"What did you say to her?" I roll up on Cami, a lot more pissed than I thought I would be. Abe grabs my shoulder, and it's then I take a step back realizing I was close to getting in her face. "You told her to stay away from me, are you serious?"
She barely looks up from her phone and throws her cigarette on the ground. No matter how pissed we get, it comes like second nature that she'll never smoke around me. "If you know what I said, then why are you asking?"
"You don't get to play those games with me, Camille."
That gets her attention. Looking up, there's a hard look in her eyes that lets me know I'm about to get it. "If you go after her, you're an even bigger fool, no an even bigger asshole than I thought you were."
"I'm not going after her." I mean, not really. Jasmine's new here. To a place where everyone gets so caught up in their own issues, their own drama, and all the life or death shit going on that they've stopped noticing when someone's new — when someone is lonely. As you get older, making friends is hard. But as you're dying or battling an addiction, or needing a place to live; making friends is the last thing on your mind.
At Silent Hearts, we're all in at least one of those camps.
"Then why are you so upset?" Cami smiles, one eyebrow raised higher than the other.
Sometimes, I can understand why my people are the way they are — why my friends and family are always worried about what someone new might to do me or what I might do to them. But just 'cause I can understand it, doesn't mean it's not getting old as hell. "You need to mind your Goddamn business."
"Lucas," she whispers, taking a step forward. It's her calming voice and what makes me realize I'd just gotten loud with her.
Abe says something behind me and I hear him walk off, just as Cami grabs my chin to make me look at her.
"Lucas," she says again, this time in her regular voice. "I know it's none of my business, but that girl deserves better and you know it."
"You're right." I nod, yanking my face away. "It isn't any of your business." Just because she's speaking truths, doesn't mean it doesn't sting.
I stomp off in time to catch up with Abe — and he doesn't have to say it out, his face tells on him.
He agrees with Camille.
"She's cute," he says, bending down to sit on the steps of our brownstone. I follow his lead, waiting. "I mean, she also seems like a bitch, but yeah cute too."
"I hope you're not calling Jasmine that."
He raises his palms. "No offense, just an observation."
We don't say much else for the next few minutes. There's enough noise in the neighborhood that even if silence bothered us we wouldn't feel phased by not talking. Whereas Abe is what people would call the strong but silent type, I guess, Dylan is strong but loud.
The three of us look nothing alike, and without each other act nothing alike, but I've known these jokers since I was sixteen and look at them as my brothers. Through treatments and surgeries and goodbyes to friends, we never thought we'd lose — the past five years have been the best and worst in my life and while Cami can be nosey and overbearing, my boys will always give me the truth in a way they know I can hear the message.
"Cami told Jasmine to stay away from me."
He nods. "Yeah, I heard part of your talk."
"You agree?" This time, his silence catches me off guard. I had kinda known, but still hearing it is weird. "Wait, you agree with her?"
"I didn't say that. Calm down." Shrugging, he clears his throat. "I don't disagree, either though."
"Wow."
"You know who she is, right?"
"No, why, should I?"
"Her dad practically owns this place." There's a way he says that. He stares, waiting like I'm supposed to get this game. But I'm lost or at least hoping he's not going where I think he's going with this. "Cami's just scared you're gonna hurt her. We both can understand why." His look is pointed and it causes a ripple in my chest. I don't like to think about why Cami would already be so protective of Jasmine, but Abe is right, it does make sense. "But me..." he points to his chest, then to me. "I know you're not going to hurt her because she's not even going to give you the chance to."
"You saying she's out of my league?"
"I'm saying spoiled princesses like that can have almost anything they want. Sick guys like us never make the list."
We both look up as he says this, catching as Jasmine walks up the block and into her building just a few houses away. She doesn't see us, but I see her, clutching tightly to a shopping bag like it's some sort of a lifeline.
I've noticed her since her cab pulled up a couple days ago. I couldn't see her eyes that day, but there was something in the way she walked, in the way she looked around.
She didn't look lost — not in the normal way you would think when you hear that anyway.
But she looked like someone who was going to need a friend. Everything in me told me I needed to be that friend for her.
There's this feeling you get, that my dad has always tried to describe to me. He said he felt when he first saw my mom. This need to just be close to her. It isn't something I had ever felt before. So I didn't get it when he spoke. It's not love at first sight, he's said, It's this ... protection thing. This feeling like you just need to be around them.
I get that now.
I also get what Cami is saying. Even Abe. But right now it doesn't matter. What matters is this feeling.
"She's not like that," I say. And I don't even give a shit if she ends up proving me wrong.
Abe's phone beeps, and without him looking at it we both know who it is.
"That's gotta be Dylan," he says, unnecessarily.
Yeah, I know.
"Treatment day," I say.
"Yeah."
We both stand. Though I point to the main building. We always go and chill with him on these days. He's worn out and quiet, but I think us keeping him company cheers him up. Even if he's sleeping through most of it by then, the knowing that we're there makes all the difference. Today isn't going to be any different, I'll be there for him and for whatever he needs. I have something I need to take care of first. "I'll come by in a bit."
Abe laughs, knowing me more than I know myself sometimes. "Good luck."
*** *** *** ***
"You're playing with fire," Cami says, coming up behind me as I'm about to walk into the food court.
You gotta be kidding me. "And what exactly do you think you're playing with by trying to piss me off?"
"Trying to piss you off?" she practically screeches while following me into the cafeteria. I guess we're making a scene today. Great. "How am I trying to piss you off by just telling the truth?"
Through the corners of my eyes, I try to peek around the room and notice no one else is really paying attention to us. For the most part, people are used to me and Camille arguing like siblings, but Jasmine isn't. I see her looking over at us, and every time Camille starts going on again I take a step back not wanting to cause more of a scene.
Arguing with Camille isn't how I thought I'd be spending any part of my day. I'd been looking forward to spending more time with Jasmine which really means teasing her and messing with her and riling her up as the fire in her eyes when I push her buttons is mad cute. Instead of that, I'm here arguing with one of my best friends over something that hasn't even happened yet.
She's worried about me hurting Jasmine, but I have to get her to give me the time of day first. I'm sure this isn't helping.
For the most part, I can ignore Camille when she goes on one of her rants. But when she throws a shot at me, telling me I'm being arrogant and ignorant and careless. Saying how I don't care about people's lives, and I'm not honoring Malachi in the way I should — is when finally I snap.
"I did everything, including risk my life to save Malachi. What did you do? Nothing."
It's the worst blow I could throw and I'm not proud of myself. Especially when her bottom lip trembles and she storms out of the cafeteria. I follow her. The last thing I want for us is to argue.
"Don't run," I say walking slowly behind her. "You know I can't chase after you. I might just die."
"You are such an ass!" Her laugh bursts through her tears. Her teary smile lets me know that we're okay, even though I hate seeing her cry.
"I hate arguing with you." I pull her in my arms and into a hug. "And I hate that you worry about things that haven't happened yet." Case in point, some tragic ending with Jasmine.
"But it will." She sniffles and takes a step out of my hold. "You underestimate how easy it is to love you. If you give her a chance, she will fall in love with you. Then in a year," she shrugs, lips trembling again. "You die, and then what is she going to be left with? I've been there Lucas. We have all been there. How many people have we had to say goodbye to? Would you really wish that on her?"
No, I wouldn't want that for anyone. She doesn't need me to answer her question out loud, though. She already knows. "I'm sorry about what I said about Malachi," I say instead.
"I miss him." Her voice breaks. I have to look away in case she starts crying. "I miss him all the time. Every day. So much that it hurts to breathe. I don't know her but I don't care. That feeling isn't something I'd wish on a stranger or an enemy. Just think about what you're doing."
"But I haven't even done anything." I get defensive. Rightly so, I think. "She's been here for like two minutes and everyone's already acting like I'm going to break her."
Cami shakes her head. " You know what I always found ironic?" She doesn't wait for me to answer before she continues. "That you boys can claim to see everything about someone's soul but you can't notice when someone's already broken."
What's that supposed to mean?
_________
A/N: Gah! A Lucas point of view chapter. I didn't expect that; he just came to me and wouldn't shut up. Did you like it?