'Roses are supposed to be the flower of love. The flower of romance. Right?'
That was my heading on the lined piece of paper in front of me. I then picked up my pen and pushed the lined paper aside.
Why?
I couldn't continue to write. It was too difficult. My face slowly heated up. My eyes watered. I couldn't even blink. If I did the tears would pour.
"I won't cry. I'm not going to cry," I kept repeating to myself.
I was wrong. The tears soon flowed slowly down my face. Those tears felt like acid on my skin, slowly peeling it away. The tears didn't even stop. They kept flowing and flowing. The pain in my face kept growing as each tear was shed. But still, they didn't stop. I could have begged them to stop. Plead them. Do anything for the tears to stop. But they wouldn't care. They would keep pouring out of my dull and tired eyes.
Then I heard them again. The voices were back. Before I could even agree with what they could have said, I hit my face on my desk. Immediately I felt pain, but the voices faded. My head kept on stinging.
Was it worth it?
I shook my head attempting to shake off the stinging pain. As I passed to go and lock my door I looked into my mirror. I saw something. Not something, I saw someone.
I saw someone who was pathetic. Who was fat. Who was ugly. Who was depressed. Who was upset. I saw someone who was always saying they were fine. I saw some other things, but only those stood out to me.
I then realized, I saw myself. I didn't see someone else struggling. I saw myself. I was pathetic. I was fat. I was ugly. I was depressed. I was upset. I was always saying I'm fine. I never let anyone know.
I shook it off and went to lock my door. I then proceeded to my window. I opened my window to look at the tree outside. I climbed over to it. Once I was on the branch I began to climb down the tree.
Both of my feet hit the ground. I then put on my headphones that were hanging around my neck. The song that was playing was 'Emtpy' on a 10 hour repeat. I enjoyed the song. It even helped me cope with what I'm going through. Even if it was useless, I guess it saved me from another day.
I made my way to the bus stop. It only took me waiting for three minutes after arriving for the bus to pull up; telling me and the other kids to get on. I stepped on last. I then made my way to the back. It was always not really crowded in the back. It wasn't what you'd expect. The front of the bus was chaotic and messy. While the back was peaceful and quieter. I sighed inaudibly.
'At least my seat is open today.' I thought to myself as I sat in the back row corner seat.
After a couple of minutes after driving the bus pulled to a stop. Two girls that I haven't seen before had gotten on. One was kinda of tall. She looked around 5' 11", she also had a blue shirt with ruffles at the bottom, probably just to match her blue skirt that almost went down to her knees, and her light brown hair was dyed blue near the bottom. While the other girl in front of her was different. The girl in front was shorter, I would say about 5' 2" or 5' 1". The girl had a pink hoodie tied around her waist, but she had a grey shirt, black pants, and her raven black hair was messy and way shorter than the taller girl's hair. I found that really surprising since the colors didn't seem to complement each other. But what do I know.
The two girls end up sitting next to me. Why would they sit next to me? No one ever sits next to me. They all cram into a full seat instead. So why?
"Umm.. is this seat taken?" The taller girl asked me.
"No, but why would you want to sit here?" I ask them.
"You seem lonely." The shorter girl told me.
I laughed at this. They looked at me weird. "I'm sorry it's that nobody has cared about my feelings before." Told them as I looked down at my knees to avoid eye contact.
"Well then, (I look up to meet their eyes) I'm Galaxy and this is Angel." The taller one I know now as Galaxy told me.
Angel waved. "I'm Flame." I told them, "Nice to meet you." I smiled.
I smiled? When was the last time I smiled. I finally felt somewhat happy. The bus came to a stop, and this jerked Galaxy face first into the seat. More people had gotten on.
"OoF" she says hitting the front seat.
Angel and I quietly laughed at this. "What's your first class?" I asked them both. They take out their schedules.
"I have art class." Angel beams.
"I have science then gym." Galaxy says disappointed slightly.
"Cool! I get Angel first period and then Galaxy." I cheer, earning them a small fist bump.
|| Walking to class after getting off the bus ||
Angel and I begin walking to class. I was not looking where I was going and then I ended up bumping into someone.
"Gah! I'm sorr-" I began.
"I don't care you BITCH!" He screamed at me.
I looked up at him, I realized who it was. I felt tears swelling into my eyes once again. I shook my head and grabbed Angel's wrist. She looked at me confused but didn't fight me. We continued to walking to class. After arriving. The first bell rings. Only Angel, myself and four other students are already inside. It didn't take long for the others with the same class arrive. The late bell rings and the teacher finally arrives. The teacher is tall and slim. Her figure is quite fine, if I were to describe her vaguely. Her hair was raven black messily put up into a bun held together by two pencils. She walks to the board and writes her name.
"Miss Violet" the board read.
Miss Violet turns around and begins to speak, "Welcome class. I hope you are willing to be back for sophomore year. I am a newer teacher because your last one has left." She clears her throat. "Today's project is— ah!" She turns her head to the door, my eyes follow to where she was looking at. I slightly gasp. "Mr. Randy you finally decide to join us. The principal told me about you, please see me after class for being a good 10 minutes late."
He rolled his eyes and sat down in the only spot available. Next to Angel and I. I kept my gaze away from him. At some point we had to work together. To be more exact drawing each other.
I couldn't stand even looking at him. I could tell that he would fuck up my image. Making me see myself worse. I had my phone in my pocket. I was okay, at least for now.
I force myself to take a look at him. I can't. I won't. My eyes start to tear. I rub my eyes and raise my hand. The teacher calls on me, by pointing her finger at my hand.
"May I be excuse to the restroom?" I asked her, hiding the plead in my voice.
She nods her head. I walk out the classroom, looking calm and collected. I make it out of the the classroom. I hear the door shut faintly and I bolt to the bathroom. Tears were on the verge of beginnings once again. It takes a couple of moments me running to get to the bathroom. I had passed some goth or emos ditching class and smoking cigarettes. I grab my phone from my hoodie pocket at a frantic speed. My phone flies out of my hand.
"Fuck!" I whisper yell to myself.
I take out my phone case to reveal three razor blades. I had always used my phone to hide them. It was nice just to have them near me. I pull up my sleeves, reaching my elbow. Scars, some partially healed cuts, and some newer cuts were scarred on my arms up slightly past my elbows.
This made me feel happy.
This is what the voices told me what happiness felt like.
I know that they are right.
I smiled. This was my destined fate. My smile grows wider. I grab one of my razors something unexpected happened.
|| To be continued... ||