I was on something that was on top of something cold, like the floor I think. I heard cans falling and a clash but my head hurt too much to open my eyes. I cuddled up closer to my warm pillow which not surprisingly smelt like alcohol, but I ignored it and fell back to sleep!
I was then awake as I heard screaming and a sharp pain on my stomach. I shot up and looked at whoever did that to me, "What the FUCK!" I yelled, my eyes not focusing well. Until I rubbed them was when I saw Alan in only a shirt and his crotch clearly visible!
"Control yourself man! God damm, will you put on some pants?!" a groggy voice said coming from beside me who as well got up, it was Phil with no shirt. I looked down at myself and saw I was only wearing Phil's black shirt that he had on last night and then I was just in my panties....... meaning wait, we had sex???
"Phil, Lily don't go in the bathroom!" Alan pleaded panicky, which caused my head to hurt a little more. "Alan calm down, please, my head, ughhhhhhh!" I said as I messaged my temples gently.
Phil looked down at himself and saw he was in his pants that were unbuckled and were revealing his boxers, he then looked at me with his eyes widened and a tiny smirk got on his face. "Are you naked under there?" Phil asked, his hands sneaking over to me under the sheets.
"No Phil, I have my panties on!" I said, batting away his hands.
"Other than that?"
"Nothing." I smirked as I laid back down. Did I sleep with Phil Wenneck, a married man and my best friend? Well that's just great, I mean let me tell you it's not like I never wanted to do this, I would be crazy if I didn't but fuck!
"GUYS THERE IS A TIGER IN THE BATHROOM!!!!" Alan yelled at us again, trying to gain our attention back but jumping up and down. "What's going on?!" a clueless Stu asked from the couch. "THERE IS A JUNGLE CAT IN THE BATHROOM!!!" Alan yelled.
Umm, he had to be joking..... right?
Phil got up, "Ok, ok, I'll check it out!". "No, no, be careful, don't- don't!" Alan warned him but when he opened the door, I heard a loud growl. Phil quickly closed the door and laughed, "Holy FUCK, he's not kidding there's a tiger in there!".
"WHAT?!" I asked in panic. "No there isn't!" Stu said not believing Phil and Alan. "Ya, it's big, it's gigantic!!!" Alan replied still jumping in panic. I got up to my knees but my head hurt so bad and it was spinning so I fell back down
"Aaaagggggggggghhhhhhhhhh! Someone help me!!" I said in an agonizing tone. Phil snickers and grabs me tightly. Holding me up, I leaned on his chest so I can try and balance myself. He slightly let go of me but my head was spinning and it felt like the room was as well, so I was about to fall when he instantly catches me.
"It's ok, come on!" he said as he led me to the couch where Stu was sitting. He then went and grabbed his blue button up he was wearing when we got to Vegas and put it on. "You ok?!" he asked, referring to both me and Stu. "No, my head hurts so much!" I whined, my eyes closed tightly and my head leaned back. "Also no, I am in so much pain right now!" Stu said.
"God damm, look at this place!" Phil said a little surprised. I tried to open my eyes to see the room which was a massive wreck. Beer bottles everywhere, a chair had smoke coming out of it, the jacuzzi was overflowing with sex dolls, sex toys were scattered along, there was weirdly a chicken walking around, red party cups in every possible space, bongs, the tv was about to fall off and different alcohol bottles lying everywhere!
"Fuck! It's a mess!" I said, laughing a bit but immediately stopping as it did not mix well with my headache. "I know!! Guys they have my credit card downstairs, I'm so screwed!" Stu said, extremely stressed out.
"H-how does a tiger get in the bathroom, i-it almost killed me!" Alan said still panicking. "Hey bro, you mind putting on some pants, I find it a little weird having to ask twice!" Phil said grabbing an open bottle of a 'Monster' and drinking a bit.
"A pants in a time like this, I don't have any!" Alan said, so he wraps a towel around himself. I stick out my hand so I could have some of the monster too. "What the fuck happened last night?!" I asked, still looking around. "Hey am I missing a tooth?" Stu asked opening his mouth. "I can't s- Holy Shit" Phil said as he began laughing.
I had a sip of the monster in my mouth when I almost choked when I saw he was missing a tooth, "Oh my god, that's funny!" I said laughing as well but I yet again stopped as it made my head pound even more! Stu grabbed a metal tray and held it up to his face so Stu could see his own reflection and that's when he saw where he's missing a tooth.
"OH MY GOD... my lateral incisors- it's gone!!!" Stu said hyperventilating. "It ok, just calm down, we're fine, everything's fine!" Phil said trying to calm him down. "Your worst nightmare!" I joked to Stu, who did not appreciate my comment.
"Alan go wake up Doug!" I yelled to him as he obeys and checks. "Let's get some coffee and get the fuck out of Nevada before housekeeping shows!" Phil said rubbing his face. "What am I gonna tell Melissa? I lost a tooth and I have no idea how it happened!" Stu scrunched his face in a worried manner.
"Just chill!" I said groggily. "Your freaking me out, I have a massive headache too, let's just calm down!" Phil replied.
"How am I supposed to calm down, LOOK AROUND YOU!" Stu says.
"Hey guys he's not in there!" Alan said coming out from the hall. "Did you check all the rooms?!" Phil asked. "Ya I looked everywhere. Plus his mattress is gone too!"
"Wait, what the fuck did you just say, Alan? Phil where the hell is my brother?!" I asked, my eyes wide and fear began overflowing my mind. "Hey don't worry, he probably went to the pool to get something to eat. Here I'll call his cell!" Phil reaches in his pocket and pulled out his phone — he dials Doug's number.
"I look like a nerdy hillbilly!" Stu says, still looking at himself with the tray. Phil and I snicker a bit until a phone begins ringing; it was Doug's because I recognized the ringtone."Shit!" I said. Alan stupidly grabs the phone and answers it, Phil just went along to see if how long Alan would notice.
"Hello?"
"Alan"
"Hey!"
"It's Phil!"
"Oh hey Ph- this is Doug's phone, it's Doug's phone!"
"No shit!"
"What are we going to do Phil??? Where the hell is my brother?!!" I asked, officially starting to panic. I just want to find Doug and go the fuck home at this point. "It's fine we'll-" Phil began but was interrupted by a noice which made my head hurt even more — a baby crying. What the fuck is happening?!?! I look at Phil confused as he looks at me with the same look.
"What the fuck is that?!" Stu asks, we all start to follow the crying until we get to a closet. I open the door to a little baby boy in a baby rocker with a blanket. "Who's fucking baby is that?!" Phil asked. "Alan are you sure you didn't see anyone else in the villa?" I asked.
"Ya I checked all the rooms no ones here! Check it's collar or something!" Alan said. A collar, what the hell is this guys problem? "Alan it's a fucking baby it's not some dog! You idiot!" I said annoyed.
The tiger, the baby, my head and Alan being a fucking idiot, I can't!
"Shhhh, it's ok baby!" Stu said trying to calm it down. "Stu we don't have time for this. Let's go hook up with Doug, we'll deal with the baby later!" Phil said. "Phil we are not going to leave a baby in the room, there's a fucking tiger in the bathroom!" Stu said a bit pist that he doesn't understand the circumstances.
"Well it's not our baby!" I said back. "Ya I'm going to side with Stu on this one!" Alan said. "Lily you should at least have sympathy for the baby, what about when you have one. And Phil, the fuck, you have a child too!" Stu said, punching his arm. "Well did that baby come out of my fucking vagina? No and I wasn't planning on taking care of a baby on my brothers bachelor party anyways!" I said, rubbing my face in exhaustion. "Come on guys!" Stu said. "Fuck, fine we'll take it with us!" I nudged Phil to agree as well, he looks at me with a look like 'but it's a baby and it's not ours!'. I look back at him with a 'just to get a move on' face. "Ok fine, but can you at least just find some pants and let's hurry the fuck up!" Phil begged. Alan ran to a room and found some pants, Stu then gave him the baby in a chest carrier as Phil and I got ready.
I got to our room and grabbed the shorts I was wearing when we got here kept Phil's shirt on, but just tugged it in my shorts. I then quickly fixed my hair into a pony tail, found some Advil in my bag and took two to soothe my pounding head and gave some to Phil for his headache.
We all headed to the elevator, Phil and I in the back leaning on the wall, and Alan with the baby plus Stu on either sides.
"Why can't we remember a god damn thing from last night?!" Stu asked, patting where he lost his tooth with a iced cloth. "Because, we obviously had a great fucking time!" Phil said with his arms crossed. "Why don't you just stop worrying for one minute, god be proud of yourself!" I said back, still in my groggy tone, my head still pounding a bit.
The elevator doors opened and an old lady walked in smiling at the baby Alan was holding. "Oh how cute! What's his name?" she asked. "Ben!" Phil said, "Carlos!" Alan said back. "Carlos?" Phil asked, the old lady looking very confused.
"It's Ben, but his uncle here, likes to call him by his middle name!" I said, nonchalantly kicking Alan's foot. "Oh! Who are the parents?!" she asked, well here's a nosy old lady. Phil looked at me and said, "Us!" referring to me and himself. "Well your baby is so adorable!" she said smiling. "Thank you!" I said back, trying to make a smile but it quickly slipped away.
The elevator doors finally opened and we made our way to the pool. I was walking with my eyes closed as my eyes were burning with the sun, I suddenly feel one of my feet not on the ground, I quickly open my eyes and saw I was about to fall in to the pool up until Phil grabbed my arm and pulled me to himself. "What the hell, you ok?!" he asked, fixing my shirt. "Ya, sorry I wasn't paying attention!" I said, rubbing my eyes. "Well stop looking at all the half naked girls and focus on where you going!" he said with a smirk, i rolled my eyes.
"Um that's seems like something you would do, not me, but good try Wenneck!" I said with a smirk. "Hey, you got me there!" he said with his classic smirk. He grabbed my arm so I wouldn't fall into the pool again and we headed to a free table. We got some food and juice and began to eat while Stu asked around if they've seen my brother. I was starving for so I didn't go.
"Hey look-" Alan said, grabbing the baby's arm and started moving it up and down near his crotch while laughing, "he's jacking his little wenis!" Phil started laughing the slightest bit but said, "Pull yourself together man!". "The fuck Alan?!" I said before slapping his head, softly at least. "Not at the table Carlos!" Alan said continuing to move the baby's arm, the baby clueless of what's happening.
Stu came around and sat down looking all stressed out, I took a sip of orange juice and asked, "Well has anyone seen him?!". "I looked everywhere, gym, casino, front desk, nobody's seen Doug! He's not here!" Stu murmured. "Fuck! Where is he?" I whined, my leg bouncing up and down (something I do when i'm nervous). "He's fine, he's a grown man! Seriously, guys, you gotta calm down. Here, Stu have some juice!" Phil said moving his glass to Stu but at the sight of it, he moved the iced cloth away from his mouth and puked right beside Phil. It caused him to scoot his chair closer to mine.
"Ok listen, let's track this thing!" Phil said grabbing a napkin and a pen, "Alright, what's the last thing we remember doing last night?!". "Well the first thing was, we were on the roof and having those shots of Jäger!" Alan said, playing with his sunglasses. Stu gagged most likely for picturing the shots we took. "Then we had diner at the palm!" I said which I slightly remember. "That's right!" Phil said jotting all of this down. "Then we played scraps at the Hard Rock and I think Doug was there!" Alan said. "Ya!" I replied, remembering Doug getting all excited with us at the table. "That sounds right, no no no he definitely was!" Phil says.
"You know what guys, I don't even remember going to diner!" Stu said. "I know, what the fuck! I don't think I've ever been this hungover!" Phil said putting down the pen and leaning his head back to his arms. "Fuck, I'm so confused, like what the fuck happened?!" I said putting my head down. "After the Hard Rock I blacked out, it's like empty ness!" Alan said laughing.
"Ok we have up to 10pm which gives us a twelve hour window where we could have lost him!" Phil said. I was getting more worried at the fact that Doug could be hurt or somewhere that's dangerous just because of this stupid party and who knows if we'll find him in time of the wedding!
"What is this?" Alan asked holding a white thing in his hand. "Oh my god, that's my tooth why do you have that?! What else is in your pocket?" Stu said grabbing it from his hand. "This is a good thing, no no no check your pockets! Check your pockets!" Phil said which made everyone reach into there pockets. I didn't because I was wearing a dress late night. Everyone put the stuff that they found on the table which made Carlos, the baby, try to grab it. So I grabbed his little hand and moved it away from the table and gave him a little mirror I found in my purse so he can fool around with it!
"Do you have anything?!" Phil asked. "I have an ATM receipt from the Bellagio. 11:05 for.... $800! I am so FUCKED!" Stu said, banging the table. "I have a valet ticket from Caesars, looks like we got in at 5:15am!" Alan said. "Oh shit we drove last night?!" I asked face palming my self. Alan started laughing, "Driving drunk! Classic!". "Hahahaha!" Stu said sarcastically, annoyed at Alan.
"Hey whats that on your finger Lily?!" Stu asked looking at my hand. I looked at a ring I had on, it was a gold band ring, like one you use during a marriage ceremony. "Phil has the same one too!" Alan pointed out. We both were looking at them and, they really were wedding rings...... oh fuck! I slept with my best friend but also married him? Great, this is just great, ughhhhh! "Oh my god did you guys get married?!" Alan asked looking at us. I looked at Phil who was slightly in shock like me but snapped out of it and rubbed my hand, "It's fine, we'll figure this out!"
I looked down at his wrist and saw a band that was from a hospital, "Jesus Phil you were in the hospital last night!" I said holding his wrist. "Ya, I guess so!" he said after reading the band. "You ok?!" Alan asked, another dumb question. "Yeah Alan, I'm fine!" Phil said back, annoyed just a touch. "What the hell is going on?!" Stu said again, groaning at all the problems we were facing right now. "Stu, this is a good thing, we have a lead now!" Phil said pointing to his wrist.
"Hey Stu, watch this!" Alan said doing the same thing he did earlier to Carlos which made Alan laugh again, "Ever seen a baby do that?!". Stu snickered for a second before saying "Alan, not cool!"
—
We were waiting to get our car at the valet, Stu and Alan were talking about Alan finding a baby at a coffee bean once or something like that. Phil walks up beside me and hands me a coffee, "Thanks!" I said smiling and taking a sip. "Is your head feeling better?" he asks, tugging a strand of hair away from my face. "Ya, way better! You?"
"It went away! So....."
"Ya.... we got married I guess. But...."
"We'll get it annulled!"
"Ya!"
"Ya!"
We both looked at each other with a face saying 'we should.... right?!'. I mean we have to, Phil's married and he doesn't love me and I can't love him because he has a wife and even though we slept together, most likely, we can't do this, right?!
Anyways I saw some guys up on the roof trying to take a mattress off of a statue. "Hey guys, check it out!" I said looking at the mattress stuck on the statue, it was most likely ours as Doug's mattress wasn't in his room. Also I mean, who else would be so dumb to put it on the roof? "Is that the mattress from Doug's room?" Alan asked. "What the fuck!" Phil said,
he walked up to one of the valet people who was helping a guy put some stuff in his trunk.
"Hey man, what's going on here?!"
"Some asshole threw his bed out the window last night!"
"No shit!" I said walking up beside Phil, the guy looked at all of us. A bit confused, especially with Alan and Carlos on the chest carrier. "Yeah, some guys just can't handle Vegas!" the guy said walking away.
"How the hell did we mange that?!" I said laughing a bit, Phil snickered as well. "I don't even fucking know!" Stu said. "That's funny!" Alan said, back laughing. Then, one of the valet guys drives up to us with a police car, he gets out and says "Here's your car officers!"
"Oh god!" Stu says quietly I look at Phil with 'oh shit' eyes. "Alright, everybody act cool! Don't say a word!" Phil says quietly. "Come on let's just get in and go!" I said to Stu, Phil grabbing my waist and leading me to the car. "Stu, do you got a five?" Phil asked. "No!" he replied back. "I'll pay you on the way back!" Phil says to the guy, "Thanks sir!"
Stu then opened the door for Alan but because he was in the way, the baby got hit by the door and began crying loudly, "Oh my god! You just nailed the baby!". I got out and caressed the baby's face so it would stop crying, "It's okay!" I said playfully as Stu got in the back. "Are my glasses okay?" Alan asked. "Your glasses are fine dickhead!" I said to Alan, peeved as I got into the front seat again!
We were then stuck in traffic and Phil was getting agitated and kept honking the horn. "This is so illegal!" Stu said seriously. "Can't you see the fun in anything?!" Phil asked. "Ya we're stuck in traffic with a stolen police car with what seems to be a missing child with us in the back seat! Which part of this is fun?" Stu said. I saw the point that he was giving but he really does need to chill and just have a bit more fun — we're already in a lot of shit and we can't really do anything about it.
"The car is actually kinda sick! I've always wanted to mess with cops!" I said with a smirk looking at Phil who then smirked as well. "See why can't you be like Lily, her brother is missing but she's still having fun during the journey!". "Ya the cop car part is cool!"Alan said. "Thank you Alan! It is cool!" Phil said. "Doug would probably love it!" I said, well there was a 50-50 chance on that one.
Phil beeped the horn again, "COME ON!" he yelled. "Just go on the sidewalk!" I said quietly, so Phil would only hear. "It'll be faster" I said smiling. "Check this out!" he says, thinking it was a great idea. He turns on the flashing lights of the car and began heading through the sidewalk.
"Oh no no no no no, PHIL! Don't do this!" Stu said panicking from the back. "Stu it's okay!" I said snickering, "Just call more attention to us!" I said. Phil picked up the little speaker that connects to the load speakers that are on the front of the car.
"Attention! Attention, please move out of the way, I repeat, please disperse!" Phil said causing everyone to move out of the way, some freaked out and some not caring. "Stop the car I want to get out, stop the car I want to get out! Pull over, stop the car, I want to get out!" Stu mumbled from the back. Phil saw a lady in a leopard dress and clearly had huge fake boobs! Phil said with his mischievous smirk like always, "Ma'am, in the leopard dress, you have an amazing rack!" It made the lady smirk in a kinky way, Alan laughed and I hit Phil on the arm so he could snap out of it again. He looks back with an innocent smile which made me laugh a bit, classic Phil!
I saw a really hot guy in a grey t-shirt and some shorts, he looked at me through the windshield also with a kinky smirk on his face. I snatched the little speaker out of Phil's hand and said "Sir in the grey shirt, call me at 213-527-6 -" but I was cut off by Phil grabbing the speaker out of my hand.
"Don't mind that! Please disperse!"
"Hey! You did it!" I said looking at him offended. He looked back at me with a jealous look on his face.
"Guys get off the sidewalk!" Stu pleaded.
"I should've been a fucking cop!" Phil said with a smirk. I thought about the fact he got jealous just like when I yelled at those boys yesterday. It made me smile to myself.
—
We walked into the hospital and found the doctor who apparently treated Phil and I as we were actually both in the hospital last night! We followed him into an old mans room as he had to do a check up of him. "Look I already told you, he came in with a mild concussion and some bruised ribs and she came in with a sprained ankle, no big deal although none of you could articulate how it happened!" the doctor said as he was checking the patients knees. "Do you remember how many of us were here?" Phil asked, I really hope Doug was with us! "Ah...I don't know, I think it was just you guys, definitely no baby, and one other guy!" he said.
Yes that's Doug!! I look at Phil with a smile as he does the same back and grabs my waist, "That's our guy!" I said as Stu finished what I was going to ask. "Was he ok?!"
"Ya he was fine, just waked out of his mind! You all were!" the doctor said as he put on some glove, "Alright come forward and turn!" the old man stood up and pulled down his underwear, okay I don't need to see that! Phil, Stu and I turned aound and tried not to pay attention but Alan stayed sitting and was staring very intensely for some stupid reason!
"And cough!" the old man coughed and Phil covered his face with his hand and was looking at me, I made a traumatized face and he showed how uncomfortable he was. "Cough!" the old man coughed again, it sounded very dry. Phil and I never looked away from each other and we kinda started laughing as it was getting a bit too weird and that's how we tend to break the awkwardness. "Cough!" he did the same another time, "Alright, atta boy!". The old man pulled his underwear up and we all turned back around, Stu was still a bit uncomfortable and Phil and I stopped giggling once he held my waist again.
"Ok Felix, you can put your robe on and the nurse will be here in a minute! I'll see you after the weekend!" "Th-thank-thank you doctor!" he sweetly said back. The doctor got up took off his gloves and washed his hands. "Guys I really have to go! Im sorry, I have surgery on the forth floor!". Phil took out a 100 dollar bill and held it to the doctors face, "No I know, we just need a couple more minutes of your time!". Of course Phil would bribe him, he's the one who would teach me that when we were young so I could get or get out of things which was actually very affective even though Doug hated Phil teaching me things like that!
The doctor checked the amount of the bill, "Ya, tuck it right in there! Don't wanna re-sterilize! Walk with me.". Phil put it in the doctor's coat pocket. The doctor then found Phil and I's file and began reading it, Phil grabbed my waist while we walked. "Ok, here we go! Patients names Phil and Lily Wenneck,"
so I guess we did get married!
"2:45am arrival, minor concussion like I said some bruised ribs and a sprained ankle pretty standard!". "Do you mind if I take a look at that, I'm actually a doctor!" Stu said trying to reach for the file. "Ya, you said that several times last night but really your just a dentist!" the doctor replied, walking ahead of Stu. Phil and I snickered at his offended face.
"Ok this is interesting, your blood works came in this morning. Wow! They found a large amount of Rohypnol in both of your systems." We made it to a counter and I face palmed myself. "Fuck!" Phil looked at me confused, "R-R-" Phil began but I clarified for him, "Rohypnol! Known as the date-rape drug! Wow, surprising I just know that!" I said sarcastically, as I rubbed my eyes.
Phil looks at me still confused and then to the doctor. "What so your saying we were raped last night?!" he asked jokingly.
"Actually-"
Phil looks at me nervously and I got up from leaning worried as well, holding Phil's arm so I could get a glance at the file. "I don't think so but someone did slip you guys the drug so I'm not surprised that you two don't remember anything!". Alan laughed a bit and said, "Doc none of us can remember anything from last night, remember!"
"Ya how could someone have drugged all of us?!" I asked confused at how one person could slip it to us all. "Look, I wouldn't worry about it guys, by now the stuffs out of your system! You're going to be fine, I have to go!"
"Wa-wa-wait, please doctor is there anything else like something we may have been talking about or someplace we were going?" Stu asked. The doctor thought until he remembered, "Actually there was something, you guys kept talking about some wedding last night!"
"Ya no shit, my brother is getting married tomorrow!"
"You know what I want that 100 back!" Phil said reaching for it. "No no no easy! You kept talking about some wedding you just came from, at the- Best Little Chapel!" Phil looked at me and Stu. "That explains the rings you two have!" Stu said. "You guys kept on saying how sick the wedding was and getting all crazy about it! Ok I hope this helps fellas I really have to leave!" Phil took out the napkin and the pen, "Best Little Chapel, do you know where that is?!" he asked.
"I do, it's at the corner of get a map and fuck off!" Phil got pist and seemed as if he wanted to punch the doctor so I rubbed his arm to calm him down! "I'm a doctor not a tour guide, figure it out yourselves! Follow her, she seems like she knows what she's doing!" he said pointing at me before walking away.
Phil wrote the info down and we left and started to find this chapel.