•Chapter Nine•
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His bones were sludge.
Heavy sludge weighing him down as he walked through the halls, making his way towards his locker that seemed thousands of miles away. Thankfully, the end of the day was in sight and his grades would be updated within the coming minutes if the teachers were on top of their shit. After a long week of studying, cramming every bit of information he could into his brain and making corrections on past assignments he failed, he would find out if his hard, as well as Katsuki's, work would pay off.
Kirishima leaned on his locker and shut his eyes. The cool metal on his skin soothed him; it wasn't long before his body heat destroyed the cold and the relaxing sensation that has taken over that part of his face. His teacher had been working his ass as well and because his most recent assignments were mostly right, only a few questions and problem being wrong, the expectations his teacher had for him were starting rise.
"Dude!" someone yelled and immediately after the voice registered in his head, a hand was on his shoulder. He jumped at the sudden, unexpected touch. "Sorry dude."
"It's okay Kaminari," he said and opened his eyes. The fake unnatural light blinded him and the shadows of the other students walking down the hall surrounded him.
"Have you checked your grades up? Ours were updated," a female voice not belonging to Mina said. He had to think, to put a name to the voice suddenly speaking to him. Aside from Mina, the only other girl in their group of friends was Jiro, so it had to be her.
He shook his head and wasted no time in digging around in the pocket of his sweater, pulling out his phone. The presence of his friends could be felt as they lurked over his shoulders, watching as he typed in the password and username to the school's website. His fingers glided over the screen, the device reading the grades of all his most recent assignments to him; an assortment of As and Bs, less Cs and Ds than normal. His fingers stopped at the bottom of the page, the phone reading out that his average grade was a solid B.
Mina grabbed his shoulders and shook him, hooting and hollering because he would be going with them. Someone had walked by, a familiar harsh tone asking why the fuck they were being so loud and all of them, excluding Jiro, had to yell that Kirishima would be going to the concert with them. A click of his tongue was his only response before he continued down the hallway.
"Keep it down or all of you will have detention this weekend," a teacher who had been passing by spat, her eyes narrowed as a warning.
They all zipped their lips and waited for her to be completely out of sight before they threw their arms up into the air out of excitement, whispers of something that were supposed to be cheers leaving their lips.
"We'll be at your place early tomorrow, okay?" Kaminari said and then quickly said his goodbyes before Kirishima could give an answer. It didn't matter though. The smile spread across his face created a burning sensation in his cheeks that he didn't really mind and no matter how hard he tried to contain it, he failed. Miserably.
〄
When Kaminari pulled up in his mom's van the next morning, Kirishima stood on the porch near the door with both his moms hovering over him. One placed a wad of cash in his hand, telling him it's for food and their hotel room and then she pulled him into a tight hug, holding him there for several longs seconds seeming to drag out for eons. The other simply smiled and gave him a short hug thousands of years shorter than the other's before he departed down the stairs and to the car with Riot.
Jiro said her hellos before going back to her quiet conversation with the blonde in the driver seat. They spoke like that during the entire several minute drive over to Mina's and he realized just how left out he felt after asking them what they were talking about only to receive a quick "nothing" from one of them.
The feeling quickly vanished the second Mina got into the car, far too loud and excited for the trip they were about to take but it was nice that she didn't think twice about breaking the quiet atmosphere the two in the front had created. One that left them feeling comfortable. Having Mina around was like a breath of fresh he didn't know he needed until it filled him.
Kirishima pulled out his phone and read the latest message from Katsuki out loud: his address. They reached his house and Kaminari twisted his body around to peer at Kirishima, sticking his hand out for the redhead's phone. Reluctantly, he gave him his phone and smiled when he heard Katsuki's muffled voice coming from the device.
In one of the many windows, Katsuki's silhouette could be seen moving around, bending over, twisting, sometimes disappearing for milliseconds only to return again, and Kaminari grinned as he said, "Bro, we can see you jacking off. Hurry up before we leave without you."
"I'll fucking killー"
Kaminari hung up and tossed the phone back into Kirishima's lap. Moment's later Katsuki was in the car mumbling under his breath about how he hated them all and wished they'd all just drop dead because they were a plague on his life. Everyone was laughing, holding their stomachs with flushed faces and glossed over eyes. The anger boiling in his stomach was visible on his face; teeth gritted and brows knitted tightly together but then they stopped laughing, at least Kirishima and Jiro did, and the car started to make its way towards the highway.
The normalness that filled Katsuki was something he never thought he could feel. Sitting there, everyone laughing at him and cracking jokes without so much as a second thought was so unorthodox at first and he couldn't help not minding it. He wanted to hate it, truly, but he couldn't. He even felt the urge to laugh along with them for many drawn-out moments. And he almost did, but then everything came out harsh and angry and he hated himself for it as he awaited their reactions. It seemed his way of reacting to things only made them find it more amusing; he hated himself a little less after.
His fingers traced the edges of his scar and then moved to trek over the uneven terrain of the discoloured skin he decided to not conceal that day because he didn't have the time. Those idiots arrived at his house almost twenty minutes early when he was betting on them to show up at least twenty minutes late. The call he received from Kaminari came just as he was getting ready to cover up the disgusting memory with some old makeup once belonging to his mother.
Not having it covered didn't bother him like it normally would have. In fact, it made him feel a little more like himself and without the stares and whispers about the grotesque thing on his face, he was able to settle into his skin a bit more comfortably. He didn't want to peel it off his bones and burn it, to escape from the constant reminder of certain thoughts and images he was trying to ignore. Hell, the scar slipped from his find almost completely until he accidentally ran his fingers along it subconsciously; a habit he picked up over the years whenever he found himself feeling bored and needed to occupy himself.
The idea of those people, those idiots being friends with him was starting to grow on him.
Katsuki used to walk by groups of friends all the time and wonder why everyone was so keen on having friends, especially large groups of them. There are too many people to keep track of and too many names to remember and too many ideas to account for and never enough space in some cars for everyone. He always saw how uneven groups left out one person and he realized this group, the one he was in, was uneven. But it didn't feel like that. Everyone paid attention to each other, listened and laughed together. No one seemed all that left out. Even Kirishima who sat quietly, hands running over the strands of fur on the dog and often couldn't see the gestures that were being displayed or the memes that were being shared (but then again sometimes he did seem a little forgotten in the midst of things).
Now he understood.
.
.
.
Thirty minutes later, still several hours from their destination, Mina broke the silence that settled over them as everyone occupied their minds with their phones. "My bladder is like, this close"ーher fingers almost touchingー "to exploding all over you guys. Kaminari, if you don't pull over, I will be aiming for you," she threatened.
Jiro turned around and gave Mina a blank stare, completely unbothered by the threat. "You should have gone when we stopped at the gas station."
"I didn't have to go then!"
"We were there, like, ten minutes ago."
"Oh my fucking god," Katsuki groaned out, looking at the two girls and then at Kaminari, "just fucking pull over. Her whining is making my damn skin crawl. If she ends up pissing herself and any of it gets on me, I will drag you by that mop on your head you call hair and rub your fucking nose in it, Dunce Face."
Speechless. They were all rendered speechless and Jiro's jaw even hung open a little before someone laughed. Kirishima covered his mouth as the chuckles poured at in an abundance he couldn't contain and then Mina started to join in, only she wasn't trying to hide it. Jiro wiped the look of shock off her face and gave a snort. Kaminari was the only one who appeared unamused, giving a small nod as he made a quick, last-minute turn, that resulted in so many people behind him honking and yelling at their windows, into the parking lot of a rest area sitting on the side of a big drop off.
Mina dashed out of the car, holding her pelvic area as she threw the door open and disappeared into the women's bathroom. Jiro followed her and Katsuki vanished behind the door of the men's bathroom, leaving Kaminari and Kirishima alone. They climbed out of the car and moved to the edge, the drop so long that anyone who jumped or fell would probably die before hitting the half frozen half rushing stream below.
They talked about the things that didn't matter like the nice weather and the movies that were hitting theatres soon and the new kid at school who had a weird vibe about him and how most the teachers were massive assholes and now they didn't know why. The dumb shit they wouldn't remember the next day.
And then somehow the conversation turned to Kaminari's dad, one of the world's largest waste of space and skin and air. That man, he used to be on and off with his family. He'd be there, buying Kaminari and his mom's love with things like vacations to tropical lands and items that cost more their the rent of their home every month. Cars, TVs, gaming systems, the newest phones. He bought their love with tangible things as a way to make up for the lack of emotion he felt towards them. He felt bad for not loving them as much as he did his mistress, or at least that was Kirishima's theory. He had feelings of guilt for loving some homewrecker more than his own flesh and blood so he bought him things and took him places to make up for it.
And then he stopped coming around. Several months back, just after the school started up again, he left a note saying he wouldn't be coming back. At first, Kaminari was certain he would, certain that asshole would crawl his way back into their lives, begging them for forgiveness because his mistress kicked him to the curb. He never did. Kaminari tried to find him. Tried to text him and stalk him on facebook but he was blocked everywhere and it tore him up. Tore him to shreds and he hardly ever let anyone know.
Kaminari, he's always so happy for his friends. So happy to listen to them talk about their day, bad or good. Listen to them rant and ramble and cry. No one ever asks about how his day, how he felt about anything. He plays it off like he's a carefree idiot who doesn't let shit ruin his day but shit does ruin his day. All the time. More than anyone knows. He's a big, bleeding heart and he spends his days pretending not to notice that he wants people to notice his emotion, how much he hurts in the shadows.
But then there's Kirishima and all he has to do it say, "Tell me about it" and give this weird reassuring look that shows he actually gives two shit. And then Kaminari does "tell him about it" and he crumbles in the process.
Kirishima... that guy. Seeing him was like seeing himself in a different colour. He was Kaminari but with a little less saturationー in all the ways he worried his personality was too much, he could see in Kirishima what he could be if he dialled it back a few notches. He couldn't see how anyone could grow tired or bored of the redhead, however, he knew exactly how people could grow tired of him. Kirishima had everything Kaminari did: a loud personality, compassion, kindness, empathy, but he had it in a way that wasn't so in your face. He could see it all after cracking Kirishima open and peering inside; seeing inside confirmed every worry he ever had about his overabundant personality.
When he vented to Mina that one night when she had so little to talk about, she laughed at him and said, "He's like your complementary colour, Kami. You bring out the best in each other."
At the drop of a hat, everything he thought was confirmed was flipped upside, turned inside, and proven to be wrong and he had to laugh at all the time wasted worrying about nothing. His complementary colour. He's held that inside every since, showing no intention of ever telling Kirishima about his past worries. There was no need.
"Is it bad that I want to hate him? Like, dude, I really fuckin' want to hate him but I just can't," Kaminari confessed and shoved his face in his hands.
"He's your dad, bro. You can't just hate someone like that, especially family." Kirishima sighed and leaned on the railing that kept them from toppling over the edge of the cliff. "You should yell or something." The redhead couldn't see the drop of death, but he knew it was there and took no chances. Even Riot didn't dare to peak his head out over the edge.
"Why?"
"Why not?" He countered. "I heard that yelling out the shit that bothers you or whatever helps. Or at least I think that's what it said."
"Wow," Kaminari mumbled and shook his head. "Wow."
"C'mon dude. Just try it."
Kaminari sighed a big, heavy, exaggerated sigh and leaned on the railing and he screamed out into the distance, his words bouncing off the mountains surrounding them. He was screaming words Kirishima didn't understand and he was screaming so loud. Kirishima joined in, shouting his own mixture of letters and sounds into the world.
Mina came out of the bathroom, followed by Jiro and then Katsuki appeared and they were all staring at the two boys like they had just lost their damn minds. Mixed in with the shouts of the boys was a feminine voice, Mina, and they weren't sure what she had to yell about but they had no intention of telling her to stop. She could have been hiding painful things for all they could know, things about an old friend of theirs probably.
Katsuki stared at them, convinced they'd lost their minds. He listened closely and realized they're yelling out shit in their lives that sucked, shit that hurt and he wanted to go yell with them because there's so much he could've yelled about. He didn't.
He rolled his eyes and moved towards the car, Jiro in tow talking about how they're a strange bunch of people and he agreed because they really are batshit idiots. What she didn't know was that he didn't care how weird there were like he did at the start. It was a weirdness he did his best to avoid when he first met them, something he didn't want to get roped into because on the outside they looked insane. Then they split open and he got to see just how much they care and feel for each other and he was a little envious of their friendship.
The yelling came to its end and everyone piled into the car once again. Music played from the radio, some 80s shit Kaminari was really getting into before Katsuki forcefully demanded that he use the aux cord so his ears wouldn't start bleeding from the bullshit flowing from the speakers on either side of the back doors. Once he had control of the music, Katsuki played some music from the band they were getting ready to see to hype everyone up. The entire car was full of voices singing out of tune in these scratchy voices that definitely wouldn't go far on The Voice.
.
.
.
Two hours passed by rather quickly; with the lack of arguing and yelling at one another, their time in the car that would have drug out went by in a flash. And perhaps time went by at an insane rate because Kaminari sped down the highway, people yelling at him with their middle fingers in the air whilst nearly causing several accidents. It surprised them when they managed to make it to the stadium alive and unharmed, for the most part.
To their luck, the group arrived just as the stadium was starting to let people in. Kaminari told them to hurry and run as soon as they got out of the car so they wouldn't get caught up in the shitstorm of people that were about to trample everyone in their way. Riot led Kirishima through the crowds of loud people and safely got him to the entrance where people dressed in blue button downs and black jeans stood, gloves covering their hands as they searched through people's backpacks, purses, and looked at their tickets, making sure they weren't fake.
Kirishima whipped his head around after making it through security, the loud screams of the fans completely overriding one of his main senses and planted a seed of anxiety in the pit of his stomach. He could feel it bloom and grow up his insides, latching onto the walls of his stomach and wrapped itself around his lungs, restricting his breathing before it moved up and clogged his throat. There was a mixed sensation of hyperventilating and suffocating, his heart beating so loud he was certain all the people he passed could hear it's deadly beating rate.
A hand grabbed his elbow, startling him until a reassuring voice told him he would be fine once the show started and though the panic was still there, a sense of relief filled him once he realized it was Kaminari, whispering, "Everything is going to be okay." And he wouldn't lie to him. He would be fine. He would have the time of his life there.
The merch tables they passed on their ways to the set of stairs that would inevitably lead them to their sets were tantalizing and if they would have had the money, all of them would've blown it in a second. If only Todoroki were there; if there was one thing he loved more than Izuku, it was spending all the cash on his father's credit cards on his friends. The amount of money that family had was fucking bizarre.
Their seats weren't that far from the stage. They weren't on the ground in what would be considered the front seats, but they weren't in the nosebleeds either; close enough to see the band as they emerged from backstage. Screams erupted, loud and excited and he was screaming too, a smile appearing his features.
Kaminari shouted next to him, arms up in the air as he sang and tears pricked his eyes, rolling down his cheeks and Mina was laughing at him for being a baby just before several tears started to ride down her cheeks as well. The others, Katsuki and Jiro, were singing along to the music and it was then that Kirishima came to the revelation that Jiro was fucking talented beyond belief and Katsuki's singing voice wasn't all that bad either. It wasn't great, but there was a smoothness about it that the redhead liked. At his feet, Riot laid curled up and out of the way so his owner could jump around and dance without the worrying about stepping on his dog plaguing his mind.
So that was pure joy?
He was certain it would kill him.
Kirishima couldn't fathom that he was there. That he was really there with some of the most important people in his life by his side. All those tough years, those years that made him feel like giving up and falling apart in on himself, slipping away and ending his suffering because it was too much for him, led to that moment of joy. Everything led him to that moment in time where he felt so much joy that he didn't know what to do with. It seemed too surreal and he even pinched his arm because for a short while he had himself convinced that it was crazy, far too realistic lucid dream.
The anxiety he felt from before melted away, any worry was gone without a trace and for once he was living in the moment. Enjoying the sounds of the music and the people screaming along to the lyrics. The happy thudding of his heart, which was so close to exploding. He was sure of it.
Everything is going to be okay.
And it was.
〄
Word Count: 3787
April 14, 2019
I don't hate this chapter :)
-StarsNeveLanding