We were driving down the street when I found the huge sign that reads 'Best Little Chapel' on our right side, "It's over there!" I pointed out as Phil nodded and headed that way. Behind it was a huge sign that said 'strippers', I genuinely hope we didn't go there to be honest!
I kept on looking at my ring, I was starting to get scared because I honestly didn't want to know if I really did get married to Phil even if I really want to be with him. Phil drove up and we parked the car, "What about the baby?" Alan asked.
"It'll be fine, we'll only be five minutes!"
"Phil, we're not going to leave the baby in the car!" Stu exclaimed.
"I cracked the window!" Phil said.
"Stu, its alright we won't take long!" I said, we then all started heading inside the big white and pink building. "What if they don't remember us?" Stu asks a bit nervous. "Well let's just find out!" Phil said looking around to find someone. "Excuse me, sir? Hi!" Phil said to a guy that was helping a girl put some stuff up on the aisle. He looked at us and in a second or two, had a huge smile slapped across his face and he started laughing.
"Oh look at these guys, what happened? You miss me? You miss Eddie?! You want more from me?!" he said, his voice laced with an accent as he went for a big hug on Phil who was clearly not ready for it. "How are you my friend?" he asks, Phil looks at me as he moves on to Alan. "Look at this guy! You fucking crazy!" He said holding Alan's face, as they both hugged back. Alan with a big smile as the man called 'Eddie' then moved to me. "And you!" he exclaims as he quickly kissed me on the lips which I did not want at all. "You are a crazy bitch!" he said as he was about to hug me, though his hand went straight to my ass. "Hi?" I said confused, I honestly don't know what the hell he's talking about. He looks at Phil who was in confusion, but you could see another bit of jealousy in his eyes from Eddie's actions.
"You are one lucky man, she's fucking wild!"
"Good to know!" Phil said with a smirk as he looked at me made me blushed and look down.
"Listen to me, I'm going to tell you something, I know some sick people in my life! This guy is the craziest, wildest, bastard I've ever met in my life!" Eddie said, referring to Stu. "This guy?!" Phil and I ask at the same time, very shocking to hear that about Stu. "This guy is out of his mind! Whats going on you crazy motherfucker?!" Eddie said as he hugged a very confused Stu.
"I thought he was going to eat my dick!" Oh, okay.
We shared some small laughs, not being able to picture how crazy Stu was per Eddie's words.
"What happened? No love for Eddie?! You don't hug me?!" Eddie said. "No no it's not that, Eddie!" Stu began, but I finished his sentence, "We're just having a bit of trouble remembering what went down last night! We literally can't remember anything!" I said. "Do you do weddings here?" Alan asked, another of his dumb questions (anyone keeping track?), surprisingly Eddie found it funny as he started laughing. "You cracking my balls man! I love this guy!"
He then made the girl beside him go get us some food to eat but we cut in as she went pass us, "No Eddie it's alright!" I said. "Eddie, obviously we were here last night! We're looking for our friend Doug! Do you remember him?!" Phil asked grabbing my waist once again. "Ya the small guy, like a monkey! Supposed to be your brother but I see not resemblance!" We all nodded.
"Ya that's my brother!"
"Of course!"
"Is there anything you can tell us that may have happened last night?!" Stu asked. "You don't remember nothing! You don't either?" Eddie said referring to Phil and I. "No, not clearly!" I replied back, scattering my empty mind. "Wow, come with me!" he said leading us to the counter where he pulled out a pink album.
Stu opened it and started flipping through, "Congratulations Stu you got married!" Alan said. "Ugh this can't be happening!" Stu groaned which caused me to shed a small laugh. There were photos of Stu and a pretty blonde girl that actually looked pretty nice for him. "Oh God!" Stu said backing away from the counter. Phil kept flipping through, there was a photo of everyone else posing for a picture when me and Phil were making out in the background, then a picture of Stu smiling and the girl on his back showing off her ring.
"I'll tell you one thing Stu, you look seriously happy here man!" Phil said smiling.
"Hey so did you two!" Eddie said to Phil and I, pulling out another pink album. Oh god this is what I don't want to see! I stood in front of it, Phil huddling me as he opened it. There were pictures of me and Phil kissing, everyone in a line smiling while Phil and I had our eyes locked, Phil picking me up and making out with me, and Phil smiling really hard while hugging me as I was showing off my ring!
"So I did marry him?"
"Ya and you were so happy about it last night!" Eddie told me.
"Lil'!" Phil said as I backed away. "Oh God!" It really started to me now, I really fucked up I mean I married my BEST FRIEND THATS ALREADY MARRIED !!!!
Good one Lily!
It was all rushing through my head, I couldn't help but get overwhelmed. "Lily!" Phil said trying to grab my arms, I pulled out of his embrace and ran out. "LILY!" Phil yelled, I ran out and stood near the car. "Lily!" Phil said again as he ran to me. I was turned around trying not to cry, but he turned me around by my shoulders and I drowned in his gorgeous blue eyes.
"Phil we can't do this!"
"Why not?"
"Because you and me know this can't work!"
"Why can't it work?! Tell me that Lily!"
"Because.... because you don't love me!"
"Lil-"
"You never did and you never will, that's a fact! I know you Phil, you can only be my best friend because that's all I can ever be to anyone!" I said as I pulled Phil by the shirt and started crying leaning on his chest.
"Shhh baby it's okay. Lily you're not just my best friend....."
"Then what am I to you? Huh! A housewrecker?"
"Lily-"
"No Phil, you're fucking married!!"
"Lily please-"
"Don't you fucking sweet talk me Phillip, it won't work this time, neither will those eyes!"
"Would you just FUCKING LISTEN!" he shouts causing me to shut up, "Lily you're never just going to be my best friend! You're more than that..... because YOU'RE THE FUCKING GIRL I FELL IN LOVE WITH SINCE I FIRST SAW YOU!!"
"W-what? Why didn't you say this then?!"
"Well I couldn't when your older brother is there making sure no guy can talk to you!"
"You were scared of Doug?!" I asked laughing, he's pretty small and too kind to be 'scary'.
"He threatened my manhood! You know how much that means to me," he said smirking which caused me to snicker. "I love you Liliana Billings! I always have and I always will." Phil said with a genuine loving smile on his face.
"I love you too Phil Fucking Wenneck!" I said as I slammed my lips against his. He held me from my waist and we kissed long and passionately. I've truly been waiting for this for years, but I never thought i'd actually get here.
I guess this is your time, nice one Lily!
When our lips slowly parted away, the fact that he was *still married* ran through my mind, making me back up from his embrace. "What's wrong?!" Phil asked, confused.
"Y-your married." He began laughing at my comment, which I didn't understand why. "What, you're married aren't you?!"
"I'm divorced!"
"What?!!"
"Well the divorce is being finalized."
"What?! I thought you loved her?"
"I finally accepted that she wasn't the one. Instead, this 'one' was a beautiful girl with dark brown hair and hazel eyes."
he said, caressing my cheek as I smiled.
"What about Eli?!"
"He practically hated me and actually liked you more!" I snickered at his comment, he was right in a way.
"So we're not get this annulled?" Phil asked with these puppy dog eyes. "We won't!" I said laughing a bit, "I love you!"
"I love you too!" We kissed again but were cut off by Stu and Alan coming out of the Chapel with boxes and yelling. "Well are you going to help us or not?!" Stu asked in a pissy tone. Our lips parted away and we both looked at Stu and Alan, "Seriously man, you just had to ruin the moment?!" Phil said a little annoyed which made me smile.
"Take it easy baby, you'll get more soon!" I said in a seductive tone quietly in his ear. I then pecked his mouth quickly as I left him wanting more, "What about now?!" Phil said smirking.
"Not now or Stu might kick your ass as he seems to be not too happy right now!"
"Fuck him!" he said while grabbing my waist and bringing me right against him as we kissed again with lustful feelings, but were cut off again, "PHIL!" Stu yelled.
"Jesus Christ Stu I'm trying to kiss my fucking wife here!!" Phil yells causing me to blush. They both ignored his comment and were waiting for us to come and help them.
"Come on, let's go help him!" I said to Phil grabbing his hand and walking to Stu and Alan trying to put boxes in the trunk. "So what'd you guys decide on?" Stu asked us. "Yeah, what did you decide on Phil?!" Alan asked with a glare towards Phil. "Well we're not getting the marriage annulled so..." Phil said looking at me with so much love in his eyes.
"We're married!!!" I said smiling so hard as Phil lays a kiss on my head.
"Congrats guys! I guess that's what you've always wanted Lily!" Stu said, giving me a look.
"What?"
"Come on we all knew you liked Phil!"
"Yeah well he liked me the whole time too so....!" I said trying to end the conversation as I didn't want to look like a loser. "Anyways, what are we going to do now?" I asked, looking at everyone.
"Well we have to go see Jade and hopefully get some info about Doug." Stu said. "Jade?" Phil asked, "Yeah that the girl Stu married!" Alan mentioned, laughing a bit. "So what's with all these fucking boxes?" I asked as we all stared at the blocks that filled the trunk. "Oh well this is the high roller package I ordered yesterday with my wife!" Stu said sarcastically. "Ok well do you have her address?!" Phil asked closing the trunk.
"Ya!"
"Ok let's go then!" Phil said with his hand on my back, walking me to the passengers door. He opened it for me and I got in smirking, Stu's phone started ringing when he was about to get in. "Shit is it Doug's phone?" I asked, wondering who it could be. Stu pulled it out and got a look of annoyance on his face, "Ugh it's Melissa!"
"Don't answer it!" Phil said annoyingly.
"I can't she's called two times already!" He answered the call, but we completely ignored what he was saying. I turned around and started playing with the baby through the black screen dividing the back seats of the police car. "It would so cool to know how to breastfeed!" Alan said oddly which made us all look at him like 'the fuck Alan?!'.
While we were waiting for Stu to quickly end the call, we hear a loud set of tires come in the parking lot and stop right near our car, two Asian guys coming out of the orange sport car with bats. "What the fuck?" Phil says looking through the front mirror as the guys came from behind the car.
"Let's go! Out of the car!" one of them said aggressively. "Where the hell is he?!" the other one said pointing his bat to Phil.
"Phil?!" I said nervously, "Hey, easy, easy, I think we're looking for the same guy okay!" Phil said until one of the guys smashed our windshield with his bat. Pieces of glass shot out, one landing on my hand.
"FUCK!" I shouted, feeling the sharp object cut through me.
"HEY WHAT THE HELL MAN!" Phil yelled, all the loud noice now making the baby start crying. "Why would there by a baby? We're at a winery, that's a goat!" Stu said to Melissa, probably because she can hear the noice too.
"WHERE IS HE?!!!" one of the guys yelled again
"I-I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOUR TALKING ABOUT!!!!" Phil yelled back to them.
"Sir can you PLEASE START THE TRACTOR SO WE CAN GET OUT OF HERE!" Stu said banging on the dividing screen trying to support what he was saying to Melissa. "IM TRYING TO BUT WE'RE FUCKING BLOCKED!!!" Phil yelled back looking at Stu. The guy then smashed the windshield again sending more pieces of glass flying, so I tried to cover my face with my arms — my hand now hurting like fucking hell!
"HEY THERES A BABY ON BOARD!" Alan yelled to the men as the baby wouldn't stop crying from the bangs, making everything harder for Stu to cover our situation to Melissa.
"PHIL!!!" I yelled
"GET OUT OF THE CAR!" one of the guys yelled again.
"START THE FUCKING CAR!" I yelled trying not to think of the pain in my hand.
"It's a baby goat!" Stu said still trying to cover his story. Phil started the car and Eddie walked out of the Chapel with a bat, "Hey why are you making trouble for my business man, go away from here now!" but the guys didn't care as one of them took out a gun and pointed it directly at me.
"GET OUT OF THE FUCKING CAR!"
"Phil he has a gun!" Alan said nervously, "NO SHIT HES GOT A GUN!!!" Phil shouted back. "I gotta call you back! Bye!" Stu said as he quickly hung up the phone. "GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE BEFORE THEY FUCKING SHOOT ME!!!" I said panicking now, Phil listened immediately and pressed the gas peddle which ran over the guys foot. The pain made the man pull the trigger, accidentally shooting Eddie all the while we smashed into a white limousine.
"HE FUCKING SHOT EDDIE!!" I said looking at him laying on the ground in pain, "SHIT!" Phil said. Stu started screaming which made the baby start crying even louder, "FUCK THIS SHIT!" Phil said as he backed up the car, smacking into the front of a taxi and proceeding to go right through a bus stop hut.
"GO GO GO GO GO!!!" Stu yelled as we drove away. "FUCKKK!!!!!" I yelled in pain, bouncing my leg because of my nerves. Phil looked down at my hand, "HOLY SHIT!" he said panicking as my hand bled, the glass sticking out. "IT FUCKING KILLS!!!" I whined as Stu looked at it nearly passing out.
"Its okay, baby! We have to take you to a fucking hospital."
"Shit!" Aside from having a fear from massive injuries like the one i've just often, I also have a fear of hospitals so this all was freaking me THE FUCK OUT!!!
When we made it to a hospital, Phil rushed me in as everyone followed behind. They took me into a room and numbed my hand so they could take out the glass and disinfect the wound before stitching me back up (luckily I didn't feel it thanks to that numbing shit!).
"Okay, it's all fixed now!" I said as I walked out to the guys sitting down on the chairs waiting for me. They all looked at me with a smile and Phil got up, "You okay?". "Ya!" I said back as Phil leaned in to kiss me.
"Great, let's go and meet this Jade!" Phil said holding my waist as we all walked out and headed to the car.
—
"What's the number again?" Stu asked while we were walking down up the apartment complex looking for Jade's apartment. "It's-" Phil began until a girl came outside her door on the phone, "I found him! I'll call you back!"
she said as she ended the call and walked up to us. "Thank God, he's with his father! I was starting to freak out!" she said as she grabbed the baby out of Alan and the chest carrier and held him in her arms.
"I missed you sweetie!" she said to the baby and then turned to Stu who was not prepared for what was to come, "And I missed you!" she said in a seductive tone before she began making out with a very uncomfortable Stu. I looked at Phil with an eyebrow raised and he shrugged back.
"What the hell happened to you guys?!" she asked as she turned away from Stu to all of us. "Actually, we were hoping you could tell us!" I said back with a smile. "What do you mean? I got up this morning to get you guys coffee and when I came back, you were gone!" she said back. "Why are you being so quiet?" she then asked Stu, "I'm not being quiet" Stu stuttered back. "That's so cute! I got to feed Tyler, come in you guys!" she said as she opened the door for us and went inside.
"You hear that? The baby's name is Tyler!" Alan said disappointed, which made me quietly giggle as I looked at Phil to see if he was going to say anything back, "Yeah," he said a bit awkwardly, patting Alan's back "I thought he looked more like a Carlos too, bud!" trying to comfort Alan.
Phil grabbed my hand and we sat down on the couch where everyone else were while Jade went to her kitchen and brought back some cups to pour us some ice tea. "You guys are acting weird!" she said, looking at us for a slight bit. "Look it's Jade right?" Phil said, "Very funny Phil!" she said back with a smile, walking towards us with the drinks. "Right Jade, uh, do you remember our friend Doug?" Phil asked, "Are you kidding, he was the best man at both our weddings!" she said happily as she handed Stu his cup of ice tea.
"Exactly! Well we can't find him and we're getting a bit worried!" Phil said as Jade was still standing in front of us carrying Tyler, "Oh my God! That's so Doug!" Jade said laughing. She turned a bit sideways towards Stu, causing him to abruptly spit out the ice tea he had in his mouth making it land on the baby and Jade.
The baby started crying loudly, "I'm going to go clean him off!" she said as she held the crying baby closer to her and walked down the hall. "Sorry daddy didn't mean it!" she said trying to calm Tyler down.
"What the hell Stu?!" I said to a shocked and uneasy Stu, I wonder what caused him to literally spit out his drink like that. "Yo what the fuck man! You have to hold it together!" Phil said as Stu still sat there freaking out. "Yeah, seriously, what the hell it wrong with you?!" I said a bit confused about his behaviour. "Ya, she's super hot, you should be proud of yourself man!" Phil said which caused me to give him a disapproving look and punch him lightly on the arm. He looked at me and tried to show what he meant, "Well you know what I mean- hot for Stu!" Wrapping his arm around my shoulders and pulling me in closer to him which I found quite fond. "I understand!" I said as I kissed Phil quickly.
"Guys! She's wearing my grandmother's ring!"
"What?" Phil and I both said.
"The ring Im to giving to Melissa! You remember, my grandmother's holocaust ring!" Stu said, his eyes widened, "Ok, shit!" Phil said finally understanding the situation.
"I didn't know they give out rings at the holocaust!" Alan said, we all looked at him again. I genuinely want to know what happens in that mind of his.
"He's ok!" Jade mentioned as she came out from the hall and sat on a chair, "Oh good, Stu's sorry about that!" I said with a smile. "No worries, he's just hungry!" she said as she started cradling the baby. "About last night, do you remember the last time you saw Doug?!" Phil asked, "Uh, I haven't seen him since the wedding!"
"The wedding, yeah when was that?" I asked as Phil pulled out the napkin we were writing everything we did on. Jade started pulling down her bra and shirt straps and then brought out one her breast to begin feeding the baby. I looked away out of respect as Phil made an uncomfortable sound. Stu was not ready to see that happen that he had a made an awkward face trying to look anywhere but her. Alan was staring intensely just like he did with the old man in the hospital, I kicked his leg to make him stop.
"Umm...." she said now breastfeeding, "I guess it was around one because I had to go back to work and finish my shift. And then when I got out I headed over to the hotel with Tyler!". "And was Doug there then?!" Phil asked only looking at Jade's eyes and not at her exposed breast. "I didn't see Doug because you guys were passed out. The room was a wreck!" she said, "So I just curled up next to Stu!" looking at Stu flirtatiously.
"uh-huh" Stu said weirdly, she then made a seductive cat growl! Phil made suggested eyebrows as I said "Really...." trying to bother Stu. "Umm... I have a question." Stu said as he waved his hand slightly in the air, "You said when your shift ended, does that mean your a nurse...or a blackjack dealer?"
"You know this, I'm a stripper!" she said smiling, "W-what?" Stu mumbled out.
"Come on Lil', don't you remember?! You tried the job last night and you helped me finish my shift! We were like on fire!" Jade said with a huge smile, "Don't you remember Phil? She-"
"Uh-huh!" I said trying to stop the conversation, embarrassed from picturing what I must of looked like. Great I was a stripper last night..... oh god how fucked up were we?! Phil pulled me in closer, a smirk appearing on his face. Jade continued, "Oh and Lily, you had so many clients wanting you last night! Although Phil wouldn't let that happen..... but you should think of getting into the business! You're really great!"
Well.... at least Phil helped me out I guess!
"But anyways- I'm technically a escort but stripping is a great way to meet the clients!" Jade said with a smile, "savvy." Stu whispered sarcastically. "But that's all in the past now that I married a doctor!" Jade said referring to Stu, who was very overwhelmed "I'm just a dentist." he plainly, finally the truth!
Just at that moment the front door smashed open and we all jumped, falling back to the backing of the couch as Jade bent down on her chair. "LAS VEGAS POLICE! FREEZE!" a male officer yelled at us as he and his female partner pointed there guns at us. Phil, Stu, Alan and I all put our hands up, the baby crying again.
"SHUT THAT BABY UP! SHUT THAT BABY UP!" the male officer yelled at us.
"Oh God!" Stu said, "OKAY OKAY OKAY!!!" Phil shouted in fear!!
FUCK!! The stupid cop car we've been driving.