As I left the front of the school, I shaded my eyes with a hand as I scanned the parking lot for any of the lads. Finally, it's that time of year when it's a lot warmer in the evenings than it usually is the rest of the day, so maybe all of us could go to Penny Lake?
Maybe it would just have to be Paul and I. I mean, he seems so upset with George and I can't stop running my brain over that thought. I should've just insisted I was fine or have made up something. Although... I wasn't lying, entirely. It feels like pins and needles when I think that there's a possibility that my boy is using me as a crutch. What if he's just so overwhelmed and lonely that he clings to the first person who's nice to him? Someone he knows will always be there for him? Someone he knows that loves him, dearly?
These are the thoughts that keep me at the edge of my seat.
Thanks a lot, Geo. Putting this bullshite in my head!
I bit my bottom lip to hold back the slight tears that wanted to drip down my cheek.
Does he think that just because he let me blow him off in a bathroom stall, that I should believe that he loves me? Like that's enough?
I rubbed my face with my hands and looked up above me at the clouds that were towering over my head. I collapsed on to a bench behind me as I kept my gaze up high.
"Johnny!" A voice greeted me from behind.
"Macca! Ye nearly gave me a heart attack." I laughed.
"What ye wanna do now? Could go to the record store, maybe? Heard they jus got some new releases, yeah?" Paul asked, squinting his eyes due to the beaming sun above us.
"Well, maybe... What I was thinkin' is we could go down to Penny Lake and jus... hang out, ye know?" I suggested instead.
Paul's eyes lit up, "Good thinkin'! - 'Ey Geo! Richard!" Paul called out from behind me, "Wanna meet down at Penny Lake?!"
"Yer invitin' George?" I whispered into Paul's ear.
"Yeah, we've... got a lot to talk abou', him and I."
"Right... Right." I gulped.
"Alright, we'll see ye lads there, then!" George shouted back before continuing down the path to his house.
Once those clowns were out of site, I swiftly grabbed Paul's hand into my own.
"So how was yer first day, Macca?" I asked, staring up at the clouds through the trees. "Anythin' happen?"
Paul groaned, "Nah, it was boring. But atleast ye were there wi' me... some of the time."
I chuckled, "Not enough of the time, though."
Paul giggled as he stared ahead of us then at me, "Yer right abou' that one."
I leaned my head on his shoulder as we walked, hand in hand.
Everytime i'm around this beautiful boy, I feel like I can accomplish anything. Like we could accomplish anything. I just hope he feels the same way.
Macca, how do you do this to me?
What makes you think you're something special when you smile?
"We're here!" Paul announced, pointing into the distance at a wide, open body over water with large rocks bordering the bay.
"Hopefully the others'll be here soon..." Paul sighed.
"Why? So ye can kick Geo's arse?" I joked.
Paul gasped, "I would never!"
I rolled my eyes as we trotted down to the sandy shores. A subtle breeze off of the lake pushed our hair out of our faces as we stared out across the water.
"Ye shouldn't be mad at George, ye know. He's yer best mate, for God's sake!"
Paul lit a cigarette for himself and I to share since we were running low on them, "I don't care! He's only doin' this so we'll fight and break up! Well, if he can't handle ye then he definitely can't handle me!"
"Wow." I said in a flabbergasted tone.
"What?!" Paul laughed as he asked.
"Nothin' jus... never seen ye hold such harsh of a grudge before... abou' anythin' like this, really. Except for maybe when ye were ignorin' me not too long ago. Yer not so assertive, are ye?"
Paul laughed back, "Oh, jus take the damn cig!" He joked as he passed the burning paper to me.
I took it out of the boy's hand as I leaned up against a large rock and stared up at the sky. "Oh shut yer gob, ye know ye love me."
Paul scoffed before leaning up against the rock next to me and laying his head on my shoulder. "This is nice, though. Bein' here wi' ye in a calmin', private place. Somewhere where we can be ourselves. Somewhere we can love eachother wi' out worry. It's lovely. I wish everywhere was like this. Never in this day and age, though."
I turned my head to face Paul who had a look of disappointment, it shattered my heart to look at.
"Hey."
Paul looked over at me, "Yeah?"
I leaned in and kissed his lips for a few seconds, "Don't think I've gone soft, now, but... I love ye, Paul and I don't care who the hell sees it. If the people out there find out I love ye, then who gives a shite? We should both stop bein' so damned concerned wi' what the world thinks of us. I'm so tired of bein' bloody terrified of those close-minded pigs! I love ye Paul McCartney, and it absolutely kills me when I have to hide it away. If it was jus accepted by the world and not illegal our lives would be... totally peaceful. I want that, ye know?"
I leaned my head back against the rock and exhaled, letting my eyes shut.
"Yer so right..." Paul said softly, "And that is the kindest thing anyone has ever said to me... Ever! And I mean it! ...Thank ye."
The crunching of leaves was heard soon after our heart-to-heart, signalling that the others were near us.
We both stood up on our feet and walked to where we heard the other two.
"There ye guys are! Ye been back there the whole time?" George asked.
"We were, yeah." Paul answered.
"What were ye doin' back there?" Ringo asked kind of cautiously.
George snorted, "Snoggin' probably."
"Piss off!" I shouted.
"Anyroad, we off to yer house then, Paul?" George asked.
"No... Honestly, John and I think it'd be great to jus stay here and relax for jus a day." Paul explained.
George squinted his eyes, "Paul, we've got a gig soon. We should jus go back and practice!"
"George. One day of bein' lazy won't kill us, I reckon." Paul snapped. "And don't get on my bad side, 'cause I've already got a bone to pick wi' ye!"
"...What? What'd I do?" George asked with wild eyes.
"Tellin' John I don't love him. Ye know ye ain't right for that, so why do ye say it?!" Paul asked, anger building in his voice.
"Macca, it's okay-"
"John, please!" Paul shouted over me. I stepped back a bit. "Be quiet for jus a moment!"
I pursed my lips.
"Why would ye say that, George?" Paul asked. "Ain't ye s'posed to be my best mate?"
George fell silent for a moment then opened his mouth, "I was jus tryin' to reason a way somehow that... this isn't the lifestyle for ye, Paul. I mean... ye ain't no bloody queer! There's no way ye could love a man, right?!"
Paul was grinding his teeth as he stared at George, I could only imagine the thoughts swarming his head, "If ye can't accept that I love John, genuinely, then how the hell are ye gonna stay in our band, hm? 'Cause ye ain't stayin' in 'ere wi' a mindset like that!" Paul clenched his fists.
George stood there with his mouth hung open from shock, it's not everyday that you hear Paul McCartney being so confident in his identity. I guess he was right when he said that I inspire him... in a way...
"Yer jus lookin' for somethin' to lean on." George snapped. "Ye can't actually love him!"
"What do ye mean?" Paul asked.
"I mean... Yer jus using John as a crutch, if anythin'!" George exclaimed.
With a swift movement of his fist, he collided it against the side of George's jaw, causing George to fall back.
"Fuck off, then, George. If ye really believe that, yer the most daft person I've ever met. We're s'posed to be supportive of one another, not judgemental! What happened to that?" Paul yelled. "What happened to me best mate, George Harrison, eh?"
"McCartney, what the Hell are ye thinkin'?!" I shouted. "Don't hit the poor bloke, now!"
George looked deeply hurt, he straightened his posture and looked at Paul in the eyes. "No, John. Shit. I deserved that one..."
Paul gave the boy a puzzled look, as did I.
"I wanna make this all work... I wanna be in a band that everyone loves eachother in, rather than bein' at eachother's throats all the time." George chuckled a bit as he explained. "But... I jus need time to think."
"Then let's quit this stupid constant arguing and jus have a little fun for a bit, ain't that an idea?!" Richard groaned. "Gettin' irritatin', this is."
"I'll see ye lads 'round." George sighed as he walked off.
I spoke up, "Enjoy the next twenty-four hours, mate!"
"John, jus say have a good day like anyone else would..." Paul elbowed me before he spoke.
"Why?" I asked.
Paul sighed, "Because what ye did say sounds like a fuckin' threat. S'not exactly helpin' yer case."
And with that, George left the rest of us as we stayed down at Penny Lake.
"Is he leavin' for good?!" Richard asked nervously.
"Doubt it. We'll see that bloke tomorrow." Paul assured.
I simply sighed.
George isn't trying to be cruel, I don't think. He's just protective of his friends! Though, he should really do some soul searching and change his way of thinking, even if it's hard to these days. I wanna forgive him, eventually.
Cheers to him for that, since he's trying.
This day could've gone a lot worse.
Cheers to all of us for that.