Marc
"I need to tell you something but I can't tell you here. It's not secure. Will you come with me?"
I waited for her to make up her mind and exhaled with relief when she did.
"Ok."
My fingers laced with hers. She didn't resist so I took that as a good sign as we left the rundown motel room.
"Find us somewhere private to talk Nigel."
He nodded and helped Mia into the car. I got in after her. We drove for a long time in silence, which I used to gather my thoughts. How was I going to explain to Mia about what I'd done?
Nigel parked the car close to a stream in a deserted area I wasn't entirely sure was safe, but it was private so I didn't complain. After helping Mia out of the car we walked away and out of Nigel's hearing range.
We stood facing each other. She didn't say anything but waited expectantly.
"You asked me before why that date was circled on my calendar."
She only nodded.
"My best friend died on that day."
"I'm sorry."
I stopped her.
"Listen to the entire story before you say anything. You might feel differently after hearing the entire thing. Eric was my best friend but he was also my lover. We'd been inseparable since we were teenagers in boarding school. He was the one constant figure in my life, and Madeline, she was the devil. She was the woman who made me commit a grave sin that I can never repent for. She came into our lives holding a grudge and for more than a year she plotted and schemed to take me down. I put up with everything because I liked her. I really did. I'd thought about making her ours, mine and Eric's. However she had other ideas. She manipulated him, pitted us against each other, got pregnant for him and then ended up marrying him, and even then, even when Eric chose her over me I still would have let it go. I would have let it all go."
It was in that moment as I was telling Mia my biggest secret that I decided I wanted her to know it all. This wasn't the place. I needed us to be in a comfortable place.
"Maybe I shouldn't be doing this here."
"What happened? Tell me."
She grabbed my hand before I could walk away.
"I don't care what you did."
"You're saying that now. You don't know the half of it."
I continued anyway. I told her everything. I didn't leave anything out of the story. She stood there and she listened to it all. When I got to the end, I had to will myself to say the words.
"I had Madeline killed after she threatened to use her power as his wife to lock him away. I didn't know what else to do, but I didn't know Eric was in the car with her. God I didn't know. I wouldn't have ordered it if I'd known. I ended up killing three people that night; Madeline, my best friend and his unborn child. I have to live with that guilt for the rest of my life. That's why that date is circled on my calendar. It's a reminder of what I did."
"I have questions."
She isn't running, screaming or calling me a murderer. I hope that was a good sign.
"What would you like to know?"
"Not here. I want to know everything. There are so many questions I want to ask, but not here. Let's go back."
"Ok."
Her reaction wasn't what I'd been expecting. To be honest I didn't know what to expect. I've never had it easy with women. Never. I'd long given up on understanding them. Now I just live each day and take them as they come.
When we got back to the hotel I could tell Mia wasn't comfortable with Nigel's presence. I guess I wouldn't have been either, so I sent him away. We needed privacy if we were going to be open with each other.
"All I ask for is honesty. I won't judge you. Actually, I think I might have misjudged you, but I'm willing to listen."
"Mia, I just told you I had three people killed. You should be running for the hills."
"Yet I'm not. I don't care about what you did in the past. I didn't know you then or knew what you were going through.
"Mia," she cut me off.
"Have you ever experienced this intense feeling of wanting someone, knowing that they are bad for you, but unable to do anything about it? Well I suppose you have. You're far more experienced than me in most things."
I raised my eyebrow at her.
"What I'm saying is, I don't think anything you tell me you've done will run me off. I'm here."
"What does that mean, Mia?"
"It means I'm here. Have you ever experienced love, Marc?"
"I'm not sure where you're going with this."
Have you ever experienced that kind of epic love? The one you read about. The one they talk about. The one where you're each other's best friend."
"I can't say that I have."
"I think you're lying. Didn't you have that with your wife? You must have. You married her."
"No. I loved Safiare. I won't deny that, but it wasn't the kind of love you described."
"How about Madeline?"
I tried to keep my face from contouring with the anger I felt from hearing her name.
"No. I never felt that way about her."
"What about Eric?"
"Eric and I were complicated."
"But you loved him. It was a messy, complicated, dangerous kind of love, but you loved him."
"What are you getting at?"
"Have you ever been truly happy?"
"I." I stopped myself because it dawned on me that I couldn't really answer that question.
"Have you ever truly experienced love?"
Again I couldn't answer.
"Neither have I, but I want to, but...you're one of them."
"You're talking about Iain. Mia, it's not my fault I was born into money. I can't do anything about that."
"It's not just that. It's everything you come with; the women, the constant scrutiny. It's a lot."
"I see."
I got to my feet and started pacing.
"So you weren't opposed to me. You were opposed to my lifestyle."
She nodded.
"You're always in the public eye. I don't know if I can handle that."
I could tell that these were real concerns of hers so I wouldn't dismiss them.
"Just because I'm in the public eye it doesn't mean that you have to be. If we're together, we're together. Not us and them, just us."
"I like you."
That was not what I was expecting at all. This conversation was giving me whiplash. That was the last thing I expected her to say actually, especially after everything I just told her.
"Maybe that will change after you learn more about me."
She smiled and I took that as a good sign. I'd be lying if I said I didn't want that epic love that my parents have, that my sister have. I wanted it. I craved it. But I wasn't stupid. There would be a price to pay, but maybe just maybe this time the price wouldn't cause me pain.
"Maybe," she responded.
For the rest of the night I told Mia everything I could think of about my life and myself. It wasn't easy. It was very hard. I felt open and exposed, but she never let me feel that way. If she had a question, she asked it. If she had a comment, she said it.
'I'm still not sure' was the last thing she said before falling asleep wee into the early hours of the morning. I wasn't sure what she meant by that and I wasn't going to ask. She basically knew everything about me, my life and my past, but I still knew nothing about her. I wanted to know her story but I wouldn't push her. This time I would do things differently. I had to.
Mia
Marc told me so much about himself yesterday and I still hadn't told him anything. I didn't know how and I was scared. I was scared that I would shatter the image he has of me. How do you tell a guy like Marc Paxton that you came to South America, acted like a slut, had a one night stand, ended up pregnant, thought about getting rid of the baby and kept it a secret from your twin sister for years? If I wanted any kind of relationship with him at all I couldn't. I couldn't tell him these things. I couldn't tell him any of it. He'd never look at me the same way.
I was having an internal battle with myself. Even after everything he told me I still couldn't do it.
I paced around the hotel room still chastising myself for falling asleep here. I had no doubt in my mind that Marc Paxton would do everything in his power to help me if I spilled all of my secrets to him. I knew he would, but do I want him to?
I couldn't tell how long I paced back and forth trying to make a decision, but I just couldn't. It was the sound of his voice that eventually stopped me.
"Tell me what happened when you lived in Colombia."
I shook my head from side to side and whispered, "I can't."
His gaze bored into me, willing me to tell him.
"You don't trust me. I get it, but Mia, I can help you. I'm not Iain. I'm nothing like him."
I know that. He didn't have to say it.
"I had a vasectomy after Zayden was born."
I spun around shocked.
"What?"
I was not expecting that at all. How many secrets did this one man have?
"I did it for my ex-wife, not for myself. Before Zayden, she'd miscarried twice, so after he was born I decided to eliminate the risk altogether."
I did feel bad for the witch after hearing that, but only a little. Anyone would.
"Why are you telling me this?"
"I'd like you to know everything about me before we officially start dating."
I laughed.
"When did I agree to start dating you?"
"When indeed."
"Listen, if, and I do mean if we were to somehow end up seriously dating, I wouldn't be bothered by that. Having more children isn't a requirement for me."
"I'm thinking about reversing it."
My mouth fell open.
"Close your mouth Mia. You look like a fish." He got out of bed and walked over to me. "Now tell me something I don't know about you. That's how this works."
I was hypnotized by the sparkling blue of his eyes. So hypnotized in fact, that I didn't realize what I'd said until after I'd said it.
"Jordan's father... he's the president's son."