Chapter Fourteen - Closure
we need to talk
That's my text to Nick after constructing how to put it but I just put it simply because we do need to talk about this. I don't even know what I'm going to say. I'm angry and confused and just feeling so many things.
A part of me wants to tell my mom so I can have solutions and comfort in the situation but I'm scared and worried she'll be disappointed in me.
I wipe at my loose tears, sighing. Yesterday Dylan had done everything to make me feel better, despite our situation as well. Everything feels so weird. So new. So much change. Fast change. I'm trying to adjust. I would've been fine without the chlamydia.
The twins have checked in on me a few times, worried and concerned but I've told them I'll update them soon. They're going to flip their shit.
A knock sounds on my door and I wipe quickly again at my tears. My mom peeks her head in.
"Hi, Liddy," she greets and the nickname itself makes me let out a cry. I can't hold in anything with her. "Oh baby? What's wrong?"
She comes and sits down next to me, immediately pulling me in her hold. Her warmth automatically comforts me as I squeeze her to me.
"Is it Nick?" she asks when I whimper. I nod because I know right now my words will fail me.
"I don't know what to do," I breathe out in cries.
"What is it?" She rubs soothingly at my hair.
"I don't want you to get mad at me."
"I'm not going to get mad at you, Lyd. Just tell me what's going on. Maybe I can help."
"Mom," I cry and pull back. "I just found out Nick cheated on me and the worst part about it is that I only found out because I got tested at the gyno and he gave me chlamydia. They called me yesterday."
"No he didn't," mom gasps, tone firm as she looks at me.
"Yes," I cry. "And I feel so gross."
"Listen, baby, no. STI's go away. You take medicine for a week and then it clears up. It happens. I've had my fair share in college but I was dumb and young then. You live and you learn. You just trusted him and he's a complete ass for that. Have you talked to him?"
I absolutely admire how empathetic my mom is. I look up to her.
I shake my head. "I texted him that we need to talk. I'm just waiting for his text back—if he even texts me back. I don't even want to see him. I don't know what to say."
"You tell him straight up and because I know now that he's a piece of shit, do not let him gas light you into thinking he didn't give it to you because you've only been with him, right?"
I nod. "Yes."
"Try not to give him too much of a reaction because you know it's not the end of the world. If anything, it's just starting because you don't need someone like him in your life. You need someone who's going to be honest and respect you and your body. And that's not him, baby. So you tell him that he's a piece of shit for doing that to you and that he needs to go take care of himself so he doesn't hurt anyone else."
I nod again, letting out another relieved sob. "I love you."
"I love you, too. Don't ever feel like you can't talk to me about things like this. You know I grew up with parents who didn't make me feel safe to talk about things but I'm a safe place for you. Always."
-
Mom took me out for dinner, despite being too anxious to even have an appetite. She wanted to spend time together and be there for me.
We're seated in the dimly lit restaurant just right outside of town.
"You excited for vacation?" mom asks me. She chews her food, looking up at me. She's recently dyed her hair a fresh dark blonde color—something she does consistently to keep the grays away. Though, I'm convinced she'd still look amazing with the grays.
"Very," I say, chewing on my food. I let out a sigh as I swallow. "Excited to just get away for a bit."
"Let the sun heal you," she comments and I let out a soft chuckle.
"Exactly."
"You'll have fun, my love." She gives me soft smile and then a moment of silence passes and I remember something. The flowers.
"Mom," I say. "Are you seeing someone?"
Her eyes briefly meet mine before she looks away to her plate again. "Um." She shakes her head but a growing smile betrays her.
"I take that as a yes." I observe her with a small smile of my own.
I remember the first time she'd told me she was seeing someone after my dad's passing. I felt a bit angry and somewhat betrayed. Of course I was twelve then and wasn't sure how to feel but as I grew older I realized my mom deserved to be happy and continue to live her life without him. Her life with him had ended but not because she wanted it to.
"It's nothing serious," she tells me but she can't seem to get the grin off her face.
"Yeah right. Who is he? Where'd you meet?" I interrogate her and she lets out a laugh.
Suddenly my phone vibrates in my pocket and I forget about the conversation as my heart beat quickens. My smile falters as I check it.
nick
Okay. When
"Is that Nick?" mom asks me, pulling me out of my anxious trance.
I nod. "Yeah. He said okay and asked when."
"You got it, baby. It'll be okay," she tells me softly.
is 9 too late? tonight?
nick
That's fine. I'll meet you at your house
My heartbeat quickens again. I don't want to have this confrontation. I hate confrontation and to tell him he legitimately gave me chlamydia. I can't even visualize how this is going to go.
For the remainder of dinner my leg shakes under the table and I don't even finish the rest of my meal because I feel so anxious.
-
Nick pulls up in his truck as I'm sitting on my porch steps and I take a deep breath before standing up and walking over.
I climb in the passenger seat and sit there. I haven't even looked at his face. I don't want to. I'm so angry. So confused, so hurt and so betrayed. I've never felt anything like it before.
"So?" he asks and I finally look at him. His expression isn't hard like it has been the past few times I've seen him. It's more relaxed and calm with a hint of concern. Almost normal.
My lip quivers and I'm betrayed by my own self as I let out a small sob. Why am I such a fucking cry baby? It's all I've done lately.
"Lydia, what's wrong?" he asks me and the concern is now in his voice as he leans down to get a look at my face.
I don't know how to even say this. So I just do.
"You gave me chlamydia, Nick," I cry, covering my mouth as I stare down at my lap.
"What?" he says and I look at him again to see his face go pale. I take a deep inhale and try to collect myself. No reaction. No reaction. No more anyway.
"You cheated on me with Ambree, didn't you?" I breathe.
"No? I-"
"You don't have to lie anymore. We're not together. I just need to know because if so you need to go get yourself taken care of so you don't put anyone else at risk," I tell him firmly. I wipe away my tears and put on a brave face. I'm fine. I don't deserve this. He doesn't deserve me or my tears.
He's quiet for a moment, hand rubbing over his face in distress.
Then he looks at me with pleading eyes. "Lydia, I was drunk, okay? It was dumb and—and it was a mistake."
I scoff. "It was a mistake because of the chlamydia? That you gave it to me and I found out that way? Because you weren't going to tell me otherwise, were you?" I pause and then continue. "When was this? Taryn's party? After I wouldn't go through with it and you got mad about Dylan?"
"Lydia, I'm sorry," he says, voice cracked and now he's the one on the the verge of crying. Good. "No. It was a night after we had messed around but we didn't have sex because you weren't ready again and I had blue balls and then I went to this party and Ambree was there and my drunkenness just took over—"
"Okay, so it was before things even went wrong with us. Wow—" I laugh and it's truly astonishing. "You don't have to plead or make your case, Nick. Again, we're done. I just needed to know for confirmation. Please go get yourself taken care of, okay?"
I'm about to get out of the car but he grabs my arm. I flinch away from him like his touch now burns, looking at him with a grimace.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," he whimpers, hands up in defense. He shakes his head and bites at his lip. And all I can think about is how you can once admire someone's face and then suddenly it disgusts you the next. "I really did love you. That wasn't a lie. I promise. I didn't do or say all of that just to get you to have sex with me even though it looks that way. That's just how things went because I couldn't deal with Dylan. I still love you, Lydia."
"If that's your way of loving someone then I feel horrible for you and whoever you 'love' next. You don't do that to someone you love. You don't willingly hurt someone you love—drunk or not," I spit. I hop out of his truck and slam his door.
Flashbacks of the red flags come to mind. His view on cheating itself. It was all there and I missed it.
This was just the closure I needed to move on. Fuck Nick.