My heart continued to pound as Lilah stared at me, if looks could kill I'd be be as good as roadkill. Her eyes were filled with anger, yet her face remained in a blank state as if bored. I couldn't read her and that scared me. She opened her mouth to speak but shut it again.
I flinched as she moved, swinging her legs over the side of her bed, both dangled and moved slightly. All the while she never stopped staring at me.
Awkward moments passed, I didn't even know how much time had passed.
I looked at my shoes.
"Why?"
I jumped at her voice. It was raspy and tainted with sadness maybe even dissapointment.
"What?" I asked quietly.
"Why?" She asked more agressively this time.
"Why what?" I replied even though I knew what she was referring to.
"GODDAMMIT, WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST LET ME DIE!?" She suddenly yelled.
Tears ran down her pink cheeks, her hands were in fists, clenching so hard her delicate knuckles turned white, she was breathing heavily, the heart monitor registered her heart rate picking up. I swallowed.
"Because I need you." I answered softly.
"You need me?" She asked.
It shouldn't have been a hateful comment but the venom seeping through her words said otherwise. She was glaring now, the tears coming slower. I couldn't bring myself to answer.
"YOU needed me?" She repeated scoffing.
Her brows furrowed digging deep lines into her forehead, tears started coming back in her eyes, yet I, for some reason wasn't crying.
"Well I'm sorry that YOU needed me, it's not like I ever needed you or anything. When I was planning my suicide, while you were put getting beaten up, when I would cry at night, when I would throw up my guts. YEAH CAUSE I DIDN'T NEED YOU EVER."
The last part stung.
"I took time off. I tried to be ther-"
"Don't even try that with me! Maybe instead of trying to make money and makw me worry about you WORRY ABOUT ME FOR ONCE."
I snapped. Any passive aggression had left my body.
"I DID! I OFFERED YOU THERAPY YOU SAID NO! I OFFERED TO TAKE TIME OFF OF WORK YOU SAID NO! I TRIED SO HARD TO GET YOU TO OPEN UP BUT YOU NEVER DID!"
I was screaming now, my throat burned, my eyes overflowed with years. Lilah just sat there, shaking on the bed. The nurse walked in, I walked past, ripped Lilah's hoodie over my head and shoved my way past her.
I ran out of the building faster than the nurse could say "wait." She blamed me, she blamed ME for her suicide. I couldn't take it. How could it be my fault, I tried to help. I got to my car. I slammed my fists on the hood, leaving two new dents. In the car I saw the note and crumbled it into a ball throwing it in the backseat. Tears slipped out of my eyes, fogging my visison. I sat in the driver's seat and headed home.
Stumbling up the stairs, I entered the house and screamed. It echoed through the house loudly.
Pictures of Lilah and I were everywhere, her smiling me hugging her, us at the park, us at a coffee shop. I grabbed the first three I saw and did the only rational thing that could come to mind.
I chucked them at the wall as hard as I could, resulting in glass flying over the faux wood flooring, the paper pictures fluttered to the ground slowly. I continued until glass covered every inch of the floor and random pictures lay atop of the sharp landmine. I walked up the stairs and punched the wall hard, my knuckles began dripping blood on the carpet, but I couldn't care less.
I opened up the mini fridge in out bedroom and pulled out a beer, I drank it all in less than a minute letting the bitter liquid go down my throat.
About 15 bottles later I was an emotional mess. My feet moved me downstairs, unfortunately forgetting there was glass everywhere.
I slipped and luckily landed on my arms. Pain filled my forearms and hands as I scrambled to get up.
Whizzing through the glass I took my bloody arms to the kitchen and began cleaning them up. The alcohol burned them but it was slightly satisfying when the cuts went numb.
I bandaged everything even though some of them needed stitches.
I went upstairs again and heard the buzzing of my phone, Rosa was texting me.