BUCKLE UP BUTTERCUP! WE ARE DOING THIS! MY LONGEST STORY TO DATE! GET READY TO LEARN Y'ALL!!! SPOILER ALERT...OBVIOUSLY!!!
A Little Background:
This is a point that will be elaborated on extensively later...but, I almost drove myself into insanity writing Sleep-Walking, and I wish I could say that was an understatement. This story is so long, underwent so many rewrites, edits, and decisions...the majority of which was done in ONE MONTH! That being said, I will get into the details of what I think of the story, and what the writing / editing processes did to me, and my friend Jay (who I mentioned previously) as we go.
Other than that, let's start with the original decision I gave to you guys. I asked across all of my platforms, if you wanted Sleep-Walking to be uploaded as a single story or in chapters, and you all chose chapters. (This is actually a decision I was glad about.) That being said the story itself was originally written, and meant to be read as a singular, stand-alone story...which has been uploaded as such in a separate book on my page! (Shameless promotion!)
As you have more than likely already guessed, Sleep-Walking is the story that, (to the present day) underwent the highest number of rewrites. The original draft of this story, (which was only the first half) was started around the same time as Saddened Patton. Now, here is where things start to become tricky: so, I will begin with this. It is important to note, that since Sleep-Walking got its start so early, it actually takes place much earlier in the timeline than a lot of my other stories...let me explain.
· I Will Physically Fight You was obviously written closely following the upload of the Fitting In video.
· Saddened Patton on the other hand took place between Accepting Anxiety and Fitting In, which means that Sleep-Walking does as well.
That being said, since it is fitted so weirdly into the timeline, that is where Virgil's motivation comes from, and why he still felt so out of place at the beginning of the story itself. Now, to make that fit in better with the timeline, I carry that same motivation forward in some of the stories posted after Sleep-Walking.
· It is also important to note that later edits, many things were added in to update the story so-to-speak.
Inspiration:
Holy...where to begin? The explanation for the inspiration of Sleep-Walking is hard to single out, seeing as it developed over time. I wanted Virgil to have more than just his redemption, but I also wanted to explore sides to these characters (no pun intended) that I had not seen anyone else work with, nor had I explored myself. In a previous chapter I talked about strenuous situations being used to further explore character development, and that was really what I wanted here. And for the First Draft, that was really all I had...but that leads me to the extremely lengthy explanation for the Final Draft. (I want to clarify, that by Final Draft, I mean the ideas which were put into the version of the story which would eventually be posted.)
Back on topic; after a year of thinking that this story would never see the light of day, I decided to pick it up again. (Oh boy does that lead into some horror stories later...) Anyway, I still wanted to include everything from the First Draft, but now having a better handle on the characters, I realized that Virgil would not just be content pointing out the fears that the others had, actually he would more than likely assume the others would think down of him if he were to do that. That is where the inspiration for the latter half of Sleep-Walking comes from.
When I come right out and say this, it may be a tad shocking...until I was well into writing the Final Draft (we are talking , I was nearly ready to upload the story) I realized that I wanted Virgil to act as a counselor figure. Having gone through many years of and still being in counseling was where the idea came from to end up using those techniques. (I will explain more on this later.) You need to know this however, in the writing process as a whole (which I will sort of create a timeline later) you will come to realize how last minute those additions were.
IN THE ORIGINAL VERSIONS HOWEVER, I WAS NEVER GOING TO WRITE ANY OF THE COUNSELING SESSIONS! NONE OF THE THERAPY, GROUNDING AND BREATHING TECHINIQUES, NOTHING!!!
Writing Process (For the First-Draft):
The beginning of the story was really based around the sole fact that I wanted more about the Sides' relations than just what had been given to us during Virgil's redemption arch. (As I stated before, Fitting In and any of the videos beyond that had not yet been posted.) Now I wanted Virgil to make a clear effort of trying and contribute to the group, and that's when he discovers that the others have these subconscious fears.
Ironically, just like Virgil states in the story, I originally wanted to give each of them one fear, but upon looking for the names of said fears...try as I might, I couldn't find them. (This would be the first of many bumps in the road to Sleep-Walking's completion; so, here is a tidbit no one asked for; there is a word for the fear of food; Cibophobia, literally something we need to survive, but there is no word for the fear of being worthless. Trust me, I looked for hours.) All jokes aside, much like Virgil, I found myself compiling lists which when put together would make up the singular fear I had intended upon. Finally after that hiccup, I was back on track...or so I thought.
I knew even way back when the First Draft was written I wanted Virgil to be very detail oriented, and capable of picking up on the smallest of things which the others would normally miss...which would lead to so many issues later on, but I didn't know that then. That's why he first hears the footsteps, his wariness is the reason he didn't pursue them before. Once he knows what he wants to do to help the others however, there is no stopping him. He becomes so focused on his work, certain that his is how he will get into the other's good graces.
Writing Process (For the Final Draft):
Many of the topics I covered in the First Draft obviously still played a role, but working on the Final Draft is where many of my personal issues begin.
Upon going back to work on this story after letting it just sit on the back-burner for a year, I thought I would just pick up where I left off...but no, just no. I quickly realized that the writing was drastically different betweenthe First Draft, (which if you recall was written around the same time as Saddened Patton) and what you all know to be Sleep-Walking. (Don't believe me, try reading the two back-to-back.) I had come so far, and learned so much while working on the stories in between that I soon came to the realization that the writing in what would later be the first half (at the time it was the first third) was simply not up to par with my current works. I was heart-broken, and almost put the story down there, but I decided on another option, which turned out great for everyone involved...but me.
I elected to trash the first third of the story, and start over from scratch, hardly even using the original as reference. In the end Sleep-Walking's overall quality improved by ten-fold or more, and I am proud of what it became, but it was not worth the stress and hell I put myself through trying to get it finished. Now, at this point I feel it is important for me to note that I hadn't even alluded to my readers yet (on any platform) that I was working on Sleep-Walking...as far as you all knew, I was just working on my next run-of-the-mill story. My point is, I had no deadline or expectations to meet, and yet I ran myself into the ground trying to get it done. (This will be elaborated on this later.) I wish I could give you all examples of the First Draft, but sadly, despite looking through every document and notebook I have, I simply couldn't find any of them. I honestly think they got tossed in a major clean-up of my room, which depresses me.
My Thought Processes While Writing the Final Draft of Sleep-Walking:
Important things to keep in mind while reading this section:
· MOST IMPORTANT: DO NOT DO WHAT I DID!!!
· Sleep-Walking as a stand-alone story is 31,696 words long. (47 pages, single-spaced in Microsoft Word.)
· I wrote Sleep-Walking...in a month
So let me preface with this: yes, I realize that even starting from scratch, that would average out at a little over a page a day to write....HOWEVER, that does not include editing, rewriting, double-checking, or really any of the other writing tips I have given in this series. That being said, in the month, I not only wrote the 47 page story...but I also followed all of my own tips. Had it not been for Jay going though the story, and being there as my friend to remind me to do things I needed to do to survive, I'm not sure where I would be right now...
Let's go back to the beginning, everything started innocently enough with me just writing the story like I would any other, but things began to devolve rapidly. Once I began the rewrite...I don't know why, but I couldn't stop myself. Every waking hour (and this in no exaggeration) was spent in one of two ways, writing Sleep-Walking or feeling lazy because I wasn't writing, and the latter was few and far between. For whatever reason, I could not force myself to focus on anything outside of writing, no matter what I was doing, I felt like I needed to be writing. I lost count of the number of all-nighters I pulled, how many times I found myself realizing I hadn't had anything to drink in four hours, or anything to eat in over a day, and for what reason? I hadn't given myself a deadline, there was no one pressing me to get this story done, quite the opposite in fact. My mother, and Jay (who lives with me) were trying to get me to see reason, get me to take breaks, and for whatever reason...and I can't give you a solid reason, I just didn't listen.
I slaved over Sleep-Walking, I became obsessed with every little detail; making sure that every conflict was resolved, every technique given was valid, every counseling session written to fit the characters perfectly. There were many days that I could easily spend upwards of three to four hours hyper-focusing on a few paragraphs, denying myself the necessities to survive until I had perfected it. I began taking my own writing-tips to extremes, over color coating, checking the same sentence ten times, adding more and more detail, killing forests with the paper I used to write it out in a notebook first.
Then I would send it in parts to Jay, who would send it back fully edited, but I would find some flaw and rewrite again, and again, and again. I probably rewrote the first paragraph of Sleep-Walking at least once a day...AT LEAST! It got so bad that I can't remember anything about what I consider to be the rough drafts! I honestly felt bad for Jay, seeing as they had to go back and edit...every...single...time I did this.
My daily schedule went out the window, I stopped running for exercise some nights, and I have been running for upwards of seven years. I already eat very little from a physical issue I have, but my eating became nonexistent, to put this into perspective, I am 5'9" tall, and I dropped to below 100 pounds, that is dangerously thin for someone of my height! I stopped talking to the few friends I have, one of which had just been discharged from the mental hospital after being there for nearly a month!
Sleep-Walking's perfection became my only goal, regularly I would get up at noon or one in the afternoon, and write until four-thirty in the morning on days where I actually slept. This is extremely detrimental to me because I have insomnia, and throwing off my schedule only makes that worse. My depression got severe, I would forget to take my medications, and my anxiety went through the roof! I clearly remember that in the last stages of editing, I found myself physically shaking if I wasn't working, or if I was waiting on Jay to send the story back with their edits.
In the end I let it take over my life, but the story doesn't end with me finally completing the Sleep-Walking. Everyone has read a book or watched a movie series that when you finish you suddenly look up and think, what the heck do I do with my life now that this is over? That was the final straw, once I was done writing, I had separated the story into parts, and posted, all that was left, was for me to pick up the pieces of what I had become. I was a shell of a person, uncertain of what to do, lost in the blackness of this situation that I had created, and the only person to blame was myself. I was Logan in Waking Nightmares after I finally completed Sleep-Walking, tired, overworked, scared, depressed, and all but alone. Thankfully my friends stayed by my side afterwards, and I hate to think what would have happened if they hadn't.
Now, after all of that...this is in my opinion the worst thing that came out of my obsession over Sleep-Walking.
I as a person who loves to write, who uses writing as a coping mechanism, and has been writing for upwards of eight years...almost put my pen down for good. I remember trying to write something new after Sleep-Walking, and just hating the idea of anything pertaining to writing. (I am in tears even recalling this, because of how close I was to giving up.) I was burnt out, and that is why it took so long to get the next story out despite it being so short.
I thank any power that may be that I was able to rekindle my passion for writing, and am now working on an original story as well. Still, it pains me to know just how bad things got, and that is the reason I wanted to start this series in the first place. I wanted to finally show you all just what overworking and obsessing can do to a person, and this lesson goes far beyond just writing. This can apply to school, work, relationships, anything really, if you focus solely on that and forget to live...it can destroy you mentally and physically. It took me more time to recover from this whole ordeal than it did to actually write the story itself.
An Interlude from Jay and What They Witnessed During the Writing of Sleep-Walking:
Wow...I'm writing instead of editing...weird. Hello readers, I'm Jay, better known as the person who helps edit Xephina's amazing stories.
Xephina likes giving me credit where credit is due, and for that I'm thankful, but really-these are her stories. She has an amazing creative talent that I help polish. I edit the final drafts and will provide my own ideas when she needs some help with writing a Side she's not similar to (I am as similar to Logan as she is to Virgil, so anything relating to Logan-even Roman at times-can be attributed to my own personality and various -isms). Xephina asked me to tell y'all my side of the story about how absolutely mind-boggling it was to watch my best friend write this monster of a fic, and I'm super excited to share how things went down from an outside perspective, as well as eventually let y'all read about just how in the heck I help edit and what exactly that even entails.
Xephina loves writing with every fiber of her being but watching her write this story really showed me just how obsessive that love for writing became. I've known for as long as I've helped her edit that she works through her issues through her stories, and I've supported her in doing so...but this time the writing process took her down such a rabbit hole I had a hard time not just shaking her and yelling, "Take a break!".
At first, I was entranced by the idea of Sleep-Walking just as she was; the idea wasamazing, and I was fully on board with helping her refine her ideas for the story, but it got to the point (fairly quickly) where writing Sleep-Walking was the only thing on her mind. Getting the ideas out of her head and onto notebook paper, then into a word document, then making many edits and rewrites overshadowed daily life to a point that she really hurt her mental and physical health. As you all have read in the previous section, she wrote every single day. This is not healthy at all! At first, I was glad she had something to focus on other than her own emotional issues, but I started to realize that this story was becoming an addiction of sorts. What I mean is that she hyper-focused on writing this story, for about a month. A month of writing, non-stop, every day. I'm restating things Xephina has already said but damn was this hard to see from an outside perspective. Working yourself to death is a real thing and were it not for myself and her mother, I shudder at the thought of what could have happened to my best friend.
Nearly every day I would come into Xephina's room and check on her, asking how the story was going and how she was doing. We would talk for half an hour or so and as the month passed, I noticed her getting more and more...distracted during our conversations. She is consistently a ball of nervous energy, but this was a new extreme. Foot tapping, constant looking back at her computer where her word document sat open, pens and notebook paper strewn about everywhere as she wrote new ideas are just a few mental images I can provide you with. Focusing on something for a few hours, or even an entire day, can be extremely helpful when you have a fresh idea and want to get your thoughts down without losing creative juices, but focusing for an entire month is just too far and too much for one person to go through.
When I would hang out with Xephina every day, I made sure to check if she had eaten or drank anything. I tried to encourage her to get out of her room (or her cave as we like to call it), and possibly go somewhere with me to get her head out of her notebook. Usually she would notice if I asked her to hang out that I potentially needed her for emotional support, or she could infer that if I wanted to go somewhere else to hang out that I was feeling particularly upset or stuck in my own head. We are both introverts so going out isn't really our thing...but during this month it was like talking to a clone of Xephina whose only purpose was to write Sleep-walking. Here's an analogy any Voltron: Legendary Defender fans are sure to get-the way Honerva got with quintessence, how it eventually became all she thought about until she went mad and turned into Haggar? That was Xephina with Sleep-Walking.
Moral of this little story? If you're writing something, or watching a friend write something (like me), and you notice them only focusing on writing until it reaches unhealthy levels of obsession, please try to bring it up with your friend (or talk to yourself-promise it's not going to make you seem crazy) and snap out of it before burn out happens! Xephina nearly gave up on writing because of how much this story took out of her; don't let yourself or your friend fall into the same pattern.
That's that on that, but stay tuned for another little interlude from me; I'm going to share some editing tips for any author, co-author, editor, etc.
The Actual Logs:
I drew these about two years after the completion of the story!
Patton's Log:
Logan's Log:
Roman's Log:
Overall Thoughts on Sleep-Walking from Xephina:
This is by far my proudest work, I love the story, the characters, and how many of you I was able to help though it! Still, I am finally in a place in which I can admit to all of you, and myself, that it wasn't worth the mental and physical health that I sacrificed for this story. While being what I consider to be a brilliant piece of literature, I forgot one major thing...I didn't even take my own advice. Everything Virgil did in teaching the other Sides how to handle their fears, and how to move on...I disregarded while writing just that. In the end I loved the story, but not the hell I put myself through to write it.
Writing Tips from Xephina:
-PLEASE DO NOT DO WHAT I DID!
· I think I have elaborated on this enough, but please, I'm begging you, don't sacrifice your mental and physical heath for a story, it's not worth it.
-Take your time / Don't set pre-determined post dates.
· Never tell your readership that you are going to have a chapter out by a certain time, don't do that to yourself. This is something you are doing because you enjoy it, so don't risk making yourself hate it because you feel like you have to meet a deadline.
-Get an outside opinion to your writing / writing habits.
· I wish more than anything that I had listened to Jay and my mother; I wish I hadn't put myself into a depression over something so simple. It all could have been avoided if I had just listened to them; so, if you think that your habits are bordering on toxic, try explaining them to someone else. See their reaction and have them give you feedback, and if things need to change, please take the steps to change them.
Editorial Tips from Jay:
When I edit stories, I typically go through 3 different kinds of editing: grammar, punctuation, and clarity. I don't do all three kinds at once, rather, I read whatever I'm going to be editing, then do one kind of edit at a time as I read it again. By no means do I claim to be omniscient about the ins and outs of how to edit, this is just what I do when Xephina asks me to look over/edit her stories before publishing it out to you lovely readers.
· For grammar, using the correct verb-tense (past, present, future), number (singular vs plural), not overusing pronouns (he/him/his, she/her/hers, etc.), and noticing sentence length (is it too short? Too long?) are major overall factors I look at.
o A verb-tense example could be accidentally using present tense in one or two sentences, when the overall story is told in past tense.For example, "He snapped his head up..." vs "He snaps his head up...". I don't mean only use present tense, or only use past tense in a story-just choose a verb tense and stay consistent throughout the story with that tense.
o Using a plural verb conjugation when the subject of the sentence is singular (or vice versa) is an easy mistake to make, particularly if a sentence is very long and has lots of details. Don't be scared off by the word conjugation-promise it's not as scary as it seems. Here are a few simple examples that illustrate what I mean: "Jack go to the park" vs "Jack goes to the park"; "They runs away" vs "They run away". This may seem like a no-brainer once you've read the examples but keep a look out for this mistake! If a sentence has a lot of adjectives, uses plenty of adverbs, or is just a longer sentence, it can be easy to forget which number (singular or plural) the subject of the sentence is. The subject of a sentence and the verb must agree in number.
o A sentence fragment is an incomplete sentence that might lack something major like a subject or a verb. This is what I mean by a sentence being too short. This sentence is missing a subject: "ran to the door" who ran to the door? We (the readers) don't know because there's not a subject for the verb to apply to. "Roman ran to the door" is a complete sentence, and the reader will no longer be confused about who the heck is doing the action in a sentence.
o This is a super long sentence that just seems to go on, and on, and on, with no clear end in sight, and excessive use of commas to connect...maybe a few ellipses to spice things up... (Rephrasing a sentence is usually what it takes to correct this)
· For punctuation I check commas, semicolons, ellipses, dashes, apostrophes, etc.
o One can use not enough commas when writing and it can confuse the reader about where a pause in a sentence should be or where a new topic is being introduced. (One can not use enough commas when writing, and it can confuse the reader about where a pause in a sentence should be, or where a new topic is being introduced.) If something is being interjected into a sentence, like this, commas need to be placed around whatever is being interjected. Another problem is using too many commas, and this can lead to sentences being far too long, with awkward pauses, it can be confusing to the reader about why the sentence is continuing, at times a comma is placed where a semicolon would be more appropriate.
o When are semicolons appropriate you may ask? Well, darling reader, if parts of a sentence can be connected by a comma, but also make sense as two separate sentences, that is where I generally see semicolons as appropriate.
o Another form of punctuation to keep an eye on is apostrophes. If a word is a contraction, use an apostrophe ("don't" vs "dont"). To show ownership, use an apostrophe ("Ariels story" vs "Ariel's story"). One major pet peeve of most writers, editors, or general grammar enthusiasts is knowing the differences between its (ownership 'the monster gave the pencil to its friend), it's (contraction of 'it is'), you're (contraction of 'you are'), your (ownership 'your book'), to (direction, 'going to the mall'), too (if you could say 'also', this 'too' is appropriate), two (2).
· By clarity all I mean is does what you're writing make sense?
o Read what you've written out loud-this can help you catch when something is worded strangely. Poetic, flowy language can be fun and helpful to use if you're describing something, but with dialogue it can come across kind of strangely. People tend to pause in the middle of what they're saying, and rarely perform extensive monologues in normal, day to day conversation.
o If possible, get someone else to read your story and ask them if what you're writing makes sense to them as an outside perspective. If you must explain what a sentence means or talk to the person reading your story about what the heck is going on, consider rephrasing things or adding a few more sentences or words to make your story clearer.
That's about all I have for you wonderful readers, hope what I had to say made sense and that my tips weren't just a rambling mess. This is by no means a comprehensive guide to editing, nor do I claim to know all there is to know about it, I'm merely attempting to share a few tricks and tips to anyone who wishes to know them!
Last but not least, have some shameless self-promotion. There's not much to see on my AO3 other than rather...explicit...bookmarks: @Panacea_for_broken_souls. On tumblr I have a conglomeration of stuff I find entertaining, if you're interested check me out: @jay-wants-to-be-a-paladin.