Beautiful Liar
Sorry to have ruined your day with the last chapter, but the course of true love never did run smooth...
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Lisa stood at the kitchen sink. Coffee. She needed coffee. And soon. But she couldn't quite focus on that, so instead she rinsed a glass and poured herself some water.
They hadn't slept together. And when she dared to think too closely about it, all she could feel was a profound sense of relief. Not because in a strange way it would have seemed like cheating, almost - taking a shortcut to something she wanted without paying her dues, without having to work for it - and Jennie deserved more than that.
And not because the brunette didn't remember anything - if they had done it, she was pretty sure that waking up to find a naked Lisa sprawled all over her would have given Jennie at least an inkling of what had happened. No it was...
What if she had woken up and regretted it? What if it really had just been a fumble in the dark, a drunken one-night stand? Or worse, what if she'd been disappointed?
Lisa had never slept with a woman before, and while she was vaguely aware that they all had the same bits and pieces as her, and they'd probably like more or less the same things she did, she had no idea how that worked in practice, what the practicalities were, the formalities, the etiquette.
Sex with Bobby had followed a well-rehearsed format, that began with a murmured 'Hey, Babe', and ended with him snoring away while she sighed and tried to ignore the fact that yet again she was the one with her ass on the damp patch.
She'd seen plenty of porn, but that bore as much relation to real sex as those flashy adverts for amazing labor-saving device bore to the sad little lump of plastic that actually arrived in the post and broke two weeks later. What if she'd screwed it up?
What if she'd committed some heinous, unforgivable faux-pas that marked her out as an amateur?
What if...
She was gripped by a new terror. What if she hadn't been as good as Nana? What if they'd done it, and afterwards Jennie had laid there, sighing in frustration, reliving all the epic, mind-blowing, toe-curling, earth-shattering, fabulous sex that she'd had with Nana and wishing she was back there? Oh God. Oh no no no no no. That was bad. No, they could never sleep together.
Never ever. Never ever ever. Unless…
Maybe there was some kind of course she could go on, or some kind of manual that she could go away and study really, really hard. That was it. And then, if and when the time came, she could burst into the bedroom, waving her diploma, and...
"Lisa?"
"Jesus!" She jumped at the sound, and threw cold water all over herself. She turned, face dripping, to see Jennie standing behind her.
"Are you okay?" The other girl said.
"I'm fine," she said quickly. "I was just... making coffee." She held out the glass, which failed to bear this out.
"Right," Jennie replied, doubtfully.
"Only I forget to... put any coffee in it. Or heat the water. Or use a cup. So maybe I'll just start again." She turned back to the counter.
"I won't call her."
"Who?" The blonde clattered cups around noisily.
"Nana. I won't call her if you don't want me to."
Lisa turned with a sigh. "It's nothing to do with me, Kim."
"Well, it kind of is."
"Why?"
"Because you're my friend. And if it upsets you, I won't do it."
"It's not that it upsets me, it's just..."
You're going to lie to her. You're going to look her right in the eye, and lie to her.
"I'm just worried about you, that's all. I'm just worried that if you start being nice to her, she's going to get her claws into you again."
"She won't."
"She will. If you start calling her, you're going to feel sorry for her, and before you know it, you'll end up getting talked into doing something you don't want to do. I know you. You're a sucker for a sob story, and you'll end up going back to her."
"I'm not an idiot, Manoban."
"I know you're not," Lisa said. "You're just too nice for your own good. Look at me."
"What about you?"
"I was pretty awful to you all through high school, and you forgave me without a thought. You always want to see the best in people, and there is no best in Nana."
"Yeah, but that's different. You set fire to a car."
"I know. And I meant it from the heart. But arson doesn't solve everything. You need to raise your expectations. What if she came over now, and set fire to something? Would you take her back?"
"No of course not."
"Not even if it was that big, shiny SUV that belonged to Mr. Yang?"
"Well..."
"You see?" Lisa said. "You're too soft. Too easily swayed. You need to toughen up a little."
"I guess," the older girl conceded. "It's just I can't bear the thought of someone hating me," she said. "I don't like the thought that someone's going to go through the rest of their life thinking of me as their worst nightmare."
"Really?" Lisa said in surprise. "It's what gets me up in the morning."
"But you're different. You can deal with people hating you. You've had practice."
Jennie had meant it as a joke, but the expression on the blonde's face was so crestfallen that she realized she'd hit a nerve. "I'm sorry," she quickly utter. "I didn't mean that."
"No, it's fine," Lisa said, turning away.
"Li..."
"What do you want for breakfast?"
"Lisa."
"I think there's some eggs left if you want to-"
"Lisa!"
"What?"
"Come on."
Lisa turned. "Look, I don't care that nobody likes me, okay?" she said. "I'm fine with that. I've gotten used to it. I can handle it. I'd just rather not have it rubbed in my face."
"I was only kidding."
"I know, and I know I started it, but it... You're my only friend. The only one left who'll even speak to me. And sometimes it feels like... like... oh, Christ."
"Lisa, are you all right? Is there something wrong?"
Lisa realized she was starting to shake as the last few days caught up with her. She put her hands up to her face to stifle a sob and felt tears falling on her fingers. "I'm sorry, I just... I can't..."
"Oh, God, come here." Jennie closed the gap and gathered her into her arms. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." She held her close, rubbing her back through her thin T-shirt. "Nobody hates you, okay? Nobody. Maybe people don't understand you the way I do, but that's their loss. If they could see you the way I see you, then they'd realize they were missing out on the best friend ever."
"Really?" Lisa said, from somewhere buried in her hair.
"Really," Jennie said, firmly. "You're a great friend. You're smart, and funny, and kind, and considerate, and thoughtful, and sympathetic, and-"
"Nini..."
"-understanding, and loyal, and you can punch people in the face, and you know how to change a wheel, and-"
"Enough now." There was a strange noise which turned out to be a damp laugh, and Lisa finally pushed herself away, face still damp with tears. "You're a beautiful liar, Kim"
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The Korean girl blinked. "Um… thanks?"
Lisa wiped at her eyes with the edge of her shirt. "I'm sorry," she chuckled. "I don't know what came over me. You see? This is what happens when I don't get coffee."
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Days passed, and there were more texts. Lisa could hear the muffled beeps, see Jennie stiffen, her hand creep towards the phone as though she thought the Thai girl might not notice. She'd slyly sweep the sceen, glance at it, then lock it again.
Lisa suspected that Jennie had a password for it, but she could never bring herself to try and find out, and in any case Jennie kept her phone close, much closer than she used to. There was never any indication that the brunette replied to any of them, but then she was hardly likely to do it while Lisa was there.
She found herself mentally assessing whether Jennie used the bathroom more often than usual, or whether her visits coincided with the texts. Maybe she should keep a log, or make up a spreadsheet, or-
You are way beyond creepy, Lalisa Manoban.
I am not! I'm just concerned.
There's a word for you. Begins with 'S'.
Shut up.
Stalker.
I am not a stalker! How can I be stalking her? I live with her.
But for how long?
The only reason I don't punch your lights out, brain, is because I'd have to go through my own face to do it.
Touchy, touchy.
You know, sometimes I wish I was a guy. Then I could do all my thinking with my dick and I wouldn't need you at all.
But then she wouldn't be interested in you.
She's not-
She clearly is, otherwise she wouldn't have slammed you up against a wall and stuck her tongue down your throat.
Well, yes, but...
And then come home and invite you to sleep with her.
That was...
An opportunity which you, and only you, could have fucked up so badly.
...
You know, sometimes, I don't like you very much.
I know. That's your problem. You don't like yourself, so you can't see why anyone else would, either.
Why do you have to be such a smartass all the time?
Hey, if you can't take it, don't dish it out. So you've got two choices. You can front up, tell her exactly what happened the other night, tell her you feel the same, and challenge her to do something about it, or you can hang around being creepy and trying to break into her phone to see if she's calling Nana. Which is it going to be?
Is there a third option?
I dunno. Be a cow?
I am not a fucking coward.
Moo moo.
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It was the following day that she got her opportunity. She heard the beep that announced a message, she saw Jennie unlock the phone, frown, and then, with a stroke of luck that happens only once in a lifetime, drop it on the floor. She bent to pick it up and spilled hot coffee on herself.
"Ow!" Jennie leapt to her feet, flapping at the front of her shirt. "Ow, ow, ow."
Lisa tried not to think about the way the wet material clung to her body, and concentrated on the matter in hand. "That's going to stain," she said. "You need to soak it."
"Damn."
"Quickly."
The brunette made a dash for the bathroom, as Lisa reached under the sofa to retrieve the phone before it timed out and locked itself again.
Messages. She scrolled down to the last one and found herself strangely disappointed that it was from Jennie's mom. There were some from Nana, though.
She opened them up to see if Jennie had responded, but as far as she could see the conversation was entirely one-sided, consisting of alternating pleas and threats, interspersed with the odd unintelligible drunken text.
She felt a warm glow for a moment, until she realized that Jennie could simply have deleted her side of the conversation. But then why wouldn't she delete them all? Unless that was part of the ruse to make her think-
"Lisa..?"
She went cold as she looked up to see Jennie in the doorway. Rather than scrub at her shirt she'd obviously just taken it off and dumped it in the sink.
The sight of her in just a bra, and the fact she'd been caught red-handed, robbed the blonde of the ability to speak, and so she stood, phone clutched guiltily in her hand, mouth opening and closing wordlessly.
Jennie stayed where she was for a moment, her expression unreadable, before she crossed the room and took the phone from Lisa's unresisting fingers. "I didn't call her," she muttered quietly, like a scared child shaking by the scolding.
The power of speech returned in a rush. "I'm sorry," Lisa said. "I didn't mean to..." She trailed off.
There was nothing accidental about it, and they both knew it.
"It's okay."
Lisa's face was burning. "It really isn't," she mumbled.
Jennie slipped the phone back into her pocket. "Look, I know you're worried about me, okay?" She said. "And I understand that. I'd probably do the same if it was you."
"Yeah, and if it was me, I would be being so damned nice about it," Lisa huffed, grudgingly. "I'm really sorry."
"Don't be."
"Hey, I can be sorry if I want to."
"No you can't."
"Don't tell me what to do."
There was a long pause, before Jennie laughed and the tension was broken. "Okay," she conceded. "You can be sorry."
"Thank you."
"And I'm sorry, too."
"What for?"
"Because I made you think I was going behind your back. We need to be honest with each other, and the last thing I want is for you to think that I'm keeping secrets from you when you've shared everything with me."
"That wasn't my idea. You made me share everything."
"Yes, I did. And don't you feel better for it?"
"No."
"Anyway, no more secrets. Look." The smaller girl pulled out her phone and fiddled with it. "There. No password. You can read it any time you want."
"I don't want to read it."
"Okay, you can not read it any time you want. It's up to you."
"Nini..."
"Right. I'd better go put some clothes on. I don't want you to think I'm trying to seduce you with my third-best underwear."
Lisa's face, which had only just recovered its normal color, reddened again. "I don't think-"
"Kidding, Lisa. Kidding."
"Oh."
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Over the next few days, Jennie's phone became something of a bone of contention. She took to ostentatiously laying it out in plain sight, on the table, on the sofa, in the bedroom, and then wandering off, in an attempt to entice Lisa to read it.
Meanwhile the Thai girl was equally determined not to read it, and she found herself edging around it, stepping over it, avoiding it as though it was an unexploded bomb.
After a while it seemed to follow her everywhere - she'd sit at the table, pick up the newspaper, and there it would be underneath, or reach for her toothbrush and find herself holding it instead. Finally she picked it up and waved it under Jennie's nose.
"Will you put this damned thing away," she demanded.
"Oh," Jennie said, casually. "Is that where it was?"
"Yes, Kim," Lisa said. "That's where it was. And that's where it keeps being, every time I turn around. For the last time, I don't want to read it."
The brunette sighed. "I'm just trying to show you that I trust you."
"And I'm trying to show you that I trust you," Lisa replied. "Now put it away."
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Three days later. Jennie was fidgety. Lisa could sense it as soon as she came in. "What's up?"
"I've been thinking."
"Oh."
"Don't say it like that."
"I'm sorry, I can make a bigger deal of it if you want. Maybe call the newspapers, take out some ads."
"I mean, don't say it like it's a bad thing."
"It is a bad thing," Lisa said. "It's like when your boyfriend says, 'we need to talk'. Nothing good ever follows it."
"Lisa."
"Sorry. Go on."
"It's just I've been thinking," Jennie started again, "We've both been under a lot of stress recently, and the last few weeks we've been burning the candle at both ends. I mean, I'm not complaining, it's been great, but maybe we both need a break."
"A break?"
"I know it can't be easy having me here. Maybe I should go to my mom's for a while."
"What? No! I mean, no, you don't have to do that."
"But look at us, Lisa. We're living like frat boys. The place is a mess, and there's no food, and..."
"I'll sort it out," Lisa quickly said. "I promise. I just need to-"
"I'm not asking you to sort it out, Lisa," Jennie cuts in. "It's my fault, I'm the one who's freeloading."
"It's okay, really."
"It's not. I'm taking advantage of you. And we're both going to end up in rehab if this goes on much longer."
"That's ridiculous."
"I got so drunk the other night I started a fight in a nightclub and smashed up a car," Jennie recalled. "That's not good."
"We don't have to smash up cars every night," Lisa said. "It can just be an occasional thing."
"I'm not saying it's your fault. I just think we need a rest."
Lisa looked sullen. "Is this about the phone thing?"
"No."
"Is this because of what I said about Nana?" She asked again. "Because I said you shouldn't see her?"
"What? No, of course it isn't! You're right, I should just ignore her."
"Then is it me?"
"No! Jesus, Lisa, you're making it sound like we're getting divorced. I just think we need a few days down-time. We'll have a clean up in here, make it all nice for you, and then I'll go to my mom's and let her look after me for a while. Give you some space."
"I don't need space," Lisa said, desperately, "I need..." she stopped herself. "I mean I'm fine," she said. "I like having you here."
"And I like being here," Jennie said. "Come on, Lisa, It's not as though I'm leaving town. We can still hang out. And at least you'll have the bed to yourself for a change. It must be awful sharing with me."
Lisa couldn't say anything. She never wanted to spend the night alone again, now she'd shared a bed with Jennie, but she could hardly put it like that. "I kind of like it," she said, sulkily.
"No you don't," Jennie disagreed. "Otherwise you wouldn't have slept on the sofa last night."
Thereby hangs a tale. But not one she could go into. She was rapidly running out of objections, and the only one she had left was the closest to the truth. "But I'd... miss you."
"No you won't, because I'll call you every day, and we'll meet up. This isn't a falling out, Lisa, it's not a big deal. I'm just crashing someplace else for a few days to give us chance to get ourselves straight."
"But..."
"And if I'm honest," Jennie said, with a sigh, "I really owe it to my mom."
"Owe it to her?"
"We kind of dropped a bombshell on her the other day, and I haven't spoken to her since then. She keeps texting, but it's just trivia, and I don't know whether she's cool with it or whether she's taking all my photos down and writing me out of the will. I don't think I could stand it if Seolhyun got promoted to favorite daughter, she'd have a field day. I ought to spend some time with her and find out, do the whole 'bonding' thing."
"Ugh."
"Yeah. And count yourself lucky I'm not making you come with me to spend some time with the in-laws."
Lisa had forgotten that as far as Jennie's family was concerned, she was her girlfriend. She shuddered. "No thanks."
"So are we cool?" Jennie asked, cautiously. "I don't want you to think that I'm ungrateful, I'm really not. It's only going to be a couple of days, and then I'm back." She hesitated. "If you want me back."
Of course I'll want you back. "Well, I don't know, once I get used to the peace and quiet..."
The brunette laughed. "Yeah, right."
"And the space, and less laundry to do..."
"You don't do any laundry."
"And making my own breakfast..."
Jennie's face fell and she pouted. "You don't like my cooking?"
"I'm just kidding. I think that's the thing I'll miss most of all."
"Hmmm."
"That and watching you bite your toenails."
"I don't... you know, maybe I won't come back."
"You'd better."
"Or else what?"
"Do you really, really, want to find out?"
"You don't frighten me, Lisa Manoban."
"No?"
"... Okay, well maybe a bit," she conceded. "But you're not allowed to hurt me, now. That's one of the rules of being a friend. No bodily harm."
"I don't remember reading that."
"Well, it's true."
"Anyway, I didn't say anything about hurting you."
"Or my stuff."
"Look for the last time, she was fine, okay? And it was for a good cause."
"I still think there's something disturbing about kidnapping someone's treasured childhood possessions to force them to come out to their parents."
"I didn't force you to come out to them," Lisa said. "I only said you should go round and say hello. The whole 'coming out' fiasco was your idea."
"Well maybe I'd have been able to concentrate more if I hadn't been so worried about where Nini was."
"She was fine," Lisa reassured. "She was just having a well-deserved rest in my sock drawer."
"Eww."
"The clean sock drawer."
"Well that's something. Look, are you sure you're all right with this? I don't want you to feel abandoned."
"Hey, I managed perfectly well when you were miles away. I can cope for a couple of days while you're at your mom's."
"Good. Okay, let's get tidied up."
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They cleaned the apartment from top to bottom, music blaring, dancing as they went, lost in the pleasure of doing something together. By the time they were finished, Lisa barely recognized the place. "Are you sure I live here?" she asked doubtfully, looking around.
"Yes. And it had better look like this when I get back, otherwise there'll be trouble."
"Yes, mom."
"Good girl," Jennie beamed, approvingly. "Right. Are you sure you're okay to give me a ride over?"
"Why shouldn't I be?"
"I don't know. It's just you seemed a little..."
"Jeez, Kim." She rolled her eyes. "Why, it's not like we're breaking up or anything."
"Very funny," Jennie said. "And I don't talk like that. Now come on, let's get going."
They drove across town, the Korean girl clutching the bag with her overnight things in. She'd deliberately taken as little as possible, so as to demonstrate her intention of coming back, but there was still a uneasy feeling of separation about it, as though one of them had failed in some way.
But they covered it with small talk, and jokes, and by the time they reached Jennie's house, it felt more like what it was, two friends parting for a while, promises to keep in touch made and meant, no more significant than saying goodbye at school on a Friday knowing you'd see them again on Monday.
No problem.
And so, with a promise from Jennie to call in the morning still ringing in her ears, Lisa drove home, confidently, with the top down and the radio on, singing all the way.
And when she finally reached her newly-refurbished, spring-cleaned, spotlessly tidy apartment, she took a deep breath and leapt from the car, bounded up the stairs with a spring in her step, threw herself on the bed, and cried all night.
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One step forward and …
But things will come to a head soon. We just need to keep them apart so they know they need to be together.
Damn, should I have put a spoiler alert in there?
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