The atmosphere in the car was fraught with tension. Sierra could feel it in her bones. She sat stiff backed and silent, wishing for the night to be over. Why the hell hadn't she demanded to take the taxi home, she wondered, oh right, it was because the big bully next to her had commandeered her into his flashy car, that's why. What was she supposed to do, wrestle him in the foyer of the hotel? Somehow she had a feeling she would have come out second best in that particular endeavour.
But Sierra had her ways of punishing him just the same, and she was currently employing the most obvious and juvenile method at her disposal, she was not talking to him.
She sat utterly silent in the face of his repeated entreaties.
Dan had tried to make amends after dinner, but Sierra had decided the night was over after coming back from the ladies room, picked up her clutch and walked off without a backward glance. A vice like grip had forestalled her at the front door. Dan had been adamant about her telling him what the hell was wrong, but Sierra had only informed him coldly that she was leaving.
Telling him that in a crowded lobby might not have been her best idea, Dan had looked like he was hanging onto his temper by a thread by that point.
But he had still rubbished her idea of calling for a taxi, and dragged her outside without another word to his waiting car. Maybe she hadn't shown the best finesse, Sierra thought now sitting here next to the seething man, but she didn't feel guilty. There really was nothing else to be said. His views and who he supported, even if it was just political, were far too much for her to stomach. The fact that he would even consider voting for a bigoted hate monger like Vincent Taggart was a huge red flag in her eyes. That Dan had gone so far as to fund the man's winning campaign was the final nail in the coffin. How could she, a trans woman, ever have any hope of pursuing any kind of relationship with a man like Dan, they were from two different worlds.
All she wanted was out.
Long gone were the days of sparing someone else's feelings. Sierra was full up inside, she couldn't afford the luxury of empathy, not at this stage in her life.
If rejection was to be her lot in life, Sierra had decided long ago that it was going to be her who did it. The other way around had almost broken her in the past. She could not risk a repeat of Ryan, she thought frantically, that had nigh on destroyed her soul.
Memories assaulted her beleaguered mind against her will, leaving no place in it for anything other than her own misery.
In that moment Sierra failed to realise she was being just as prejudiced as the morons who had judged her in the past.
Unfortunately she also misjudged the explosive fury that was flaring to life in her silently brooding companion.
If she hadn't been mired in her own preoccupied thoughts, Sierra would have taken stock of the pallor in Dan's straining knuckles as he gripped onto the steering wheel. Or the fact that he had run not one but two red lights. If she had not been avoiding looking at him and concentrating on how much longer the ignoble drive would take she would have also seen the grim hardness of his face. The burning intensity in his grey eyes. The lips thinning to a fine line in his hard mouth. But Sierra didn't notice any of that, more fool her she would later think, she was far too busy heaving a sigh of relief when the car finally turned into her street, stopping smartly by the front door.
"Goodnight," she said politely without preamble.
In the act of unbuckling her seat-belt she felt an iron hard hand grip both of hers, holding her captive.
"Oh no you don't!." Dan grated at her, looking positively medieval in the dim light inside the leather upholstered comfort of the car. "How about you tell me what the fuck is going on?"
"Let go of me!" Sierra screeched, losing a good bit of her feigned demeanour.
He looked like he wanted to throttle her and his grip was like vice. Sierra scrambled to pull her hands free, even managing to get one out, before it was snapped right back up.
Her wrists were smarting from the tug of war before she could open her dry mouth again.
"Let go....."
"Settle the hell down, Sierra," Dan said, his voice hard, "I don't want to hurt you,"
"You could have fooled me, you neanderthal,"
That surprised him, he smiled despite the anger burning in his eyes. Unfortunately the crude twisting of his lips couldn't really be mistaken for any semblance of humour.
Sierra wasn't afraid of anger or rough treatment, it was that smoky look that began to smoulder ominously in his eyes which made her nervous bringing a wholly new dimension to this unpleasant altercation.
She needed to get out of here and fast she decided.
"Now how about you tell me why you've been acting like a prissy like school girl for the last hour, and I will consider letting go of you. You ain't gettin' out of this any other way, darlin. So stop trying," he threatened, tightening his grip when she continued her fruitless efforts to wriggle free, "Start talking!"
But it wasn't those menacingly soft words that caused Sierra's heart rate to rocket. It was the fact that he was dragging her inexorably close to his chest. Sierra heard the snap of the seat belt, it sounded like a bullet to her ears. Helplessly ensnared she could only watch as Dan drew her closer still, this is what mice must feel like when staring at a nearing snake she thought a fleeting second before she felt his warm breath on her face.
She broke out in a cold sweat.
"Let go....." she began to say but the words were a croak, hardly convincing.
Sierra turned her face away from him just before his mouth met hers. She heard him chuckle softly, but the sound of his heavy breathing betrayed him, she could feel the scorching desire rising from his body, she smelled the slightly astringent cologne he had on, felt the whisperlite touch of his lips on her cheek, almost reverent in the way they caressed her soft skin,
"You have been driving me mad all night, sitting there looking like every man's wildest fantasy, You are goddamn gorgeous, honey. You can drive a man crazy with just one look," He grated, sounding guttural, "You are like a fire in my blood, babe. One look at you in that damn club and I was hooked. You've had me taking cold showers now for days. If only you knew what you do to me. Put me out of my misery darlin'. Put us both out of our misery. Invite me upstairs. Let me make love to you, it's what we both want,"
Sierra was speechless at those intensely passionate words. Her mouth felt dry, her tongue felt like sandpaper. His words and the urgency behind them left her flabbergasted. They also made her mind flood with unwelcome images, images so lurid that they shocked and scared her in equal measure.
"I don't...."
"Don't you dare deny this!" He said, pulling her even closer to the muscled expanse of his big body, "You are only lying to yourself Sierra, You want me just as much as I want you. You are just too chicken shit to admit it,"
Sierra felt an instant flaring of heat in her gut. His words were igniting an answering flame of desire within her, and it was frightening in its intensity.
One of his arms snaked around her back, making escape impossible. While the other forced one of her hands down into his lap.
Sierra felt the engorged length of his penis against her palms, and it excited the hell out of her.
She closed her eyes and tried to blank the feeling out but it wasn't working. How could it, when all she could feel was the gentle nip of his teeth as he bit the soft underside of her jaw.
In this position sandwiched between Dan's heaving body and the front seat passenger door, Sierra felt deliciously smushed.
She even failed to notice that Dan had released one of her hands, that her seat-belt was now unbuckled, that she could have made a run for it. All she could concentrate on were the sensations he instigated within her, with his marauding fingers and his wet tongue.
Sierra felt hot, feverish. She tried to break free from the haze, but Dan was having none of it.
He made her stroke him underneath his trousers, imprinting the shape and size of himself on her brain forever.
For a treacherous second her hand tightened of its own volition.
Dan groaned.
"Kiss me you witch, let me fuck your brains out,"
She came back down to Earth with a sickening thud.
The fact that those crude words could so tempt her made her feel ashamed and then they made her angry. Was she so desperate for a man's touch that she would stoop to letting a bloke fondle her in the front seat of a car. Is this what it had come to? she felt dirty, worse still for the treacherous part of her that was clamouring to take him up on his offer.
Back to her senses momentarily Sierra acted fast, before she lost her nerve and her will, because she knew damn well she would be lost if she succumbed to that scandalously sexy mouth of his if it caught her lips in a kiss.
She quickly felt for the door handle, welcoming its metallic coldness against her sweaty palm, just as Dan mouth closed in unerringly on its target.
It took a supreme effort of will to turn it.
Sierra tumbled out of the car like a sack of potatoes.
Dan's muttered expletive, and the surprised flaring of his slumberous eyes was scant compensation for the turmoil he had just put her through.
Sierra hoped to god he took a cold shower tonight. For she sure as hell was going to have to take one.
Later she could dissect this jumble of emotions, but not now. Now she had to get away. Landing on the cold pavement in the dark, outside her apartment block, as undignified as it was, was also just the jolt she needed to wake her the hell up. She hurried to her feet and rushed away from there as quickly as her feet would carry her. That she also noticed the gaping front of her dress made her feel angrier still.
Sierra heard the snap of a car door slamming behind her and ignored it, she continued to walk towards the rotating front door and the sanctuary within.
But she was whirled around like a spinning top before she got anywhere near it.
"Now wait just one goddamn minute...."
"You let me go, Daniel Warring," Sierra screeched like a banshee, uncaring where she was. A new kind of fire was burning within her. "This is London, not your hick town in the middle of nowhere. There are laws against assault here, leave me alone and don't come near me again if you know what's good for you,"
"Assualt!" Dan spat the words right back at her, contemptuously "If you don't stop blowing hot and cold on me lady, I don't care where the fuck they lock me up. You were writhing there beneath me just now begging for everything I could give you and more, panting like a bitch in heat. Do you remember sizing me up, running your hand up and down my dick, squeezing it, Do you!"
"Stop it, you crude bastard,"
Dan clasped her thin rounded shoulders in a bruising grip, holding her prisoner, his flinty glare eviscerated her.
He looked like he wanted to have those hands around her neck instead. If Sierra couldn't still see the proof of his blatant arousal straining underneath his trousers, she would actually be afraid he may well do exactly that.
"You don't know the half of it, honey," Dan whispered frustrated, "Were you leading me on in that car right there? Is that what prissy girls 'round here do? Bring a man to the brink, watch him almost explode and then pull the plug. Is that how this sick game of yours works? Well it ain't goin' to work on me, honey. If you think I am standing by and letting you walk through that fucking door alone you are out of your sweet little mind. Screw the consequences, you want me and I sure as hell want you, so what the fuck is the hold up huh? What the hell are you playing at with the frigid bitch routine?"
At the end of her tether, Sierra heard herself shout, "You want to know!? You really want to know!?"
Not one to back down from any challenge Dan yelled right back at her, "Yeah, you bet your sweet little ass I want to know!"
Sierra tried to shake herself free and take a step back, it didn't work which made her furious.
She was past the point of caring what he thought, what anyone thought, Dan with all his pushing and crudeness, all his barbs and crude innuendos, all his advances and finally with the way he had aroused her in the last twenty minutes or so, had poked a beast within her. It roared to life, and it wanted to lash out, wanted to inflict damage, wanted to hurt as she had been hurt all her life. That her target was unsuspecting, not to mention innocent of anything but good old fashioned lust didn't seem to matter in that moment.
All Sierra saw was red.
She was a mass of roiling emotions inside, but a strange veil of calmness descended upon her, her flashing green eyes were the only proof of the turbulent waters within, her beautiful face was carved in ice, completely impassive, as she confronted the frustrated stranger glaring down at her.
"Tell me Dan, When was it you realised you were gay,"
Surprised Dan stiffened, "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"
"Answer the question," Sierra coldly persisted, knowing that macho homophobes almost always reared up when confronted with the very suggestion that they themselves were gay, men like that couldn't stand any affront to their masculinity, "When was it, exactly? Were you one of those, what to you yanks call it, ah yes, football players, in school. Did you like fooling around with the coach, did you suck his prick?"
His grip tightened on her shoulders, he looked slightly baffled, but mostly furious. "You are crazy, Lady,"
Sierra smiled, it was a bitter smile, it built up into a chuckle and then an outright laugh.
Dan stared at her as if she had gone mad, and maybe she had. She probably did look demented carrying on like a hysterical freak with him still holding onto her shoulders like a angrily confused bear.
He shook her warningly, "I don't know what game this is, but you better start making sense woman, and pronto!"
Sierra didn't hear him, she couldn't, she felt like she was having an out of body experience, She was here but she wasn't. Gone was any sense of shame, any semblance of hesitation. She didn't care anymore. For that one moment she was free from all encumbrances, all that burned in her eyes was malicious intent. She was going to shock his male sensitivities in the very best way possible. She was going to watch that confidence and aggravating self assurance crumble right there in front of her and she was going to relish every second of it too.
"You call them fags don't you?" she voiced that disgusting slur matter of factly, past the point of no return, "Back where you are from. Back where they vote in homophobes and racists like Vincent Taggart into office,"
"I knew this was about Taggart," Dan said, teeth clenched, "You closed up like a clam the minute he walked in. So I funded his campaign in a small way, that ain't a goddamn crime. what the hell does that have to do with us? He is Republican, I am Republican, it doesn't mean I agree with everything he stands for, I vote on policies not sentiments,"
Look at him excusing everything under a cloak of self righteousness, Sierra thought in disgust. What did it matter what the queers thought! What did it matter what women just like her thought, what did it matter that transsexual women were forced into bathrooms designated for men and boys, all in the name of decency and good Christian values. Freaks like her didn't count now did they? Sierra fumed. Policies and economics reigned supreme. Vincent Taggart couldn't care less about someone like her, men like Daniel Warring couldn't care less either!
"Oh but it does, Honey," Sierra said mockingly, throwing his endearment back in his angry face like the dirtiest of swear words, "You were just insisting on an amorous liaison with a transsexual, or didn't you notice? So tell me again Dan, when was it exactly that you realised you were a fag,"
Dan let her go like she was on fire. He gaped at her like he was seeing her for the very first time, his expression lodged between anger, shock, denial and confusion. That there was also pain in the smouldering grey depths didn't register as far as Sierra was concerned, she had already cut herself off from him. In that moment she wasn't able to see him, the fog of misery enveloping her was far too thick. All she could do was stare at him blindly and somehow sustain her increasingly tenuous grip on her rapidly fraying composure.
"Don't you dare cry!" was the only thought rampaging through her mind, she wouldn't ever let anyone see her cry least of all a man like Daniel Warring, Sierra told herself determinedly.
Unfortunately that steely resolution rang hollow, all because she didn't derive much pleasure from seeing his reaction to her brutal words, in fact she had not derived any. Instead she felt like her heavy heart was breaking with every single second she stood there silently before him. Even knowing what her pronouncement would do, why was she still not immune to the hurt Dan's shocked gaze produced, why did it feel like a bloody dagger to her heart?
A tiny part of her had hoped...Sierra quickly squelched that needy thought, calling herself ten kinds of fool, a man like Ryan, someone who knew who and what she was had made for the hills when she hadn't been willing to hide the fact, why would Dan be any different.
Sierra finally took advantage of Dan's shock, denying him a chance to recover, getting out of there before he had a chance to fling the inevitable accusations in her face.
On some level she knew that she deserved some if not most of them, she should have told him from the very beginning, he would have left her alone if he had known what she was. And the fact that she hadn't made her complicit in bringing on this state of affairs, it also made her feel like a fraud, she had lead him on Sierra finally conceded, by not telling him the truth.
She was wholly to blame.
But even knowing that Sierra didn't have the courage to stick around and face the music, she would break if she saw the inevitable disgust dawn on his face. She was weak. Maybe she was a coward too she thought bitterly as she walked away on legs that felt like jelly, but for wholly different reasons then the ones Dan had accused her off in the car. It wasn't the fact that she couldn't acknowledge her desire for him, it was because of it that she was truly afraid.
It was high time she cut her losses and made a break for it, Sierra thought sadly, her eyes brimming with tears, for she knew she would shatter into a million little pieces if Dan threw the savage recriminations in her face that Ryan once had.
With her head high she exited the scene, without a backward glance. She had won, hurray for her, she had succeeded in driving one more man away. She had done what she had set out to do, brought Dan down a peg or two. Humiliated him and herself. Never again would he bother her! or tell her how gorgeous she was, or how much he wanted her.
She was victorious.
And what an empty victory it truly was.