Chapter Twelve
Drew
I slid the basket of honey suckles over to Chloe. She was programing in the address for the office in the GPS on my phone because she couldn't remember how to get there and didn't want to have to call her Dad for directions. I hated the GPS but it was the only way for me to know how to get there. She put my phone in to the cup holder, angled so I could see it.
"Start asking questions," I told her.
"Can't it wait until after the appointment?" She reached over and cranked the air up to the highest setting. Then she unraveled one of her braids and set to work on re-braiding it.
"You're trying to stall about finding out what ever you want about me? I thought you would love the chance to torture me?" I pulled my mouth into the cheesiest smile I could muster.
She huffed and put the hair tie onto the end of the braid. "I need time to think of good questions. Why rush things and end up asking stupid things?"
I pulled my foot away from the gas pedal so we just sat there. "Come on, improv girl, you can do this."
Her face was twitching and I could see how badly she wanted to laugh. Watching her fight against it made me launch into a fit of laughter of my own. It wasn't a cute laugh like her's that sounded like little hiccups or was just silence. No, it was a honking noise with a snort if I started laughing hard enough. Chloe gave up her fight and started laughing with me.
"Improv girl?" she asked between ragged breathes. "That's just..." she couldn't even finish she was laughing so hard.
This coupled with the laughing from earlier made my entire middle ache, joining with my face. We used to have fits like this all the time but now body seemed to have forgotten what that was like.
"I think we've been laughing so much I have a headache from it." Chloe pressed a hand to her forehead while the other arm was wrapped around her stomach. She started laughing harder at the ridiculousness of laughing giving a person a head ache.
"I will never understand why laughing can be so good and somehow manage to cause pain." It was true but I didn't mean to say it. We both stopped laughing when I did. "Sorry," I said.
Chloe gave a final small laugh and shook her head. "Okay, question one." She stopped to think for a moment. "How long do you think it will be before you date again?"
It was a question I didn't expect to hear from Chloe, she had always seemed like the type of person to never ask a person about that sort of thing, but I guess I deserved it since I had asked her such a similar question. "I don't know. I guess until I get over Crystal, which I have no idea how long it would take."
Dating anyone else seemed like such a crazy idea. And I didn't even have a clue how to ask a girl out. Crystal had been the one to approach me, and it had been at the end of seventh grade. I didn't know a thing about dating rules. Plus, I didn't want to rush into another relationship like the one I had just gotten out of.
Chloe nodded and looked down at the basket of honey suckles. "Do I really have to do this?"
"At least one." I couldn't push her any harder than that. Plus, the blooms looked limp and gross now.
She pinched one between her thumb and forefinger and brought it up to her mouth. Several times she started to bite of the end but then would yank it away before it touch her lips. Each time I nearly told her to just pinch the end of, but that would take away from the point.
Finally she did it, biting the end off in a swift motion. With a shaky hand she got the little drop out and placed it on her tongue. The corners of her mouth curled up as she enjoyed the sweetness.
"You did it," I said and made the right turn before the GPS could get the words out. The weird beeping it did and what seemed like random times was driving me crazy. I didn't even want to think about what it may be doing to Chloe's mind.
"I did it." She smiled and tossed it back into the basket. "But I'm never doing it again. So not worth that little drop." She folded the fingers of each and in and rubbed them over her palms. After digging around in her giant back she pulled out a little container of hand sanitizer, the original and not the scented kind everyone seemed to be using.
She wasn't a washer, I could see it in the way she only used the sanitizer once. She didn't go crazy looking for germs or begging to stop at a sink so she could wash her hands. No, washing wasn't her thing but she did like to be clean, which there was nothing wrong with.
Next she pulled out her journal for the challenges and turned to a fresh page. "I'll stick with tally marks."
The GPS beeped a couple of times and started telling me to make a left turn.
"Question number two. What is your biggest fear?"
That was an easy one, one she should have already known the answer to. "Heights, just like always."
"I guess some things never change." I waited for her to use the three question rule. My answer did seem so simple, nothing like her's was. But she didn't.
The GPS beeped some more. I reached over and turned down the volume. I'd worry about figuring it out where this place was once I got closer to Chloe's house. It was such an easier way then paying attention to the little machine.
"Question three. How many times have you given up on things you said you were going to do?" I glanced over to see what face she was making to go with this question. Nothing. Just her usual straight face. She tapped the pen against her lips. She remembered too many things.
That was all I did in elementary school. I always had these ideas of things we could do, projects we could start. And then I would be the only one to think it was a good idea but I would give it a try anyways. It was the same in middle school. And high school. It seemed like I hardly ever finished things. I had came up with the idea for the fellowship club at school but when it came time to put it together I handed it off to someone else. I always handed it to someone else, if I didn't drop it.
Too many times to count," I answered.
Chloe made another mark on the paper. "Is your Dad still set on believing that any day now you are going to announce you're calling to the ministry?"
That was my dad's obsession for me, like doctors that believed their kids would be doctors too. Both of my grandfathers had been pastors and since my dad had filled the role as well everyone thought I was next. It was the family thing.
I couldn't stand the thought of being in front of people like that. I may be a Christian but filling the pulpit didn't call to me.
I nodded.
"Three question rule. You just nod or say yes or no," the words were out of her mouth before I could even finish the nod. Good girl, I wanted to say, something I probably picked up from how Dad sometimes talked to Lauren. Now she was having fun with this. It was starting to seem like asking questions was going to be a bigger challenge for her then answering them.
"Okay."
"Are you going to ever tell your Dad either way?"
I shook my head. "No. I think he'll figure it out when I go off to a non-bible college and pick my major."
The next question came without her pausing to think," Why aren't you going to tell him."
"Because I can't hurt his feelings." I thought back to how happy the family had been the night before. They thought I was back on the right track. I liked seeing them happy, and though I knew they would be happy for me with whatever I decided to do I also knew that they would still be a little disappointed.
Chloe rubbed her fingers over the pages of the journal. I couldn't see her face but somehow I knew there was something different about what ever was going through her head. "What are you thinking about?" I asked.
"Nah-uh, I'm the one asking questions here, mister." She looked up and shook a finger in my face. But then in a whisper under her breathe she said, "my mom." I wanted to know more but I didn't dare try it. Maybe she would tell me when she was ready.
"Alright, question five," I said urging her on.
"If you could have any super power what would it be?" she asked taking another one of my questions.
"Mind reading. I'm tired of trying to guess what people are thinking." I can't say that it wasn't aimed at least a little bit at her. She didn't respond to let me know if she knew so or not.
"If you were stuck on a desert island what three items would you have with you?" For all the thought she put into that question it was an uncreative one. A question that I always hated when ever people asked me.
"Pal, because he is the best dog ever. A sailboat so I could escape. A very large and fully equipped survival pack so I wouldn't die." The sailboat and the survival pack were always in my answer to this question, had been since I was old enough to figure out that it would be nice to escape the island. Most of the time people told me I broke the rules with the answer.
"How come no one else answers the question like that? They act like they would have to be on this island for the rest of their lives with no way of escape." She tugged on one of her braids as she talked, the right hand with the pen clasped in it swung around emphasizing her point.
"That's only the case if the person asking the question sets it up like that," I said.
She looked down at her tally. "Let's see...question number seven. Why do you always act like you're afraid to touch me?"
That was one I didn't see coming. I blinked my eyes and tried to process it. Did I act like that? "I guess because you aren't a very touchy feely person and I don't want to offend you."
She nodded at the answer and put down the tally mark. I waited for the next question to be how it would offend her. It was impossible to know if she understood the answer the way I meant it or not. Had I offended her with the answer?
"Eight. How come you almost never talk in group situations?"
Wow. I thought back to some of the group discussion I had been. I guess I did spend more time listening and not really adding as much as everyone else. "Because I don't want to interrupt anyone. And I never think of what I want to say until it's too late."
"There are just so many things to process in a group setting. It's easy to feel like people are going to ignore you and keep going with talking to the other people," she finished for me. This was the girl that didn't have a problem being in front of crowds. I never thought she might have the same problem.
But then again all of the group discussions I'd ever seen her in she would give just enough to be contributing but never talked the most. Even when it was us with Crystal and Terri-Beth. One of them always did the most talking.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to steal your question." She pulled apart the braid she had been leaving alone and re-braided it.
"Chloe, I just realized something." I paused and waited for her to look at me. "You apologize way more than I do." The way I remembered it I was always the one apologizing, even if I hadn't done anything. It got worse with Crystal. It was nice to not be the one saying that word all the time.
I never wanted to say it again, even though I knew at some point I probably would have to.
She smiled. "I guess I've stolen your word."
I smiled back. "It's okay. It's nice not being the one saying sorry."
She reached over and patted my arm. It was like an awkward reflex, stiff, but still a comfort. She didn't apologize. She didn't say anything. She thought I was the one afraid to touch her but she was the one making progress.
"Nine. Have you decided what you want to do when you grow up?" Her lips twitched on the words "grow up" like she should have said it a different way but the words came out anyways. We were still kids that hadn't grown up just yet, even though as little kids we used to think teenagers were so adult.
"Nope. I don't even have a clue what I would be good at." The time I should have spent trying to figure that out, trying different things until I found what I was good at, had all been spent doing what ever a Crystal wanted to do. As far as I knew the only thing I was good at was sitting in the back of an auditorium applauding at all the right times.
"Do you remember in tenth grade when no one but you understood what was going on in chemistry class and the teacher would get you to help? You were good at that."
I had forgotten that we had even been in the same class together. And I had tried to forget about those times. I always felt so awkward. Always worried that I would tell someone wrong and they would fail because of me. They all said I was a good teacher but I couldn't figure out why.
"Was that one of the questions?" I asked her.
"Uh, why not?" She put down two tally marks. Only ten questions left to go. "Question eleven. Are you one of those people that wants to get out of this small town?"
I chewed on my lip as I thought. "No. People complain about how there isn't anything to do here, but I like how calm everything is. It's peaceful and happy. Plus, even if I did get out I'd probably come back."
There were tons of people always moaning about how they couldn't wait to graduate and go off someplace else. A lot of people did leave, but more of them stayed. And the majority of those that left came back after college.
It may be boring and it may be annoying having everyone know everyone's business. But I like it better then being in a big city where I didn't know anyone and where I'd constantly have to worry about things.
"Peaceful and predictable." Chloe nodded her agreement as she made another tally mark.
Her sister had been one of the people to move away as soon as she could so I had always thought Chloe would be the same way. But that didn't seem like her really. She hated change too much for that.
We were getting close to her house no so I picked up my phone/GPS and tried to figure out where I was going.
"Question twelve. When we took the field trip to the train tunnel why did you stay back with me?" Her fingers were twisting again.
I was thinking so hard about the answer that I took a wrong turn. The computer voice on the GPS started telling me to turn around. It wouldn't stop repeating. It felt like it was yelling at me even though it was just as calm and annoying as always. The thoughts in my head were zooming around so fast that I started to squirm around in my seat.
Was that how Chloe felt all the time?
"Because I couldn't let you stand there like that. You looked so hurt and everyone else was being so mean about it. My six year old brain knew they were all being stupid and that as your best friend I was going to support you." I pulled into a random driveway so I could turn around.
Chloe's lips parted. She wanted to ask something else, but didn't want to waste a question on it.
"I was scared too," I added. And I had been. They tunnel was so large and dark. I couldn't do it without Chloe and since she was staying back I did too. That's what we did. But I couldn't tell anyone I was scared because even at that age I knew boys were suppose to be the strong ones.
So much for being the strong one now. I had failed at that a long time ago.
Chloe smiled as she put in down the tally mark.
"Thirteen. Does it feel like this game is lasting forever?"
I laughed and made the correct turn. "It always does."
"If you were to ever see a shooting star what wish would you make?"
I would wish that back in seventh grade it hadn't been Crystal's name on that note, but Chloe's name. But I couldn't tell her that because she made it clear that things had changed. That wasn't a possibility. I had blown my chance.
Maybe I would wish that Crystal hadn't walked up to our coloring table in kindergarten asking if she could sit there. Some many things could have been avoided then.
"I can't tell you because if I were to ever make the wish it wouldn't come true." The answer broke the rules, I knew that, but I just couldn't answer. Too many lines.
She twisted her fingers. The three questions were there. But she was running out of ideas so I knew she wouldn't take it. She put down the tally mark. "You're getting luck this time, but be careful."
There was a long stretch of silence until the next question. Not real silence, though, just the heavy awkward silence of no one talking while the GPS voice shouted directions. I almost turned on the radio because I couldn't take it. Finally she stopped staring at the road and turned to me.
"Come on, you're over thinking things more than I do," I said to her.
"Question number fifteen," she started off. And then she stopped to spend more time staring out the windshield. "Have you ever been embarrassed of me having OCD or hated me for it?"
I nearly swerved out of my lane or slammed on my brakes as looked over at her. "Why in the world would you ask me as question like that?" It took every bit of control not to yell.
She twisted her fingers a little harder and bit her lip. I wanted to reach over and stop the twisting but then she might take it as a yes. "Just answer the question." Her voice sounded hurt.
"I could never be embarrassed of you for that. And I would never even think of hating you for it. I'm not that kind of person."
She turned her face a little in my direction. I wanted to say more. The words "I'm not Crystal" climbed their way up my through but I forced them back down. She added another tally mark.
"Question sixteen. Have you ever judged my mom for making me feel like she turned against me?"
This was such a trick question. Or maybe it wasn't. "Yeah, I have. Because I can't stand to see how much it hurts you."
No response from her so I couldn't know if I had said something wrong or right. "Seventeen. What is the hardest thing about being an older sibling?"
That was another easy one. I thought back to the ride home with Lauren yesterday. "Knowing that if you're not careful your little sister feels like you're just a jerk she shares a house with and not a person she can talk to anymore."
Chloe gave one of those "I know the feeling" nods as she put down the tally mark. Then she glanced at the clock. I looked at it too. We still had time.
"Eighteen. Why did you agree to do this challenge?"
"Because there are a lot of things I need to change, a lot of things I'm tired of being." Another simple one. Only two questions left. She put down the tally mark and chewed on the pen.
"Nineteen. What is your favorite cookie?"
I smiled thinking back to her answer to the question. "Sugar cookies." The tension in the truck broke as we both started laughing. Laughing mostly because of relief.
"Last question." She smile as she thought. "Are you glad this is finally over."
I laughed some more. "Yes because we get to move on to something else."
We finished off the ride to her appointment laughing at every little thing. It was so nice and strange how things can go from one end of the emotional spectrum to the other in a matter of seconds.