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We began our trek back to Berthold the next morning. Luckily, Trista and Ellah were both unharmed during our brief stay in Yew's dungeon, which I was thankful for. I rode most of the day atop Trista, but was advised, by Andrew, to ride with him as we journeyed into the night.
I made it into the middle of the night without feeling the slightest ounce of fatigue. By then, we reached Berthold Forest. The tall slender trees that flooded the land rocked calmly in the wind. My bright eyes began to loosen giving in to the silent spell the trees were casting. We would reach Berthold by mid-afternoon if we continued at this pace. I was looking forward to returning, excited to get back to a civilized colony.
I watched the trees as they swept by one by one, and soon my heavy eyelids closed as I found myself silently counting them. Sometime passed into my count before I drifted into a dreamless sleep with my arms wrapped securely around Andrew.
I awoke later to a faint sound, a sound that wasn't clear at first. This sound was muffled and feminine in nature. I lifted my head from Andrew's shoulder. I was slouched over, still holding onto him just as tightly as I was when I fell asleep. It was dark, but shortly my eyes adjusted along with my ears. I could hear the sound clearly now, it sounded like weeping, though it rapidly grew into shouting.
Andrew glanced over his shoulder, noticing I was awake. He put his hand over his mouth. I knew all too well what he meant by that sign. He turned away and quietly listened. Curious, I pressed my body against his and dangled my head over his shoulder to get a better view of where the sounds originated. I could hear the voices clearly. They were those of James and Cassandra, and they were arguing like children, it was pathetic.
Their voices carried through the night like a great horn, calling forth everything with ears to listen to its call. How could they be oblivious that their private conversation was no longer private? What they were speaking about wasn't meant for any of us to hear, but shamefully that didn't stop us from listening.
They called each other ugly words, and shockingly pointed out each other's flaws without care of overstepping boundaries, but what they most argued about was their past. There were things that were awkward to hear, especially for me. She accused him of leading me on to get back at her, only to make her jealous. She was furious that he had kept my wielding ability a secret from her and the rest of the knights. Of course, he told her that none of that was any of her business, thus setting her on a fiery tirade once more. After what seemed an eternity of belittlements thrown back and forth between them they were silenced.
The sounds of insects rang throughout the forest. I wondered if they were too exhausted to continue their battle, no one had made a peep in so long. They weren't too far ahead of the group, they were easily seen. The moonlight beamed through the thinning trees, it acted like a spotlight as it shown down upon them.
She held the reins of her horse with one hand, and her free hand lay against the bust of her breastplate, as if she were trying to keep herself steady. She looked fragile, like a glass figurine atop her well-groomed steed. I never thought, I would see her like this, so vulnerable, so human.
"The night before we journeyed here, I had foreseen your death... You can't imagine the terror I felt when I was torn from my sleep and told that Lord Alexander had sensed someone had tampered with the letter. I must have looked like a mad woman when I begged him to allow me to be a part of the campaign he was sending to Yew," she said. Her soft confession was almost lost to the songs of the night creatures that serenaded the forest.
He didn't give her the satisfaction of presenting her a friendly glance. Instead, his eyes watched the trail we were traveling down with great intent.
He sighed, "It was merely a dream, Cassandra, as you can see I am alive and well..." His hands grasped Ellah's reins as if he were about to charge away into the night.
"Oh, you think you know it all James," she proclaimed loudly, dramatically, "You're stupid, you know that? The only reason you're alive is because of her, because she opened the letter... We would have never known that something was wrong if she hadn't. That silly dream would have been true if it weren't for that."
He shook his head with a chuckle, brushing away her harsh statement. He let Ellah's reins slacken in his hands, it seemed, he wasn't about to leave their argument yet, having something more to give to it.
"Idiot..."Cassandra bowed her head concealing her pain, but I could hear it in her voice.
"You've got to stop this," he replied coldly, his request was so distant that it was uncomfortable to hear knowing she was worried for him genuinely.
She flung her head back, the hand that had relaxed on her chest balled into a tight fist.
"No, it is you that needs to stop. You're going to get yourself killed if you don't... You think that girl won't grow wise to your incompetence? She will, and before long she will make a better knight than you. You can go on, feeling sorry for the past that you had no control over, or you can let it go before it's too late," she warned with little emotion.
They both rode in silence again.
He glanced over at her. "I must do this." His stern proclamation was met with the call of a night bird as it hooted above.
"Why, when you know it hurts the people you think you're helping? When it hurts the ones who love you," she asked softly while looking to the sky.
"Perhaps, it is you who lives in the past... Maybe it's time that you let it go."
Her gaze was brought down with his statement, she peered over at him while inching her horse closer to his.
"I never asked for any of this, all I wanted was you... The way you were before all of this."
"It's too late for that song now, isn't it... This is me, this is who I am. I took an oath to Lord Alexander, to Berthold, same as you. I will never turn my back on that vow, not for anyone."
"Don't be a fool James... we both know why you're here, what motivated you to take that plunge," she responded sourly.
"You should think before you speak your hypocritical words. Even I know you joined to make up for your lost brother and father, and for what, to keep their memory alive? Don't kid yourself Cassandra, if you think I'm here to prove myself to your dead father then you're here for the same reasons I am," he scoffed. The way he glanced at her you could tell that he wanted to see her anger, he was waiting for it.
"I was trained by my father and brother to protect myself and my family. I knew what I was getting into, unlike you, an artist who wanted to play knight," she hissed showing her disapproval of his prior statement.
"Then we're both agreed then, that we've both a vow to uphold, and I will honor it the same as you... There is nothing more to talk about, do you hear me?"
Her head slung low with his words, and she muttered a prayer out loud, one that I had overheard in the castle by one of the priestess. I had no idea what it meant, but the words were beautiful as she spoke them. She glanced over at him when she was finished and he back at her.
"I fear for the day that I hear word of your death..." Her real concern was exposed.
He tore his gaze away bitterly.
"I died the day you turned your back on me, like I was some sort of stranger."
"We all make mistakes, I wish I could take back that selfish act, but I can't... My family was stolen away from me unexpectedly. I didn't know what I was supposed to do, or how I was going to live without them... Felicia was just a toddler, how could I ask you to help with the burden that was left behind for me?"
He laughed angrily with her reply.
"You know better than that, then to say the words you have spoken. I told you countless times that I would be there for both you and her, because you were my family. So don't tell me that you didn't want to burden me, I won't allow you the comfort of thinking you had spared me from something I would have given everything to be a part of.
The truth is I loved you until you took Berthold's Oath and became a Knight of Lahre. You were so happy the day you recited the pledge, I can remember thinking as I watched you being knighted that I had seen that look once before... and I had, it was the day I asked for your hand. I never thought I'd see you that happy again. After that, I knew in my heart that you were serious about us being through. If you could feel that joy without me, then you truly didn't need me any longer," he admitted frankly.
"I was never happy, I only wore that smile to make believe that I was, but deep down I found that it didn't change anything... My family would always be lost, and my sister would grow up having only me... And I had... I had only myself to blame for losing you," she confessed while looking away, but James watched her bewildered by her admission.
"What I put you through was inexcusable... I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I pray to the gods to grant you strength to forgive me for all I've done to you. I now know that I need that forgiveness, I need--" she stopped, her repressed sobs broke up her words.
"Please, come back with me James. I will make up for all the wrong I've done. I promise--" Her request was muffled by her hands as she wept into them, she still couldn't bear to look over at him with her request.
"I know the pain you are going through, but I can't... You will never know how hard it is for me to tell you that. Do you know how many nights I've prayed for you to say what you've just said to me? You can't possibly know, nor do I... There were too many to count. Tonight I find myself wondering what it was all for, because hearing you ask me to return home with you brings me no comfort, it only reminds me of the pain I went through when you left... and how I can never go through it again."
Her body was still. I couldn't see her reaction, but I knew in my heart she was devastated, because I knew, I would've been if I were in her shoes.
"You need to leave me alone Cassandra, I mean it... This has to be the last I hear of this. I've come to accept that our time is over, now it's your turn," he said stiffly, and with his request he hurried Ellah's pace leaving her behind.
I found my eyes watering from the bitter words he spoke. What he said sounded so final, he sounded sure that he was ready to let her go, and perhaps he already had.
She was still, not once did she grab the reins to give chase to him. Later she slackened her pace to meet the knights that followed behind us.
I wondered what could make a love like that slip away and fall apart. It frightened me uto even think about it. If someone had shown me devotion, the same devotion he had shown her, my heart would never let them go so easily.
"They'll be fighting till the end of time about things that matter not," Andrew whispered over to me. I pulled away from his back and sat up on my own.
My hand brushed the glistening trail of tears that streaked my cheek, concealing them before they were noticed.
"She is right about one thing though," he added.
"What?"
"His stupidity. Don't get me wrong, she's no better either... They're both so hardheaded, it pains me."
I pulled the cloak Andrew had lent me around my shoulders, the cold was eating away at me.
"I haven't a clue why our Lord appointed them into his Knighthood, at times I think it was some sort of cruel joke... So I'd have to suffer through their childish arguments. They should both request for leave, at least until they've resolved their unsettled issues."
Andrew looked back at me, I could sense he was trying to gauge my reaction to the spectacle we just witnessed. I smiled back at him awkwardly.
He squinted and bobbed his head to the front of the trail again, "Being a knight shouldn't be as hard as they're making it out to be, it's quite easy. You get an order then you follow through on it, and if someone attacks your King or Kingdom you cut them down where they stand... Simple stuff really."
The sounds of the night bird echoed through the treetops once more. My eyes trailed along their tops trying to spot where it was perched. I pondered as I searched, wondering what he must have been like before all of this, before he was a knight. Cassandra had said he was an artist, did he paint, was he an architect, what did he do? I was curious to know.
"Go on, ask your questions... I can tell you're dying to ask 'em." Andrew chuckled breaking me free from my contemplation.
He was better at observing than I thought.
"Was what she said true, that he was an artist? What made him change?"
"Yes, but he gave it up to win the approval of her father. When he went to ask her father for her hand the first time, he was refused. Her father didn't believe such a man could properly protect his daughter... He made that very clear to James. But, James being the man that he is, wasn't about to let that foil his plans. He went to the council and forced his way into a meeting with Lord Alexander. He then pledged himself to him and Berthold. Mind you, the Council and Lord Alexander thought he was a crazed fool. They did not accept his proposal, instead, they had him trained. They told him to return once he was able to back his vow with steel."
I chuckled, that sounded like something he would do, something reckless and impulsive. It was no wonder he was such a shit knight, I thought bitterly as my laugh faded. I found the bitterness I felt towards him was brought on by my own insecurities. It felt like jealously, was I jealous? It couldn't possibly be that, that would have been ludicrous, those events happened long before our meeting, and besides that we weren't even a couple.
I sighed and smacked a bug that had found a ripe vein on my arm to drain sustenance from.
"I take it James, trusts you if he told you a story like that," I spoke up while rubbing my arm.
He threw his head back and laughed hysterically, "You shittin' me, the whole damned kingdom knew of that stupid antic. I'm sure, he wishes he could go back in time and change what happened, the day he vowed allegiance to Lord Alexander and Berthold's Knighthood. The man had no idea what he was getting himself into, he had no skill in weaponry, no clue how to properly protect himself, let alone a Kingdom. And to top it all off he went in front of Lord Alexander and his Council spouting off what he thought were the correct words to the pledge, he was the laughingstock of the entire kingdom for days after that." His laughter carried on.
"That's horrible, that's not very funny at all," I whispered insulted by his inappropriate amusement.
He stopped, turning his head to meet my annoyed gaze.
"I didn't mean to offend you, he is a good friend of mine and I never want to see him go through something like that ever again. I was thankful that he picked himself up after that, and was able to keep his word to Lord Alexander. He followed through on his training and eventually pledged the 'words' that granted him his title. The truth is he does have the heart and courage that makes for a grand knight, but he has a past that he allows to hound him..."
I thought about how hard it must have been for James, a man who was told he wasn't good enough, so he trained hard and changed his life all to win over someone's approval that in the end... didn't really mean anything. It was easy to see why James had such a strong interest in me, it was because I knew him only as a knight, and I was the only one who believed it, who believed in him... Don't get me wrong, there were times I questioned him, but I would never criticize him out in the open about those concerns. I could tell all he wanted was recognition for what he was, not the man he once was.
"If I were you, I'd steer clear of their drama before you get swept away with it, I'd hate to see you hurt by their foolish games."
Was he implying I was interested in James, was I? I wasn't sure about that yet...
The moment of closeness we shared in the pit made me realize, how lucky I was to have him around. It made me think about him differently, and honestly I found that I enjoyed the change. I wondered if we would ever share an intimate moment like that again.
I guess the only question I had to answer was if I were willing to look past their drama to be with him.
"You guys... aren't already... you know," he spoke up interrupting my deep thoughts.
"No, no, of course not..." I replied hoping I didn't sound too defensive.
The way he looked at me, I could tell that he knew there was something more. I folded my head against his back cowering away from his stare. My arms found their way back around his waist. I gripped Andrew's breastplate and closed my eyes and slept a few hours before light broke.
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A/N: How is everyone enjoying the story. I know it can be slow moving at times but I try my best to add back-story and explanations to what's going on in the story. That and I like to leave a little flavor - drama.
I really enjoyed writing this chapter way back when. I know Cassandra's character is a bit annoying but she has her reasons.