Do you ever just sit around and listen to the sounds all around you?
That's what I was doing. I was sitting at the local beach, just after a rainstorm had passed over. Water was dripping from the roof of the shelter I was sitting under onto the concrete. The birds were chirping away and coming out of hiding since the rain had ceased. There were two young boys, probably still in middle school, trying to fish from the small dock. A family was taking pictures and laughing as the sun started to peak out from the clouds. Music from an outdoor restaurant was playing and cars were driving through puddles looking for parking spots behind me. I just sat, listened, and watched the changes in the sky and boats go by as I sat thinking.
It was 5:30. My last class ended about three and a half hours ago. I guess you could say that I didn't want to go home yet. I was enjoying my surroundings; I usually was never able to do things like this. I was always keeping myself busy and rarely liked doing anything that seemed like nothing and was relaxing or calming like this. I usually found it difficult to keep my mind quiet when I tried, but for some reason this time was different. The sun was slowly setting, and I plugged my headphones into my phone, putting on some soft indie music in attempt to get myself to focus on the sky. It was starting to regain its blue color and the horizon was turning orange as the sun began to set.
Today was a good day. I wasn't looking forward to the decline in my mood the moment I entered my house; it happened that way every day. No matter how my day went at school, the moment I got upstairs my mood instantly plummeted. It was something I couldn't make sense of, no less explain the reasoning.
The longer I sat and watched, the more people gathered around. Under the shelters, on the swings that were cemented in the ground and on benches that were most likely still wet from the earlier rain. The boys who were fishing were excited about a fish they had caught. They came over to the shelter to show those of us sitting there; something about it being the kind of fish that attaches itself to sharks and cleans the algae and whatnot off it, I think...? After some uninterested compliments from a few people, they went off to continue what they were doing.
Sighing, disappointment surged through me, noticing the clouds were in the way of a beautifully colored sunset that night. I got lost in my thoughts waiting for the sky to darken. It would have been the perfect day if it hadn't been for a certain someone not minding his business and ignoring the general rule concerning one's personal space. Other than that, it was great! My classes didn't seem to drag too much, my friends unknowingly helped keep my thoughts in check, and overall it was a better day than any other this month and probably the best day I'd have for a while.
I didn't set my expectations too high. Ever.
A man walked up to the short wall that separated the ground from the water—weird beach, I know. He had a toy model car with him, and he set it on the wall. He had two short flashlights that stood on the wall, illuminating the car. I watched him as he pulled out his phone and began to take pictures of the car in front of the sunset. Every few seconds he would adjust the lights to get the perfect lighting. As I watched, I wondered what the story or meaning was behind him doing this. My thoughts ran wild on different scenarios of experiences he could have gone through or stories he could be telling by taking these pictures of this car. I tried to reign them in, assuming I was going a little too far. For all I knew, he could have just really liked that car and wanted pictures of it in front of a sunset. He was there for fifteen minutes before he packed up and left. Not bothering to stay to see the last few minutes of the sunset.
Looking at my phone and realizing the time, 7 p.m., I figured I should get going. I hadn't started my homework yet and if I wanted any chance of the next day being as good as this day was, I was going to have to get a good night's sleep. Taking a deep breath, I got up and made my way to my car. I hated that I had to leave. It was that moment that I decided that at one point in my life, I was going to live on or near the water.
Driving home, I blasted music from my favorite bands' self-titled album and tried as best I could to keep the same pace as the vocalist on the tracks. I drove around for a bit, still procrastinating going home, before deciding to stop at a drive-through and getting something to eat. The drive to my house was too short after that. I pulled into the driveway and turned the volume to my music down, so I wouldn't go deaf the next morning. I grabbed my backpack and food, then got out of the car. I hated this place.
My house was big but wasn't anything impressive. It was two floors and the exterior was painted a light baby blue color. It had a lifted front porch, meaning walking up around 10 small steps was necessary to get to it and to the front door. The porch wrapped around the side of the house, where the living area and the doorway into the kitchen can be seen. Inside was open concept. There were three options of different directions to go in after walking through the front door, there was a hallway straight ahead that led to the kitchen, dining room, and my mothers' room, to the left there was the living/sitting room with a TV and a big open space between it and the couch. To the right was a staircase that led to my living area. That's the way I took. I didn't like being downstairs at all.
When turning to the right after walking upstairs, there was a hallway straight ahead, further to the right was a living room area and kitchen. Straight down the hallway, there were two doors on the left. The first was a guest bedroom and the second was my bedroom. Further down the hall, there was a bathroom on the right-hand side along with a laundry room.
I opted for tossing my backpack on the couch before sitting on it and getting out my homework, while randomly taking bites of my food. I was taking four classes this semester: English Comp, Intro to Speech Communication, Intro to Theatre Arts, and a Bio science class. So far, everything was going okay and was somewhat under control. I was just waiting for me to fuck something up though. I worked on my papers and assignments for several hours and decided to give it a rest for the night before I lost my mind.
After I put my materials away, I settled for watching late night cartoons on TV before getting ready for bed. After watching for a few hours, I headed to the bathroom connected to my room and washed the makeup off my face and did my business. I headed to my room, changed into shorts and a sports bra—my outfit I called pajamas—then flopped myself into bed. Set the alarm. Turn the ringer on.
I did already.
What if?? Just be late because nothing's turned on.
Shit. Maybe I didn't turn them on.
I made sure my alarm was still set and my phone volume was up before putting it on the charger and placing it on the bedside table. I rolled onto my back and pulled out the sheet from under me and let it fall on top of my body. I stared at the ceiling and my thoughts drifted to memories of the past before my eyes closed and my subconscious took control.
"It's five o' clock on the dot at the spot and I'm hangin' with her friends again. Great taste, beautiful place and you're fashionably late. I don't wanna be that guy, that makes you sad, that makes you cry again. Without a doubt sorry about making out with your friends." I groaned at how loud the music from the alarm on my phone seemed to be but tried to ignore it because I didn't want to get out of my comfy bed just yet. "I love the way that this began. Started off right, so innocent. I'm letting you know, I'm letting you go, I want your best friend. I'm giving it up and asking why you seem so shocked and so surprised. I'm sorry it hurts, I'm surely a jerk, I understand why you're mad." I felt around for a pillow I wasn't using before placing it over my head and squeezing the ends tight to my ears. "Don't talk that crap when you call me back as a matter of fact don't act like that. Everybody knows you're right, everybody knows I'm wrong (wrong)."
It's late. I groaned once again, much louder this time, before removing the pillow from my face and slamming it back in its place. I slowly opened my eyes that were crusty with sleep and grabbed my phone from the bedside table and turned the alarm off. I laid on my back for a few minutes muttering about the stupid alarm making me wake up from my precious sleep as I scrolled through my different social media pages.
I should get up to take a shower now. I stopped what I was doing to look at the time. 8:30. Class didn't start until 10. I've got time, I thought to myself. I continued to scroll and play games on my phone and the next time that I checked it was 9:10. I really should get up, so I have time to shower. I thought to myself, before I decided that if I lay in bed for ten more minutes, then I could get up, wash my hair, get ready, then leave and I would be on time.
Twenty minutes later and I chose to opt out of a shower and just washing my hair and instead figured a good layer of deodorant, body spray, and dry shampoo would work just fine. I finally got up and found something to wear.
Taking a look in the full-length mirror in the living room, I examined how I looked. My tall, 5'8" frame was dressed in skinny jeans and loose sweater that hid my slightly curvy build. My dark brown locks were in frizzy curls down to the middle of my back. Its color, along with the dark eyeliner and mascara, made my bright blue eyes pop against my pale skin tone. Deciding I looked okay, I grabbed my bag and made my way out to my best friend's house.
I drove to Chloe's house with the music loud in an attempt to drown out my dread for this day. My mind already at war with itself. The music didn't help much.
Chloe and I had been best friends since preschool. We knew everything about each other, with the exception of a couple omissions from me. Even still, our friendship was the strongest and best I'd had with anyone. We could just look at each other and know what the other was thinking. We had the best of times together when we hung out; aside from me picking her up and dropping her off at school, those times were a bit rare since we started college, but we made it work.
I pulled into her driveway turning the volume to my music down, so I didn't disturb anyone else in her neighborhood as I sat there. I then texted Chloe to tell her I was waiting for her. A couple minutes later her smiling face came walking out the door. She looked good today, as always. She was wearing a cute floral day dress that hugged her petite frame under her bust before flowing out and had black flats on her feet. Her blonde hair was parted to the side and completely straightened to the tips at the middle of her back. She had on a full face of makeup, and it looked stunning. The eyeshadow made her green eyes pop out, the contour and highlight were perfect, and the lip color she chose complemented the whole look.
She hopped into the Jeep with a smile on her face and told me that I looked good today. Yeah right. I thought but smiled anyway and reciprocated the compliment. I then backed out of her driveway and we headed to school listening to music and laughing at each other's jokes.
I pulled into school and Chloe immediately took off, saying she'd see me later when we meet up in the café for lunch. I grabbed my headphones, plugged them into my phone, and turned my music all the way up. However, even the blaring tunes couldn't stop the thoughts as I walked into my own personal hell.
Two boys were sitting in the front of a Dodge Charger. They're staring.
No, they're not.
I look terrible, my makeup is probably all messed up and I look stupid.
Stop, I thought to myself. Then I took a deep breath and moved on. As I was walking up to the building of my first class, I looked around me and saw a group of girls laughing.
They're laughing at the outfit.
Why did I choose it? It was a stupid choice.
I slumped my shoulders and kept my head down until I sat in my spot inside the classroom. I thought about it for a couple minutes and realized that those guys were most likely not staring at me and that those girls were probably laughing at a joke someone told. I still couldn't help the increase of my heart rate and the panic that it caused in my head.
My morning class went by quickly and before I knew it, it was time for lunch. Although the café on campus was small, they had plenty of options when it came to the food. I chose what I wanted and made my way to check out. Only a few of my friends from high school chose to attend school at the local state college like Chloe and I had. They were some weird people. We had all been friends since middle school, but the group expanded a lot when we started high school. Still, it made sense that all of us had become friends, we all got along (most of the time) and we all had odd senses of humor. Most of us even liked the same music. Avenged Sevenfold was a group favorite, I didn't know who they were when I first became friends with everyone, but I had grown to like some of their music.
I missed my friends that weren't there but was glad there was still a small group of us. When I reached the booth they had chosen, they were laughing at a joke someone had told. I sat next to Chloe and went to take a bite out of my food. Before I could get a bite in though, Xavier sat down on the other side of me. I ignored his presence as best I could.
He's staring. Don't look, don't look, don't look.
He's still staring.
Don't eat the pizza. Don't dare look at him!
His attention is still completely focused on me! Maybe if I eat the pizza like normal, he'll look away.
Why would I eat the pizza? He's just going to judge how I'm doing it! Think it's weird. Disgusting.
I am those things.
"Hey, Wren?" I looked up at the voice that called out to me, it was one of my friends sitting across from me, Jeremiah. "You gonna eat that?" I chuckled humorlessly, but he didn't catch on to it, and shook my head. Might as well give it away and have someone eat it, instead of throwing it in the trash and wasting my money. He reached for the container it was in and muttered a thank you, then started to eat it.
He won't stop staring!
I'll just leave, then.
He'll follow.
He wouldn't.
Wanna bet? I didn't test it. Just sat there arguing with my own thoughts until everyone decided to disperse. If Xavier had tried talking to me then I had not the slightest idea to what he said. It was probably better that way, though. I started on my way to my last class of the day, Biological Science. I walked, lost in thought and looking at my feet. I bumped shoulders with someone, quickly apologized, and continued walking without looking up all the way. Jesus. I can't even walk without messing it up! I'm a mess.
I walked into my last class of the day and sat in my seat. None of my professors had assigned seats, which I expected, but I think everyone was so accustomed to sitting in the same seats in a certain class that no one bothered to change their spots from the first day. The only negative of this is that Xavier decided it was a great idea to sit next to me. Fortunately, he hadn't arrived yet.
I arrived about fifteen minutes early to class. I continuously checked my phone for the time, eagerly waiting for class to start. Once it did, I would be that much closer to getting out of there. Within the last minute, several people rushed in. When I saw the chair next to me being pulled out and a body filling the empty space out of the corner of my eye, I knew Xavier was one of those people who walked in with the mass of others. "Have you been ignoring me?"
Yes.
Don't say that! I only shushed him without turning towards him, so I could hear what our teacher was saying.
"...graded partner assignment over the course of the rest of the semester on one of the parts of the cell and the part it plays in both mitosis and meiosis. You must have some kind of demonstration and a five-page paper. Get as creative as you want with the demonstration. Your paper must be in MLA format." As soon as the word "partner" came out of his mouth, the atmosphere in the classroom changed from one of indifference to excitement, and students quietly started picking their partners.
I tensed, before feeling a hand clasp around my arm, "partners, right?" Xavier whispered in my ear. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. "Are you just gonna leave me hanging?" He asked; his grip tightened the slightest around my arm. I held my breath. I nodded, too freaked out to say anything. Please, please let go. The hand disappeared, and I could breathe again. I steadied my breathing as best I could and refocused on the professor whose mouth had been previously moving, but I couldn't get myself to hear what he was saying.
He was listing off names. He must have assigned our partners. Oh, thank god. I didn't know why this professor took it upon himself to assign partners, but at this point I didn't really care. As long as I wasn't paired up with Xavier, I was happy.
I waited for my name to be called as he continued to list names. It didn't take long, "Wren Mathews and Elijah Parker." I raised my hand as the other kids did before me, so my partner would know who I was. I looked up and around the classroom to find him. Elijah was the next row over from me at a table towards the middle. When our teacher was done listing the partners, he said we could use the rest of our time to talk about what we were going to work on.
Should I go over there and introduce myself?
Probably.
I'll embarrass myself though.
I'll just stay here and look stupid anyway. Someone cleared their throat, and I looked up, clearing my head. Elijah was standing in front of me.
He was taller than I was, maybe about 6'1", and wearing jeans and a grey t-shirt. His eyes were a beautiful shade of green, and he had brown hair. He was skinny but had some muscle. His face was thin, and his hair framed it nicely. He's cute, I thought to myself. "Should we get started?" He asked, and I nodded. He sat in the newly empty seat next to me, as Xavier had left to find his partner he was assigned. He smiled and introduced himself to me, letting me know that everyone just called him Eli. I then introduced myself before saying, "so would you like to do the honors of picking the part of the cell?"
Why did I phrase it like that? I can't do anything right!
He thought for a couple minutes, then told me what he was thinking. We expanded some more on a way to make our project more interesting and Eli came up with a way to make it stand out. I made a model on paper as he was describing it, and it wasn't a bad idea. It was surprisingly good. I complimented him on it, and he responded with "what? Just because I'm a guy, I'm not allowed to have a creative mind?" Oh great! Now I've insulted him.
He was being sarcastic.
No, he wasn't.
He was.
And if he wasn't?
"Shit, sorry. I just thought it was an awesome idea, that's all." I officially looked like a fool.
"No, no. I was just kidding!" He laughed. I knew it! I responded with a weak, "oh" then embarrassingly laughed along softly. I was a pro at making myself look like an idiot in front of people, especially attractive guys.
We continued to work on the project. We listed different things that were important to know about our topic. We joked and laughed as we worked, and I was having a lot of fun for once. As we were putting our things away, Eli asked, "can I get your number?"
"Excuse me?" I was so shocked that I didn't even think before I spoke. I realized what I did and cringed inwardly.
He awkwardly laughed before saying, "so I can text you to see when we can meet up to work more on the project." I quickly agreed and handed him my phone after unlocking it. He gave it back to me fairly quickly and realized he had just texted himself from my phone. He smiled and gave me a simple "talk to you later" as he walked towards the door. Before I could even register it, he was out of the room. So, I grabbed my things and made my way to the car.
💜❤️
Hello readers who happened to stumble upon this story!
Guess what?! This chapter is a whopping 3,904 words 😱😱😱 I know! Wild, right?! My hope is to have most chapters be about this length, at least 3,000 words, but we shall see.
Vote and comment to let me know your thoughts!
Well, that's all from me for now 😊 Until next time...
TM