked, almost disinterestedly.
"I spend it."
"Ah."
"Who are you texting?"
"I'm not texting. Who would I be texting? No, I'm searching for suitable accommodation. There must be some place in this damn city that would fit your budget....now, let me see.." His eyes darted across the screen, his brow furrowing slightly in concentration.
Darcy found herself looking at him as she ate -- not that she hadn't looked at him before -- but usually when she was in his company they were both absorbed in whatever they were doing, whether it be playing cards, computer games, cooking, or watching TV.
Now, without any distractions, and Loki's focus elsewhere so he wasn't looking at her, she took a moment to fully.....appreciate him.
His features could be described as being somewhere between sharp and delicate. He had been blessed with high-arched cheekbones and a jawline you could cut glass with. From the side, his nose was perfectly neat and straight, yet front-on it looked slightly broad across the bridge, but still elegant nonetheless. His lips were quite thin, which Darcy saw as a plus, as she'd never been a fan of the fleshy, pillowy lip-look on a guy.
All in all, he was most definitely attractive, and if she had seen him on the street and didn't know who he was, she'd mentally file him into her 'Lick The Mirror Handsome' category.
But she did know who he was. Which meant no matter how aesthetically pleasing he was, he wasn't the sort of guy you'd be able to take home and introduce to your folks.
Casually slipping into conversation that he once tried to enslave the human race, might be awkward. Then adding he was from space, might be even awkwarder.
And besides, technically he was like over a thousand years old. Not to mention -- a work colleague -- of sorts -- and mixing business with pleasure never usually ended well.
Although, in the past she had been known to tell people that her business was her pleasure.
Just then he looked up and caught her looking at him, her sandwich hovering near her mouth.
Damn.
"What?" He asked, sounding almost self-conscious, which seemed unbelievable.
"What?" She shot back awkwardly, quickly averting her gaze.
"Why were you staring at me so intensely?"
"I wasn't." She squeaked. Examining her nails, she pretended to find her teal coloured nail polish suddenly fascinating.
Unconvinced, he frowned slightly. "I can always sense when I'm being watched. Just as I can always sense when I'm being lied to."
"Cool. So that's like your super power? You'd make a good cop then or secret agent."
Seemingly losing interest in pursuing her for an answer, Loki returned to more pressing matters.
"According to this map, we're in a village called Hampstead, located in a borough known as Camden, which covers a surprisingly large area. Are you absolutely certain you searched all these surrounding areas for accommodation?"
Darcy looked stumped. "Uh, I was just looking at hotel prices in London."
"You didn't think to narrow-down the search?" He said in an accusatory tone.
"I didn't know exactly where we were." She chewed furiously, dropping crumbs down the front of her duffel coat. "All I knew was that we were on Hampstead Heath and....wait! Did you say Camden?"
He nodded, his eyes inadvertently fixed on the offending crumbs with a look of distaste. She hastily brushed them away.
"Is there a place called Bloomsbury in Camden?"
He nodded again. "Yes it's to the South. We're currently in the North of the borough. Why?"
"That's where we stayed when we were in London. During that whole convergence thing. We came over to investigate all the astro-anomalies. Erik had an apartment there, above a bookshop."
Loki tilted his head. "He owns the apartment?"
"No. He rented it."
"So how does that help us exactly?"
She considered this for a moment, then gave a small apologetic smile. "I guess it doesn't."
His look of disdain made her wither slightly in her seat. "Well, thank you for sharing that useless piece of information with me, Miss Lewis. Your assistance is invaluable."
"Okay, there's no need to be so mean. It still might be worth checking out. Maybe it's available to lease again." She said defensively. "Erik knew the owner, and said they don't usually lease to strangers."
"But we are strangers."
"Yeah, but I know Erik. Who knows, maybe they'd help us out. You know like,, do a favour for a friend of a friend."
Loki pondered this, rubbing a large hand along his jaw. Then he downed what remained of his tea all in one, and began attempting to close the app on her phone.
"Come along then." He ordered, and his tone was so peremptory, that Darcy found herself immediately beginning to stand.
Until she realised she hadn't even finished her coffee.
"Uh, give me a minute. Jesus!"
"I'm hardly Jesus. Not even close."
"No you're more like Lucifer! I haven't even finished eating yet!" She sat back down defiantly. Especially as he was still sitting, fiddling with her phone.
"It's getting late, and we can't afford to waste more time. Take the sandwich with you. Wars have been fought and won in the time it takes for you to finish eating."
"Screw you." She said, though not unkindly. "And you don't even ask, you just demand. I'm not one of your Asgardian servants, space boy."
"If you were you'd have been dismissed on account of your insolence....amongst other things." He said, distractedly. He was now scrutinising her phone with alarmingly keen interest
"You can give me that back now." She said. Taking another sip of coffee, she held out her hand, waiting.
Still clutching her phone, his eyes slid over to her. "Really gonna miss you pumpkin. Sorry I was mad at you for being called into work the other day. Will call you when I arrive in Paris...kiss kiss."
Darcy's cornflower-blue eyes widened in horror. "Are you reading my messages?"
"Well obviously. But it wasn't intentional. Believe me, I wish I hadn't. How utterly nauseating--"
"Give me that back!"
Loki deliberately turned away so that the phone remained annoyingly out of her reach, and continued to pry. "Is this him? The boyfriend?" He flashed the phone at her, which now had a picture of herself and Greg plastered across the screen, which she'd taken whilst on one of their dates. "What an oaf!"
"His name is Greg, and he is not an oaf! He's actually really cute and sweet, unlike you! Now stop it, and hand it over before I hit you with my shoe!"
"After having been subjected to electroshocks, being threatened with a shoe isn't much of a deterrent."
"You wouldn't say that if I were wearing my stilettos."
To her growing mortification, he continued flicking through her phone then stopped, his eyebrows almost touching his hairline. "My my....Miss Lewis. This negligee doesn't leave an awful lot to the imagination, does it?"
Oh the shame.
Darcy felt her face flushing hot, realising that he'd found the selfie she had taken wearing a very sexy -- and slightly see-through -- nightdress that she'd purchased on a whim.
She purchased a lot of things on a whim. Though on that occasion, she had hoped to make herself more alluring to Greg, who disappointingly hadn't been all that impressed. He was in fact, what some might call, a bit of a prude.
"You shouldn't be looking at that!" She barely recognised the shrill tone of her own voice, as she leapt out of her seat. "It's for Greg's eyes only!"
"That's odd." He grinned crookedly. "My eyes are having no difficulty seeing it, and they're certainly not objecting."
His comment made her feel even more hot and prickly, and she found herself wishing for another portal to open, so that the floor would swallow her up.
She was quite prepared to wrestle the phone from his hands, but to her relief he handed it over without tormenting her further.
"Thank you!" She snapped.
"Oh no, Miss Lewis. Thank you."
She pushed a dark curl behind her ear, pretending not to be affected by the overtly salacious way in which he'd said that. How he had the ability to make her feel so self aware and jittery was totally beyond her.
"What is he doing in Paris?" Loki asked casually, completely indifferent to her state of embarrassment. "Oh, and I hadn't realised I'd caused the two of you to argue."
"He's going to a wedding. And what are you talking about? You've not caused any argument."
"You mean you didn't argue when he was vexed at you for coming to see me?"
"I didn't go to see you. I went into work. There's a difference." She stuffed her phone into her purse, deliberately avoiding looking at him.
"Actually it wasn't work was it. If you recall, it was a personal visit. But you didn't tell him that did you?"
"So what? It was pretty much the same thing. It isn't like he'd be jealous or anything. I just said it so he wouldn't be mad at me for having to go back."
Loki leaned back in his chair and folded his arms. "But he was anyway. He said so in his text message. And I suspect he would've been madder still, if he'd known you were paying me a social call."
"No he wouldn't." She argued. "He's not like that. And anyway I don't tell him anything about work. As far as he's concerned, my job is top secret. So he doesn't even know about you."
"Really?" He sounded so thrilled by this, Darcy couldn't help shooting him a quizzical look. He had a devilish smirk on his face and peculiar gleam in his eye. "So he doesn't know you think I'm...wait, what was it again?.....oh yes, hot?"
Oh god no.
No no no.
Darcy hadn't thought it possible, but her face burnt hotter still, turning her complexion almost scarlet.
"I never said that." Her voice was so squeaky now, she was pretty sure it was only audible to bats.
Loki quirked an eyebrow, and she knew immediately that he didn't believe her blatant lie. Especially as he claimed to know when people were lying. And of course, the little shit had obviously read the damning text she'd sent to Jane.
He confirmed this by insisting on reciting it to her, causing her embarrassment to crank up yet another notch...
"Oh but you did, Miss Lewis. Don't you recall? It was something along the lines of....'walked in on him after he'd taken a shower, and holy crap....he's hot!'..."
"Shut up!" She snarled, throwing her purse over her shoulder. "So what? It's no big deal. I think lots of guys look hot. Doesn't mean I'm interested in them."
He rose to his feet, his irritating smirk still firmly in place. "If you say so, who am I to differ?"
But Darcy couldn't leave it at that. She strongly felt the need to protest her innocence. She didn't want him thinking that she thought of him like that. She didn't have romantic or sexual feelings towards him. She didn't even think of him in such a way. Did she?
No. She didn't. She couldn't.
"I can appreciate a guy being well cut without wanting to make-out with them or get laid." She continued, which earned her an alarming response of....
"The lady doth protest too much, methinks"
"Whatever. Don't flatter yourself, space boy."
Darcy was stricken. She knew Shakespeare well enough to recognise the quote, and it's meaning. He was implying that her reaction was an attempt to cover up the truth. That the vehement deliverance of her explanation was an admission of her guilt.
Ugh.
Squaring her shoulders she pushed her way passed him and out of the door, though it took a huge amount of effort to ignore his annoying, triumphant grin.
***********
Using the google maps app on her phone -- and keeping it safely out of Loki's reach -- Darcy guided them to the nearest underground station so they could catch a train to Bloomsbury.
When they arrived at Hampstead West station, she realised that her American bank card might not be accepted to purchase tickets with, but Loki grasped her assertively by the arm and manoeuvred her through the turn-style.
"It's not a problem." He assured her, and with a subtle flick of his hand, the electronic card-reader bleeped, turning from red to green, and allowing her access.
She blinked, as he slinked through the gate behind her. "If you can do that, why can't you get us back to New York?"
"Manipulating simple electronic systems is a lot less difficult than having to create illusions. Security at an airport is entirely different." He explained.
She hummed in agreement, though she had no choice other than to take his word for it. She didn't fully understand his magical capabilities. Nor was she ever likely to.
Together, they fought their way through the late afternoon human-traffic on the packed, stuffy underground. Loki was aghast at being subjected to travelling in a manner which he wasn't accustomed to, and which he clearly deemed beneath him, whilst Darcy hung onto a hand strap precariously, as the train rocketed along and caused her to sway unsteadily in her heeled boots.
Sweat threatened to trickle down her face, and the wires in her bra were digging into her ribs uncomfortably. She almost resented Loki, who save for looking comically pained, stood cool as a cucumber, never so much as needing to grab for the handrail even as the train jerked abruptly as it started off again from each platform.
It was almost inevitable, that during the twenty minute journey which supposedly should have only taken ten, and after having to change lines, that Darcy would at some point make a fool of herself.
Her jubilation at finally being able to sit down, was short-lived, due to her pausing to unbutton her coat.
Loki had already taken his seat, when the train shuddered forwards unexpectedly, and with nothing to grab onto Darcy found herself toppling backwards, landing directly in his lap.
"Shit. Sorry." She said with a nervous giggle. "That wasn't supposed to happen."
Loki looked fleetingly shocked, but then he responded in the sardonic -- and slightly suggestive -- manner with which Darcy was now getting used to.
"Miss Lewis, if you wished to sit on my lap, you need only have asked."
Her humiliation was made worse by her having to place her hands on his muscular thighs, to aid in hoisting herself up. Scrambling into her seat, cheeks flaming, she hastily picked up a discarded newspaper from the seat beside her, in order to hide her blushes.
God.
She thought she'd grown out of blushing back in middle school. But she seemed to be blushing all over the place today.
By the time they reached Bloomsbury Square station, they practically leaped onto the platform from the train the minute the doors opened.
Hurrying through the throng of disgruntled commuters, they opted to ignore their dirty looks as they pushed though them in their hurry to be back above ground.
The blast of cold air almost knocked Darcy off her feet, but she breathed-in deep lungfuls of it. Though it wasn't exactly fresh air, it was the best the exhaust fume-choked atmosphere of central London had to offer, being as Bloomsbury was close to the border of Westminster.
After a ten minute walk, they turned down a cobbled street which led into an old square, lined with trees, various shops, and eateries.
"It's just down here I think." Darcy said, hoping she'd remembered rightly. "God I hope they'll lease the flat to us. Even though I don't have a lot of money in my account. But the landlord is a friend of a friend so....I'm hoping he'll take pity on us."
"Well, in that case perhaps we ought to do a variation of a tactic which Thor and I call 'Get Help'."
She glanced up at him, intrigued. "Oh yeah? What does that involve?"
Loki's lips turned upwards in a mischievous smile, which was usually a worrying sign. "It doesn't involve you doing anything, Miss Lewis. Leave it to me."
With a wave of his hand, a band of glowing, golden light shimmered around her middle, making her stop dead in her tracks. The light dispersed almost as quickly as it had appeared, and when she looked down she almost fainted at the sight of a large and very obvious baby-bump.
She didn't mean to, but she actually screamed at that.
And immediately regretted it, as Loki clamped a hand over her mouth in alarm, as a few people that were mulling around, turned to stare.
"Ssh. Shush. Calm down! What's wrong with you, woman?"
Darcy swatted his hand away, her breathing a little uneven. "What's wrong with me? How about this!" She pointed at the offending bump. "What the hell did you do to me?"
Just then they became aware of a stranger hovering behind them. Knowing that he had quite possibly overheard her last remark, Loki forced a strained laugh. "Well if you don't know by now darling--"
"Darling!"
"Excuse me, Miss?" The man spoke up, confirming that he had heard her outburst and had come to investigate the commotion. "Is this man bothering you?"
Placing his arm around her shoulder, Loki pulled her against him and smiled broadly at the stranger. "Yes I am, but I'm her husband so it's what she signed up for."
He squeezed her shoulders in a tight, almost painful grip, and she nodded her head at the man, whose interference was kindly meant. "Uh, yeah. He's my husband. As of...very recently. But I'm fine. Honestly. Thank you."
He nodded, threw Loki a suspicious look, then went on his way.
"Why the hell have you made me pregnant?" Darcy demanded as soon as he was out of ear-shot.
Loki snickered openly at her. "I haven't made you pregnant, trust me you would know about it if I had. This is simply an illusion."
"But it's freaking me out!"
"That may be so, but it's necessary in order to gain sympathy." He explained patiently, steering her along the pavement. "You see, I claim that my wife and I need help. We're weary and have no place to stay. Perhaps then the owner will take pity on us--"
"I don't think it'll cut a lot of ice somehow, Loki. We're not Mary and Joseph."
"Why not? It worked for them."
Scowling, Darcy turned her attention back to locating the shop. "It's that one, I think." She pointed to the vaguely familiar building at the corner of the square. But then her heart sank into her boots.
It looked suspiciously like it was closed.
Wasting no time, Loki strode ahead of her and peered into the window. He even pressed his hands against the glass so he could take a closer look.
When he turned, his expression was thunderous.
"It appears to be completely abandoned. All the shelves are empty." He grated.
Darcy felt like crying with frustration. In fact she was teetering dangerously on the brink of a mini-meltdown. But she couldn't afford to lose her shit. She had to get a grip of herself.. "Well I guess that's that then." She managed, fighting to keep calm.
Loki pursed his lips in thought, which did wonderful things to his mouth. "Perhaps not. Where is the entrance to the apartment? Maybe that is unoccupied also."
"Around the corner." She led the way, and all the while her eyes inadvertently kept darting back down to her hugely oversized belly. Thank God she didn't feel pregnant, and wasn't waddling as she walked.
They climbed the wrought iron steps to the top, which led up to the large patio roof-terrace situated at the back of the building.
The apartment appeared to be empty too, though from what she could see through the door, it still seemed to contain most of the furniture Darcy remembered.
"I suppose you think that the cops will be sympathetic when we get arrested for breaking and entering." She said dryly, watching as he attempted to force open the door. "I'm going to give birth in jail. You're a terrible husband. I want a divorce."
"As if I would permit that, darling. I'm not going to break anything."
She leaned over his shoulder to get a better look." Can you pick the lock?"
Her turned his head slightly to flash her a grin. "I don't need to."
Loki waved his hand, there was a clicking sound, then he successfully pulled the door open.
"Okay. I'm preparing myself to forgive you."
They stepped inside, and Loki immediately set about locking the door behind them and drawing the curtains.
The large living area smelt faintly musty, but it was surprisingly tidy.
A quick inspection of all the surfaces, which were thick with dust, told Darcy that the place hadn't been occupied for some time, which served to calm her nerves a little.
"It's cold in here." She noted, and pulling her coat around her as best she could, she made a beeline for the thermostat on the wall.
Loki's attention had been drawn to the many books which lined the shelves built into the alcoves on either side of the fireplace. He pulled out an old leather bound copy entitled "Nordic Myths And Legends" and began thumbing through it with avid interest.
"It isn't working. Can you take a look at the boiler?"
Rolling his eyes, he set the book down. "Where is it?"
She shrugged unhelpfully.
"If I light a fire, will that suffice for now?" He knelt down and pulled the last few remaining logs from the rack at the side of the grate. "Hopefully it isn't damp in here. So it shouldn't take long to get this started."
Smiling, though she wasn't entirely sure why -- maybe she'd lost her mind -- Darcy went into the kitchenette and checked the cupboards and refrigerator.
Obviously there was no milk, and not really any food, save for a half-open box of Cornflakes, a few stale biscuits, and a small amount of coffee left in a jar.
Bingo!
Filing the kettle with water, she called out to him. "Sorry there's no chance of a pumpkin latte or Earl Grey, but do you want a black coffee? Beggars can't be choosers."
"Yes, coffee sounds good. Thank you."
By the time the kettle had boiled, and coffee made, the fire was beginning to burn nicely.
"Look at you, all resourceful and everything." She remarked, flopping down onto the old, squishy sofa that was adorned with fleecy throw blankets -- which if she remembered rightly, disguised the hideous migraine-inducing floral pattern beneath -- But regardless of it being a monstrosity to look at, it was undeniably comfortable.
Loki jabbed at the flaming logs with an iron poker, with a level of expertise which suggested he'd done this many times before. "I'm nothing if not resourceful, Miss Lewis."
"Ooh, what happened to 'darling'? See, they told me the honeymoon period wouldn't last. Once you leave the chapel in Vegas, the magic seems to fade."
Laughing gently, he set the poker back in it's stand, then joined her on the sofa.
Darcy immediately realised that this sofa was much smaller than the one at the Avengers tower, and Loki although slim, was by no means a small guy. His lofty height and long limbs made him kind of sprawling, which meant he seemed to take up more room than he naturally should.
She handed him his coffee, and they sat for awhile in comfortable silence, listening to the various sounds of the inner-city rising up from the street below.
When he spoke again, he sounded noticeably weary, and glancing across at him she could see he looked tired, and suddenly a bit older. As if all the pressures of the day were starting to take their toll....
"Well, at least we won't have to spend the night on the streets. Or worse, some disgusting little hostel."
"You're such a snob!" Absentmindedly, she went to rest her coffee cup on her swollen belly, then remembered it was only an illusion. "Hey, can you get rid of this now? It's definitely not a good look on me."
Flicking his wrist, his magic shimmered over her stomach, and the bump disappeared.
"So.....what's the plan? Stay here tonight and try to figure out what we're going to do tomorrow?"
He nodded glumly. "Yes. And perhaps after this, you'll feel more than entitled to ask your generous employers for a raise."
"A raise? I'll demand compensation, if we ever get back. It'll cost a fortune in therapy to get over all of this."
"The feeling is mutual. I shall require therapy to recover from having seen a picture of that gargoyle you call a boyfriend."
"Hey! Knock it off! Greg is not a gargoyle!" Leaning over, she playfully punched him in the arm.
"Ow! Miss Lewis, I'm afraid I'm going to have to report you for assault once we return!" He joked, screwing his face up and making a big show of rubbing the spot where she'd barely touched him.
"Do it. Is this the face of someone who's bothered, space boy?"
"You will be, when you're mourning the loss of your meagre wage, earth girl!"
Giggling, she reached down and unzipped her ankle boots so she could slip out of them and tuck her feet underneath her. "Hey, I know you don't want me contacting Jane, but I can text Greg, right? He'll be flying out to Paris tomorrow. Or today. Wait, what's the time difference here?"
But Loki was no longer listening. He sat forwards on the edge of the cushion, doing a fine impression of someone who'd just had a 'eureka' moment.
"What? What is it?" She urged.
"Miss Lewis, you mentioned that your boyfriend knows nothing about your job, correct?"
"For the last time, his name is Greg. And yeah, so?"
"He has no contact with Stark, or any of the other's?"
"No. Why?"
"And he cares for you very deeply?" Loki asked, eyes narrowing slightly.
This caught her by surprise, and she found herself wondering if it was a trick question. "Um, yeah. He does actually."
"Really?"
"Yes, really! Why?"
"Then you must ask him for assistance."
Darcy frowned in confusion. "Greg to the rescue. Pfft. How does that work?"
Loki smiled at her almost sympathetically, as if she were a slow-witted child. "Super-Greg? I highly doubt it. This isn't a rescue operation, Miss Lewis."
"And how is he supposed to help?"
"Simple. All you have to do is ask him to loan you the money so we can return to New York."