**** Thank you guys for your wonderful comments last chapter. Specfically on the topic of suicide. Some of you shared you've had these thoughts. My loves I have to admit that I have too, when life got really tough. But what I learned was this, no matter how hard it rains in your life, the law of nature says the sun has to come out one day. Just stay hopeful until you reach the sun. God hasn't forgotten about you. While you're trying to figure it out, he's working it out. Don't take a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Love you guys from the bottom of my heart. Keep your heads up if you going through it.
If you haven't seen Aug's FML video. It has a wonderful message about suicide. It's in the M/M along with a pic of Nate.
Below are a few comments from people that resignated.
__childsplay Suicide is not the answer and when u feel like thats when u wait on God cause he has someone special for u
Poetic_Justice1 I can honestly feel my eyes watering at my past experiences with suicide.
Why is that we as humans always think of that.
That poor child, I shall be praying for him. To my other prayer warriors I look for the same from you.
AMBER P.O.V. –
I had spent the last two days in the hospital with Nate. I called his father to tell him what happened, but he said that if he was idiotic enough to make such a stupid decision, he should be left to face the consequences alone.
After getting off the phone with August that night, I had a taste for another drink. I went downstairs to find Nate had fallen to the floor. I quickly dialed 911 and they came and got him. The doctors were able to pump his stomach to remove the pills and save his life. Had I not come down there, he would’ve been dead.
The doctors released him and he was now put on bed rest. I gave him the bed and took the couch. Since neither of his parents even tried to come visit, I was the only one left to take care of him.
I felt so bad for Nate though. It was all over the news and in the papers. Aug, Tanya, My mom, Stac, Cha, all called me to make sure everything was okay. And that I was I okay. Because of course they saw me on television leaving and entering the hospital with Nate, I reassured them that I was.
Nate hadn’t said much since the incident nor would he eat. I had let him have his pity party, but this was it.
“You’re not about to sit in darkness all day.” I whipped open the blinds letting the sunlight bathe the room.
“Close the blinds.”
“No.” I sat on the edge of the bed. “Here’s some soup. You need to eat something.”
“I’m not hungry.” He gave me an evil look .
“Whether you’re hungry or not, you’re going to eat. You can’t go without eating Nate.” I dipped the spoon in the vegetable soup, and held it to his mouth.
He looked at it, then at me.
“Eat.” I said through clenched teeth.
He sat up and ate the soup.
“I’m not going to feed you. You’re alive and you’re not cripple.” I handed him a tray with the soup on it and put it in his lap.
“Why are you still sitting here?” He pouted.
“Because I’m not leaving until you finish eating everything in that bowl.”
“You’re not my mother.”
“You’re right. Because I’m here and she’s not.”
He looked at me surprised I would say something like that. But it was the truth.
“Why do you care?” He reluctantly ate some soup.
“Trust me I don’t. But my conscious does. My conscious is the only reason I’m doing it.”
He looked down at the soup and slowly got some more.
“And after you finish eating, you need to wash yourself, because you stink. I’ll fix you a bath.” I got up and went into the bathroom and fixed him a bath.
I went back into the room and looked in the bowl, Nate had finished most of it.
“Okay. Your bath is ready.” I removed the tray from him.
He tried to get up, but he was still very much in pain from the stomach pumping. It was hard for him to walk.
I sighed, sat the tray down and helped him into the bathroom.
He sat on the edge of the tub. “I need to sit here for a minute.” He held his stomach in pain.
“I’ll help you with your shirt, that’s it. You gotta bare the pain and just gently get in the tub. My boyfriend would kill me if he knew I was doing this.”
“Okay.”
I helped him take off his shirt. His body was surprisingly perfect, except for the huge burn mark on his back.
I didn’t want him to think I was judging him so I didn’t say anything.
“I know you see it.” He looked up at me.
“And it takes nothing away from you.” I tried to be comforting.
“I was 8. My dad burned me with a lighter for bringing home a B. Let’s say I never brought home a B again.”
“Nate, I’m so sorry. I really am.”
“I just can’t understand why God hates me so much. As a kid, I prayed and prayed and he never came. There has never been a bright day in my life. My happiest memory was having a water gun fight with my nanny when I was six. A watergun fight? I’m 34 and my happiest memory was a fucking water gun fight.”
“Nate, we all have dark times. But you know the great thing about the way God made the world? You can’t have the night, without the morning. Otherwise, the day would be incomplete. We all have a morning somewhere we just have to find it. To be 34 and have achieved the things you have achieved is absolutely amazing. You graduated from freaking Harvard Nate! You’re a brilliant Attorney. And the most important part is that you’re a survivor. Yes we all go through things, but the thing is that you survived. And the fact that you tried to kill yourself and you’re still here, is God’s way of telling you he hasn’t given up on you. Your morning is up ahead. Just keep going until you get to it. It’s coming I promise. Trouble doesn’t last always. It feels that way while we’re going through it, but it doesn’t. Just like rain doesn’t. And imagine where we would be without rain? Plants can’t grow without rain. Okay?”
He nodded his head, with tears streaming down. I patted his head.
“Take your bath and when you’re done, and fully dressed, if you need anything else just let me. You can call my phone, so you won’t have to go to far.”
I closed the door and took his bowl downstairs. I then noticed August was facetiming me.
“Hey babe.”
“I want you home.” He said in a serious tone.
“Are you really talking to me while you’re on the toilet?”
“What’s wrong with that?”
“August.”
“It ain’t like you ain’t seen me use the bathroom before.”
I rolled my eyes. “Okay. What do you want?”
“Like I said, I want you home.”
“I’ll be there in one more day August.”
“Fuck that. I want you home now.”
“Why are you yelling?” I looked up at the closed door where Nate was and went into the other washroom and closed the door.
“Because my woman shouldn’t be playing wife to no nigga but me.”
“I’m not playing wife, I’m just helping him out August.”
“I don’t care. Taking care of him is not your job.”
“He just got out the hospital.”
“I don’t give a fuck. That nigga can hire a nurse.”
August was extremely angry.
“You need to get on a flight and come home tomorrow. This shit is not sitting right with me at all. Cause niggas take advantage of women with good hearts like you. They see that shit as an opening.”
“August I’m a grown woman, I can handle myself.”
“You heard what I said.”
“I’m not about to just leave him alone like this. I come home in a day, and that’s the end of that. I’m not going to rush home, because you can’t keep your fucking insecurities in check.”
“Did I say that when you didn’t want me to go to Follies? Huh? No I came home because I knew you didn’t feel comfortable with me doing that shit and I expect you to do the same.”
“I didn’t ask you to come home August, you chose to do that.”
“Aight cool. Do you Amb. Do you baby.” He hung up.
I tried to call him back but he wouldn’t answer. I called Nate.
“Are you dressed?”
“Yeah.”
I hung up and went back upstairs to the room. I knocked first.
“Come in.”
I came in to find Nate dressed in some boxer-briefs and a white beater.
I looked in his luggage and got him out some pants.
“You need to put these on.”
“It hurt just to put this on.”
“Nate you can’t walk around here like this. Especially if I’m going to be coming in and out.”
I helped him put on his pants, he sat down on the bed holding his stomach and trying to catch his breath.
“Just lay down.” He slowly laid back.
I sat on the edge of the bed.
“Do you have anybody I can call?”
“No.”
“All these people you know, and not one person I can call?”
“That’s how is. Just because you have a lot of people around you, doesn’t mean their, there for you. Why?”
“I’m leaving tomorrow morning.”
“But your flight isn’t until…”
“I know. There’s an emergency back home and I have to get back.”
“I’ll just take care of myself then.”
“Nate.”
“No you go. Tend to your emergency.”
“You don’t need to be alone. Do you want to fly back with me, and when you get back hire a nurse or someone? That way you won’t have to fly back alone.”
“Yeah, I can do that.”
“Make sure you have someone to pick you up at the airport because you’re not riding home with me.”
“Okay.” He smiled.
“What about your car?”
“That was a rental. I can have Mark take it back tomorrow after he drops us off.”
“Ok.”
“Put both the flights on my credit card. It’s in my wallet in my bag.”
I went over to his bag. He had at least 10 credit cards it seemed.
“Use the American Express.”
I got out his card and went downstairs to get the tickets.
I sent August a screenshot of the ticket itinerary. I called him but he still didn’t pick up. He sent a simple text.
I’ll be there.
And that was it. The next morning we took a flight back to Georgia. August texted me and told me he was waiting outside.
I got my bag from baggage claim.
“So your ride is here?” I asked Nate.
“Yeah, he’s over there.” Nate pointed to a Chauffeur.
“You remember what I told you. It’s gonna get better aight?”
“Got it.” He gave a weak smile.
“Alright I’mma get going.”
“Before you go. I just want to say I can never repay you for the kindness you showed me this week. Thank you.”
“Aww Nate it’s cool.” I gave a slight laugh.
He gave me a look that I couldn’t quite read again. It wasn’t a smile, it wasn’t a frown. Just a look. Then he softly grabbed my face and kissed me. I quickly pulled away.
“I gotta go.”
I left him standing there and went to meet August in the car.