You are the one who controls your own happiness.
A saying which I am often told when referring to my depression.
I often wonder how to control my own happiness,
When my brain likes to play a number of tricks on me.
I try to participate and socialize, but my brain whispers.
It tells me I smiled wrong or chose the wrong words.
It tells me that I should have picked the pink dress and not the red.
It tells me these people have much more interesting friends to talk to.
It tells me that I slouch too much and talk too fast.
It tell me of things I messed up weeks ago that I cannot fix.
I force myself to be positive, but my brain insists on being negative.
This constant push and pull makes me so dizzy,
That I fear controlling my own happiness is impossible.
Copyright Nov. 2018 (MI, U.S.A.)
H.O.S.