"I'm part of your world,
But I cannot have you, cause I am deserted,
And you are too deep,
I cannot love you,
Without losing me."
______________________
I had to leave here. He'd find out who I was eventually, and I'd be screwed. Livius couldn't know the truth. He'd never forgive me if he did. I knew I said I'd tell him, but why should I?
What he was unaware of wouldn't hurt him.
In fact, if he found out, it'd probably hurt me.
Would he kill me if he knew?
I'm surprised he didn't carry any contempt towards me already. Was it because I was only half fae?
Would he treat a regular fae differently?
I rubbed my forehead as I felt a headache forming.
The moon goddess was playing with us like a pack of dolls.
Sighing, I stared at myself in the vanity mirror before tilting my head, and slipping on a pair of golden earrings.
Sneaking away was already on my mind, but I couldn't leave just yet.
Well, not today at least.
I had to meet the Alpha that was arriving before I even attempted to leave. Livius would notice my disappearance if I ran away right now. I'd have to find a more convenient day, but for the time being, I would follow along, and that entailed my dressing up.
"What are you hiding?" Livius asked, furrowing his brows, as he walked out of the closet, dressed in a black suit.
My breath hitched, and I immediately forced myself to stay calm.
Relax Alexandria, he doesn't actually know anything.
He probably didn't even know why he was asking. Most likely sensing my inner turmoil through the bond, and curiously wondering what was on my mind.
"Why would I be hiding anything?" I murmured, slipping on the second earring, and pulling back to look at myself in the mirror.
Stopping beside me, he shrugged, "You just seem like it."
Staring up at him, my breath caught in my throat at his beauty. His chiseled jawline captured my attention, his hair was brushed back, but as always that one thick strand fell in front of his face, refusing to be held back. He was dressed in a luxurious black suit, his cerulean blue eyes contrasting with the color in the most beautiful way possible.
He reeked of wealth and power.
"Do you do this every time a new Alpha is to be appointed?" I inquired, snapping out of my daze and turning back to the mirror.
He began tying his bow, eyes focused on it through the mirror, "it does not happen often."
"Hmm," I hummed in acknowledgement, while looking at my hair. The thick, yet silky strands fell past my hips, and I picked at a few of the loose ends, before fully brushing my hand through it all.
I didn't feel like pulling it up, or braiding it, so I suppose I'll simply leave it like this. My mother would've reprimanded me if she saw me now.
God, I missed her so much.
We were quiet for a few moments, before I sighed, and turned to him.
"Here, let me," I murmured, swatting his hand away from the black bow tie he held.
He rolled his eyes, "Ah, what a kind mate I have."
"I'm actually really nice to you, King Livius," I replied, eying the bow, and attempting to ignore how close I willingly stood to him.
"Yeah, if spilling water on my paperwork is what you consider to be kind, then perhaps you're right," he countered, and I gave him a pointed look.
"You upset me that day," I frowned.
"Those were some really important documents, my love."
"Sorry."
"What?" he questioned, furrowing his brows as though he didn't catch what I'd stated and I scowled.
"I said, I was sorry."
"Who are you, and where did you take my Alexandria?"
I playfully smacked his shoulder at the question, and he let out a loud laugh, amused. Eyes glittering with mirth and I found myself wishing that I could normalize this.
Pulling away, I looked at his bow through the mirror before giving a satisfied smile.
"Where'd you learn to do this?" he inquired, one brow arched, and I couldn't hold back the small pang that I felt reverberate through me, stemming from my beating heart.
"My father taught me," I replied, voice quieter than usual.
My brother, Alexius, always struggled so much with his bow tie, so I always ended up doing it for him after my father taught me how. I was only eight or nine at the time, but I still remembered.
I'd always remember.
My heart sunk at the unwanted memories. The sadness taking over as I recalled my peaceful past.
"Is he..." Livius trailed off, gaze softening, and I hesitated before nodding slowly.
His arms came up to gently wrap around my waist, as his head rested on my shoulder, eyes never leaving my own as he gazed at me through the mirror.
"I'm sorry, mon amour," he murmured, voice low, yet tender.
At least he didn't ask who my father was.
I gave him a grim smile, grateful that he didn't inquire further, "it happened years ago, it's fine."
I saw him smile sadly through the mirror.
"Time never truly heals pain," he mumbled, and my heart sunk again as I swallowed and chose to pull out of his grip.
Hugging myself, I ran my hands up and down my arms for what felt like the tenth time today.
He was right.
No matter how long ago a certain event may have occurred, no matter how far away it may be in the past, whenever it's mentioned, you still feel the pain. You still get that dull ache in your chest. That earth shattering feeling that tells you that it did happen, that you experienced it, and that you're still carrying it with you now. There's no growing out of that feeling. It will always be there. That strange longing. It forever tugged at one's heartstrings, like the most persistent of creatures. You have to live with it, and eventually even take it with you to death.
It never leaves.
My "mother", Mrs. Valentina, carried that pain with her. I saw it in her eyes whenever I mentioned mates. I saw it in Livius' eyes when he spoke of his family, and I'm sure he saw it in me right now as I spoke of my father. That was why he touched me so softly, as if reaffirming to me that he was there, that he was here for me, always.
He wouldn't be after he found out whose child I was.
Who my family was.
I knew that for a fact now.
If I told him, that pain of his would come back, and play its part. It'd blind him, and he'd hurt me. Whether he meant to, or not.
I carried no hatred for him. The Fae's killed his mother. She was an innocent, and yet my kind murdered her when he was a mere child. His father responded, and the rest was history. So would he have any disdain for me if he were to know who I was, and what role I played in those events?
I didn't want to be around to find out.
So, I was simply going to enjoy these last few days with my mate, and then take my leave. That was it. He'd eventually find another she-wolf. A full wolf. Not a hybrid. Not a fae. Not a vampire. One who could rule alongside him without controversy around her name, and he'd be happy.
Hopefully, I would be too.
Man, this was all some sick joke.
The moon goddess was punishing me, for sure.
I don't know what I did, but this is a punishment. There's no other explanation.
I smoothed down the fabric of the pale pink dress I wore, my hands gliding over the silk that pooled down my legs, and past my ankles like a never ending waterfall of color.
It was a stunning dress. The rhinestones around the waist, neck, and back, were glowing underneath the bedroom light, and the back was open, exposing my naturally tan skin.
It came out of the large closet that I had found stocked up with clothes in my measurements.
I have to admit that I was shocked when I saw it. Piles of clothes, all with tags of signature brands. Spanning from a pair of casual jeans, to the most extravagant gowns, and I was almost tempted to stay when I saw the stunning assortment of thigh high boots. That closet was worth more than my fuckin' rent.
I had thanked Livius for it, of course, my mother did teach me manners, and he merely grinned in response, telling me there was "so much more to come."
I disregarded the statement of course.
"My queen?" Livius asked, snapping me out of my thoughts, and he extended an arm.
Before I could fully think anything through, I looped my arm around his, and followed him out.
No more thinking.
I only had him for a few more days anyway.