Marie, what the hell are you doing?
You're being an idiot.
I scold myself as always when I did something stupid. But I'm a stupid person.
Whenever people do something bad to me I always forgive them instantly which is the thing that I abhor.
I'm an idiot.
All along in the elevator, I scold myself with those words feeding up with realization and control. It seems to me that I like to put myself into a situation that I knew I couldn't run if there's something that happens. Everything that happened to my life is so complex, I mean, I had friends who're still overdramatic like every time we see each other they only talk about their own dramas and it is nonstop. I feel guilty though if I just said to them in highschool that I wasn't happy anymore with them.
I breathe out.
While he is just looking at the elevator and I think that he is humming some song probably the old song. Old soul. My lips formed a satisfied line.
I couldn't think of any words to form a conversation between me and Smith that I deeply sighed and he just looked at me without expression but I'm sure he's not angry. I think like why would he be?
"So uh... Marie." He spoke as if he read my mind.
"Yes?"
"You're on a vacation?" He inquired I looked to him and answered
"Yes."
"You know what I do too." He said and I hummed shortly and replied okay. I couldn't generate words in my brain and talk to him. It's awkward.
Ding!
Two more people went inside the elevator making me and Smith gets pushed on each other's body skin to skin he manages to adjust probably trying to make me have a comfortable position. He looked at me and small lines of smile formed on his face.
He stuttered. "Though I've been here before with my friends and I'm with them but they are in different locations here in England so I stayed here." I nod in response. "And it's near where I need to work."
"Wait." I looked at him making him stop to utter some words that he's formulating. "So it's not really a vacation? You said you are going to work." I stopped, stopping myself to be a bitch right now because I do have that trait that I interfere whenever I hear a opposing opinions must be the trait I got from studying a bit of psychology and philosophy for a moment in my life.
"Ya," his lips formed a line "more like vacation work. You see I work for an event that's hosted here and the management told me to go to London at their expense so... I got here. They also gave me three weeks stay in here." He huffed.
"Not bad," I commented. "I mean they give you at least a free day for you right. You do right?"
"Ye."
"Oh. By the way, you're just going to stay there?"
"No, actually I'm going to a convention." His eyebrows raised with excitement (wtf) I noticed.
"Oh. Really? What convention?"
"Something that you might not probably relate to." I think he really doesn't. I shrugged it off.
"No, but I want to know."
The elevator opened up and I went out with him.
"Supernatural convention," I muttered under my breath and he nods understandingly. I'm pretty sure he does not know the show not that it is his job to know and like the show just a little bit disappointed.
"Do you know it?" he stopped in front of the opened hotel door opened by the guards, shrugging his head he replied.
"No, I don't." Just what I thought. "But I've heard about it." Well okay... at least I can strike up a conversation. I'm starting to feel lonely here.
We stepped out of the hotel under the shimmering sunlight. His muscled form illuminated by the sun, without his jacket his skin glows and his eyes shines when looked at me. Is this a thing you called love at first sight? Or is this thing called I missed loving someone since I've never liked someone since Sir Dave? His hair mixed with blonde from the roots then dark sweet choclate brown as it gets lower. I don't understand any of these feelings. It made me feel like an alien again to love because that feeling was just long ago I personally buried.
"There." My admiration to his human body was interrupted Heh, I guess my brain starts winding up on the scientifical side again. - by him pointing towards establishment and saw he's right, he's not lying. Yeah. Maybe I can trust this guy. There's a coffee shop in front and it's called Coffeehouse: Coffee, pastries, and Pasta. Maybe my inner me was right after all. It is to trust this guy. But... I don't trust my blistering decisions. I'm being careless and careless is isn't in my own dictionary.
But maybe my inner me was right too I'm hungry and I'm gonna listen to her.
"Marie. Come on." He crossed the street and I followed him as he opened the glassed door and gestured to me to go inside. Picking up the pace he moves the chair a bit away from the table and he motioned me to sit. I do what he asked me to do. It was the table near the street I can clearly see the hotel where I'm at earlier cars passing with moderate speed makes me feel calm and wants to observe more. Still standing he asked for what I want and I said anything but with the condition of its not too much sweet.
"You do not like sweets?"
"Not really. But sweets at times hurt my throat."
"Tonsillitis, I guess?"
"Yes," I muttered and saddened by the thing I can't avoid to have. He placed his hand on my shoulder and gently pat it.
"It's okay." He said in a low and humble voice makes me shivered but in a good way. "I'll just choose what's good for you." And he looked on the counter near our table and looked back at me. "Do you want Ummm..." He cleared his throat. "Green tea or something like coffee..."
"I think I'd prefer black coffee and a sugar."
"A sugar?"
"Yes. Only one."
"Okay." He hummed okay and went to the counter as I fished my phone from my pocket, turn it on and look at the messages.
Where are you now?
Have you arrived at your hotel?
Why are you not answering?
Oh god, it's mom.
I'm fine mom.
√ Sent
I just arrived at the hotel.
√ Sent
I decided to post the photo on Facebook as my cover in order for them to know I have evidence I've arrived. I really don't know what to caption about the photo. So I just said,
"@ London" and I posted it.
"Hmmm... What a short caption." I heard Smith's voice again looking at my phone. I startled as the phone slowly slips on my hand that I grabbed it by my left. "Woah" Do guys really just popped up like ads?!
"Starting to be clumsy again eh?"
I rolled my eyes, "you just popped up out of nowhere like a mushroom."
"Your caption is quite short."
"I actually don't know what to write," I answered and he sat on the chair in front of me. "Even though people look after me. Well, some of them."
"Maybe you're just thinking too much trying to impress people." He muttered. That's a hella straightforward sentence coming from a person who I just met. Wow.
"Well, I'm just going to say. I'm up for the convention with a man I just met who commented straightforward to me." I sarcastically said making him chuckle forming the smile lines on his face. Yes. He is not offended. I'm glad he's like me. It's the feeling that I've been missing, sure my readers are one of those people who give me appreciation and love but it's just a personal appreciation just bleeds my heart red. I don't know but it just makes me feel warm on the inside. People often think when I'm joking around, I'm serious about it and take it that it's a statement that I don't like them. I'm glad he's isn't like that.
"Well, I must say that's a great caption if we took a photo of us together." He smiled.
"Do you really think I would put it?" I playfully frowned. He only answered with a grin and he sat on his chair still grinning. I don't even know what's in this man's head.
"I'm sure you would. So do you want to take a photo?"
"Why would I?"
"To protect yourself. If you're doubting about me." His smile is gone and seriousness is clear to his face. "I mean if you'll suddenly disappear out of nowhere. They can look after me."
"Seriously?"
"Yes. It's better to be careful to whom you'll trust."
"Fine." I huffed. "What do you want? A selfie or something?"
"Both."
"Okay." Opening the camera I said. "Wait. You sure you don't know me?"
"I just met you at the airport ." He answered and my eyebrows crossed at the center for a reason that I clearly don't really know this person, but I admit he's quite cute with his chocolate brown eyes his perfect god-like nose (wtf) and his luscious pink lips that could be possibly soft. The idea made me curled my toes inside my shoes and I intentionally bit my lower lip.
God, Marie, shut up. Marie shut up. I stop biting my lip.
"So." He breathed out "So, young lady." Young lady. Smirking he reached out his hand "Mind taking a photo of us or are you just gonna sit there and kiss me in your daydream?" I blushed furiously at what he said.
"I-I'm.." Stuttering I continued, "I'm not daydreaming of you, MR. SMITH! I just met you." I found myself lost of words stuttering all the things I unconsciously didn't intentionally said, my mind does. "And god even with those gorgeous eyes, freaking pink lips and god those features I couldn't explain super fabulous and attractive-"
"Uh, you're trying flirt with me so fast huh. So you're attracted to me?" He says luckily which pisses me off at the same time I just want the ground to eat me alive.
"No! NO! I didn't say THAT YOU'RE JUST" OH GOD MARIE!!!!!!!! YOU TOTALLY FUCKED UP AT THIS! WHY ARE YOU ATTRACTED TO HIM IN A MATTER OF SHORT TIME !!!?! The fault of my fucking being used looking at the eyes.
I bit my lip as there's the mental scolding happening in my mind.
"I said no one can resist except me!" Chuckled nervously. He eyed me suspiciously, giving him my phone he took it and set up the camera. His beautiful features is really ineffable for me if to describe it in my books, too great to be expressed in words. I smiled, he asks me to stand up and I insisted and he asks me to go near to him but he asked me to move closer to him that my head is "almost" resting on his chest. I stop myself from moving too much because of my breathing. I honestly couldn't move.
I mean, people tend to put their heads on my shoulder as always. Even guys and girls. My initial thoughts were to stop breathing, moving. It's awful.
"Hey." Smith suddenly snaps me back to reality and I was near on his chest and he raises up the camera as he took the photo of us smiling. And he put the phone in front of us lined with his shoulders.
"Smile, Marie smile." I smiled and he took another one.
"Erhm." The manager of the coffee shop cleared his throat at us while he's bringing some foods. "Looks like you're with somebody, Mi-"
"-Yes!"Smith answered abruptly.
"Oh, what's your name again?" The manager chuckled out of context. "I really forgot your name."
"Smith, Michael Sash Luka" I frowned too many names. I might not remember each one of it, I might just call him by the name Smith only. The manager placed the tray on the table and put down two plates and a big mug of frappe, that I couldn't possibly eat alone and a cup of coffee that's already blended with sugar.
"Right. Right." the manager looked at him and smirked.
"Looks like you found a new friend." he stood up straight looking at us.
"Yes." Smith timidly said making me frown even more. Why? Why he sounds so timid?
"Yes. If she thinks I am plus I've just met her." he looks at me like he's expecting a word from me.
"What?" I grabbed the frappe and sip. "Uh yes, of course, if he'll get my trust."
"So. What brought you again in London, Smith?" the manager emphasizes his name which is Smith.
"Oh you know the job, again," he stated.
"And you young lady? What are you doing here in London? And how did you end up with this douchebag?" Friendship. Makes me think that they're really that close for a long time. I breathe out trying also to push away my past friendships that I admittedly can't get over.
"I'm also here to meet some of my fans-no Ummm, friends who're also in the fandom." he nods.
"A fangirl, I see."
"A crazy fangirl," Smith commented and I sat down on my chair and plastered a disgusted smile on them. "No. I'm not a "crazy" fangirl. I just admire those people but I'm not like in the other ones in the fandom." I breathe out a sigh and sip more.
"Well then, what fandom are you in?"
"Supernatural, Fleabag and Sherlock fandom... Others, I couldn't specify. I often watch netflix so... yeah" I moved my hands on the warm clean white porcelain cup and I wrapped my hands on it and feel the comfort and warmth. If there's one thing that I need to keep a secret from others, it's that I'm not into the fandom much anymore. Yes. I do write but I'm starting to ask myself if I'm only filling up a hole inside of me with those. The butterflies in my stomach could probably testify those whenever I see their pictures. I must keep it a secret. I'm afraid what could other people will say especially in the fandom. They are one of the most important people in my life. I don't want to lose them. They're like a family to me already.
"Oh supernatural." he nods again giving emphasis on the word supernatural. I frowned.
"Is... Is there something about the show, supernatural?" I consciously tilted my head and looked at them in confusion.
"Uhm no nothing Marie. It's just I'm also a fan of supernatural!" the manager exclaimed emphasizing the word supernatural again too hyped. I guess. "By the way, I'm George." he smiled "I'm the owner of this shop and a friend of this assbutt next to you, Smith." Assbutt. Lol
"Assbutt." I reiterated containing my laugh. An spn reference.
"Seriously?" Smith blew his hair hanging in front of his face and looked at me.
"So. Who's your favorite character there?" he grabbed the unused chair from the other table and sat on it facing us. "In supernatural?"
"My long-lasting favorite character there is Castiel." he grinned at Smith but Smith just fixed his hair and uninterestingly looked at us. "And Sam Winchester. I'm Sam's girl and Cas's girl." I also like Dean Winchester, Dean is next to Sam and Cas. "Shipper of Sastiel and Wincest..."
"So you're not a Dean's girl?"
"I like Dean too but not much." he nods. "Maybe because I found myself being like him at times but not the hookup thing. I don't do that. I do flirt with my friends at times just that I don't take flirting seriously." I stated nervously.
"Naughty Winchester." He laughed commenting to what I state.
"What do you like about them?"
"Sam's is like in real life. I don't know and understand why but he reminds me of who I am. The human side of me,"
"How about Castiel?"
"I love his eyes and the butterfly in my stomach effect whenever I saw him. I want it."
"So are you one of the girls who write a fanfiction?" one of the basic questions I could probably answer fast.
"Yes."
"Oh. What kind?"
"Different kinds."
"Like uhm." he cleared his throat "fluff, slash fan, angst?"
"Mostly, x reader and fluff." Noticing him, his eyes were mocha brown and a long hair slicked back.
"No. Smut eh?"
"Well, a bit of smut." I could feel a sudden heating up on my cheek. I do not feel any tension going on even if we're talking about smut. Jeez it's not like in the fanfictions or imagines. It's just an imagine by the way. "But I mostly cut it."
"You have an account, I'm sure..."
"Yes, I do. It's Marie_beks." Smith casually drinks his frappe looking outside uninterestingly but I could tell there's something is going on his mind.
"Such a weird name."
"Yes. I'm gay for Misha." I joked and his eyes went wide open and laughed. Smith almost spat what he is drinking but luckily he doesn't and that he just choked a bit.
"Are you okay?" I asked him with concern.
"Yes. Yes," he said. "So are you gay?"
"No. I'm not." Smith nods because I answered his question. "But I have a girl crush, you know I wanna be like them someday. I'm still young anyway." I chuckle lightly. "I can pursue anything I want!"
"You said you are a supernatural fan too right?" I asked George.
"Yes. I am."
"Are you going to the convention?"
"Yes. I have to bring this Assbutt with me too." he laughed tapping Smith's shoulder very hard that he complained because of it. I giggled shortly at them.
"So he's going?"
"OH. yES hE Is."
Smith arrogantly looks away from George looking at the street like he really don't want to go. His eyebrows meets in the middle. George laughs then hugs him from the back of his neck. I look at them smiling with blithe enjoyment at what's happening like they're really that close as friends.
"Well enjoy your meal." he then stood up and place back the chair. "That's for free, Assbutt for this beautiful lady you're with!"
"Not an Assbutt. That's a reiteration of the word butt, that's a fallacy!" Smith shouted back, I'm glad that there aren't too many people right now cause if there is this is, I'm so ashamed. Fallacy?
"I see you like Philosophy?" I commented cause I remembered one of the lessons in Philosophy is that. I'm facinated by it.
"Nope. I just read books," he said.
"What kind?" I ask him. "Do you like Bronte? Or Shakespeare? Or some political type?" I'd like to keep the discussion ongoing I think it's good to do that to know him better.
"I like books that are presenting the reality. I also like politics." he drinks more to his frappe.
"That's great," I think I can have this man as a friend. "I bet we'll get weird conversations about politics of the different countries," I added and laughed at the end knowing not all people like politics and talking about it most of the times would be weird for some people. "Like all time favorite Donald Trump." He rolled his eyes lips forming a simper with his lips.
"Marie. Eat." it was a command.
"Okay." I was obliged to follow for a reason that it's bad to reject an offer of food. I got the fork and twist the delicious looking pasta on it and cut off the excess by pushing it gently on the plate. "You sure did gave effort on the one thing. Thanks." I put the pasta in my mouth and started to chew placing the fork back down on the plate.
"Nah. I do owe people at times and I owe you for helping me out." he showed one lined smile at me. I chewed some more and eat it. "By the way why isn't the hotel staff isn't assisting you?"
"I requested not to."
"But you said yes for me to help you."
"I was having a hard time." he sheepishly grinned.
"If so, if not minding, you must get some help. I know you're probably might be a strong independent man but it's okay to ask help sometimes." I place back his words from the airport reforming it to a new one he might use someday.
"Welp. Miss. Eat up."
While eating the pasta we had a lot of conversation. About what is our likes and dislikes. It's like a getting to know each other part of making friends. He told me he's from Russia and he talked to me in Russian too, but he's telling me to eat in their language. I shake my head and eat. He told me also that he's not married. And he's living in Kansas. I joked about it asking if he saw the Winchesters and he said no.
"Hey. It's getting late." he reminded me and I looked outside.
"Oh, god" I blurted.
"Why? Do you have any place to go?" he worriedly looked at me.
"No no. I was just thinking earlier I happen to forget where I'll meet my readers and fellow fans. And I haven't met them yet."
"Oh!" he smiled. "Why not do it here?" he said making my spirit brightened and lightened by his suggestion.
"But... I don't have any enough money for it."
"Don't worry he's my friend. I'm sure I can ask a favor," he said motioning towards George he asked for permission and he nod and looked at me and raise a thumbs up. I mouthed a thank you to him. And they went to near to me.
"Well, why don't we make a video for it! An invitation." brilliantly Smith said. I give him my phone and George sat on where Smith sat earlier.
"So what we will say?" I asked George.
"I know what to say don't worry." he winked at me. "This is not the first time that a celebrity went here."
"I'm not a celebrity. I'm only just a fanfiction writer."
"Whatever you're still famous." he grinned again looking back to Smith and to the camera. "Honey, I stalked you. You got thousands of followers 'kay."
"You really stalked me?!" I replied with a smile on my face unbelievably at him.
"Okay. 1.2.3." Makes me shut my cake hole.
"Hi! I'm George Scott owner of Coffeehouse: Coffee, Pastries, and Pasta. I'm with Marie!" he looked at me.
"Hi." I waved.
"And she's having a mini-convention here."
"That's right a mini-con"
"Before the supernatural convention itself and Sherlock Convention! If you don't know she writes different fanfictions I'm sure people likes. And you. Yes, you. You are invited to the mini-convention tomorrow! Hey it's time to meet up a fella spnfans and Sherlock fans"
"We're expecting you to come!"
"Do that sound persuasive?" Smith commented. I rolled my eyes and smiled.
"yes, and oh please wore space pants"
"No. Don't listen to him don't wear space pants. But if you want you can. Tomorrow. I'll see you." I gave a flying kiss and Smith stopped the video and gave it to me. I let George borrow it and let him post it on his page and tagged on mine. He also did the same on other social media networks. And he gives my phone back to me.
"Thank you, George. Really. Thank you."
"Anything for you guys." I smiled and he went back to his work.
"And it's done," Smith said, "so are you'll go out in London tonight?"
"No. I think I'm going to rest. Jet lang." I yawn and he chuckled. "And I'm going to a pub tomorrow and get used with some noise and party for the con." I yawned again and smiled sleepily.
"Come on. Get up. Let's go to your room." I got up and stretched my arms and legs for a bit and he gets my hand and placed my arms on his. When we got out of the shop the lights outside were bright, beautiful some sort of aesthetic like blurred lights... I don't know what I'm saying... I rubbed my eyes as he and I walked on the crosswalk and back inside the hotel. I let him press the button on the elevator as we wait for it to reach our floor. I can still feel the nervousness within me in this enclosed space but somehow I don't mind it for I can feel that my body wants to sleep.
"So. Are you comfortable with me now?" he asked.
"Well. Yeah. A bit." I leaned on him due to my sleepiness, the warmth. It's all that I could have asked for.
"Are we friends?"
"I hope so. If you feel the same way." I mumbled feeling my eyelids are slowly shutting. Drowsiness filled my whole body as I tried to smile back as I think I heard him chuckled as I lost my consciousness out of tiredness.