I've had a chance to calm down now and as I peer up through the dash into the dark windows of my house my muscles tense. The sheer sight of home allowing me to give into the comfort of the bed I could only imagine.
As I toss my keys into the basket by the door and drop my - already off - heels onto the ground I inspect the damage.
The house had gotten worse over the past few months. It just hadn't been taken care of very much and frankly, neither were we.
We didn't take care of ourselves or each other like we should have done immediately when mom died.
My dad and I had a period of pizza ordering and wallowing in our separate rooms. Then we moved on to actually maintaining the house, because during summer when his deadlines weren't as stressed we had time, time to just be us.
It was one of my favorite times of year just because of that - the time. He had lots of it when not at work or grocery shopping.
Though, that was gone now due to the start of the school year. I didn't have much time and it seemed like our scheduales were made to move around one another.
I hadn't seen him all day.
Aside from that though, we were a lot more content, our grief becoming less severe as time passed. Obviously, the constant silence that filled out two-story home was a bust but overall it had gotten better.
Now, the dishes were stacked in the sink, the table had something sticky on it and the pile of shoes by the door was starting to look a lot like a waiting avalanche.
Sighing at the mess I begin to pick up the shoes, one by one bringing them into the hallway for easier transportation.
I wasn't tired, and due to the hangover Kaitlyn would come crying to me about in a couple of hours, there wasn't a point in going to sleep.
Earlier I'd dropped her off at home and she passed out before I could even bring her up some water.
So, after softly placing the shoes in the rooms they belonged in I moved on to the kitchen, making a list of things to get cleaned as I popped a pain reliever in my mouth.
My feeling of complete hatred toward myself was long gone by the time the sun rose. It had been about three hours of me cleaning and my dad hadn't come out once to make sure we weren't getting robbed.
On account of me trying my best, I was pretty darn proud.
The living room was clean, no laundry littering the cushions, a nice fluffy blanket hanging over the back of it.
The kitchen had been the hardest part. The dishes were excruciating and every time I cleaned a spoon the water did it's best to get the whole front of my shirt wet.
Sighing, this time in satisfaction I think of how proud my father will be. He hasn't really had much time for the house or even me.
My mother would be proud too. We used to fold laundry together every Sunday, making pairs of all the socks while our favorite vampire Rom-com played in the background. The Sunday evenings when I'd dry and load the washer while she rinsed.
I smiled softly and turned to look out at the one room I hadn't touched, the one room that didn't need my handy cleaning services.
The reading room.
The dewy morning sun was seeping in through the screens onto the plush vibrant furniture covers. For a minute it felt like nothing wrong had ever happened. It was almost as if I could see my mom sitting on the red couch, a blue pillow holding up her book as her eyes flicked across the pages. Her small shoulders hunched over as she pushed back her short brown hair.
I missed her and while I had been lucky enough to grow up with a mother at all, it seemed unfair that she'd been stolen from me just as I hit adolescence.
As the memory of my mother fades I return to reality, a time where the reading room is empty, nothing filling it but the fresh air of Saturday.
After I had rinsed off the sleep and exhaustion in the shower I put on some comfy clothes and made my way to the reading room, figuring that waiting around with a book would be the perfect way to pass time.
As I melted into the lives of my fictional characters the sun rose higher.
My mother used to send me to bed when eleven hit, sending me a soft squeeze and a kiss as I made my way down the hall. She wasn't here now.
Now it was just me. No one to tell me to go to sleep. No one here to comfort me as the cold wind blows through the screens.
I guess there's always Ryder though.
I sigh as I watch him step out of his friend's black SUV and walk up to the door.
He's not supposed to be here and if he'd come any earlier I would have still been livid, but all I get as I watch his twisted up conflicted face...is guilt.
He had just been trying to help me earlier. He was just protecting me.
I'm his little sisters best friend.
Watching him look down at his toes he raises his gaze and I follow it as he moves toward the side screen door.
"Ryder," I say, letting him know I'm aware that he's standing there.
His eyes look up to where he's heard the voice, but knowing that from the outside you can't see in I smile.
I want to apologize, so sliding my book down on to the couch next to me I escape from the blanket and open the door.
When the click sounds out and his eyes find mine the look of conflict erases, being replaced with the same relief I'd seen when he opened the closet door.
"You're okay." He says, more to himself than me.
Nodding once I clear my throat. There's an awkward veil between us, physically it's the door but mentally I can't name it.
"I thought maybe you'd be at my house but then you weren't there." He rambles.
Figuring that he probably wasn't going anywhere I take a step back, thanking my past self for cleaning up.
He bows his head, ducking under the short door frame and entering inside. As his eyes scan over the different rooms he smiles softly, "I haven't been here in a long time."
Nodding once again I shut the door, suddenly curious as to why he was here.
"Is something wrong?"
His brows furrow as he looks back at me, his hands in his pockets, "Why would something be wrong?"
"Well, you're here so I was just assuming that something happened."
He tilts his head to the side, his smile making me feel self-conscious in my sweats and tank top.
"Something happened with us and I wanted to make sure you were okay."
Oh. That makes sense. Ryder's never been one to go to bed mad, or with someone mad at him.
Swallowing I step forward, wrapping my arms around my now shivering torso as the wind blows outside.
"Well I forgive you, you were just trying to help."
"Like always huh?" He teases, a small mocking smile lingering on his face.
Watching him I notice how awake he looks, and even after just leaving, probably the worst party he's ever been to, he still looks put together.
The small amount of sunlight streaking across his face and shoulders to reveal the small dimple tucked into his tan creamy skin. The brown in his hair looking golden ss the sun reflects on it.
Watching him makes me wonder how horrible I look against the shadow.
My breath hitches as I realize I haven't said anything and I clear my throat, "I forgive you, Ryder, you don't have to worry about it."
He gives me a head bob before brushing past me and out the door. Before he shuts it he turns around, his eyes find mine.
"I'm sorry about Natalee if she was rude."
Blinking at him, the sudden topic shocking me. "I'll see you later Ryder"
He seems disappointed that I haven't responded but he just doesn't know. Natalee had been territorial. She'd come waltzing back up to Ryder after a summer that supposedly broke his heart and now he was giving into her sick game.
He sends me a tight-lipped smile and pats the side of the door before nodding once and shutting it behind him.
After he goes I watch him walk down the sidewalk, his hands tucked in the front pockets of his jeans as his eyes search the sky.
***
Kaitlyn had killed me, food wise.
It was now Saturday night and while I had wanted to be alone, reading all day. My friend needed me and I needed her.
It was pretty late, but we decided that a pizza for each of us and a movie marathon was better than staring up at the ceiling in thought.
"So, this Parker guy...was he any cute this time around?"
Swatting at Kaitlyn, the pizza almost flying out of her hand I chuckle. "No, he wasn't. He's a jerk." I pause and chuckle, "Plus I'm not into redheads."
A couple of seconds go by as she chews her food, "Yeah, you're only into brunettes. I get it."
Realizing what she's implying, I gasp, flicking her on the forehead and getting a scowl back along with some boisterous laughter.
Finally, she flops down half her pizza and sits up next to me, "Ya know, maybe this year is your year. Maybe if you let it happen, actually open yourself up to someone-"
I'm about to hit her again before she holds up a hand in defense. "Doesn't have to be my brother!"
Narrowing my eyes and lowering my hand I watch her as she continues.
"All I'm saying is that its senior year, lots of guys would be lucky to have you."
Realizing how sentimental she's gotten I look at her, this time with adoration for my best friend.
Nudging her with my elbow I smile, "If this is how your hangovers will be from now on I might get you drunk more often."
Rolling her eyes she grabs the pizza and remote, flipping through films and shows before settling on one.
As the sound blares into the room, the only light being the TV, I can't help but just feel happy. I'm sitting here, having a girls night in with the girl who's been there through everything. I was beginning to see what she meant by opening up. It would just take me some time to get there.
Hope you enjoyed that extra long chapter!
So...#Ader or #saspen 😂
Honestly, I'm shipping both...but you'll have to wait for my next update to see why!