Rosé
"What are you doing for your fundraiser?" Aaliyah asks as she chews on her gummy bears.
"Bia came up with the game but we don't have a name for it yet."
We're sitting on the bleachers with our backs against each other as we watch the cheerleaders and football team have their practice. West Hampton Lake U's annual fundraiser is in four weeks and all the art students are in charge of promotional material and games. Bia came up with a game but we don't have a name for it yet and since we don't have a name, we can't create anything for our game yet.
"What kind of game?"
"Seven minutes in heaven meets truth or dare featuring cherries. It's really childish but we thought it'd be fun and a lot of people will play it." It sounds like a fun game but I don't know how to play it. Bia has explained it to me several times but I'm stupid, so.
"Sounds cool."
We both watch the cheerleaders and the football players. Noah is practicing his throwing and catching with another teammate. I need to talk to him and reassure him my panic attack wasn't because of him—it was but it also wasn't. The unfamiliarity was what made me break, not him. Noah is sweet, has been to everyone, I know he wouldn't hurt anyone intentionally.
<3 <3 <3 <3
After my last class of the day, I walk to my locker to grab my Astronomy books and assignment papers. Daniel is at practice so he'll be late but I'll start looking for books and study in the library as I wait for him.
"Rosé."
I flinch out of surprise at the sudden deep voice next to me.
"Shit, sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." Noah Carter leans against the lockers beside mine, his hands casually inside his varsity jacket.
I lightheartedly laugh.
"It's okay."
My eyes linger on him, he's so gorgeous and he's got the same soft, chocolate-colored eyes as his brother but where Noah's are warm and flirtatious, Daniel's are cold and wicked.
"Listen, about what happened two days ago," Noah nervously rubs the back of his neck, his cheek tinted with a light blush, "I'm sorry, so fucking sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you in any way, I was only trying to hold you back from falling. Shit, if I knew you'd have a panic attack, I wouldn't have touched you. I'm sorry, Rosé."
He's so sweet.
"Noah, it wasn't your fault. You don't need to apologize, you were only making sure I was okay." I smile warmly at him.
"So you're not mad at me?" Noah asks.
"Why would I be mad at you?"
"I made you cry."
I giggle.
"You didn't make me cry, I'm just a cry baby, I cry over everything. I cried last night when my cat ate my cookies." I'm a cry baby.
Noah laughs, his eyes glowing in relief and amusement but there's a deep pool of admiration behind his lake of chocolate.
"So, you accept my apology?"
"I accept your apology."
We stand there for a moment, staring into one another's eyes. Noah and I have spoken before but only when Aaliyah and Matthew were around.
"You studying with my brother today?" Noah asks with a lazy grin on his full lips.
"Yeah, we're studying in the library."
"Cool, I'll see you around, Rosé." Noah smiles and walks off with his hands in his varsity jacket.
Sometimes it amazes me how different they are as brothers. Noah is like sunshine and rainbows whereas Daniel is a dark gloomy cloud. But Daniel was the one who comforted me when I had my panic attack. And I'll be honest, a lot of people don't know how to comfort a person who's having a panic attack, let alone know when they're having one, but Daniel said all the right things and held me with a tenderness I've never known.
He's not all bad.
But I don't know him.
I have a crush on him, a big fat one but I don't know him. I want to know him but my anxiety stops me from experiencing good things. I want him to see me but he's got girls around him who are confident and beautiful and not broken.
Those girls wear pretty clothes and party and laugh with him, kiss him and genuinely make him go after them. I admire those girls and don't hate them one bit. Why should I? They do nothing wrong. My best friend is like that. She's so vibrant and fun and so, so beautiful it makes me cry and be proud that she's my friend.
I struggle with my confidence. Don't get me wrong, I don't completely disregard my self-worth but for once I would like to look in the mirror and actually like what I see.
I want to love myself again.
And I'm okay with being the quiet, shy girl because that's who I am. I'm not ashamed of myself. I like quietness, it helps me concentrate better in my art and it's peaceful. Even before what happened four years ago, I was always the quiet, shy girl so that didn't change.
I'm afraid of him not liking me for who I am. And after what he witnessed, I'm pretty sure I've scared him away.
The library is quiet as I enter it. It has this dimly lit, warm ambiance that is soothing and makes me want to sleep. The stacks of old and new books create this perfect aroma for book nerds like me to spend most of my time here, reading, daydreaming, sleeping.
The library has three floors, the first floor is all the nosy students and computers as well as the help desk. The second floor is slightly calmer and more peaceful where you can study or have a small conversation and it holds most of the newer books. The third floor is where I love to be. No one rarely likes to be here, simply because of the fact of it being stacked with old books, mainly fairy tales, and old classics. Wooden step ladders are left here and there for easy access to higher books.
A little space in the corner where there is a coffee-colored couch with a wooden table in front of it—I study here most of the time. It's quiet and warm and cozy. I have an hour before Daniel finishes his practice. I'll just start gathering all the necessary books we need for our project and maybe study a little.
We've chosen Mythology and Constellations as the subject that we'll be studying for the project. The assignment sheet had a list and Daniel suggested we do that one because it's the most interesting. I agreed because it sounds fun and Greek mythology is super interesting.
Walking back, with five books in my arms, I stop.
"Daniel."
Daniel looks at me as he drops his backpack on the floor next to the table and takes off his hoodie, leaving him in a black t-shirt.
"What books you got?" He asks as he leans back against the sofa.
"I-I've got these for our subject." I softly say as I place the books on the table and take a seat next to him but leaving a good amount of space between us.
Daniel nods as he grabs one and opens it.
He smells amazing, like fresh soap and a woodsy, honeysuckle scent. His hair is damp and his skin looks flushed. He looks so hot.
"I was thinking that maybe I should focus on the mythology part and you on the constellations?" I say with a quiet voice, my eyes on the books on the table.
Daniel looks at me for a moment before nodding.
<3 <3 <3 <3
It's so quiet.
And awkward.
It has been over an hour and the only words that we have shared are what page?.
I can't help but feel a little sad.
And it's times like these that I wish I were more like Aaliyah—a social butterfly. But I'm not. I'm boring. And shy. And quiet.
Daniel's phone lights up with a text. With a look of calmness, he replies back. A smirk colors his full lips and I almost pinch myself to make sure if I'm not dreaming or something.
"I'm gonna go." Daniel mutters as he smoothly gathers his books and slings his backpack over his shoulder, calmly without sparing me a glance.
I nod lightly.
"Are you coming tomorrow too?" Almost in a whisper, I grow the courage to ask him, his eyes hold mine for a moment.
"Yeah."