I looked away from my laptop screen for a second and rubbed my eyes rigorously. I had been staring at the bright display for the better part of three hours, and it was doing absolutely nothing to help quell the feeling of intense panic arising in my stomach. Jazmin, Alice, and I had been in the kitchen all day, baking cookies and gossiping. Rose had come in, as well, just recently, and she sat down and joined us, though she had been relatively quiet. I hoped that this meant she was thinking about Uriah. Poor guy. They really needed to step up their chemistry if they were going to stay on the show any longer.
Couples were dropping like flies- the latest to go were two that I didn't know very much about; Tyler someone and some girl with a super Irish name that I couldn't now remember for the life of me. It seemed to me as if they had had pretty good chemistry in all of the episodes I'd watched, but I guess that the ever-growing audience of Dating Democracy didn't agree with me. They were a picky crowd, which is why it never ceased to amaze me that they seemed to like me.
I turned my attention back to the little orange bars that were constantly shifting in size on my laptop screen. I was on the show's website, closely monitoring the votes coming in for who was to be paired up with who when we switched dates for the coming episode.
"Seriously, babe, you have got to stop looking at that stupid site," said Jazmin, suddenly right behind me, her dark hair spilling over my shoulder as she took a peek at what had me so engrossed that I couldn't open the oven.
"She's right," added Alice with a sigh. "We all know what the outcome's gonna be, anyways." Alice gave Jazmin a knowing look, and an understanding seemed to pass between the two. They seemed to know each other so well. I envied that type of quick, easy friendship that they were able to build together.
Jazmin nodded. "They're gonna put you with Pat, the rest of us with God knows who. It's how they operate. I bet even if the stupid voting website said people wanted you with someone else, the producers would still put you with Pat."
I took a sip of my tea that was sitting on the counter and looked up at her. "And you're okay with that?"
She shrugged. Cool, collected. No big deal.
"Why should I care? It's not like I'm married to the guy." I was surprised. I knew that she and Patrick weren't necessarily in love with each other, but they seemed to really be hitting it off together, especially the last couple weeks. I didn't know how she could be so blasé about it all.
Alice seemed to agree. "This show puts you in a weird place like that. Like, I mean, if we were in normal relationships... this dating other people stuff? It would never fly. It wouldn't even be an option. But since we're in some weird fucked up game show type situation, it's just another day in Hollywood. Kinda a weird thing to go through."
"But, hey, I mean, we're managing," Jazmin said, turning away from me and back towards Alice, smiling widely at her.
"Yes, yes we are," Alice agreed. An amused look passed between the two of them as they caught each other's eye once again.
Okay. Weird. Something was definitely going on here that I didn't know about.
"I think it's terrible, what it does to you."
We all turned towards the other side of the counter, where Rose was standing quietly. She hadn't said a single word up until that point, and I had honestly forgotten she was there.
"What do you mean?" I asked her.
"I don't know," she said, shrugging, "It's just not natural. Nothing about our relationships are normal. We're like puppets. I know it's not a particularly original thought, and that it's literally what we signed up for, but I don't know." She sighed.
"Yeah," Alice said. "I guess. But we're used to it now, right?"
"Maybe," Rose replied. "Maybe not. I don't think I could ever get used to it. Uriah..." she trailed off, perhaps not sure how much she wanted to open up to us. "I really like Uriah. I think he's great. He's funny, he's sexy, he's caring... he's basically perfect." I resisted the urge to squeal. I sent up a silent prayer that the house cameras were recording all this so that it could be included in the next episode. Uriah needed to hear this. He would freak out.
"But I'm wondering if he's too perfect." She paused, and none of us said anything. Perhaps we all felt what she was saying, on some level. "You know?"
Another awkward silence passed as we all sat, thinking.
I jumped as a loud notification noise from my laptop sounded. I started to get up to go back to the counter and look at it, but Jazmin was closer. She laughed out loud, a high, dry, ironic laugh.
"You know, sometimes I really wish that I wasn't right about everything." She turned to me and winked. "Better go get ready for your date with my man."
"Oh, come on. It was so predictable. We all predicted it. We all knew. They were gonna put her with Pat no matter what."
"Not all! Not all of us knew! Some of us like to read the whole story before skipping to the last page! Some of us were majorly shook by this particular outcome!"
I shook my head at the exchange. I had been listening to Camryn and Jared argue for the past hour or so, mainly about which of my suitors they preferred (because what else is there to talk about?), as they were doing my hair and makeup for my upcoming date. As everyone had seen coming from the start, I had been paired with Patrick. They put Jazmin with Andrew, naturally, and, strangely enough, they put Alice with Rose, and Uriah with Theo, the stunning green-eyed guy that I had only talked to occasionally.
I had laughed so hard at Uriah's very blatant, very male, (somewhat rude) reaction to the pairings. ("I mean, I'm not gay! Do they think I'm gay? Like, seriously, do I come off that way? I mean, not that I have anything against gay.. people, I just- my cousin is gay! But, like, what?") How very hetero-normative of him. Personally, I was somewhat proud of the producers and behind-the-scenes big shots for at least not shying away from the idea, regardless of how they thought ratings might go. Props to them.
I would be interested to hear how those dates might go, but at the moment, I was too engrossed in my current predicament to care about anyone else's situation. I was going on a date with Patrick tonight. The same Patrick that I hadn't so much as glanced at- much less said a word to- since I had kicked him out of my room after our big argument. It had been almost a week. I'd barely even seen him. And what made things infinitely worse was that, during this whole time, I still hadn't breathed a word of any of what happened with Patrick to Andrew. Andrew and I were doing so well... we were really, really getting along. He suspected something was up, but he didn't know what, even if he did know with who. I felt guilty, and I felt like I was using him, even though, technically, I had done nothing wrong. I still felt terrible and knew that I was going to have to say something to him about it soon.
But not yet. I had bigger fish to fry.
"Hey, babe, what do you think of flannel and some ripped jeans?? I'm not really sure on outfit choices for today because they haven't told us what the hell you guys will be doing on these dates- though I hope that it's absolutely nothing because Patrick is a douche and Andrew deserves your cute ass so much more- but I think that they're letting the guys pick what they wanna do so that it's more authentic or romantic or some cutesy shit like that. But, fall is in full swing and flannels are cute and I figured Cam could use some dark lipstick and you'd look absolutely amazing and--"
"Flannel and jeans is fine. I'm not looking to impress anyone today," I cut him off, letting more of an edge into my voice than I had originally intended.
"Ooooooh," Camryn cut in. "Somebody's in trouble, then. What'd Patrick do? Must've been pretty bad, huh? 'Cuz I know I, for one, would let that boy get away with just about anything if he'd just let me look at him for a bit. I mean, damn." She let out a very unladlylike, low, wolf whistle, before I gave her a death glare, cutting her short and causing her to go back to her relentless primping and patting at my face.
"Who wants coffee?" At that moment, Victor came in carrying a tray of Starbucks. His cheeks were rosy and his eyes were bright. If I didn't know any better, I'd say he'd-
"Been visiting with a certain platinum blonde, pantsuit-loving producer, have we?" Jared voiced my thoughts aloud.
Victor blushed a deep crimson.
"Now, now, kid. Know your place. Veronica and I... we're just friends. We understand each other. You know, we old folks... we have to stick together."
Camryn snorted.
"Sure. Y'all stick together real close."
"Kids! Do you want Starbucks or not? I could always just take it to another group of millennial hooligans who will actually appreciate me and know how to respect their elders."
I laughed without much conviction and waved him over.
"None of these happen to have extra shots in them, do they?" I questioned sarcastically, adding, "Of espresso, or... anything else?"
Victor gave me a sympathetic smile, his dark eyes twinkling.
"No, but I can help you out in that department if you're really asking," he said, which I mostly took to be a joke, but could have also been serious. I knew he had a hip flask that he kept full and on his person at all times, though I'd never personally seen him use it before.
Camryn and Jared backed off after making their final adjustments, allowing me and Victor to talk while I looked over my appearance in the vanity mirror. Once I had preened a bit, messed with my hair and my face, and deemed myself satisfactory, I turned towards the older man, giving him my full attention.
"Whatsa matter, kid? Boy troubles?"
I nodded. "Something like that."
"Well, it's nothing you can't handle. You're made of tough stuff," he said, squeezing my shoulder reassuringly. "Are ya having trouble with just one or both?"
"Just the one, for now. Andrew's been surprisingly good, lately. I just don't wanna mess anything up, you know?"
"I know. It's a tough choice, the one you've got to make. But you don't have to make it just yet, and I'll stand by you when you do, if no one else will. You've got your head screwed on right, kid. I know you'll think it through."
"Well, that's at least one of us who believes in me."
"Make it two, hon," Jared said, returning to the side of the vanity.
"May as well say three," added Camryn. "We're a team and always will be. Your team. We've got your back through it all, baby."
I smiled, for real this time. "Thanks guys. It really means a lot to me. You're the best."
"I would propose a group hug at this time, but Victor's pit stains aren't really something that I want to get any closer to right now," Jared commented, with mock disdain.
Victor scowled. "That's just as well, Jared, my boy, because I don't particularly want to smell like a girl, as you do."
"Y'all are goofy," Camryn said, as I fluffed up my hair one last time and grabbed the beanie she was offering me. I turned to head out the door of the prep trailer. "Knock 'em dead, honey," she said after me. I turned and gave her a wink.
"Will do."
As I headed back from the trailer across the driveway towards the house, where I was supposed to be meeting Pat to head out on our date, a pair of rough hands grabbed me from behind, one wrapping around my waist and the other covering my mouth. They pulled me into a small space between a rosebush and some thick shrubbery, where I was fully concealed from the view of anyone near the front doors of the mansion.
"Motherfucker! What the-"
I caught my breath and looked up to see Andrew, dressed in a button-down and khakis, probably all ready for his date with Jazmin. I wondered what he had planned for her and felt an involuntary pang of jealousy.
"You. You can't just grab people. You scared the shit out of me."
He shrugged, biting his lower lip and looking down at his shoes, adorably guilty.
"Sorry," he said. "It always looks so romantic in the movies."
I snorted. "I don't know what kind of movies you're watching, buddy, but where I'm from, when someone grabs you without warning, you scream and kick them where the sun don't shine."
He winced. "Yeaaahhh, point taken. Won't happen again, ma'am."
"Good. So what do you want? Or did you just want an excuse to pull me aside, where no one can see?" I said, adding the slightest hint of seduction to my voice, against my better judgment, wondering if he might take the hint.
"No," he gulped. "N- well, yes, that. And," he swallowed, regaining his composure. "I just wanted to let you know."
"Let me know what?"
"I overheard Veronica and some of the producers taking earlier today. I tried to catch their full conversation, but honestly, that woman scares me, and I didn't want to get caught. Anyways, from what I did hear, they're planning something big for next week. I might be wrong, but it sounded like for the next date, we're going to be meeting each other's families."
"What?!"
"Yeah. I know. Big stuff. But they said they're gonna fly or drive or somehow get each of the couples home to one family or another, whichever is closest, maybe. For the holidays, I guess."
"Oh," I said, not knowing how to react. I hadn't even thought about my parents, or about them meeting Andrew, in the longest time. I was so far removed from my old life, it just seemed weird. "Wow."
"Yeah," he echoed. "Wow." He looked hesitant before taking a small step and bringing himself closer to me, so that our chests were almost touching. He lifted my chin gently so that our eyes were level, and I could feel my heartbeat automatically accelerate in the way that it now did whenever he was around.
"But hey, it was going to happen eventually, right? I think that I'm ready. I think that we're ready. Or we could be. As long as we're together, yeah?"
I nodded, getting somewhat lost in his eyes and forgetting my previous train of thought. "Yeah. Agreed. We can do it, maybe."
He laughed loudly. "Not maybe, Lyra. Yes." He leaned down to give me a sweet, short peck on the lips. I closed my eyes and sighed, wanting more but taking what I could get, for now.
He stepped back, holding my hands but keeping his distance now.
I heard him sigh happily. "I could never get tired of that."
"You are soooo cheesy," I said, giving him a playful punch in the gut. "I'll catch ya later, Hastings," I said, turning to walk back towards the house once again.
I got about two steps further before I heard him come up behind me and grab my hand once again, spinning me around and pushing me towards the house's outer wall.
"Lyra," he breathed, wrapping both arms around me and pulling me in close, until my front was to him and my back was almost to the wall.
My breath hitched in my throat and I suddenly felt extremely light. I didn't know what was happening, didn't know how my life had come to this, didn't know what to do with this gorgeous, sweet, gorgeous man in front of me.
"What," I whispered back, my voice raw. I was still breathing hard, and he could definitely feel the dramatic rise and fall of my chest against his own. I was impossibly warm, from my cheeks all the way down to my core.
"Promise me..." he said, voice still barely above a whisper.
"Promise you..." I trailed off as he lowered his head to my neck, just above my collarbone near my left shoulder. He bit the exposed skin there lightly, and I resisted the urge to moan at the contact. Even though he knew what he was doing to me, I didn't want to give him the satisfaction. Yet.
"Promise you what?"
He trailed his way up my neck, to just below my ear, and finally, to my face, stopping with his lips hovering a mere millimeter from mine. I could feel his breath and his eyes were so close that they weren't in focus, just deep brown orbs against a backdrop of beautiful.
"Promise me that when you're with him, you'll remember what this feels like."
Then he leaned down, planting his lips firmly on mine for a couple seconds before beginning to move, tangling one hand in my hair and sliding the other below the hem of my shirt, planting it firmly on the small of my bare back. My skin was blazing, and yet I could feel goosebumps beginning to develop wherever he touched me. He started to work his tongue into my mouth, lining my lips with it before making contact with my own tongue. I tried as best I could to keep up, molding my lips to his in rhythm with the rubbing of the rough pad of his thumb against my temple.
I got a bit more aggressive as we seemed to come to an unspoken agreement, moving my lips from his to trail them down and back up his neck, tangling my hands in his hair and eventually coming to rest as we both caught our breath against each other's mouths, panting for a second before I couldn't resist anymore, and I pulled his head down towards mine once more, kissing him hard and fast, with every ounce of passion left in my body. He sighed and then moaned happily against my mouth, and I could feel the vibrations deep in his chest as they emanated through me and made me clench all my muscles to keep from shivering in pleasure. He moved the hand that was on my back lower, squeezing my butt playfully and then bringing it around front, lower and lower, until he had slipped it, lightly but firmly, into the space between my jeans and my underwear. I gasped, and he broke away from our kiss quickly to search my eyes, as if for permission, which I readily gave him as I nodded slightly and grabbed his hand with my own, pushing it fully into my pants.
He began feathering his fingers lightly, then started to rub his hand in slow, tantalizing circles until I could barely control myself any longer and I tilted my head back in pleasure, moaning as he continued to rub his hand against me. I could feel my insides slowly uncurling; I was getting wetter, I could feel it, and there was no way I would be able to stop myself from unraveling completely if he continued on his current path. I kissed him again and again as he started to move his fingers faster, up and down and side to side, the contact driving me crazy.
I stopped kissing him for long enough to lean close to his ear and whisper lowly, in my most sexy, assertive tone.
"Come on, baby, I know you can do better than that."
He growled- literally growled- and that was almost enough to do me in. Not quite. He began to breath hard and fast, chest rising and falling against mine as he brought his free hand around to my chin, holding it firmly in place so I was staring into his lust-filled eyes. They were more deadly serious than I had ever seen them.
"We need to go inside. Now," he commanded in a deep voice. He was never assertive, and so now that he seemed to suddenly know what he wanted, I knew, too. I shook my head quickly, letting him know I agreed.
"Nobody's going anywhere," said a steely voice from behind us, "except on their respective dates." I whirled around quickly to see Veronica, looking pissed and displeased as ever. I tried desperately to catch my breath, fix my clothes, my hair... anything to cover for the fact that I had literally almost just... well. She knew what I had almost just done. I could hear Andrew shuffling and fidgeting awkwardly behind me.
"Now, if I remember correctly, you two both have somewhere important to be right now," Veronica said, eyes cold and gaze unfaltering. "And it's not with each other."