I looked out of the window, at the line of houses passing by the glass fast. Soon we would've reached my house, and the thought saddened me. I didn't want to leave Harry. Despite the fact that we'd spent together the entire afternoon, it felt too soon to say goodbye. It made me feel weird to think that soon he would've parked in front of my house, and I wouldn't have heard from him again until the day after - because it was quite clear he wasn't a fan of using his phone to text, let alone call someone. "I don't feel like going home" I said in a faint whisper before I could even realise it. I looked down, thinking of how to cover up my words - if he'd heard them at all, that is. Maybe I would've been lucky and the low humming of the engine of the car would've been enough to hide what I'd said. I turned my head slightly, spying his reaction from the corner of my eye not to catch his attention in case my words hadn't reached his ears.
Harry turned his head towards me slightly, sending me a fast glance and making me realise he'd heard me. "Why?" He asked quietly, the vibration in his voice almost as deep as the one of the car.
I looked down, a flash of awkwardness hitting me. "I don't know" I replied, my mind working fast to find a reason for my words that wouldn't have been what was already obvious. "It's... empty." I said in the end with a shrug, trying to play off my words as less important than they were.
Harry hummed, turning to look out of the windshield again, not saying anything.
As the silence filled the car again, I went back to looking out of the window, wanting to seem distracted even though all my thoughts were driven to the boy next to me. Given that it was almost evening, his cologne had faded, but there was still a faint scent lingering in the air, probably due to the fact that we were in his car, just slightly empowered by the closeness and the small space, that was just enough not to let me forget who was next to me, not even for a second.
I pulled at the hair tie in my hair, allowing it to fall on my shoulders, taking advantage of the action to send him a fast glance, unseen. I looked away again, a wave of uncertainty hitting me. Every time I looked at him, I wondered what someone like him found in someone like me. It wasn't that I thought particularly low of myself, I just knew that someone like him could've easily gone for the best - and it wasn't me. I wanted to enjoy at best every single second of his day he decided to share with me, but I couldn't help but wonder what would've happened after. I felt as if there was some kind of finality pending above us, as if everything that was going on was simply too wonderful to be true. I knew that one day he would've got bored of me, and would've moved on without a second thought. And who knows, maybe I would've too, but it seemed too unreal to believe in that moment.
I was so caught in my thoughts that I didn't realise we'd arrived to our destination until the car stopped and was turned off.
I looked up, furrowing my eyebrows when I realised we were in front of Harry's house. "Why are we here?" I asked confusedly, not understanding why he'd taken me there. I would've expected him to take me to many places aside from my house, but his surely wasn't one of them.
"Niall would never believe me if I said I was with you" he replied. "He's been on my case recently." He opened his door and got out in a fast move, shutting it and waiting for me to do the same.
I exited the car as well and followed him as he walked past the gate and towards the front door with a fast but silent step. He took out a set of keys from the pocket of his coat, inadvertently making them dangle against the doorknob as he searched for the right one. When he did, he opened the door, allowing me to walk in and following me inside.
He took off his coat and put it on the hanger next to the door. "Here" he said quietly, taking mine from my hands and hanging it over his, before walking into what I supposed was the living room. I followed him up the stairs, widening my eyes when I unexpectedly heard a voice.
"Is that you Harry?"
I turned my hard fast, seeing just in that moment that there was someone on the couch we'd just passed behind, their back to us. I took a deep breath, realising that it was just Niall. Who else it could've been after all, if not him?
"Yeah" The curly-haired boy in front of me replied, starting to move again after the words left his mouth.
When we reached the first floor we walked to his room, stopping in front of the closed door. Harry took the set of keys that was still in his hand, choosing one particular key and putting it in the lock, turning it swiftly and making the door click.
"You keep your room locked?" I asked confusedly as I took in his actions.
He stopped, his hand flat against the door, turning his head and giving me a glance. "When I'm not at home" he said quietly. "Niall gets quite curious at times."
I furrowed my eyebrows, not understanding why he'd feel the need to lock his room so that nobody could access it while he wasn't at home. "Do you have something to hide?" I asked jokingly, a hint of irony in my voice, trying to hide my actual interest in the situation.
"Just a couple of bodies in my wardrobe" he replied sarcastically, and I put a hand over my mouth to keep a laugh from escaping my throat.
He pushed down the handle, opening the door and entering the room fast, walking to his desk, taking all the paper sheets that were on it and quickly putting them into a drawer.
I gave a fast glance around. Despite the sudden feeling of secrecy his actions had given me, his room was exactly how I remembered it: plain and impersonal, to the point that it almost seemed as too bleak for someone like Harry to live in. Even the blanket over the bed was of a pale grey, a bit darker than the one that had been there the last time I'd entered the room. I wondered what was in that place, that Harry didn't want people to see.
I turned my head, realising that Harry had finished doing whatever he was doing, and was leaning on the desk, his gaze on me as he quietly waited for me to say something.
"It's nice" I offered with a little shrug from where I was standing in front of the door, not knowing how to describe the room in front of me. Nice seemed somewhat right, though. It was impersonal, and it had a somewhat positive meaning. Just like Harry's bedroom.
"Oh yeah?" He replied lowly, the ghost of a smile on his lips.
I hummed, giving a glance around again, trying to cover up the fact that he'd caught me staring around at his room before. "It's plain... not giving out much about you." I slowly stepped towards him, stopping when I was standing a couple of feet in front of him, playing with the hem of my grey sweater. "It's a nice box" I concluded faintly, giving him a shy gaze.
He bit his lower lip, gazing at me attentively. "Is that so?" He murmured, his hand reaching out to grab my wrist to bring me closer. "I wonder what you know about that" he whispered.
I shrugged, knowing that if I'd spoken my voice would've trembled because of our sudden closeness.
"I see" he said lowly, the sound of his voice almost too loud because of how close we were.
I blinked a couple of times as the sudden need to retry what I had attempted earlier that afternoon invaded my mind and took control of my actions, making me take a step closer to him, putting my hand on his chest. He gazed at me for a few seconds as if he was waiting for me to do something, so intensely that I almost had to look down. But the green in his eyes was clear, limpid almost, and I couldn't help but think that if it had to happen, that would've been the right moment. Standing in front of him, his fingers still wrapped around my waist, it just felt right.
I didn't even notice I'd leant in until all of sudden his lips were on mine, moulding on mine almost instantly. He let go of my wrist and wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling my body against his with urgency. I let out a little sigh into his mouth, a shiver running down my spine as he deepened the kiss, making me melt against him. I would've normally damned myself for giving in to him in such a way, but right there, right then, it just made sense.
I was the one to break the kiss, when the way he almost claimed my body made me feel as if I could've given him anything he would've asked for, in that moment. I stood there, a couple of inches away from him, my eyes still closed, trying to regain control of my senses and my hard breathing.
"Now it's nicer" he breathed softly against my lips, making me open my eyes, before walking past me and towards his bed, leaving me in front of his cleared out desk.
I turned around, studying his figure as he sat down on the light coloured blanket covering the piece of furniture, a slight frown gradually forming on his face as he seemed to be thinking of something. I stayed quiet, wondering if I should've asked him what seemed to be on his mind or not.
"Can I ask you something?" He asked all of sudden right before I opened my mouth, beating me to it.
I gave him a slight, but somewhat hesitant, nod, taken aback by his question. He wasn't really the kind of person to ask first, so I couldn't understand where it was coming from, all of sudden, my mind still hazed by the kiss we'd just shared. "Alright."
For the first time, he seemed to hesitate before asking the question that was pressuring him, as if he somewhat felt it wasn't his place to ask, but still was too curious not to. I knew that feeling well, I often got it when I was around him, so I could recognise it. It was weird to, for once, be able to read him just as he seemed to always read me. "Where's your dad? I never saw him" he asked quietly in the end.
I shrugged lightly, wanting to let him know that I wasn't upset about the question, and that he hadn't touched a sensitive topic at all. "He's often away for work. He's hardly home for dinner" I explained, leaning against the desk, my hands on the hard surface.
"Do you mind it?" He asked curiously, the little frown that had furrowed his eyebrows leaving his face as he spoke.
"Nah" I replied, looking down at one of my hands. "It's always been like that. I can't really mind it if I don't know what it'd be like to always have him home, you know?" I glanced up again, just in time to see the little nod he'd given me. I bit my lower lip, observing him as a myriad of thoughts ran free in my mind. I pushed down the sudden want to ask him about his family, knowing perfectly that it was no topic to address that lightly - and that despite it might've seemed like it, it wasn't the right time to talk about. "You're close to Niall, aren't you?" I asked finally, walking towards the bed and sitting down next to him.
He glanced down. "I couldn't really... not be. We live together" he reminded me, and I nodded.
"And Liam?" I asked again, hoping that I wouldn't have accidentally touched a sensitive topic, wanting to know more about him. It was weird, despite the couple of months we'd spent together, I felt like I didn't know him at all. He was still a mystery to me, in his entirety.
He lowered himself down, until he was lying down on the bed, staring at the white ceiling above. "I've known him for the past two years" he replied quietly.
I furrowed my eyebrows as I took in the short time. He'd seemed one of the people he was closest to, so it didn't make sense to find out they'd only been friends for such a short amount of time. Had they hit it off really fast, or was he indeed one of the people he'd known the longest? "What about Zayn?" I asked confusedly.
Harry moved his gaze from the ceiling to me. "We've been friends for over four years" he answered in a whisper.
"Don't you have friends you've known for longer?" I said, voicing the doubts that were swimming in my mind.
He shook his head. "I.." he started saying, but stopped right after, seeming troubled by something. He sat up all off sudden, looking down. "I'm not from here. I've moved around a lot, kind of lost my friends in the way" he revealed, his fingers toying with the blanket on the bed as he seemed somewhat lost in his thoughts.
I nodded, showing him I understood, even though I didn't quite. "Would you ever want to see them again?" I asked curiously.
"No" he deadpanned, way too fast for me not to think something of it.
I furrowed my eyebrows at his short reply. "Why not?" I glanced at him, my fingers joining his in tracing the blanket.
He lay down on the bed again, staring above, at nothing. "Is that important?" He asked, a sudden coldness in his voice, putting a harsh distance between us.
"Why don't you let me decide what's important this time?" I whispered to him, wanting to get back the slight complicity that had been created between us as we talked.
He let out a little sigh, his eyes still focused on the ceiling. "Things have changed too much" he said quietly.
I looked down at the blanket, not knowing what I should've replied to something like that. I waited for a few seconds, almost expecting him to add something else to clarify his words or save the conversation, but he didn't.
I couldn't help but wonder if I'd done something wrong. Had I asked too many things? I stared at him between my eyelashes, he didn't seem to be mad at me. He was just... absent. He was there physically, but I could almost sense in the air that his mind was lost in other things, too far away from where we were in time, or nature.
He kept staring at the ceiling, and I kept staring at him, for what felt like hours. I almost touched him to get him back to the present, but I decided against it last minute, feeling as if it wasn't my place to do such a thing. In the end, I gave up, and looked down at the so bleak - but so smooth - blanket again, passing my finger over it, drawing imaginary figures on it with the tip of my index.
"You?" Harry said all of sudden, and my head shot up.
"Me?" I asked, not understanding what he could've possibly asked me.
He finally glanced at me. "Do you have any friends aside from the overconfident blonde and the golden retriever?"
I chuckled at his words. "Uh, not really. I'm not that good at making friends" I admitted, looking down when I felt a slight embarrassment hit me. Why had I told him something like that? If he didn't already, he would've surely thought I was a loser for sure at that point.
But he just nodded, seeming to want to add something else but stopping when he heard a sudden knock on the door of his bedroom.
The door opened, revealing Niall's mum on the other side.
"Uh" she said confusedly, looking between us, seeming to realise just in that moment that Harry wasn't alone. "Are you staying for dinner?" She asked cheerfully, not letting the surprise stall her for too long.
"Oh, I wouldn't want to bother you" I declined politely, mostly because I didn't think Harry would've been happy if I stayed for dinner. We didn't have any clear boundaries, but I was pretty sure that would've crossed them all.
She shook her head at my words. "Nonsense, it's almost dinner time anyway."
I gave Harry a fast glance, hoping that he would've stepped in and given me a hint of what he was thinking of the whole thing, but he was just giving me an impassible glance, waiting to see what I would've replied.
"It's official then" she said, sensing the awkwardness and taking advantage of my silence, exiting the room and closing the door again behind herself.
I looked down at the blanket again, straightening out the little part in front of me where I'd traced the many figures as I waited for Harry to speak earlier. "Should've I said no?" I asked, not daring to lift my gaze.
"I'm the one that brought you here, aren't I?" He replied quietly, his hand joining mine in my little work, making me look up.
"You aren't wearing rings today" I murmured, only realising it in that moment.
He shrugged lightly, retracting his hand. "I was to go to the gym this afternoon, so I didn't put them on" he replied just as quietly.
I looked down again, confused by his words. Harry'd had things to do, and yet he'd still decided to spent the entire afternoon with me. It didn't make sense to me. "Sorry" I whispered, looking up.
"That was my decision too" he said softly, and I gave him a slight nod, wishing I could've understood the reasoning behind his actions.
It was as if, the longer I spent time with him, the more confusing he got. I kept finding out things that didn't really match the initial idea I'd had of him, and it made me feel more lost than ever.
"I should text my mum" I said, changing the topic of conversation, taking my phone from where I'd left it in the pocket of my sweater sometime during the day and sending her a fast text to let her know what was going on.
I left the phone on the bed, hoping that I wouldn't have accidentally forgot it there when I'd left, glancing up just to move my gaze towards the window when I discovered he was looking at me.
"We should probably go downstairs" he said quietly, breaking the silence.
"Yeah, right" I muttered, not understanding where the sudden wave of nervousness had come from. Maybe it was the surreality of the situation, that made everything a bit more awkward.
He nodded, his green eyes focusing on the headboard behind me for just a second. "The bathroom is the door on the right, in case you need it" he said, not moving an inch.
"Thanks" I whispered, standing up fast and almost rushing out of the room.
I entered the bathroom, closing the door and leaning against it, giving the opposite wall a lost look. Why had everything become so embarrassing all of sudden? I took a deep breath, shaking my head and doing my business before leaving it.
I found Harry on his phone, leaning against the wall next to his bedroom door. I slowly approached him, and he looked up when I had almost reached him.
"We should probably go" he said, keeping his voice low not to be heard in the rest of the house, and I nodded, following him as he walked downstairs.
The dinner wasn't very long, but it seemed to last for way longer than it should've. After having asked for my name, the conversation easily drifted to Niall, that talked for almost all the time, being only interrupted by his mother, that kept asking him more details about his day, while his father, sitting on the opposite end of the table, seemed to be happy minding his own business. Harry stayed silent for the whole time, not being asked anything, not even once. I shrugged it off, knowing that it would've been impossible to tell whether that was because his supposed to be family didn't care, or because they just knew he wouldn't have answered anyway. Knowing him, something told me that it was most likely the second.
After a while in which we'd sat in our place, all having finished dinner, waiting for Niall to finish a funny story about something that had happened to him today, Harry stood up, taking the empty dishes in front of everyone and bringing them to the kitchen.
"Nonsense, I'm doing them tonight" Niall's mum said out loud, following him with her gaze, turning to glance into the kitchen. "You go upstairs."
Harry came back and gave her a little nod before walking up the stairs again, with me following after him.
We went back into his bedroom, and I looked at him as he sat down on the bed again, sitting next to him soon after.
"Didn't think you were the kind of person to do the dishes" I said, wanting to break the small silence that had been created.
Harry looked down. "I..." he paused, staring at the blanket, seeming to be trying to find the right words to express what was going through his mind. "I owe her a lot, I don't know where I'd be right now if it wasn't for her. I try to help her how I can" he said quietly, looking up after he finished speaking to study my reaction.
I nodded, refraining the sudden urge to ask him more to clear up his enigmatic answer. I didn't know what to reply, since I didn't even know what he was talking about, so I just stayed silent.
He shook his head. "It's not important now." He looked up at me again, scooting a bit closer to me. "I want to try something" he whispered. "Will you let me?"
I nodded, my breath hitching in my throat when he started to close the distance between us slowly. His lips were almost grazing mine when all of sudden someone barged in through the door.
I jumped back, turning my head fast to see who'd just come in.
"For fucks sake Niall!" Harry hissed, glaring at the person who'd just walked in.
I covered my face with my hands, trying to get over the embarrassment and my burning cheeks.
"I knew something was up between you two!" Niall exclaimed, so sudden that I turned my body towards him too fast and fell off the bed.
I closed my eyes, trying my best to convince myself that the last two minutes hadn't really happened, letting out a sigh when I heard the sound of the door being shut. I opened my eyes again, discovering that Harry was looking at me from where he was sitting, a somewhat confused and amused look on his face.
"I'm so embarrassed" I whispered, embarrassment audible in my voice.
He raised an eyebrow. "So you rolled off the bed?" He said sarcastically.
I gave him an obvious glance. "No, I fell off the bed" I specified.
"Yeah, I noticed you have a habit of falling down on your ass when you're embarrassed" he replied, a hint of sarcasm and amusement in his voice, making me even more embarrassed when I realised he was talking of the first time he had kissed me.
I stood up and sat on the bed again, not having the strength to look up at him.
"I'm sorry about Niall. He has a habit of coming in uninvited" Harry said quietly.
I nodded slightly. "It's fine" I said, even though I already knew I would've possibly never forgotten the embarrassment I'd felt in that moment. I didn't even know how I would've managed to look at Niall after that.
A small silence followed my words, in which I couldn't help but go over what had just happened again and again, each time feeling more and more embarrassed.
"I'm taking you home. Wouldn't want your mother to think I kidnapped you." Harry said all of sudden, breaking the silence and standing up, getting the set of keys from where he'd left it on the desk.
I stood up as well, taking my phone and following him as he made his way downstairs.
This chapter was a filler (many things are about to come). I hope you still enjoyed it though. Also, thank you so much for the (now more than) 300k on this story, it truly means a lot to me. x
Miki